The girl had ball practice tonight. This is her thing, just like how horses make my soul shine. I love watching her in her element.
Then we came home and she is mass producing Rice Krispie squares. She loves to cook and it’s something she hasn’t done often enough.
By slowing down we are reconnecting with what is important. It’s less about learning how to go 0-60 and more about learning how to settle to 0 from 60.
I had the most lovely email today from my aunt. I always appreciate the words of love and support, even more lately when I feel like I’m overwhelmed by life so often. She ended her email by saying that I was doing a great job with my kids and that my (other) uncle and aunt keep bragging about them.
I felt my heart warm with the words, and then I went and read them to my son. He too has been kind of blue lately and it was amazing to see how these words changed his mood. Several times during the day he mentioned how thrilled he was that his aunts and uncles are saying great things about him. He even said it means more coming from other people in the family – you’re always telling me how wonderful I am, but let’s face it – you’ve got mom goggles. These people must really mean it.
It made me remember how important it is to pass on little words of kindness. I sure appreciated my aunt sending me that love – it brightened my whole day.
Life has been kind of hard lately. I feel like I should be healing from mom’s death – but in fact it seems like it’s getting harder and harder to accept. Maybe it’s because we are in the process of going through her things. Maybe it’s because there has been so much loss the last few years. Maybe it’s because it just takes more time.
I was sitting today on the couch doing some work when little Abu came and sat beside me. Once again I was faced with the fork in the road of love and fear.
We often refer to Abu as our therapy cat – I swear her only purpose in life is to exude love. She knows when we need her and she just comes and sits beside whomever is needing some love and just is. And soon we feel better – like magic.
On the other side, I was preparing some documents. It seems that the paternity of my children is being brought into question. I don’t know if it’s driven by Mr. X or his lawyer – but it’s certainly a financial thing. It’s hurtful, but it’s a fear tactic- I know that I wasn’t the one stepping out.
So I sat there – Abu beside me – feeling upset.
And I closed the computer and cuddled with the love cat and then did some inspirational reading.
Love has to be the choice. Always.
Abu cuddling her brother Aladdin.
We took Bear up to the mountains today. I’ve waited for years to have a dog I can take places – this guy is so chill and happy it’s awesome.
It was a perfect sunny afternoon. As we were walking I realized this was the happiest I’ve been for a long time. For a couple of hours there was no stress, everyone was getting along, and we had the happiest dog in the world. This is what I’m working towards as our normal state of being.
Bear scared of a bear statue. 
The boy and I got reacquainted with the Will Smith tonight and watched some good old 90s tv. My favourite is when Carlton dances, but all these old shows are fun to watch. We’ve got some busy weeks ahead with work and activities and life in general – it’s nice to be able to stop and enjoy the slow moments too.
I seem to have developed a rather odd coping skill for mourning those people I have loved and lost. I adopt pets.
Today marks three months since mom died. And apparently I dealt with that by adopting a dog. We named him Bear and he’s a cuddly, fluffy, gentle, huge bear of a guy.
Our Dotted Dog loves him, the kids are over the moon about him, the cats tolerate his existence. Bear thinks he’s died and gone to heaven.
We need some happiness infused in our lives, it’s been a rough few years. All of us are animal people and they bring a kind of peaceful joy.
He is happiness
The boy and I both found ourselves up much too early, sitting on the couch, drinking our tea and coffee.
Somehow we ended up in a conversation about the meaning of Jesus (as one usually does with their teenage boy at 6:30 am).
I said to him that my Ayurvedic practitioner Asrael had explained Jesus to me in a way that had made so much sense.
She said sometimes as humans we get overwhelmed by God. Our humanness stops us from praying or talking to him in the way we need to. This is where Jesus comes in. He is like our human/spiritual liaison and it often is easier to approach Him in prayer. Because he is human like us our brains can better understand the concept of Jesus. But because he is also of God, he is our tangible connection to Source. He is a reminder that we are all children of God.
I told the boy that until I had heard her explain Jesus like this I had never really understood the point of Jesus. And I’ve been going to church my whole life.
He agreed with me that suddenly the concept of Jesus made a lot more sense. This kid has a strong spiritual connection. I love it.
Today was actually an unwinter-like day. It was sunny, things were melting, the animals all looked happier, and I know we felt happier.
Good thing it happened on a Sunday and we were able to enjoy spring. They’re expecting 10-20 centimeters of snow tonight.
The three of us are solar powered. It was sure nice to take in some sun today. Happiness
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about relationships – the ones I have, the ones I want, the ones I dream about. A few years ago I did a kind of friend cleansing and with the exception of one (there’s always one) I got rid of my toxic or dysfunctional friendships. I work with intent now to build my tribe with people who will hold me up instead of bringing me down.
If you think of a relationship like a plant, then in order for it to grow the roots need to be well tended. Think of roots as things like: reliability, compassion, respect, trust, dependability, kindness, love, honour. If too many of those are neglected or disrespected the relationship plant dies. And because the plant is alive, there is pain that is felt as the roots are being damaged.
However if you look after the plant, nourish, and cherish it – it can grow and thrive. Every positive vibration that is sent out into the world has the ability to create more joy and love – and that is what it’s all about.
Love the people in your world, but make sure you’re really caring for them, for your relationships with them. They take work and time – but they are why we are here.
Mom used to tell me how when she was in the hospital with polio, my grandma worked hard to get to know the nurses and doctors who looked after her. Mom said that it was a win for everyone. The created genuine relationships, and because of that mom was well looked after – the staff cared about her. This was a lesson my parents taught me – they always built relationships with everyone, the plumber, the water guy, the dentist, my teachers (I hated that), the list goes on.
Today I had to go get my taxes done. This is always a source of stress for me. Math makes my head want to blow up, and the support non-payment issue is confusing to me. My tax man is awesome!! I found him at H&R Block two years ago and he’s done m taxes ever since. He could see pretty clearly what my situation was as soon as he opened my file – and he has always been so helpful about explaining how things work and what I need to do.
Today when I sat down he remembered me from last year and we caught up a little bit. That man made my life so much easier and I’m glad I also started building a relationship with him when we started working together.
We can get so impersonal sometimes, and I’m as bad as anyone for avoiding too much peopling – but we really need each other.
