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happiness

The year of change 

What a year this has been. Life is so completely different from where I was at a year ago today. 

A year ago Dad moved to the hospice on what would turn out to be his last day. Being there as he left home was one of the most surreal experiences of my life. I both knew we were losing him and couldn’t imagine what life would be like without him at the same time. 

I still have moments where I feel something is wrong and run through what’s going on just to remember that he’s gone. I’ve needed him so much this last year, and yet his departure on his next spiritual journey was what guided me into mine. 

This is one of my favorite photos that Dad took. There is beauty everywhere. 

My happiness moment was a quiet day reflecting and studying, balanced by taking kids out for their Friday evening activities. Those quiet days are few and far between. 

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Introverts on the road

I think one of the things that allows me to live in my introverted bliss is my evening walk. It is there where I usually come across my equally introverted family and neighbours and get to laugh and visit. A social introvert gathering. We all acknowledge and understand how it works. 

Jenna joined me for my walk tonight and was thrilled as we stopped to talk to three carloads of cousins. She said do you always meet so many people on your walks? No wonder it takes so long. Another reason why it is good to be home, and a joyous happiness moment 

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Camp giggles

I had an awesome energy session this morning. I don’t know how I got through things before discovering this work. I’m so grateful to Asrael for all that she does for me, it’s amazing all the things that can shift so quickly once I put attention to them. We did some big stuff today and I can feel it moving around a lot of old things.

Jenna came home from camp today. She was so excited but also so nervous about going away, and I have spent the past couple of days hoping and praying that she was having fun. I’m not sure when the smile is going to come off her face, but I don’t think it will be any time soon. She loved camp and said she wishes it had been longer. So good!

It’s been a blessed afternoon of happiness moments hearing her tell stories about camp and spending some quiet time snuggling her back into the family space. Man I love that kid.

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Be the change

Be the change you want to see in the world (Gandhi) is one of my favourite sayings of all time. I think it’s a great reminder that we get back what we put out there, that if we want to see and receive love we need to give and live with it. On the flip side, if you expect darkness and pain that’s usually what you get as well. It is one of the quotes that I kept close to my heart as I started climbing to a better place.

Today I ran into someone who embodies these words. Every time I see her she’s happy and positive – authentically looking for the bright side of things, and I know she’s seen some dark days. Every time I see her I want to run over and visit with her because without fail she makes me feel happier and lighter than I was before. She has that kind of energy that draws people to her. I know I’m not the only one who feels this way, I hear other people get just as excited when they see her. Melba’s here, let’s go say hi.

That is the kind of change I want to be in the world. What a gift to bring joy and happiness just by shining your light into the world. She inspires me to be a better, happier person. When I think of how I want to be as I grow and find myself, it is to become someone like that. I am so lucky that she is in my life, it was a beautiful happiness moment running into her today.

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Comfort food for the soul

We got back at the search for our family church this morning and went to the Anglican Church in Cochrane. We had a wonderful and warm greeting from members of the congregation as we walked in. I really enjoyed the service and yet as we were going through it I kept feeling like something was missing. One of the hymns we sang made me think of Dad and of course my eyes started leaking (I would like to make it through one church service without crying – it’s been almost a year). As I was trying to quietly wipe my eyes before anyone noticed I realized what it was that was missing.

Being in an Anglican service was like comfort food for my soul. I knew the liturgy, the hymns were all so familiar, even the non stop aerobic workout as we stood and sat was second nature. It was grounding and peaceful and made me feel like I belonged. Except for one thing… it wasn’t my church (although there was no reason for it not to be -these people were lovely and so welcoming).

I’ve been pretty focused on finding a church in Cochrane. I want it to be our hometown and the centre of our lives. But, I realized that maybe what I need at this point of my life is the familiarity of my home church – the one I grew up in. I crave comfort food for my soul. So, instead of trying to recreate it elsewhere, why not go back to the building and the community that gave it to me in the first place? As I was pondering this, the priest started his sermon which was all about making sure that you find time to fill your spiritual needs.

