I had a coming together tonight of three of the special people in my life. We shared sushi and ice cream and it was delightful. Happy happy happiness moment.
Tag Archives: faith
On the cliff
I’ve been perched in this space between grounding myself and learning to fly. It’s a weird place to be in, but one I am learning to honor and appreciate.
I was still a bit out of sorts this morning and found myself heading out on the trail where Pirate and I spent hours, days, weeks wandering around back in the day. Without knowing it, what I was doing then was plugging into my Source, or connecting to God. And it’s what I needed to do today. I’ve realized that once again I’ve been spending too much time asking and questioning, and not enough time listening and allowing.
I wandered over to the edge of the cliff and sat in the grass, looking over the buffalo jumps and down at the creek. I have had so many happy times in that space over the years – not only with Pirare, but skating and swimming on the creek and wandering the fields looking at flowers. There is something about that space that connects me right into my spiritual being.
So I sat and talked and listened and cried. I did get some good direction though. I need to figure out what I need in order to be soul happy. I also need to figure out the best way that I am to be of service. My heart knows the answers. I just need to listen to it.
And I need to sit in my quiet space more often. How could time in this place be anything but a happiness moment?
The safe place to land
I realized a few years ago as I was searching for my safe place to land that the kids were in need of the same feeling. It was a pretty overwhelming realization to come to that I needed to be full time, 100%, without fail, their safe place to land.
As our family dynamic has changed my role is changing once again, but that need to be their safety blanket remains. I’m not sure where this road is leading, but in this moment and time I’m so thankful that I have the ability to be there for them without question whenever they need me. And I’m grateful that they know this and appreciate the security it provides them with.
I had an urgent call this afternoon from Jenna at her school – she was not feeling well and needed to be picked up. This last year or so has been full of reminders of how important it is to first care for the people you love. Everything else shakes itself out.
It makes me happy from a place of deep gratitude that I am able to be there when they need me. It’s wrapped around the joy of knowing I have people here to fall back on as well.
Water balloons and Sunday afternoons.
Jenna and I finally got the rest of our flowers in (not that we are finished, just that the rest of what we had bought is in the ground). When we were done we put the hose to a Rubbermaid and made water balloons. It seemed like a good idea at the time…. not so much when they ganged up on me when it was done.
And then it was ON! I threw the container full of water on the boy and he spent the next hour trying to get me back. Finally he cracked one over my head and he considered that a victory. It was a silly, crazy happiness moment.
I realized today as Jenna and I were gardening that I am finally starting to see results showing up of dreams I planted in my soul a few years ago. Instead of running from pain and fear I now am running towards joy and freedom. It changes everything.
Exactly how it’s supposed to be
Every once in a while there are those days that remind me that life is exactly how it’s supposed to be. I thank God every day we are home – and a million times more on days like today.
It’s hot, we had a family branding, I planted the heirloom purple potatoes, we are at the creek. There is very little I need in life beyond these simple pleasures to make me happy. I’m sitting here with Jacob, blowing bubbles and watching the girls swim in the water. Life is exactly how it’s supposed to be. A happiness day.
Totally got him. I won!!
Who do you want with you?
Something that has been sitting with me since losing dad last year is the question who do I want around me at the end? Which expands to who do I want to surround myself with? What people do I want in my life?
Moving back home and being surrounded by my tribe has answered a lot of that for me. I want to be surrounded by these strong, kind, loving, faithful, fierce, funny people who are in my family and close circle.
Today at a family funeral it really hit home how incredibly blessed we are that we have the community and the family that we do. Copithornes are good at pulling together in hard times. I saw it last year when we were in ours, and I saw it again today watching my cousins go through theirs.
It was a beautiful tribute to uncle Dave. What a blessing to be able to celebrate the life of such a good, strong, kind man. The world needs to remember that there are men like that.
My happiness moment was sitting with cousins and eating treats that brought us back to our childhood. Family bonding, there’s nothing quite like it.
Hold out your hands
I was joined by my girl on my evening walk today. That is always a joyous treat, but tonight turned into something extra special.
I know as we have reached the anniversary of dad’s death that so many memories have come up for all of us and it seems tonight was Jenna’s turn to process things.
She shared with me her feelings around the last few days of dad’s life, how special it was to have him home, how difficult it was to send him to the hospice, how powerful it was when we all gathered and prayed after he died.
