The other day I was gifted a bunch of old fashioned perennials to put into my flower garden and since it finally stopped raining today I was able to plant them. They fit perfectly with my old fashioned house and our happy new(ish) life. This house has brought love and life back to us and I hope we have been able to do the same to it. It’s got such a great energy and vibe – generations of love live here. This is happiness.
Author Archives: Melissa
Locker clean out
My boy had his last day of classes today – almost the end of grade 10. I can hardly believe it. It feels like yesterday I was in a panic as to whether to put him in the French or English school in Quebec. And here we are, a whole lifetime later with him in the Catholic system in Alberta after taking a tour of North America.
He’s doing so well and growing into such a great young man. I feel honoured to have been such a big part of his growing process.
He texted me this afternoon asking me to bring garbage bags so he could clean out his locker. When I arrived at school it had a happy energy carried by hundreds of bodies (student and teacher alike) who couldn’t wait for summer vacation to start. This school has been such a blessing for him, we have lived a series of miracles in the last couple of years that’s for sure.
End of year locker clean out – happiness. Happy for him, happy for me. End of making his lunches!
Meet him where he’s at
As I travel along this happiness journey I am reminded constantly how important it is to be able to go with the flow. In order to find peace, happiness, and love I need to be able to let go of my agenda and go with the flow.
Drishti is a great teacher of this lesson. I often go out to the field with an idea of how I want our ride to go. Drishti always has his own ideas. In order for me to have any enjoyment I need to let go of the strict lines I wanted to follow and meet him where he’s at.
I find this a difficult thing to do in all aspects of my life – meet people where they’re at. I really would prefer that they meet me where I’m at. But, while I feel that it’s important not to be a total pushover – when I am able to meet people where they’re at (or Drishti) things go much better. Just let go, let be, and enjoy what the moment presents.
Things never really work out how I plan them anyway, and when I let go and just let the natural flow take over they almost always turn out so much better.
I had to spend some time in the corral this morning relearning this lesson with my dear horse. Finally I got it and let go of the ride I wanted to have and had the ride I was supposed to have. And it was happiness.
Bag of chips
I had coffee (or tea for me) with a couple of dear old friends this morning. I’ve known them since forever and our families are tied way back. I love these kinds of relationships – where the common bonds are so close it’s just easy.
We were laughing about how much different it is for kids learning how to drive now. One of them mentioned how bad it is now that texting exists. I said but when we were learning how to drive we had a coffee in one hand, and were usually waving the other one around doing something stupid. And one of them piped in and there was always a bag of chips stuck between our knees.
I laughed and told them a story of how I once almost ditched the suburban doing a turn while eating chips. The steering wheel got caught on the chip bag and for some reason my hand refused to let go of the bag almost sending me crashing into the ditch. They giggled and said the same thing had happened to them except they hit black ice and the driver had a hand in the chip bag. After doing a 360 and ending up in the ditch the chip bag was still intact – car needed a little help.
I love sharing these kinds of stories. Stupid, silly laughter stories of days gone by. That is happiness.
Walking again
After what feels like a really long break due to bad weather and hangry bears, the girls and I went out for our evening walk/bike ride/dog walk. June in Alberta, and particularly at the ranch, is absolutely stunning. I love where I live. And I don’t just say those words, my soul deeply loves being in this spot where our roots are, where my memories live, where my family is. That is happiness.
Building bonds
This morning we had a walk in memory of my dad. Actually, it was supposed to be a flower walk in his memory, but the weather was terrible so we ended up doing a walk of a different kind. Not what I had expected, but very good and filling and exactly what it should have been. There were memories of dad, but new ones as well, and different old memories of this town – the weddings and family events that have happened here – and ones of the ranch around it. My kids and my niece and nephew ran around squealing and having fun; my mom, sister and I were together, my aunt told stories of the movie site, friends of my parents listened and asked questions. Life keeps moving on.
This evening we had a community potluck supper which was a bonding moment in itself. This time I was able to visit with a bunch of family who I normally don’t get a chance to chat with. It’s interesting coming from this large extended family – we have so much in common and yet in many ways live completely different lives. A real blessing since coming back home has been getting to know parts of the family that I didn’t really know all that well before.
