Tag Archives: faith

happiness

Feed your relationship

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about relationships – the ones I have, the ones I want, the ones I dream about. A few years ago I did a kind of friend cleansing and with the exception of one (there’s always one) I got rid of my toxic or dysfunctional friendships. I work with intent now to build my tribe with people who will hold me up instead of bringing me down.

If you think of a relationship like a plant, then in order for it to grow the roots need to be well tended. Think of roots as things like: reliability, compassion, respect, trust, dependability, kindness, love, honour. If too many of those are neglected or disrespected the relationship plant dies. And because the plant is alive, there is pain that is felt as the roots are being damaged.

However if you look after the plant, nourish, and cherish it – it can grow and thrive. Every positive vibration that is sent out into the world has the ability to create more joy and love – and that is what it’s all about.

Love the people in your world, but make sure you’re really caring for them, for your relationships with them. They take work and time – but they are why we are here.

Mom used to tell me how when she was in the hospital with polio, my grandma worked hard to get to know the nurses and doctors who looked after her. Mom said that it was a win for everyone. The created genuine relationships, and because of that mom was well looked after – the staff cared about her. This was a lesson my parents taught me – they always built relationships with everyone, the plumber, the water guy, the dentist, my teachers (I hated that), the list goes on.

Today I had to go get my taxes done. This is always a source of stress for me. Math makes my head want to blow up, and the support non-payment issue is confusing to me. My tax man is awesome!! I found him at H&R Block two years ago and he’s done m taxes ever since. He could see pretty clearly what my situation was as soon as he opened my file – and he has always been so helpful about explaining how things work and what I need to do.

Today when I sat down he remembered me from last year and we caught up a little bit. That man made my life so much easier and I’m glad I also started building a relationship with him when we started working together.

We can get so impersonal sometimes, and I’m as bad as anyone for avoiding too much peopling – but we really need each other.

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Long term change

I woke up feeling awful this morning. I’m sure it’s part stress, part exhaustion, but it was full on yuck today.

Since I wasn’t doing much with my body I decided to nourish my mind with some of the huge stack of reading I’ve got to do. I’m learning about long term behaviour change – how to rewire our brains for permanent results. As someone who has experienced the feeling of being stuck one too many times, I find this fascinating.

I’m right in the middle of this place of change and it’s super important I make decisions that will lead to the life I want, not the life I left behind. And my kids need to learn how to make good and happy life choices.

Lately even they have been saying they can feel the shift. The ugly is being left behind and new possibilities are opening up. It’s pretty awesome.

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The ring

My mom had a ring that I constantly saw on her finger. I remember as a kid noticing this ring that I thought was beautiful on her right hand – so I knew it was different from the wedding rings she also wore always (both of my parents never took their rings off for the entirety of their marriage, and this ring also didn’t come off until she died). But this ring was different.

One time she told me the story behind the ring. When she first started working, she saw this ring in a store and decided it was beautiful and that she needed to have it. She saved her pay check from that job and then went into the store and bought it for herself. She wore it constantly as a reminder that she could do anything she set her mind to.

Those of you who knew my mom know that she did in fact do anything she set her mind to and constantly defied the odds. She was fortunate that she had my dad standing firmly in her corner, loving and supporting her- but she achieved what she did because of sheer strength, willpower, and determination.

After she had polio they told her she wouldn’t walk, so she walked.

On her crutches, with no stomach, back, or right leg muscles thanks to polio, she went to high school by herself in Florida, then to Stanford (including a semester in France), she went to law school, she gave birth twice. I mean it goes on.

And she said when she needed a boost, a reminder that she could do it, she looked at that ring and found the strength to keep going.

I now have that ring. And it comes to me at at time when I need to remember my strength, and when I need to believe in my ability to defy the odds and realize my own dreams.

It’s weird clearing out their house. It’s weird they aren’t here anymore. But it’s apparent that they left us a huge legacy of love. We always felt safe and loved in that house. That’s what home is supposed to be – your safe place. Thank God for home.

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Back in the groove

It was so nice to have some time last week to spend with my girl – and especially to be in Victoria and have some spring like weather – and the boy had a great time in Iceland, but it’s really good to have us all back together and getting back to real life.

I am thankful that even though I get too stressed out, and I still have issues I am working on with forgiveness and grief and all the other emotions, we have a really good life here. I mean really good. We are so blessed to live where we do and be surrounded by this family, our tribe.

I was telling a friend today about how lonely the away years were when it was usually just the three of us, trying to make friends and create a home, but we were missing our family and our home. It’s weird now that I had just accepted that was how life was going to be, and I’m so grateful that life now is surrounded by friends and family again.

Their spring sports are starting up, eventually the ice will go away and I’ll get more Drishti time, the sun is staying up later, it is time for regrowth and new life.

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Yoga and Yoda

We enjoyed a quiet Sunday – the family back together – on the last day of spring break that feels more like winter vacation. I can’t believe how much snow we have here.

I decided to get back to yoga. I’ve been working at relaxing my mind, but I need yoga to relax my body. And I haven’t been faithful about my yoga practice for a few years now. I think it’s the missing piece to healing my shoulder completely and to getting my strength back

My friend sent me this YouTube video

It has kept me in stitches all afternoon. Yoga and Yoda, complete relaxation. Family back together, complete happiness.

