Tag Archives: law of attraction

happiness

In Dad’s words

I spent some time this morning looking through the books that Dad put together for us over the past few years. They include some of his photography, but also he did a lot of writing as he shared his spiritual beliefs and told stories of the flowers we used to look at together.

I came across something he wrote for Advent in 2007 that gave me huge comfort today. I miss our talks and I miss his guidance. We didn’t always agree on everything, but I know he always supported and wanted the best for all of his loved ones. I think I took for granted for a lot of years what it was like to go through life knowing that I had these two powerful forces in my parents who would always have my back no matter what showed up ahead of me. I didn’t realize what a unique and special gift that was until I had hit a few bumps in the road and really discovered who really had my back in the dark times.

Dad’s words:

There are times when it is exciting to go fast.  At these times it is very easy to forget to thank Jesus for all that we are given.

But sometimes we get going too fast. Sometimes we try to do too much. As a child at school and a grownup working inside or outside a home. At these times we often forget to ask Jesus to guide us and take  time to pray for his assistance. He is waiting for our call.

Sometimes we get so overwhelmed that we want to go and hide. At these times we are so concerned about our problems that we do not feel Jesus walking through it with us. But he is there with us.

With all this activity, it can be difficult to remember why we’re so busy.

But if we can find just one quiet moment in our day to pause and centre ourselves and think about the awesome, beautiful sacrifice Christ came to make;

If we can spend even a second thanking Him for His ministry, His teachings, and His example, and His life, death and resurrection, we will surely be able to find within ourselves that intangible “Spirit of Christmas” that enables us to give of ourselves until we think we’ve giving it all – and then give just that one bit more – to find that we are able to give whatever is needed at all times of the year.

I have wondered over the past few months what advice Dad would give me as my life has turned inside out and taken a completely different direction. I think of our walks along the ridge while we explored and discussed our Faith, and I think this is pretty much exactly what he would say to me right now.

I am so thankful he took the hours of love labour to put together these books for us to have to remember him by. I am thankful for the guidance he showed me and the unconditional love that was showered on me.

Aside from the deep soul bittersweet happiness of these memories, I have a happiness moment to look forward to later on today. We are gathering with some of the extended tribe to celebrate the other fathers in the family. I feel incredibly blessed that we have so many strong, loving men in our family.

this is one of Dad’s photos of the sunflowers. In the months after he died sunflowers kept showing up in my life all over the place. They remind me that he is still close by.

 

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Setting the standard

I was pretty sure when I woke up this morning that my happiness moment was going to be a no brainer – today is my unniversary.

I wasn’t sure what to do about that this year. It’s been a difficult day for me for the past few years as things went from difficult and strained to really freaking bad. This year though, I felt like it needed recognition somehow. This year the date marks the beginning of my new life, of freedom, of the possibilities of new beginnings

I pulled out my wedding album and took scissors and then a match to it. I have wondered for a while what to do with that album. I didn’t want it in the house anymore, I didn’t feel like just throwing it out. So, I had a ceremony with it. I let all of the hopes, dreams, prayers for that life go up in flames. I set fire to them and watched them drift away. They’re not hopes, dreams, or prayers for my life anymore – and I have not wanted them for a while. I have new ones now, happy ones, authentic ones.

Interestingly, it was not something done in anger. It was done very mindfully and it released a lot of stuff that really needed to go. I saged the house afterwards and felt those toxic emotions leave our home.

I realized that I will never, ever again let someone else set the standard for what I can achieve. I also realized that the people who are close in my life now believe in me and want to see me thrive – as I do for them.

Then I spent the afternoon with someone who has become very dear to me. It came to me while we were together that I am no longer running from anything, I also am no longer running towards anything . I am now living in this space where I am. I am on the road and I’m loving the journey.

I thought that was going to be my happiness moment, but then the kids and I went to the fruit truck in Cochrane and loaded up with BC cherries and raspberries. We ran back to the car and sat in the parking lot gorging ourselves and moaning loudly about how delicious it was. I love this time of year when the berries and the cherries have arrived. I love that they love it as much as I do.

(this is one of my dad’s photos)

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Thrive in your tribe 

Those of you who know me in real life know that I often laugh about how I don’t like people. And while I do often find being around too many people for too long overwhelming, I am also well aware that I need my tribe in order to thrive. 

A good thing about my tribe is we laugh together about being so introverted we need people breaks on a regular basis – we all get each other that way which makes it easy. And there is the odd extrovert which is also a good thing because they get me in a different way. 

The important thing though, is that we laugh together. More and more I am grateful for my people, and understand the importance of getting together with them and strengthening those bonds. I have a lot of women in my extended family which means I was fortunate enough to have been born with a ready made tribe. We are all realizing how lucky we are to have this built in support system and I can see more and more we are taking advantage of it. 

Today we had a cousin lunch in town which included me and two cousins and my mom and her cousin’s wife. Even when we don’t see each other on a regular basis, we share the same background and have the same kinds of stories. These are some of my treasured relationships. Sharing stories and breaking bread with some of my fabulous women was my happiness moment today. 

