Author Archives: Melissa

happiness

Sunrise with Derek and survival mode

We have been enjoying some pretty amazing skies lately, and this morning I was fortunate enough to get outside and see the day break with my good buddy Derek. Look at that little face! How can you not love him. It warmed my heart to  start the day getting cuddles from this little dude (Peaches and George are in the back ground, the less-talked-about orphan calves).

Happiness

We finally got our lazy butts back to church after almost a month of finding many reasons to sleep in and it felt really good. I love my women’s group, and I always get so much out of the sermon.

The topic today was how to step out of the shadow of being in survival mode. This is exactly what I have come to the realization lately that I need to do. The last few years have been all about survival – there has been a lot of growth as well – but survival has been the driving force. I feel sometimes like all I do is run around and put out fires and that I never actually get to move ahead to where I want to be. My body tells me I am survival mode as it is exhausted from holding my being in a constant stressed state of flight or flight. And you know what? The danger, the stress, the fear…. it’s not present in my life anymore. I don’t need to be in survival mode. It’s like my soul, my body, my being does not know how to let go of being in survival mode.

All of that I have known for a while, but my question was how do I get out of it? Because trust me, I have been working hard to get there.

Our pastor had some ideas.

Stay the course. Show up every day, be strong and courageous to do what God wants regardless of the outcome. Work from a faith based perspective rather than an outcome based one. 

Fear keeps you from coming out of the shadows (Oh my.. this is so me). Identify your fears, look them in the eye, then list the ways that God has been faithful. I have taken huge leaps of faith the past couple of years, and I am learning how to do this one, but fear has held me back from taking chances and achieving great things my whole life.

Experience God’s word every day of your life. And remember, you can read God’s word, study His word, and not still not hear Him. We need to hear Him. I need to hear Him. Sometimes I get so busy telling Him what I want I don’t stop to listen to what He is telling me.

And then this:

Genesis 12:1-2

Now the Lord said to Abram, “Go from your country and your kindred and your father’s house to the land that I will show you. 2 I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you, and make your name great, so that you will be a blessing.

And he went.

Going where God wants us to go is never without leaving something behind. We need to ask what we need to leave behind in order to come out of the shadows.

The last couple of years I have left so much behind. There has been a lot of pain – some of that I have left behind, some of that I still carry with me (some of it my children still carry and I carry their burden as well). I have a pretty good idea of what I need to leave behind to come out of the shadows. I am no longer a victim. I was put in that role, and I have played it for a long time. I am no longer his victim and I don’t have to carry the emotional burden that comes along with that. I can learn to leave that behind. It has been almost a year now since I filed for divorce, I have learned so much, have gained more strength than I thought possible, know that there was no truth to that life we were living, it’s time to learn how to come out of the shadows. I’m ready. That is also happiness.

 

 

 

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First win

Today the boy’s basketball team saw their first win which was a huge morale boost for them. It was a fun game because it was against another Cochrane school, and because the teams were pretty well matched. Both sides worked hard. 

Because he’s one of the younger and more inexperienced players he didn’t get to play, but he sure enjoyed being part of the energy as they felt more confident in their game. 

Somewhere along the way I have started caring about basketball. Who would have thought. It was my happiness moment being part of their happiness moment. 

A different moment of happiness was tonight at sunset. We get some amazing ones here sometimes and tonight was a great example. I love where we live. 

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Quiet party 

To celebrate her 12th birthday the girl is having a friend sleep over. It’s toned down a lot from what she had planned because of the concussion, but in many ways this is a nicer way to celebrate a new year. This is such a good friend, and they get along so well, sometimes it’s good to just celebrate with someone who really gets you. The importance of having a best friend. 

I feel both happy and content tonight. She’s having fun, the boy is in town at a basketball tournament, there is a sense of peace and gratitude in knowing my kids feel safe and settled at home. In knowing they have a home, with people who love them all around. 

This place where we live is pretty amazing. 

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Body and soul 

I had an interesting body/mind/soul connection talk with my massage therapist today. He was doing a CST treatment – which is so trauma healing, I am so excited about all the good it’s doing for me – and he asked if my physical body often manifested my emotional issues. I laughed and said hell yes. 

Honestly it’s been something that even though I’ve tried to honor and respect has led me to the end of my patience on many occasions. I know we shouldn’t compare ourselves to others, but sometimes I can’t help but look at people who I know are way more screwed up than I am and their bodies still seem to be strong. 

He reminded me that my body is enough in tune with my spirit that when I am out of balance my body shows symptoms of it right away. In many senses that is a blessing. I know and have to focus right away on what my body is telling me, and that’s how I heal. 

