Tag Archives: love

happiness

Little words of kindness

I had the most lovely email today from my aunt. I always appreciate the words of love and support, even more lately when I feel like I’m overwhelmed by life so often. She ended her email by saying that I was doing a great job with my kids and that my (other) uncle and aunt keep bragging about them.

I felt my heart warm with the words, and then I went and read them to my son. He too has been kind of blue lately and it was amazing to see how these words changed his mood. Several times during the day he mentioned how thrilled he was that his aunts and uncles are saying great things about him. He even said it means more coming from other people in the family – you’re always telling me how wonderful I am, but let’s face it – you’ve got mom goggles. These people must really mean it.

It made me remember how important it is to pass on little words of kindness. I sure appreciated my aunt sending me that love – it brightened my whole day.

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happiness

Little Abu

Life has been kind of hard lately. I feel like I should be healing from mom’s death – but in fact it seems like it’s getting harder and harder to accept. Maybe it’s because we are in the process of going through her things. Maybe it’s because there has been so much loss the last few years. Maybe it’s because it just takes more time.

I was sitting today on the couch doing some work when little Abu came and sat beside me. Once again I was faced with the fork in the road of love and fear.

We often refer to Abu as our therapy cat – I swear her only purpose in life is to exude love. She knows when we need her and she just comes and sits beside whomever is needing some love and just is. And soon we feel better – like magic.

On the other side, I was preparing some documents. It seems that the paternity of my children is being brought into question. I don’t know if it’s driven by Mr. X or his lawyer – but it’s certainly a financial thing. It’s hurtful, but it’s a fear tactic- I know that I wasn’t the one stepping out.

So I sat there – Abu beside me – feeling upset.

And I closed the computer and cuddled with the love cat and then did some inspirational reading.

Love has to be the choice. Always.

Abu cuddling her brother Aladdin.

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happiness

Bear in the mountains

We took Bear up to the mountains today. I’ve waited for years to have a dog I can take places – this guy is so chill and happy it’s awesome.

It was a perfect sunny afternoon. As we were walking I realized this was the happiest I’ve been for a long time. For a couple of hours there was no stress, everyone was getting along, and we had the happiest dog in the world. This is what I’m working towards as our normal state of being.

Bear scared of a bear statue.

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Planning and potluck

Our 4H club had a potluck supper/planning meeting tonight for 4H on parade. The more I get involved 4H the more I like it – and our club is a real community which makes it so much better.

After an emotional couple of days of sorting out mom and dads things it was really nice and really needed to have an evening where people were laughing and just being normal. I really needed that balance. I say it all the time – but thank God for my tribe. I don’t know what I’d do without them.

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happiness

Closets and puddles

Today was full of emotions – I’m exhausted. My sister and I worked at cleaning out some of mom’s closets which was so emotionally draining. Neither of us really have accepted that we lost both of our parents in less than three years. We had a couple of I’m not old enough to be an orphan moments. It’s just hard and really emotional to pack up their things and say goodbye again.

But I also know that they want us to live, be happy, love, enjoy life, and bring all of that to the house. So we will keep moving ahead, sharing memories, reminding our kids of who their grandparents were, and passing forward their legacy of love

We took a much needed break this afternoon and the kids splashed in the giant puddles that have shown up here as the snow melts. My sister and I played in those puddles, as did our cousins, aunts and uncles, and many other relatives. It helps to remind us we are part of a larger tribe – we aren’t alone – and that happiness needs to be found and celebrated.

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Choosing the path to happiness

I was thinking this morning how I’m between two paths right now. I can turn right and be on the path of fear, destruction, and hate that Mr. X is on, or I can turn left and take the path with love, peace, friendship, and happiness.

I’ve been working on the left path for some time now, but sometimes Mr X yells and I get distracted by the path of darkness.

Somehow I have to balance the two. Based on discussions and recent events it seems I’ll have to take him back to court again for support issues. It is getting old and it’s frustrating, but my kids deserve to have me fight for them. It’s really difficult for them to see how he is choosing to be

But more than that I want us to be happy and at peace. So I need to walk in the path of light. And I need to bring the kids with me on that path. They need to know that they can choose happiness even when they have been badly hurt.

It hasn’t been easy. It took years before I could even see that there was a path of happiness available for me, everything was so dark for so long.

Somehow I will learn how to not only walk in the light, but to bring light to the darkness. Once I can do that the darkness will be gone.

When I picked up the boy from school today he told me his friends have commented to him that I always look so chill and happy when I pull into the parking lot after school to get him. Made my whole day. I often feel seeing out and like I have no idea what I’m doing. But I’m glad that’s the vibe I give off!

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And now there’s Bear

I seem to have developed a rather odd coping skill for mourning those people I have loved and lost. I adopt pets.

Today marks three months since mom died. And apparently I dealt with that by adopting a dog. We named him Bear and he’s a cuddly, fluffy, gentle, huge bear of a guy.

Our Dotted Dog loves him, the kids are over the moon about him, the cats tolerate his existence. Bear thinks he’s died and gone to heaven.

We need some happiness infused in our lives, it’s been a rough few years. All of us are animal people and they bring a kind of peaceful joy.

He is happiness

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God talks in the morning

The boy and I both found ourselves up much too early, sitting on the couch, drinking our tea and coffee.

Somehow we ended up in a conversation about the meaning of Jesus (as one usually does with their teenage boy at 6:30 am).

I said to him that my Ayurvedic practitioner Asrael had explained Jesus to me in a way that had made so much sense.

She said sometimes as humans we get overwhelmed by God. Our humanness stops us from praying or talking to him in the way we need to. This is where Jesus comes in. He is like our human/spiritual liaison and it often is easier to approach Him in prayer. Because he is human like us our brains can better understand the concept of Jesus. But because he is also of God, he is our tangible connection to Source. He is a reminder that we are all children of God.

I told the boy that until I had heard her explain Jesus like this I had never really understood the point of Jesus. And I’ve been going to church my whole life.

He agreed with me that suddenly the concept of Jesus made a lot more sense. This kid has a strong spiritual connection. I love it.

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Softball and the Still Point

About a year ago my awesome massage therapist (who is a healer and a spiritual warrior) loaned me his Still Point Inducer to help relax my nervous system and being me some anxiety relief. After using it for a week and really enjoying it, I did a DYI version with tennis balls and have used that for the last year.

It helped, but not as much as the real Still Point Inducer. So about a week ago I ordered one of my own.

There actually is a still point I get to when I use this thing. It’s amazing. I can feel my whole nervous system reset and for hours after I can feel the space of calmness that has been created in my head. It calms the monkey mind. Miracle!!

It actually has me enjoying meditation again. Bigger miracle. Total happiness

The girl has started ball practice tonight (indoor due to the never ending winter we are experiencing). And talk about happiness. Much as my horse is my Spiritual Utility Vehicle – ball is hers. She gets right in the zone and glows.

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