When we left the service I asked the kids how they felt about it. Without sharing any of my feelings about returning to the family church, I said that I had really enjoyed the hymns and Jenna said because they remind you of your old church and that makes you feel at home and safe. Wise words from a child. Jacob then asked why aren’t we just going back to the church where we were baptized and where Grandpa’s funeral was? It’s our family church and where all our big events have happened? (my sister and I were both married in that church as well). I love how intuitive they are as to what will help fill our spiritual needs.

My happiness moment today was the realization that we really need comfort food for our souls and that will allow us to shine our lights a little more brightly into the world.

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God’s art

If you read my blog on a regular basis you’ll know that I am grateful every day that we are back home around our tribe in the place that we love most. 

There’s something about being here that is calming to my soul. Most mornings while we are driving into school we are able to look west and enjoy the mountain view. The kids get as excited as I do about how clearly we can see them and how lucky we are that this is our life. 

As a child I spent hours out here, usually on the back of my horse, appreciating God’s artwork. I didn’t know it at the time but I was doing an active meditation and communicating directly with my Source. 

Now not only do I have the opportunity to do that again, but I have the joy of experiencing it with my kids. 

Being able to appreciate the beauty that is around us really helps me to put things in perspective. The material things we have lost can always be replaced. But the joy I experience from living a life I love is priceless. 

My happiness moment today was admiring God’s artwork with Jacob as we drove into town. We are blessed. This life of happiness and love we are attracting gets brighter every day. 

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Morning Pages and Sun Salutations

I’ve decided to add back in two routines into my daily life that for me are much like my meditation practice. I often find them a challenge start, but afterwards I always feel so much better having done them. I’m talking about doing Morning Pages and Sun Salutations.

I haven’t religiously done Morning Pages for about 5 years, although I’ve managed to be kind of hit and miss about it over that time. When I was doing them every day prior to that I began to understand why Julia Cameron says they’re a must for boosting creativity. I did Sun Salutations every day for a few months a couple of years ago and then let that practice slip to the wayside, somehow forgetting how great they are at relaxing and stretching out my body. It’s time to add back in that little bit of extra self care and self love.

It’s only been a few days of doing both exercises, but already I can tell my body and mind are getting clearer and happier. Knowing that I can so easily do something that brings joy and peace to my soul is my inner happiness moment.

On a larger scale, I have a completely different, outer happiness moment. It seems as though all of Alberta is pulling together to help the people who have lost so much in the Fort McMurray fire. My Facebook feed is filled with local people and businesses raising money, donating supplies, and even offering homes to the people who had to so suddenly leave everything they had.

I looked at photos of people with their dogs piled on West Jet planes that have volunteered to go up to help people evacuate. It certainly made it very clear to me that whenever possible in the future I am booking with West Jet for all my flights.

For very different reasons, the kids and I came very close to losing everything earlier this year. We were essentially left destitute and if not for the kindness of those around us I don’t know what would have happened. I see this same kind of love and support being shown by strangers all over the province (and other provinces as well) as they’re doing whatever they can to help out. Our smaller scale personal tragedy has left me with a lot of empathy for these people whose lives changed at the drop of a hat.

Image from CTV news.

Image result for fort mcmurray fire

The power of kindness is amazing and overwhelming. It is so easy to focus on the negative, but there really are some powerfully loving people out there in the world. When tragedies like this happen it really lets that love shine through. I feel blessed to be in a place where there are people who will do so much to help out their neighbours. The world needs more of this. It reminds me to shine love and light wherever I can, you never know who needs some kindness. It gives me such hope to see that love really does always win.

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Happiness break 

The boy had a bonus day off of school today so we took a much needed happiness break and drove to the mountains for some one on one time. There has been so much stress and emotional turmoil for all three of us over the past year, I want to make sure they come out of this time as healthy and loved as is humanly possible. Sometimes the best way to make that happen is to just leave all your cares behind and head west to the mountains.