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Rain walls and the triangle

I met my old friend today and we went for a walk in the rain by the water. When I say old friend, I won’t just mean I’ve known her forever, I mean she’s older than I am. Much older. Two weeks older. Old. ( this upsets her so I’m putting it in a whole bunch).

I’m so grateful for that friendship

I am sitting on a plane flying back to the frozen tundra that is Calgary. I have no desire to be in the snow and -20C in April. But it’s home and it’s where I need to be.

At the airport our family triangle will he reunited as the boy arrives at the same time we do from his Iceland adventure. I can’t wait to lay eyes on him again, to hear his stories, to have us all together again.

I come back from this mini vacation feeling so relaxed and happy. I really needed this time to ground myself and to live in some happy memories of my parents and to make new ones with my girl. Life is good.

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Totem Poles and beach walks

It was another rainy day here, but the flowers are blooming and the blossoms are on the tree and I love this place so it didn’t matter.

I dragged the girl to the museum – I haven’t been to the museum in Victoria since I was a kid but I remember being fascinated by totem poles.

The girl is at that teenage age where nothing I do is cool so I am not sure how much she enjoined the afternoon, but I remembered why it is I have a history degree. I love this stuff.

I went for a solo walk along the beach by the hotel this evening. I really needed that quiet space to be with myself and with God. I am so glad we are here, but even the good memories now have sadness attached to them. It made me realize how much more mourning I have to do.

But even in the mourning there are silver linings. I’m here with my girl – and much as my parents gave me experiences that I cherish and that shaped me- I’m doing that for my kids now.

I had a 5 minute visit with one of my old time forever friends this afternoon – a longer one to follow tomorrow. I so appreciate and love all of the people in my tribe.

I love this place. I am so thankful for these spaces that ground me.

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Surrender to happiness

I have learned so much about what happiness truly means for me since starting my blog over 3 years ago. I was seeking happiness in a very dark time in my life, looking for little glimmers of hope wherever I could find them. Most of my searching started on the outside – I’d see Henry The Heron on a walk and send a photo of him to my dad who would send me back a photo of the heron who lives here, I’d smile at someone at the grocery store and have them smile back, I’d read a book that brought me joy. It was very basic, simple, and really makes me realize how small and sad my life was then.

I’m focusing more now on happiness being an inside job. I’m learning how true happiness comes from my connection to the Divine and living my Dharma, my destiny, my passion.

Mostly I need to learn how to surrender.

I hate surrendering. I hate surrendering to other people, I even hate surrendering to God. Why do I need to control everything (especially when I know damn well I control nothing)? Genetics hahaha. No, seriously though – I know full well my life goes much better when I hand it over to God, but I still stubbornly hold on to the important things just in case He doesn’t do it right, or in case He forgets about me.

I’m reading a book right now called The Power of Surrender and I came across this passage in my reading today

To stay happy, remember that a positive inner focus shapes outer success… Surrendering to happiness means being grateful for what you have achieved, even if it’s just getting out of bed in the morning during trying times. Gratitude is an ecstatic feeling, a way to allow contentment in…. Surrendering to happiness also means letting everyday life delight you, giving thanks for the love that is around you, for your body, for your breath… Material success, as financially comfortable as it can make you, as pleasant as it can be, isn’t required for happiness. It won’t make you any happier than you would be otherwise in the long run. So part of success is being smart enough to know what can make you happy and going after that… (21-22).

When I filed for divorce I lost any (albeit false) sense of security I had created for myself. Mr X has been allowed to get $40,000 behind in payments and it has cost me more than that again in legal fees over the last 2 years. But what I have learned by losing everything I had was a) I have an awesome family and they scooped us up and have held us in love and gave us a home as I’m recreating life, and b) that my true happiness that comes from my connection to the Divine and that shines out in riding my horse, in my writing, in my relationships – all of that can’t be taken away – it’s who I am, not what I have.

This is why it’s so important for me to learn to surrender. To hand it over to the Divine, to choose love over fear, to embrace life, and to forgive.

Yes to forgive.

I’m working on that.

The more I forgive, the more I am able to connect to my own inner peace. And that is happiness.

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A new Easter

Easter has always been a big deal to me, my parents celebrated it in the true sense (not the Hallmark sense) and it was always a time where we embraced Christ as our Savior, looked forward to spring and the hope of new beginnings, and enjoyed family time.

This year it was going to be just me and the girl and we were kind of at loose ends. But family scooped us up and we spent the day visiting and eating and celebrating.

It was a different day, a new way of celebrating Easter – right down to a completely different kind of church service. But we are in a season of change in this house and I think it was good to celebrate a new Easter.

A new Easter, but with our tribe, with our family. It all comes down to love and the relationships we have in our lives. I feel so fortunate I come from the tribe I do, they hold me up constantly and remind me how important it is to have people to love.

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Letting him fly

The boy took off with his school for what I’m sure will be an epic trip to Iceland. He has been so excited about this trip since my mom gifted it to him as an early graduation present last fall. On the way to the airport he kept saying how he felt that nana should still be alive because he needed to tell her all about his trip. It was a present he will remember forever and I’m so grateful she was able to gift it to him.

I’ve only heard wonderful things about Iceland and I hope he has a trip that he will talk about for years to come. It’s hard to believe this kiddo is almost an adult, but when I watched him head off with his school group there is no denying this is the case.

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