She said the most meaningful part of the experience right after he passed was when she was approached by her cousin. She said I walked in and Courtney just opened her hands to me and pulled me right into her heart. It made me feel so safe and so good to know someone who loved me was there to care for me.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what it means to trust with your heart, to let others hold onto that heart. Listening to her talk made me remember how important it is for all of us to have a safe place to land.
Walking with my girl and sharing our stories was my happiness moment for the day.
Jenna took this photo. She said it was like God had made a path home for her.
Follow your heart
The last few years have been spent really learning to listen to my heart. You can call it what you’d like – listening to my heart, listening to God, honouring my intuition, it has all put me on the path leading to where I am now.
Here’s what I know for sure. When I ignored my heart, ignored those voices speaking from my soul, and tried to play the game of life safely things didn’t work out so well for me. In fact everything I played safely for made me miserable and I ended up losing it all in the end. I was empty and broken. When I was left with nothing and had the chance to start over I realized I had the power to make some changes. I could decide how I wanted to live the rest of my life.
Now my heart, my intuition, my spiritual voice is the one who gets to make the decisions and I can’t remember when I’ve been happier. It’s amazing how much anxiety can be avoided, how much energy saved, when I just stop and listen to that inner guidance system. Even in this place of uncertainty and insecurity I’m more convinced than ever that I’m doing the right thing.
I can tell it’s right because my heart is happier. My happiness moment today was some time spent really connecting with that happy, peaceful part of my heart. It’s a pretty amazing feeling to know that my heart is safe and in a good place.
A few good men
We spent this last weekend remembering and celebrating the lives of some really good men in our family. I was thinking earlier today how incredibly lucky we are that we have men like we do in our extended tribe.
I look at what I have learned coming through this divorce and I understand how easy it would be to end up angry at men based on that experience. And while I’m still pretty angry at Mr. X (especially as we have to head back to court again just so I can get permission to send my kid to therapy) it makes me appreciate the amazing men we have in our lives. In fact I feel like more than ever the kids and I have very purposeful conversations about the inner strength of these men.
We spent the weekend remembering my dad, celebrating the birthdays of some uncles in the extended family, and also mourning the loss of one more of these great men. Saying goodbye is always difficult and I feel deeply for my cousins who are in the process of doing that now.
But how lucky are we that we have this community of strong, moral people to help guide us through life. When you love someone there will always be the pain of loss, but so much better that than to never love at all.
My sister branding uncle Dave back in the day
My happiness moment today was driving Jacob to football practice. He’s waited a year to get back to playing and it was awesome to see his excitement. We are blessed.
Setting the standard
I was pretty sure when I woke up this morning that my happiness moment was going to be a no brainer – today is my unniversary.
I wasn’t sure what to do about that this year. It’s been a difficult day for me for the past few years as things went from difficult and strained to really freaking bad. This year though, I felt like it needed recognition somehow. This year the date marks the beginning of my new life, of freedom, of the possibilities of new beginnings
I pulled out my wedding album and took scissors and then a match to it. I have wondered for a while what to do with that album. I didn’t want it in the house anymore, I didn’t feel like just throwing it out. So, I had a ceremony with it. I let all of the hopes, dreams, prayers for that life go up in flames. I set fire to them and watched them drift away. They’re not hopes, dreams, or prayers for my life anymore – and I have not wanted them for a while. I have new ones now, happy ones, authentic ones.
Interestingly, it was not something done in anger. It was done very mindfully and it released a lot of stuff that really needed to go. I saged the house afterwards and felt those toxic emotions leave our home.
I realized that I will never, ever again let someone else set the standard for what I can achieve. I also realized that the people who are close in my life now believe in me and want to see me thrive – as I do for them.
Then I spent the afternoon with someone who has become very dear to me. It came to me while we were together that I am no longer running from anything, I also am no longer running towards anything . I am now living in this space where I am. I am on the road and I’m loving the journey.
I thought that was going to be my happiness moment, but then the kids and I went to the fruit truck in Cochrane and loaded up with BC cherries and raspberries. We ran back to the car and sat in the parking lot gorging ourselves and moaning loudly about how delicious it was. I love this time of year when the berries and the cherries have arrived. I love that they love it as much as I do.
(this is one of my dad’s photos)
