Tag Archives: laughter

happiness

Weeeeeeee

The kids and I were in the grocery store today after school when they began their typical song and dance bugging me for gelato. I kept saying no and Jacob responded with I’m just going to say weeeeeeeeeeeee in your ear until you say yes. 

This weeeeeeee that he does is in some weirdly pitched cartoon like voice that he knows drives me bananas. So he starts doing it and I get the giggles so badly I have to stop walking. It gets better when there is a softer weeeeeeeee heard from the direction of the bulk foods. Some teenage girl is answering his call. They weeeeeeeeee back and forth for quite some time while Jenna and I lean against the shelf laughing. It was a gut busting happiness moment. 

The evening was made complete  with a beautiful fall walk along the road I love so much. It is such a blessing that we are here, we are safe, we are in our tribe again. 

Standard
happiness

Family trip 

My mom has as her screensaver photos from our big family trip to Italy in 2009. A  group of extended family got together to go celebrate the wedding of my cousin. It was so much fun. I had never been before and I think I probably slept about 6 hours in the 10 days we were there – we were so busy eating and seeing everything we possibly could. 
I love looking at those old photos. We were all so happy (and thinner and younger) – Dad looked so good in all the photos. It’s nice to go back to a time when there was a lot of joy in the family. 

I remember lying on my back floating in the Mediterranean laughing with my cousin. We laughed so hard our stomachs hurt – it was so carefree and easy. I loved that moment. 

Trevi fountain 
I have realized recently that we have finally reached a place where our little trio has started to feel secure enough to want to reach out and explore again. As we have discovered that  we are finally feeling home and safe and secure, we are starting to talk about spreading our wings.  I’m so grateful the kids now have put down roots deep enough that they can grow. I’m grateful I’m getting my balance in a way I probably didn’t have before. 

There was a lot of happiness on that family trip. It reminds me how thankful I am for this tribe of people I was fortunate enough to be born into. 

Standard
happiness

Letting things go

We finally got started on the task of cleaning out Dad’s closet today. It was difficult and emotional, but a chance to sort through some memories and feelings about loss and letting things go. In the past I have not let go either gracefully or peacefully, it’s kind of a work in progress for me that lesson.

I think Dad would have rolled his eyes at the fact that it took us so long to be strong enough to face the task of donating some of his things. He would have told us to pack it up and get it out to someone who could use it right away. But, I think he also would be so touched that he is so deeply loved that there is this group of people who miss him so much. It makes me think about who I want to surround myself with and walk with me on the rest of my journey. It has become so important to me to make sure those are the right people – the ones who know how to laugh, love, find peace, follow God, know how to give and take, and lift each other up.

I came to a realization as I was sorting through my Dad’s things and mentally sorting through emotions left over by last week’s stellar visit from Mr. X. I have wanted so badly to make things better for the kids, to heal them, to make up for all that they are lacking but I can’t do that. No matter how badly I want to, I can’t make up for the things they don’t have – and we are never going to heal that way. I need to let that shit go. We are an awesome little family, and the fact that some painful stuff has happened does not change that. I need to focus way more on the fact that we are this loving, strong, intact family and much less on any force that has tried to weaken us.

This morning I was lying in bed with Jenna who was trying to tickle me and generally get a rise out of me. Jacob came flying into the room and said oh good, it’s my favourite game. I said what’s that? He answered the bug mom game and leapt on the bed with a pillow to smack me with. Those kids, my family, my life – what a happiness moment.

Standard
happiness

Je ne regrette rien

I woke up in an Edith Piaf kind of mood. It takes a special kind of mood for me to crave sitting and listening to her songs over and over. Something inside me must have known that today was going to be an emotionally sideways day. 

Don’t get me wrong, I love Edith Piaf, and often listen to her when I’m happy too, but there is this certain kind of funky mood that almost seems to require her voice. 

I had to go downtown and meet my lawyer today which is alway a special kind of fun. It’s expensive, but I remain grateful for how well she does what she does.  As I was getting ready to go, my sister texted me asking if today was a good day to go through Dad’s closet. No, it is not. There is never a good day, but it is time. The past couple of days seem to have been ones where I’ve missed him more. Like I’ve been able to convince myself that it all is a bad dream and he’s not really gone. We will face it tomorrow. 

On the train downtown I read on Facebook that one of my favourite uncles (my mom’s cousin really) died a few days ago. That seemed to have been my tipping point and I bawled the whole way to my lawyer. Thank goodness for 2015 when I spent most of the year crying  in public. It gave me practice. 

