I had a coffee date with a dear friend of mine. I’m really understanding the older I get how important that tribe of girlfriends is. And I’m so lucky to be back here where I have friends who have known me forever.
This friend and I have shared some of the same struggles and embraced a lot of the same growth over the last few years and it’s so nice to chat with someone who just gets what I’m going through – the good and the bad. That is true happiness
I realized today that two years ago the kids and I had just said goodbye to our life in Virginia and were on our way home to live… back where we belong. We ended up having to spend the night in Seattle due to some weather issues, but we were on our way home. So much has happened in our family in that time: pain, sorrow, joy, faith, laughter, family. It has been a season of great change. I am starting to feel like the person I was before, and I think the kids are starting to figure out who they are now.
At the very least, we are safe in this life.
At the very most (is that a thing? It should be a thing) we are making bonds with family, planting roots where we already had some growing, making new friends and deepening connections with old ones, healing, growing, learning to fly, settling into a new normal of life.
Today was a good day. A couple of HUGE happiness things happened for me today which I will share down the line. But, let’s just say…. I found my Drishti… I have kept that steady, focused gaze for years… I have had faith… it has coloured how I see the world… I have found my Drishti.
I also, out of complete frustration after a crappy day yesterday, sat down with my Streams In The Desert devotional book and read today’s entry. Honestly I only read it because I was kind of frustrated and pissed with God because it felt like he wasn’t really listening to me. Basically what I got was to calm myself and chill for a bit, that He works in His own time.
Today we may be unable to see the final outcome of the beautiful plan that God has hidden in the shadow of his hand. It may be concealed for a very long time, but our faith may rest in the assurance that God is still seated on His throne. Because of this assurance, we can calmly await the time when, in heavenly delight we will say “all things have worked together for good.”
We should be more careful to focus on learning all of the lessons in the school of sorrow than to focus anxious eyes towards the time of our deliverance. There is a reason behind every lesson, and when we are ready, our deliverance will certainly come. Then we will know we could never have served in our place of higher service without having been taught the very things we learned during our ordeal. God is in the process of educating us for the future service and greater blessings…..
Don’t steal tomorrow from God’s hands. Give him time to speak to you and reveal His will. He is never late. Learn to wait.
Got it.
And of course today was a day of things falling into place and happiness falling into my heart… my Drishti, my focus, is clear and it’s mine and that is happiness.
We did a little driving around this afternoon and aside from the puddles everywhere there are some new signs of spring. I passed a gopher running along the road and we saw three bald eagles. We do have a few eagles that stay year round but I think these were new ones.
I am ready to say goodbye to the cold, dark times of winter and jump into spring. It is happiness.
Taken with my iPhone. He was huge!
Things are melting like crazy and our giant puddle appeared in the yard today. This puddle holds generations of memories of kids splashing and playing – my mom remembers playing in it, my generation did, and so do our kids. Maybe even my grandpa’s generation found time to sneak out and play in the puddle.
It means (hopefully) the end of the brutal cold is gone and we have survived another winter. I am ready to see things start to grow, the calves start to come, the swans return, and smiles come back to our warmer and happier faces. Spring… it is the promise of new life and regrowth.
I have been working on some personal development – funny how the dark times seem to generate even stronger bursts of learning and growing. The rainbow in the storm.
It made me smile today seeing the puddle come back. I will need to grab my boots and my kids and go outside and play in it a little bit. Happiness.
My girl is still sick, her poor tummy just won’t give her a break.
We spent a good part of the day with her cuddled up next to me on the couch watching movies. I tried to multitask and get some studying done, but mostly just held onto her while she felt crappy. I consider it a huge blessing that I am able to be there for the kids in the many ways they need me. It’s been a rough couple of weeks emotionally and I’m sure part of this is the fallout from that.
Eddie the Eagle (again), Peanuts Movie, The Goldbergs – she had some good for the soul couch time with her mama. Happiness
We spent the evening stabilizing our family. It’s not perfect, but we balance each other well. It brings us back into harmony with our true selves.
I feel so insecure with all I’ve learned from Ayurveda. But when things like this happen and I realize all our coping skills come from what I’ve learned I am reminded of how it has saved my life. The meditation, grounding foods, self care – all of it comes from my studies. It was a huge gift that was sent to me at exactly the right time. I am so grateful for that.
The evening was spent with young people in and out of the house. Laughter, popcorn, snow, spaghetti and meatballs,tv, and love. All so simple. That’s what I’ve really discovered over the last couple of years – the more simple we make our lives the richer they are. We are less stressed, we live in the moment more, we enjoy nature. Thoreau was right. Simplify, simplify, simplify.
My happiness moment was feeling the peace and the love in our home. We have worked hard to create a safe environment here and it truly is where we come to heal.
We had an amazing sunset here tonight. I love these mountains – happiness.
I was driving the girl home this afternoon and Jesus Loves Me sung by Paul Brandt came on.
She starred giggling about how it really does sound like Cheeses Loves Me. Her little cousin made this announcement while out for Sunday brunch with his parents and Jenna has loved the story ever since.
For some reason it kept getting funnier and funnier for her. She stopped laughing, took a deep breath, wiped her eyes and said I’m crying. I’m laughing so hard I’m crying. And went off in uncontrollable laughter again.
I love it when she laughs, to hear it come from deep in her belly was awesome. It made me laugh too. Happiness.
We laughed all the way through the hay valley towards home.
We had our community general meeting tonight and I volunteered to be on the board (or was elected or whatever the proper term is). I did this years ago, before we moved, and it was a great way to get to know our neighbours. I’m thinking it will again as we are settling back in.
Our community is pretty special, given that we are almost all related or our t families have been here for well over 100 years. There’s a unique bond that comes with that and I’m so grateful to be a part of it.
It was happiness getting to see some neighbours I haven’t seen in a while. It’s happiness knowing I can give a little back to the community that has been so good to me. It’s happiness knowing this is our tribe.
It is where we are from 
My mom, sister and I did a little house organizing today. In the midst of the not-fun part of the job, we discovered some old photographs. Photos of when mom was in her 20s, old photos of people at the ranch, golden forgotten memories. It was fun to see mom get excited about old times and to hear a few stories.
It really hit me today we were looking at old family treasures how long and settled our family has been in this exact spot. I often still feel the effect of our gypsy life and I love those moments of grounding that remind me that I’m exactly where I am supposed to be.
We had a family supper tonight – mom, me, my sister, and all the kids – sitting around the dining room table. The perfect place to be building new memories for the next generation. My sister recently had turned into quite the cook, and it was awesome to get to enjoy her creations.
Happiness today was weird. It was happiness going through old family things. It was weird because there have been so many changes and I feel like I’m running to catch up. But there is huge joy and gratitude for being exactly where I am right now.