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The open door

We have worked very hard to create a home that is safe, loving, warm, and happy. For a while it meant that we kind of shut our space down and kept it a very private and protected place. Now that we are home and surrounded by loved ones, those barriers are able to come down in huge ways and the home is becoming a more open, joyful, free place again.

 

Today I had finally convinced myself to get some housework done and was blasting music and vacuuming up pet hair (ugh) when I looked out the window and saw my aunt standing outside. What a wonderful surprise! She and my uncle had been visiting in the area and stopped by to see if I could join them for lunch. It’s another one of those things I appreciate more after being away for so long – I love that our tribe can just stop by and say hi at any given time. We spent years and years being lonely and isolated from our people. I had a lovely happiness moment enjoying lunch and a visit with my aunt and uncle – I don’t get to see them often enough.

As a bonus secondary happiness moment, cousins joined up at the top of the driveway today after school. It warms my heart to see this group of kids hanging out together. These cousin bonds are so important. My own sister and cousin friendships have carried me through every bump in my life.

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On the cliff

I’ve been perched in this space between grounding myself and learning to fly. It’s a weird place to be in, but one I am learning to honor and appreciate. 

I was still a bit out of sorts this morning and found myself heading out on the trail where Pirate and I spent hours, days, weeks wandering around back in the day. Without knowing it, what I was doing then was plugging into my Source, or connecting to God. And it’s what I needed to do today. I’ve realized that once again I’ve been spending too much time asking and questioning, and not enough time listening and allowing. 

I wandered over to the edge of the cliff and sat in the grass, looking over the buffalo jumps and down at the creek. I have had so many happy times in that space over the years – not only with Pirare, but skating and swimming on the creek and wandering the fields looking at flowers. There is something about that space that connects me right into my spiritual being. 

So I sat and talked and listened and cried. I did get some good direction though. I need to figure out what I need in order to be soul happy. I also need to figure out the best way that I am to be of service. My heart knows the answers. I just need to listen to it. 

And I need to sit in my quiet space more often. How could time in this place be anything but a happiness moment?

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Tipping point 

I fee like I’m at this really weird point in my life. It’s like I’m in the air in the jump between running away and running towards. There’s some weird stuff in this space. What do I want to take with me as I run away? What do I want to grab hold of as I run towards? 

Everything I was supposed to do over the last few days has gone undone. Not by choice, but because of more important things changing my plans. It has made things both clearer and more confusing. 

I spent the afternoon with some unexpected one on one time with my boy. I love that time with him and appreciate that he will spend it with me. Tea and visits with the boy- happiness moment of the day. 

And we both agreed that we are looking forward to relaxed summer happiness moments like this one was 

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The safe place to land 

I realized a few years ago as I was searching for my safe place to land that the kids were in need of the same feeling. It was a pretty overwhelming realization to come to that I needed to be full time, 100%, without fail, their safe place to land. 

As our family dynamic has changed my role is changing once again, but that need to be their safety blanket remains. I’m not sure where this road is leading, but in this moment and time I’m so thankful that I have the ability to be there for them without question whenever they need me. And I’m grateful that they know this and appreciate the security it provides them with. 

I had an urgent call this afternoon from Jenna at her school – she was not feeling well and needed to be picked up.  This last year or so has been full of reminders of how important it is to first care for the people you love. Everything else shakes itself out. 

It makes me happy from a place of deep gratitude that I am able to be there when they need me. It’s wrapped around the joy of knowing I have people here to fall back on as well. 

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Fuzzy Lions

Today was a perfect day. I realize as I wrote this, that there have been a lot of perfect days lately. 

I took my Dotted Dog out for a walk tonight along my road – the road I have travelled since forever. I drove on it with my grandparents, rode my horse on it with my sister, chased cows on it with my cousins – and now that we have gone full circle I walk on it with my kids and with my dog. 

There is something about being back here where our roots are that has allowed us to fly again.  

I was thinking as I was walking how much has changed since I started doing my dog walks in Roanoke a few years ago. Then I spent my whole time praying for a better, safer, happier, more loving life. Now I walk and even though I still ask for things, mostly I give thanks for the fact that I’m living a better, safer, happier, more loving life. 

Dottie and I stood for a long time by a field of Sophia’s Fuzzy Lions and I gave thanks for the amazing gifts that have been brought into my life. A fantastic happiness moment. 

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Water balloons and Sunday afternoons. 

Jenna and I finally got the rest of our flowers in (not that we are finished, just that the rest of what we had bought is in the ground). When we were done we put the hose to a Rubbermaid and made water balloons. It seemed like a good idea at the time…. not so much when they ganged up on me when it was done. 


And then it was ON! I threw the container full of water on the boy and he spent the next hour trying to get me back. Finally he cracked one over my head and he considered that a victory. It was a silly, crazy happiness moment. 

I realized today as Jenna and I were gardening that I am finally starting to see results showing up of dreams I planted in my soul a few years ago. Instead of running from pain and fear I now am running towards joy and freedom. It changes everything. 

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