When I was a kid, uncle Harvey and auntie Margaret held pony club at their place and it was there that I learned to walk (or ride) headfirst into my fears. I remember being so terrified of their cross country course, and yet year after year tackling it on whatever miserable pony I was riding (I loved them all). 

When I was 9 I was riding Snowflake, the rearing pony. I was down at the start line of cross country and uncle Harvey was doing the countdown. He said one minute, and Snowflake reared up. I slid off her  back and somehow landed on my feet. I walked around the side, he gave me a leg up, and said 10,9,8,7…. and counted me off on my way without saying another word.

There were a few things about that incident that I took away. 1 that he broke the rules by helping me back on my horse. I was grateful for that because I was so scared I wouldn’t have been able to get back on. 2 that help comes sometimes in unexpected and quiet ways and I just need to accept it and move on without making a big deal. 3 no matter how scared I am, if I want something I need to keep going. I won everything I rode in that day. 

When I decided a few years ago to start reaching for a better, happier life I drew on many of the lessons uncle Harvey taught me out in those fields. I am forever grateful for all of that time and all of those experiences. 

This evening I drove my cousin in law home and we listened to the Frantics the whole way. We are always acting out the skits, but neither of us had listened to them for a while. I forgot how hard they make me laugh, and so much better with someone who also knows all the words. Gut busting laughter was exactly what was needed. Happiness moment. 

Standard
happiness

Safety lights are for dudes 

The monsters and I saw the new Ghostbusters movie tonight. We were in need of some good laughs and it delivered. It was a lot funnier than I thought it would be, and there was a group of ladies sitting in front of us who had the most contagious laughter. It was exactly what we needed to lighten the stress load. 

We enjoyed a fabulous sunset on our drive home. I know, I go on and on about how much I love where we live. But seriously, we live in a freaking postcard. Who wouldn’t love this?


Belly laughs and sunsets. Happiness. 

Standard
happiness

Just watch out for bears and stuff 

The girls and I finally got back out for our evening walk/bike ride. After it being so dry it has been raining non stop the last couple of weeks. We had a little break in storm clouds and took full advantage. 

Those girls make me laugh so hard. They have such a good time together out on their bikes. They make all the trucks honk their being horns and they play crazy, made up games on their bikes. 

As we were passing a field we saw two bucks quietly grazing. Our presence scared them and they quickly bounced away. 


The girls saw me trying to take their picture and informed me that there was no way my iPhone could take a good photo from that far away. Then they said if you want a good picture of some deer, look closely – here come some now. And they put their fingers up like antlers and proceeded to prance all over the road laughing so hard they could barely breathe. Which of course made me laugh just as hard. Time spent being silly with those two made for a great happiness moment today. 

They rode their bikes a bit ahead of me and as we parted we all did our typical have fun, just look out for bears and stuff. 

Standard
happiness

The open door

We have worked very hard to create a home that is safe, loving, warm, and happy. For a while it meant that we kind of shut our space down and kept it a very private and protected place. Now that we are home and surrounded by loved ones, those barriers are able to come down in huge ways and the home is becoming a more open, joyful, free place again.

 

Today I had finally convinced myself to get some housework done and was blasting music and vacuuming up pet hair (ugh) when I looked out the window and saw my aunt standing outside. What a wonderful surprise! She and my uncle had been visiting in the area and stopped by to see if I could join them for lunch. It’s another one of those things I appreciate more after being away for so long – I love that our tribe can just stop by and say hi at any given time. We spent years and years being lonely and isolated from our people. I had a lovely happiness moment enjoying lunch and a visit with my aunt and uncle – I don’t get to see them often enough.

As a bonus secondary happiness moment, cousins joined up at the top of the driveway today after school. It warms my heart to see this group of kids hanging out together. These cousin bonds are so important. My own sister and cousin friendships have carried me through every bump in my life.

Standard
happiness

Camp giggles

I had an awesome energy session this morning. I don’t know how I got through things before discovering this work. I’m so grateful to Asrael for all that she does for me, it’s amazing all the things that can shift so quickly once I put attention to them. We did some big stuff today and I can feel it moving around a lot of old things.

Jenna came home from camp today. She was so excited but also so nervous about going away, and I have spent the past couple of days hoping and praying that she was having fun. I’m not sure when the smile is going to come off her face, but I don’t think it will be any time soon. She loved camp and said she wishes it had been longer. So good!

It’s been a blessed afternoon of happiness moments hearing her tell stories about camp and spending some quiet time snuggling her back into the family space. Man I love that kid.

Standard