We spent the day celebrating Canada’s birthday.
First Canmore for the parade – this has become a really great family tradition
Then to my Aunt’s house for their annual Canada party. This is one of those sacred family visiting times.
After going home for a quick nap then it was off for the last family party
The boy stopped me and said how much he appreciated having all this family around and how great it was to have so many things to do.
And he’s right on. How lucky are we. What happiness.
I signed my final divorce papers today. Assuming he does the same, that part will be over and done with very soon. I felt incredible relief as I put pen to paper and let go of years of hope, fear, distrust, shame, loss, and sadness. It is over and I don’t have to ever go back to it again. Thank God.
I told my lawyer at the end of our meeting you know, three years ago I was going to bed with a can of Raid wasp spray beside my bed for protection because things were so volatile I was afraid of what could happen in the night. Now I live back around my family and I get to ride whenever I want, we are safe and our whole lives are different – and I showed her a photo of Drishti and where we live. It was a pretty amazing moment to just let those feelings of the last few years of my marriage, the last year of the divorce, and the understanding of where and who I am now flow through me. A lot has changed.
I had to stop by my accountant and give him a letter from the lawyer about support payments. He said the government wants detailed accounts and that sometimes it can be a battle. I smiled (he knows enough of my story just from seeing my tax info filled with court orders) and said one thing I’ve learned over the last year is I’m not afraid anymore to go to battle – it’s what I do. He then said the kindest thing – well just know that this battle you won’t be going into alone. I’ll be there with you and you will be just fine. I mean, really there’s nothing to battle – I have all the documents to prove what I need, it’s just the difficulty sometimes of dealing with the tax department. Thank God I found this man, he has helped me sort through things for two years now with such kindness and patience.
I have learned two things over the last year. One is that I want to be completely independent and rely on no one for anything ever. The other is that I would not be where I am if I didn’t have the support of the people who love me and if I couldn’t have depended on them for help, love, and support (emotional and financial).
I could never survive without my tribe.
I thought there would be more sadness today, but I think all the sadness happened when I filed for divorce and was admitting that things were never going to be how I wanted them to be. Today there was just happiness and relief. It is the start of a new era, I get to make a new path, hope for a better future, build a new life.
We celebrated my uncle’s 80th birthday today with a huge party at the Hall. This guy has always been a bonus dad for me (I call him uncle-dad) and a bonus grandpa for my kids. He’s pretty cool.
It was a wonderful afternoon spent visiting with the community – friends and family – lots of people I haven’t seen in ages. And the Hall looked amazing, just like it is supposed to look with an old-time feel.
As someone who spent years floating as part of a lost little pod of people in various places, I can’t express properly what it means to be part of this community, to know that we have this place where we are from, where we belong. Everyone has a family of some sort, but our family is really pretty unique – both in size and in the way it functions.
It is a deep kind of happiness, one that I carry with me all the time. An extra happiness was celebrating the birthday of one of my favourite people – I have always looked up to and admired this guy – I am really lucky that he’s my uncle.
Today I was treated to a morning in Canmore with a dear friend. We had business to do, but afterwards we had enough time to walk the streets and have lunch. How lucky am I to get to be in the mountains two days in a row?
It was beautiful and clear and the only issue we had was being stuck in traffic
Yep, we got stuck behind a zamboni while driving through town. If that doesn’t scream I’m in Canada, I don’t know what does.
I treasure this friendship with this dear soul whose crazy lines up with my crazy. We have a lot of fun together, but we get each other on a really deep level and that’s pretty rare. It brings me happiness and gratitude.
Catch a glimpse of joy. That was the theme of the sermon in church today and also was the theme of my day.
Our ladies group sponsored a family for Christmas. The mom came and picked up the items today and seemed filled with many emotions. The lady who has been helping me with my own project gave me a little hug and said it’s like seeing what your dream is going to gift people isn’t it? And it is, my little dream is different but hopefully will bring happiness to lives in small ways.
After that we shared some of our needs for prayer requests. Sharing is important – for the support and to remember that everyone has their crap they’re dealing with. It’s a really special group of ladies I found at that church. God guided me well.
The youth group did their Christmas celebration and it was full of glimpses of joy. It was fun to see the kids so fully engaged and enjoying themselves. I sat with my uncle and aunt which was a moment of happiness in itself.
And then the joy of the afternoon when we did our family Christmas tree hunt. It’s one of my favorite events of the year. This year we had a good sized group and the weather kind of behaved itself. A million layers helped.
I talk about it all the time, but I am so grateful for my tribe. I don’t know what I would ever do without them. It’s so heart warming to know that we come from this family filled with so much love.
