Tag Archives: love

happiness

Long term change

I woke up feeling awful this morning. I’m sure it’s part stress, part exhaustion, but it was full on yuck today.

Since I wasn’t doing much with my body I decided to nourish my mind with some of the huge stack of reading I’ve got to do. I’m learning about long term behaviour change – how to rewire our brains for permanent results. As someone who has experienced the feeling of being stuck one too many times, I find this fascinating.

I’m right in the middle of this place of change and it’s super important I make decisions that will lead to the life I want, not the life I left behind. And my kids need to learn how to make good and happy life choices.

Lately even they have been saying they can feel the shift. The ugly is being left behind and new possibilities are opening up. It’s pretty awesome.

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happiness

The ring

My mom had a ring that I constantly saw on her finger. I remember as a kid noticing this ring that I thought was beautiful on her right hand – so I knew it was different from the wedding rings she also wore always (both of my parents never took their rings off for the entirety of their marriage, and this ring also didn’t come off until she died). But this ring was different.

One time she told me the story behind the ring. When she first started working, she saw this ring in a store and decided it was beautiful and that she needed to have it. She saved her pay check from that job and then went into the store and bought it for herself. She wore it constantly as a reminder that she could do anything she set her mind to.

Those of you who knew my mom know that she did in fact do anything she set her mind to and constantly defied the odds. She was fortunate that she had my dad standing firmly in her corner, loving and supporting her- but she achieved what she did because of sheer strength, willpower, and determination.

After she had polio they told her she wouldn’t walk, so she walked.

On her crutches, with no stomach, back, or right leg muscles thanks to polio, she went to high school by herself in Florida, then to Stanford (including a semester in France), she went to law school, she gave birth twice. I mean it goes on.

And she said when she needed a boost, a reminder that she could do it, she looked at that ring and found the strength to keep going.

I now have that ring. And it comes to me at at time when I need to remember my strength, and when I need to believe in my ability to defy the odds and realize my own dreams.

It’s weird clearing out their house. It’s weird they aren’t here anymore. But it’s apparent that they left us a huge legacy of love. We always felt safe and loved in that house. That’s what home is supposed to be – your safe place. Thank God for home.

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Back in the groove

It was so nice to have some time last week to spend with my girl – and especially to be in Victoria and have some spring like weather – and the boy had a great time in Iceland, but it’s really good to have us all back together and getting back to real life.

I am thankful that even though I get too stressed out, and I still have issues I am working on with forgiveness and grief and all the other emotions, we have a really good life here. I mean really good. We are so blessed to live where we do and be surrounded by this family, our tribe.

I was telling a friend today about how lonely the away years were when it was usually just the three of us, trying to make friends and create a home, but we were missing our family and our home. It’s weird now that I had just accepted that was how life was going to be, and I’m so grateful that life now is surrounded by friends and family again.

Their spring sports are starting up, eventually the ice will go away and I’ll get more Drishti time, the sun is staying up later, it is time for regrowth and new life.

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Yoga and Yoda

We enjoyed a quiet Sunday – the family back together – on the last day of spring break that feels more like winter vacation. I can’t believe how much snow we have here.

I decided to get back to yoga. I’ve been working at relaxing my mind, but I need yoga to relax my body. And I haven’t been faithful about my yoga practice for a few years now. I think it’s the missing piece to healing my shoulder completely and to getting my strength back

My friend sent me this YouTube video

It has kept me in stitches all afternoon. Yoga and Yoda, complete relaxation. Family back together, complete happiness.

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Rain walls and the triangle

I met my old friend today and we went for a walk in the rain by the water. When I say old friend, I won’t just mean I’ve known her forever, I mean she’s older than I am. Much older. Two weeks older. Old. ( this upsets her so I’m putting it in a whole bunch).

I’m so grateful for that friendship

I am sitting on a plane flying back to the frozen tundra that is Calgary. I have no desire to be in the snow and -20C in April. But it’s home and it’s where I need to be.

At the airport our family triangle will he reunited as the boy arrives at the same time we do from his Iceland adventure. I can’t wait to lay eyes on him again, to hear his stories, to have us all together again.

I come back from this mini vacation feeling so relaxed and happy. I really needed this time to ground myself and to live in some happy memories of my parents and to make new ones with my girl. Life is good.

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Flowers and tea and friends

We made it to the Butchart Gardens today to take in some flowers and enjoy high tea. I used to love coming here with my parents when I was a kid and I love that I get to share it with my girl now.

this is what it’s like trying to take a selfie with a teen.

Then we went to supper with one of my oldest bestest friends. When we are together I still feel like a badass 15 year old even though we talk about how weird it is to be adulting now. Good friend are special and to be cherished. I’m so glad she’s in my life.

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Being strong

The girl and I had a long discussion today about what it means to be strong.

I think both of us have realized that our definition of being strong has changed. It no longer means protecting ourselves – we are no longer living in danger or in crisis- rather it means being vulnerable and cracking our carefully guarded hearts open.

It’s a huge leap in healing for both of us. And we both naturally want to guard our hearts and protect ourselves.

I have learned this means I need to me authentically me – I can’t shape myself to make other people happy anymore. It’s ok to tell people what I want and let them do the same.

We have had to be tough and protected and strong for years. Now we have to be soft, and vulnerable, and loving, and embrace the strength that comes with that.

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A new Easter

Easter has always been a big deal to me, my parents celebrated it in the true sense (not the Hallmark sense) and it was always a time where we embraced Christ as our Savior, looked forward to spring and the hope of new beginnings, and enjoyed family time.

This year it was going to be just me and the girl and we were kind of at loose ends. But family scooped us up and we spent the day visiting and eating and celebrating.

It was a different day, a new way of celebrating Easter – right down to a completely different kind of church service. But we are in a season of change in this house and I think it was good to celebrate a new Easter.

A new Easter, but with our tribe, with our family. It all comes down to love and the relationships we have in our lives. I feel so fortunate I come from the tribe I do, they hold me up constantly and remind me how important it is to have people to love.

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That 70s show

The kids and I have slowly been watching That 70s Show on Netflix- but since the internet rolls over tomorrow we have been binge watching today.

As I’ve mentioned, it’s kind of a weird Easter for me this year. And I need to make it special for the girl – it is such a season of hope and new growth – but I also kind of just want to cry and miss what was.

It’s the great thing about having kids – they force me to look forward and keep the sun shining in our family.

And part of fake it until you make it is made easier by watching silly shows that make us laugh.

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Letting him fly

The boy took off with his school for what I’m sure will be an epic trip to Iceland. He has been so excited about this trip since my mom gifted it to him as an early graduation present last fall. On the way to the airport he kept saying how he felt that nana should still be alive because he needed to tell her all about his trip. It was a present he will remember forever and I’m so grateful she was able to gift it to him.

I’ve only heard wonderful things about Iceland and I hope he has a trip that he will talk about for years to come. It’s hard to believe this kiddo is almost an adult, but when I watched him head off with his school group there is no denying this is the case.

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