Sometimes though I just wish the healing would be faster. Then I look back at where I came from. It’s pretty amazing. 

My moment of happiness was remembering that my mind, body, and soul are all working as hard as they can to return to balance and health. I’m so grateful for all the love and support that I have around me as I walk this path. I’m happy to be healing. 

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Full day 

For the first time since her concussion over a month ago, my girl managed to do a full day of school.  She’s not totally healed yet, and thank goodness we had 2 weeks of break so she could relax and let her body get better, but it’s a start.

I’ve been so worried about her, she’s been brave and strong, but it’s caused her a lot of pain and angst. We have this amazing healing team who have been working so lovingly with her to help return her back to her old self. 

Picking her up after school today and seeing her smile because she was back with her friends was my happiness moment. 

My other one was on the way home this morning. It was super cold, but so beautiful. I am grateful every day that God brought us back home where we are loved and safe. 

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Celebrate every child 

A couple of months ago I mentioned I’d had this divine inspiration and was working on a project. In order to see my dream come to life I needed some support and backing and now I have it –  it’s becoming a reality. 

At the end of September I was in a sad heart place and took myself to church. When I walked in the church I was grabbed onto by a lady who told me about a spiritual gifts session that was starting and she said I should join it. I was feeling kind of lost spiritually and wasn’t sure of my gifts or value I headed to the group, knowing that God had sent this lady my way. 

I loved it. I’m still part of the group and it’s one of my highlights of the week 

At the end of the session I had this idea come to me. Actually it came from God via my friend Maggie in Boston. She helps at a local homeless shelter where they provide birthday parties for the children who are staying there. I realized that there are likely kids in Cochrane who for various reasons aren’t having birthday parties. And I strongly feel that every child deserves to be celebrated. 

So, the church has agreed to support me in my quest to make Celebrate Every Child come to life. We are going to have one party a month for a local child, and celebrate them!!

I’m so excited and so happy that this is all coming together so easily. It really was an answer to my prayer – I talked to the right person at the right church and they see the value in my vision. 

Happiness is best when shared. This is a very deeply felt happiness moment for me. 

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Turning 12

Today my baby girl turned 12. I can’t believe she’s that old already and yet I can’t imagine life without her. She is such a blessing and I’m so glad she’s been gifted to me to love and care for. 

Her concussion was really giving her a hard time today which was kind of sad. Her birthday has always been a really big deal, and I feel like we didn’t celebrate it like we usually do. But we had our meal, she wore her special birthday hat, and we were together.  That’s all that matters. 

She has taught me so much about love, kindness, and compassion in her 12 years. I can’t believe what a good, pure soul this little human is. 

She is my happiness moment. 

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Relaxed 

We were talking today about the fact that these last two weeks of Christmas vacation have seen my little family more relaxed than we have been in years. I consider that a huge success given all the anxiety, fear, panic, stress that seems to have been part of our life for years. I mean, it’s a  really big deal. 

I’m not sure exactly what the shift was but we all seem to have really taken unwinding seriously. Even with regular Christmas stress, some divorce angst, and a death we still managed to chill ourselves to an impressive level of relaxation. I’m pretty grateful for that. 

Happiness moment today was taking the boy to the Italian Centre for what seems to be our weekly grocery shop. I love this time with him. I feel really blessed that we have the kind of relationship where he actually wants to spend time with me and talk with me about his life. It’s something I have worked hard for, but still… the pay off is so much more than I ever imagined. 

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High tea at Banff Springs


We had high tea at the Banff Springs Hotel today to celebrate my niece turning 6 and my daughter turning 12 (today and on Monday respectively). It was a girls only event including the birthday girls, my sister, and our mom. We don’t have girl days often enough – and this one was pretty elegant. 

The difference between 6 and 12


When we were kids our family vacationed a lot on Vancouver Island, and we have many fond memories attached to high tea (and clotted cream). It was fun for us three adults to step back in time a little and reminisce about teas past. 

And fun to share our traditions with the next generation. The girls loved having a fancy tea party 

Her face when she was told she could eat 

She gets it from her mom 


It was a really special day, and one that I will treasure in my memory bank forever. Those family bonds, our sisterhood, it’s pure happiness and there’s so much gratitude in that. 

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Mr. Bean 

We had a family showing tonight of Mr. Bean. I have laughed with him for 25+ years as has my sister and mom (not sure about my brother in law), and my kids have enjoyed him since they were little. 

We all overdosed on him a few years ago so it’s been a while since he has played on our tv. I had forgotten how hard he can make me laugh, and with such simple and honest humour. It was a pretty fantastic way to spend the evening – laughing and reminiscing about our favourite episodes. Happiness. Thanks Mr. Bean. 

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