Tag Archives: faith

happiness

In the quiet of the snow

Today was a weird day energetically for me. I don’t know if it was emotions or the massive snow dump we got or what – but it was just kind of a weird day. The good thing is it set me up perfectly to do some energy work and clear out some emotional junk that has been circling my heart. I feel sometimes like there has been so much happen in the last few years I haven’t had a chance to really absorb it all, forget figure out how I’m feeling.

Fortunately my coaching course is perfect for this, and I’m finding as I’m going through it that I’m changing old behaviours I’ve had my whole life. It’s like creating a new slate to write the rest of my life on. That’s pretty exciting.

It was a good day to look outside at the pretty snow (not be in it) and create.

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A regular day

Today was a regular day. Coming from years of living in chaos and stress, I appreciate regular days more than you could imagine. I was productive and got a lot of work done, the boy made the soccer team and was busy at practice, and the girl has made a new best friend. All very regular things, very small things, but also very authentic and genuine. And happiness is found in the little moments.

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Cranberry juice

I was in the grocery store this afternoon thinking what a fabulous day I was having. I actually stopped walking and said to myself that it was the first time in a long time that I genuinely felt happy and at peace in my soul.

I went front that thought to uncontrollable tears in about a half a second.

I reached out and grabbed some cranberry juice from the shelf to put in my cart thinking mom probably needs some of this, it’s been a long time since I bought her any.

Oh right.

She’s gone.

You know, it’s hard to recover from a mass of tears in the juice aisle of Save On.

Joy and sadness seem to go hand in hand. And I ended up just standing there by the juice crying and feeling the feelings. Then I texted my sister and told her about it and she gave me a long distance hug.

My tribe is by far the most important thing in my life. I love my people. And mom and dad instilled in my sister and I that we needed to love each other and have each other’s backs no matter what.

I miss both my parents terribly, but their legacy is one of unconditional love and support. And my tribe is full of that – and that is soul happiness.

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Snow bowl

We decided it was spring like enough outside this afternoon so the girls grabbed their bikes and I grabbed my dog and we went out for a walk.

I love our evening walks, I love listening to the cousins giggle, I love seeing the dog happy, and I love the peace of the country and the mountains. It balances my soul and that brings me to happiness.

The girls found a great little snow bowl drift and stopped for a little rest along the way. They have so much fun together

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Expect less, accept more

One of my favorite sayings is when someone shows you who they really are, believe them. As someone who generally tries to see the best in someone it can be really be tempting to overlook the obvious and only see what I want.

But this week, I’ve had to expand on that idea. Sometimes someone can be exactly who you want them to be and it’s still not enough. I think this is where the issue of expectations come in. Either I’ll have unrealistic expectations or they will – sometimes it even falls somewhere in between in a weird area of poor communication and lack of understanding of what each other wants. All good friendships need lots of trust and good communication.

It’s confusing when people get upset with me for not behaving or feeling the way they want or expect me to. Especially when it’s a good friend and you feel there’s a certain level of trust where you should be free to be your true self. This happened to me this week, and as I was reflecting on this feeling, I realized I’ve done this to close friends myself. I too have wanted someone to be one way and when they ended up not being able to be that person I’ve been upset. Being on the receiving end of that didn’t feel very good, and I’ve actually apologized to someone that I’ve behaved that way to since. Fortunately my friend was very gracious and forgiving – another lesson to learn.

I think for me it’s a protective thing – I didn’t want to get hurt so I want to lash out first. I have no idea the intention of the person who got upset with me, and it doesn’t really matter. It did make me realize I need to expect less and accept more. I need to be more loving and accepting of the people in my lives and drop my expectations of who I think they should be. I don’t like it when people try and make me someone who I’m not – so why should I do it to them?

Personal growth – it’s no where near the rainbows and unicorns I was hoping for, it’s got a lot of tears and heartbreak mixed in that’s for sure. But it’s growth. Always moving forward, feet on the ground and face to the sun.