I have always found so much healing and strength being wrapped in a big mountain hug. I could see him relaxing and enjoying life a little bit more as well. We giggled our way up and down the streets and spent some time really talking to each other. Keeping that bond is so important. I feel so fortunate that at almost 15 he will spend a day with me by choice. The three of us have worked very hard over the years to develop a strong bond and it really pays off. They are my security blankies and I am theirs (blankies are a big thing in our house so it’s a good point of reference for us).

I’ll have to work double time for the rest of the week to make up for the unexpected day off, but it was so worth it. Making sure the kids feel grounded, loved, and safe is always my number one priority. It was good for my soul too, I need the reminder that we are grounded, loved and safe as well.

What a great happiness moment celebration. We are blessed.

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Boy time 

I can tell more healing is happening because we are laughing more. The kids are so good at expressing their feelings and we are all getting stronger and more able to look ahead with joy. 

Today was a laugh with my boy day. We started in the car this morning on the way to school and laughed all day until bed time (now). He’s got such a great sense of humor and I love that he’s showing it again. I love that kid so much and I’m so proud of the kind soul that he is. My happiness moment today, sharing laughs with the boy. 

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Keeping the faith

Yesterday in the conference I’m attending, we talked about the fact that often we come up against a wall that prevents us from being able to move ahead. Even when we know we are walking on the right path and have a clear sense of what we are doing and where we are going, sometimes this huge wall comes up and we are unable to go through or around it. Brian talks about how we can learn to create a door and walk through that. Not that there is a guarantee that everything on the other side of the door is easy necessarily, but it means that we have made it through the wall.

I woke up last night at 2am with a very strong understanding that I am sitting at my door in the wall, but that it is locked. I lay there for a while wondering what to do about that. I had no idea where the key was, what it looked like, or what I needed to do in order to unlock it. I stewed for a while, finally asking God to show me what the hell this meant (God has got used to the fact that I don’t use church language in my daily life), and then fell back asleep without having any clear answer (or even a foggy answer).

I got up and read my devotional this morning and it gave me some guidance (big surprise). Faith is being certain of what we do not see (Hebrews 11:1). Genuine faith puts its letter in the mailbox and lets go. Distrust, however, holds on to a corner of the envelope and then wonders why the letter never arrives…. it is the same with genuine faith. It hands its circumstance over to God, allowing Him to to work…. “Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this”. He will never work until we commit. Faith is receiving – or even more, actually appropriating – the gifts God offers us. We may believe in Him, come to Him, commit to Him and rest in Him but we will never fully realize all our blessings until we begin to receive from Him… (Streams in the Desert)

Yesterday there was a lot of focus on making a commitment. We need to make very clear and concise intentions and then commit to them so that we can then receive them. I have known for a while that I get blocked at the receiving or allowing phase of things. As I was driving into town today to hook onto the internet and I was listening to Just be Held it came to me. Really it was spoken to me. I need to surrender all the crap I’m carrying so that I can receive. There’s so much fear tied into that surrender.

Of course, the thing that I am also aware is my greatest challenge is the thing I need to do to get through the damn door. Who is surprised? It enforces the fact that my focus is in the right place though. I need to continue to work on surrender. Being able to surrender will allow me to finally move beyond my fear and my pain. I will not spend the rest of my life being defined by fear and pain. It’s exactly why I started this blog – to move into a state of happiness.

I have so much to say about what I’m learning this weekend. It’s already profoundly changed the way I’m going to move into my professional practice – and given me the confidence boost I needed to do that. It has overridden the negative hateful voice of Mr. X telling me I will fail. Love wins – always.

A happiness moment I gained today that I didn’t expect was that I made friends over the past couple of days. Some of them I will get to meet in real life in June and some of them I will continue to connect with online. I’ve added more people to my tribe – healers like me who are banding together to bring light to the world.

I’ve come out of the weekend with my vision:

My vision is to bring happiness and peace to people’s lives

 

 

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