This is what happiness looks like:
Tonight the girl and I finally got around to watching Eddie the Eagle. I have wanted to see it since it came out in the theatres and I’ve been bugging the kids to watch it with me since it came on tv.
Jenna loved it! She sat down with a pout, but within the first five minutes she was totally captivated. The idea of following your dream, no matter what people say to you, really held her interest. She related to him all the way through the movie.
Aside from loving his story, it brought back lots of good memories for me. I was in grade 12 when the Olympics were here and we were lucky enough to go to many of the events – including the ski jumping. So we watched Eddie the Eagle jump.
My sister and I still laugh about how we drove our dad nuts. The stories were always funny, but now that dad is gone they are even more precious. The olumpics in Calgary are a really good time in my memory bank.
My movie with my girl. Happiness.
Today was a day filled with unexpected cousin chats. It’s a happiness moment because I love the fact that I have so many cousins, and even the ones I don’t get to see very often I feel I have a tight bond with.
I had a barnyard chat with one at home, a skype chat with one in Scotland, a Canadian Tire chat with one in town, a phone chat with one in Winners, and then a text string with some others.
It’s a big deal because I’ve been feeling kind of overwhelmed lately. It’s good to remember that there’s this tribe of people around. We all have our crap that we are dealing with, but we are also all there for each other, there’s a lot of joy to be shared. When I’m feeling low it helps to remember how isolated we were even just a couple of years ago, and how much better it is now.
Happiness, blessings, joy, peace. I love it.
My cousin and family had us over this evening to watch the Grey Cup. While it was disappointing to see the Stampeders lose, it was so much fun to watch the game together.
Those are the bigger moments that I really missed during our years of being gypsies. The family get togethers, the sharing, the eating (omg does my family ever eat – so many girls complaining about overeating while stuffing our faces), the camaraderie. I know having settled myself in many other places that what I have here can never be replicated. I am eternally grateful for my tribe.
Happiness moment – sitting with a plate piled high, laughing with the fam.
Nothing is quite like an evening stroll through our Canadian Tire in Cochrane. There’s always something certain to capture our attention and entertain us. This time did not disappoint.
I had a different moment of happiness this morning a happiness bonus – an overnight visit from a cousin on my Dad’s side. It has been such a blessing to get to know her better. Those family ties are strong and with all the shared history it makes for a lifetime bond even though we grew up on opposite sides of the country. It brings me a lot of happiness, I know it would for my dad as well.
Something has shifted over the weekend. I think one of the coolest things about really big changes is that usually I never see them coming – suddenly they’re just there.
I think it started at the horse show on Friday. I was reminded what a powerful force horses are in my life. They’ve always been my spiritual gateway to God. All of the searching I’ve done for peace, love, and happiness in the last few years I always had organically when I was with one of my beloved horses.
I held onto those feelings as I headed to church Sunday when all of the pieces seemed to fall together for me. I spoke with one of the ministers there about this fantastic idea I have to help celebrate every child, it’s starting to take shape and I’m really excited about the happiness it can bring to someone in need of a smile.
I said yesterday that I needed to sit with my feelings about my group and about the sermon. I lay in bed for a long time trying to quietly listen, asking what it was I needed to let go of in order to be able to allow my gifts to shine. I woke up this morning with the hymn Here I am Lord playing in my head. I have not listened to this song for years, I can only assume that God put it there for me to hear.
It all clicked. I’ve been struggling with letting go, with surrendering, with allowing – but what I never, ever did was just stop and say here I am Lord. Here I am, right now in this moment, I am here and I am listening. I am ready to do what You want me to do. And I actually am now ready to do what He tells me to do. I’ve tried all the other roads, I’ve tried to do it myself. It does not work. I am here, I am ready, I am listening. I’ll do it, I’ll show up. Just let me know what to do, where to go, I’m there.
I downloaded the song on Spotify (here it is on Youtube) and listened to it a few times this morning. The sense of peace that came to me was almost overwhelming. That was the peace I’ve been looking for all along. It was inside me, just waiting for me to be ready.
There’s going to be a lot of happiness later on today with Halloween. We are gathering with part of the tribe at my cousin’s house to celebrate the candyfest. Never, ever should the power of that tribe be underestimated – they are the wind beneath my wings. But, this moment of happiness deserves special recognition as well. This huge shift as a different kind of understanding has been brought to my soul.
Here I am Lord, Is it I, Lord?
I have heard You calling in the night.
I will go Lord, if You lead me.
I will hold Your people in my heart.
The photo at the top was one taken by my Dad. He was such a guiding force on my spiritual journey, I miss our talks but I know he’s close by still holding me through it all. I feel like the butterfly, I’ve undergone such a powerful transformation over these past few years.