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Deepening relationships

The boy competed again today with his speech for 4H and although he didn’t move on, I was so amazed and impressed with how well he did. I know that I look at my kids with mom goggles, but damn- he’s a good public speaker. And he just lets it flow – there are no notes he reads off of. So proud.

One of the great things about the kids being in 4H and me being on the Hall Board is it gets us knowing people in our community again – long time neighbors and extended family.

We were at a family party tonight and I was thinking how instead of just chatting now, we have deepened so many of our relationships and we are becoming closer to our people.

It’s important. My relationships and my people are the most important thing in my life – and I’m so glad we have this tribe here.

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Calm the critter brain

I met with a lady from my course today and we kind of coached each other through calming our critter brains. Both of us are pretty introverted and have that racing mind that can get in the way of what we want – so it was really nice to have someone I could talk to who gets it.

I have to say though, my meditation routine has by far been the best item in my tickle trunk for calming that mind. Still hate it, but not as much – and I’m really starting to see the benefits.

Baby steps towards peace and happiness.

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The road to happiness is filled with tears and heartache

I think about what my concept of happiness was 3 years ago when I started this blog and where I am at with my journey now and I never imagined there would have been so much heartbreak and loss involved on this path. I took the month of February “off” to grieve and cry and be sad – but an interesting thing happened in that month – I actually came to a completely different understanding of what happiness is.

I had planned on just feeling sorry for myself and absorbing all the loss I’ve had in the last few years, but what ended up happening was I ended up really working on my spiritual connection. What I have discovered is my soul happiness, my peace, is coming through my connection to the Divine. I can tell when I am truly happy now – when I am listening to my inner guidance, following my instinct, living my Dharma, using the gifts that God gave me to shine my light.

I mean, I’ve known for a long time that the new shirt, book, song, whatever isn’t the key to happiness. And although having good and kind people in my tribe is essential, it doesn’t guarantee happiness either. What is bringing me a more peaceful happiness is the fact that I am settling into myself, I am deepening my connection to Source, I am learning to trust myself.

It’s a whole different game.

I had a very deep discussion with the girl today who is on her own journey to find peace and self acceptance. Personal growth and healing really should be more unicorns and rainbows – but it turns out the road is filled with tears and heartache. I mean, there are some rainbows (no unicorns yet, but one Drishti and that’s good enough), but it’s sure a lot bumpier a road than I had imagined.

On the other hand, I feel more like myself – probably than I ever had. I spend less time worrying about what other people think of me and my journey (I mean, I still worry about it – I’m a work in progress after all), and I am so much more comfortable in my own skin than I ever have been.

In the first few weeks after mom died I really wanted to just quit this blog. I didn’t want to be happy I wanted to be sad. I am grateful I took the time to be sad – interestingly it is bringing me closer to the happiness and peace I have been seeking all along.

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Mario Cart

The boy and I had an epic Mario Cart tournament this evening. And by epic I mean I am so bad at it I didn’t even get a participation trophy.

It was so much fun – we laughed, swore, screamed, and he lapped me over and over again. I am really bad at this game.

I feel like we are getting to a different place – all three of us are kind of settling into who we are. There have been so many big shifts and changes but they all have brought us closer together.

It felt good to laugh until our tummies hurt. We need more fun time.

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Building strong

The kids and I started week 4 of our transformation program today. It has been interesting doing this along with them – I hear them thinking out loud about some of the things we have discussed as they are searching out snacks. When we have been in the grocery store they look at food and see how it falls in line with the goals they have set out, and it has changed what they’re asking for.

The results are starting to roll in as well. We all have lost some weight and all are feeling a little better about the choices we are making. It’s all about changing habits and behaviours and we are learning how to do that.

There was a sign in my old chiropractor’s office in Virginia that said “It’s easier to build strong children than repair broken men”. It’s a gift I hope my kids carry with them into adulthood – they are learning to value themselves – to know that they matter and are worth looking after.

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