Tag Archives: faith

happiness

Strength and balance

I love that usually God provides me with food for thought at exactly the right moment. In reality He likely always does I’m just not paying enough attention. I’ve had a few chats  in the last 24 hours that ended up tying things together for me today. 

I had a conversation last night with him about relationships and the roles that people take in them (I love that we talk about this stuff. I am so thankful God put this man in my life). We talked about how ideally one person can bring strength and the other can bring balance into a relationship. 

I went to bed thinking about that and how my life has been the past few years. I have been both the strength and the balance for a long time. While it’s exhausting to do both, I have had the opportunity to discover that I have more strength than I ever thought possible and have found incredible peace through the balance I have managed. 

I’m not naive enough to think I actually did it all alone. I had three key people in Virginia bring me back to a powerful relationship with God who started performing miracles in my life right away. Now I gain added strength and balance from being back in my tribe. They hold me up and walk me through it all. 

Every single time someone tries to knock  me down I will get back up. Every. Single. Time. 

My happiness moment was time spent on the west part of the  ranch this morning. It’s so beautiful and I don’t spend much time out there. Then time spent with him which always makes me happy. Then time with a cousin watching the show bands play. It was a day that had a weird wrench of stress thrown into it, but one where happiness kept showing up all over. I am grateful for that. It reminds me that life is good, that happiness and peace are a way of life that should be sought out. 

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Come together 

Today was the annual stampede breakfast at our community hall. We were really lucky and had beautiful weather for it. The yard was full of family and neighbours (and as we discovered a lot of them we didn’t know – the difficulty of having missed so many years, or of being super introverted) visiting and laughing. 

Some of the family/community I only seem to catch up with at this breakfast so it’s always an event I look forward to. Although, I have noticed that now that we are home we are able to do a lot more visiting at other times. 

I notice every time that we attend one of these functions that the kids are more and more comfortable and confident as part of the tribe which delights me to my core. Knowing there are strong, stable roots helps give you the strength to fly. 

The hall 

The girls getting ready to head up to the breakfast. 
On top of the happiness of visiting with my people, the kids and I headed west for an evening in Banff. Sometimes you just need that mountain hug (and fondue and candy) being in the mountains always brings me happiness. 


I’ve realized I need to spend more time in conscious gratitude for the awesome gifts I’ve been given. I feel like I’ve been running , putting out fires, and not accomplishing enough. Sometimes the best way for me to accomplish more is by slowing down and doing less. 

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Alone time 

I’ve taken the kids to the wind up party for their VBS and I’m hiding out in the parking lot in the shade of a tree. I came here with the intention of going and mingling with the other parents, but when I arrived I realized how tired I am. Instead I decided to steal an hour of quiet time to myself. 

I feel like the last few months have been busy putting out fires. I’ve tried to make time to stop and regroup and embrace the quiet time I need to do that, but it hasn’t always been possible. As a result I’m feeling tired and overwhelmed. The good thing is I know I just need to slow for a bit and hit my recharge button. I also really need to spend some time figuring out where I want to spend my energy. There is so much happiness that has come into my life over the past year – and also a lot of pain and hurt that has left it. I need to rebalance myself and acknowledge all the change. I spent so many years in a fearful survival mode and none of that is relevant anymore. It’s like I need the constant reminder that we are safe, we are loved, we can let go. I don’t have that huge burden to carry all alone anymore. I can lay it down. 

My happiness moment is sitting under the tree in my hometown – knowing we are safe and loved and that it is time to move ahead in joy. 

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Puzzle Peace

I had a gentle reminder tonight that I need to be paying better attention to the answers that I’m getting to my prayers. Last year as Dad was dying  I finally understood that prayers were answered in a good way but not always in the way I wanted them to be. This seems to be a lesson I will need to learn a few times before it sticks.  

I have prayed over and over for peace in certain areas of my life. There has been powerful movement and change towards that peace, but there are still a few ties lingering that hold me back from fully letting go. I was talking with him tonight about peace and what I want and what I need to let go of to have that happen (I love that we have these kinds of conversations. I have wanted someone to talk like this with my whole life). 

As I was driving home I went over our conversation in my mind and felt a wave of peace come to me as part of my healing puzzle fell into place. I had been looking for a certain way to measure my strength, healing, and growth. I had a specific objective I wanted in order to gauge my success. I realized that in fact God has already shown me exactly what my strength is, He’s helped me heal, and I know just how much I’ve grown. So the fact that my measurable objective wasn’t there does not take away from the fact that what I was looking for has been with me all along. 

I think one of my favourite things about conversations with him is that he can look at all of my feelings and then put them into thoughts. It amazes me how he can open his mouth and say to me the words I have been unable to find that describe exactly how I’m feeling. 

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Little kindness

We spent the afternoon down at the creek. This is one of my all time favourite things to do. I wait all year until it’s once again creek season – which here can last a week or two months depending on how Mother Nature is feeling. 

I consider it such a blessing that my kids are able to spend part of their childhood living this life of freedom and family. They are thriving while learning what it means to be part of this family and part of this community. 


On our way back home we passed our neighbour and the kind soul who lets us swim at his spot on the creek. We were driving up to the gate and he dropped what he was doing and ran over to get the gate for us so we didn’t have to get out. 