We are part of a pretty amazing tribe. I think when I was a kid I just assumed everyone had families like mine, the older I get the more I appreciate the roots that have been planted here and where I come from. My immediate family, memories of my dad, my extended family – that is happiness.
Spring band concert
Tonight the girl got to show off her mad clarinet skills at the school band concert. She missed the Christmas one due to her concussion so this was the first time we got to see her play. She really seemed like she knew what she was doing! It’s amazing how quickly they progress over the year.
She goes to such a great school – it really has been a godsend and a safe place for her to land over the last couple of years. I couldn’t have imagined a more loving place for her to have had to hold her as she has healed and grown over the last two years.
Seeing her there in her community, chatting with her principal who not only knows her, but the whole family so well, that is happiness.
Sharing stories
I have made a “mom friend” at ball this season. We bonded right away and the more we have talked the more we have realized that we share much of the same story. The details are different, but the theme of our marriages and subsequent breakups are pretty much the same. In a really unique way we understand what being this type of single mom means. And while that means there’s a lot of shared heartache, there are a lot of familiar funny stories.
Tonight we sat at the ball field and laughed while we shared some of the highlights from over the years. We both commented how nice it is to have someone who just gets the situation we are in. It can be a difficult one to explain to others and it makes it so much more simple to just be able to give the eyeball to each other, a quick nod, and say yep, I get it.
I really like this woman, making good friends does not happen very often so I’m really grateful for the moments when this opportunity presents itself. That is happiness.
Scared of snakes
My horse ended up with a little cut on his leg this morning that needed some attention. Part of that included an introduction to the scary hose. I don’t know much at all about his past, but I’m guessing based on how today went that he does not have a lot of experience with hoses. He was not impressed and danced around and snorted and basically acted like the end of the world was coming.
At first I lost my patience and yelled at him, following that up with trying to strong-arm all 1100 lbs of him into doing things my way. As you can imagine that didn’t work so well for me, and only resulted in making him more agitated. I stopped, took a deep breath, and began “an introduction to hoses” course with my guy. We spent a long time letting the hose run near him, over his hooves, and eventually up his leg to where the cut was. It took almost an hour from start to finish, but when we were done he wasn’t afraid, and I wasn’t frustrated.
He is so good at helping me figure out how to resolve issues so I can restore both of us to balance. When I’m in those moments with him I have two choices – I can give up and walk away knowing that I’ll never be able to progress any farther and likely will end up more behind than where I was when I started, or I can figure it out and move ahead. I choose always to figure it out and move ahead. It’s part of my training process with Drishti, and it’s part of my healing process for my life. If I ever quit and give up I will end up having to start again from the beginning, or never getting back on the path again. I can’t have that.
This guy brings me such soul smiling happiness. I am grateful all the time that he has landed in my life.
Transition and change
I had lunch today with a dear friend of mine – I’ve known her since the beginning of my time and my childhood memories are filled with visions of us tearing things up here at the ranch. We come together as often as we can now to break bread, share laughter, and hold space for each other.
There is something special about these lifelong friends – even more so is the fact that she is family – so we have shared experience, but also were raised with values and share a core understanding of who we are as part of this family. There is little background we ever have to explain to each other when we tell a story. This is a treasure and I am grateful all the time that God blessed me with this tribe.
Later today she texted me a quote that I have been pondering and feel is quite a profound way of describing the changes and transitions I have been going through over the last few years:
Without a transition, a change is just a rearrangement of the furniture. A change might be switching from one brand of detergent to the other. or it could be a shift in daily habits, such as going out to exercise first thing in the morning instead of waiting until the workday is finished. A transition, on the other hand, is more far-reaching. It involves an inner reorientation, a shift of focus that often requires a new understanding of self. A brand-new identity emerges..”
I had been telling her how I felt so strongly that if I walked away from the transition period I am in now I will forever lose all that I have gained. It is so important that I finish this journey to healing – so I can be better and so that the kids will as well. Every step I take they are right along with me – and sometimes they take the step and I follow. But, we MUST complete this journey.
My time today with her was more than happiness. It is pure and true – to the core of my soul happiness – that lasts the test of time.