These simple acts of kindness are so fantastic. Think how great our world would be if we all went a little out of our way to be extra kind to our neighbours. He did it with a smile and made us all feel so happy to have encountered him. It made me realize I want to focus more on bringing smiles to those around me. I am in a pretty happy place right now – why not share that bliss? A happiness moment that can be shared. 

We drove through an amazing rainbow this afternoon leaving Cochrane. A powerful reminder of God’s promise to us. 

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Walk your talk 

On the way through town tonight the kids and I saw a bumper sticker that said the best sermons are lived not preached. 

Those words really hit home today as most of it was spent thinking about integrity and living my faith by my actions not my words. I dispise when people preach at me how I should live,  but their own actions say something completely different. I spent a lot of years living with the ache in my gut and in my heart that comes from that kind of imbalance. I’m certainly not there yet, but I strive to have my actions and my beliefs be one and the same. Fortunately I am now surrounding myself with people who help guide me to this instead of tear me apart from it. 

My happiness moment was a peaceful evening at a dear friend’s home with my monsters. There’s a lot of joy found in a comfortable moment. 

As a bonus we had a beautiful sunset to watch on the way home. In case I haven’t mentioned it – I love where I live. 

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In Dad’s words

I spent some time this morning looking through the books that Dad put together for us over the past few years. They include some of his photography, but also he did a lot of writing as he shared his spiritual beliefs and told stories of the flowers we used to look at together.

I came across something he wrote for Advent in 2007 that gave me huge comfort today. I miss our talks and I miss his guidance. We didn’t always agree on everything, but I know he always supported and wanted the best for all of his loved ones. I think I took for granted for a lot of years what it was like to go through life knowing that I had these two powerful forces in my parents who would always have my back no matter what showed up ahead of me. I didn’t realize what a unique and special gift that was until I had hit a few bumps in the road and really discovered who really had my back in the dark times.

Dad’s words:

There are times when it is exciting to go fast.  At these times it is very easy to forget to thank Jesus for all that we are given.

But sometimes we get going too fast. Sometimes we try to do too much. As a child at school and a grownup working inside or outside a home. At these times we often forget to ask Jesus to guide us and take  time to pray for his assistance. He is waiting for our call.

Sometimes we get so overwhelmed that we want to go and hide. At these times we are so concerned about our problems that we do not feel Jesus walking through it with us. But he is there with us.

With all this activity, it can be difficult to remember why we’re so busy.

But if we can find just one quiet moment in our day to pause and centre ourselves and think about the awesome, beautiful sacrifice Christ came to make;

If we can spend even a second thanking Him for His ministry, His teachings, and His example, and His life, death and resurrection, we will surely be able to find within ourselves that intangible “Spirit of Christmas” that enables us to give of ourselves until we think we’ve giving it all – and then give just that one bit more – to find that we are able to give whatever is needed at all times of the year.

I have wondered over the past few months what advice Dad would give me as my life has turned inside out and taken a completely different direction. I think of our walks along the ridge while we explored and discussed our Faith, and I think this is pretty much exactly what he would say to me right now.

I am so thankful he took the hours of love labour to put together these books for us to have to remember him by. I am thankful for the guidance he showed me and the unconditional love that was showered on me.

Aside from the deep soul bittersweet happiness of these memories, I have a happiness moment to look forward to later on today. We are gathering with some of the extended tribe to celebrate the other fathers in the family. I feel incredibly blessed that we have so many strong, loving men in our family.

this is one of Dad’s photos of the sunflowers. In the months after he died sunflowers kept showing up in my life all over the place. They remind me that he is still close by.

 

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Setting the standard

I was pretty sure when I woke up this morning that my happiness moment was going to be a no brainer – today is my unniversary.

I wasn’t sure what to do about that this year. It’s been a difficult day for me for the past few years as things went from difficult and strained to really freaking bad. This year though, I felt like it needed recognition somehow. This year the date marks the beginning of my new life, of freedom, of the possibilities of new beginnings

I pulled out my wedding album and took scissors and then a match to it. I have wondered for a while what to do with that album. I didn’t want it in the house anymore, I didn’t feel like just throwing it out. So, I had a ceremony with it. I let all of the hopes, dreams, prayers for that life go up in flames. I set fire to them and watched them drift away. They’re not hopes, dreams, or prayers for my life anymore – and I have not wanted them for a while. I have new ones now, happy ones, authentic ones.

Interestingly, it was not something done in anger. It was done very mindfully and it released a lot of stuff that really needed to go. I saged the house afterwards and felt those toxic emotions leave our home.

I realized that I will never, ever again let someone else set the standard for what I can achieve. I also realized that the people who are close in my life now believe in me and want to see me thrive – as I do for them.

Then I spent the afternoon with someone who has become very dear to me. It came to me while we were together that I am no longer running from anything, I also am no longer running towards anything . I am now living in this space where I am. I am on the road and I’m loving the journey.

I thought that was going to be my happiness moment, but then the kids and I went to the fruit truck in Cochrane and loaded up with BC cherries and raspberries. We ran back to the car and sat in the parking lot gorging ourselves and moaning loudly about how delicious it was. I love this time of year when the berries and the cherries have arrived. I love that they love it as much as I do.

(this is one of my dad’s photos)

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