happiness

The moments between

Today was a moments between kind of day. After mom’s birthday, before thanksgiving which we celebrate tomorrow. I feel like there has been a lot going on in every aspect of my life and today I took some time to breathe, balance, and reassess where I’m at.

Things are shifting again. I guess life is full of constant change. For me security used to be represented as everything staying the same and me being able to sit in the knowledge that we are safe,  and I knew we were safe because nothing was going to change.

Things change all the freaking time. It’s like being a tree, I just have to be strong enough to bend in the winds of change.

And even though I continue to resist it, change is good. It either brings about something immediately joyful, or it brings pain which opens the door to change. 

Honestly, even though there has been a lot of pain the last couple of years, there has been so much more joy – sustainable happiness – soul fulfillment.

And in the moments between – when there are quiet spaces in life – it’s important to take notice of what is happening and be grateful. Especially this weekend as we celebrate thanksgiving.

I have so much to be thankful for – my God, my tribe, my home, my family, my friends, that miracle horse, our dog who narrowly escaped with her life a couple of days ago, and our too many cats.

We are home, we are safe, we are loved. That is a perfect recipe for happiness.

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Happy birthday mom

We celebrated my mom’s birthday tonight with a family supper. It always feels so good to have a bunch of people we love sit around that table and laugh and share stories just like we have for generations in that space. It’s sacred stuff this tribe. It’s happiness 

I’m so grateful for my mom. She’s taught me so much, has loved me unconditionally, and has been a good friend as well. 

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The 100 foot diet

We had roast and potatoes for supper that came to us from the ranch and the garden. Talk about eating local. And eating well. I was grateful that the kids had dug the potatoes out of the garden last week. I missed being able to play in my garden this summer, but at least we will enjoy some of it’s produce.

It was a  peaceful and much appreciated meal, everyone relaxed a little as we get ready to settle into a long weekend.

Happiness is usually found in little moments like this.

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4H

My kids have joined the local 4H club and the first meeting of the year was tonight. As a Pony Club kid I never did 4H and was very happy with that, but I sure see the benefits my cousins received from the club 

We came in as new people and knew that one cousin would be here, but it turns out we are related to almost half the club. 

For kids who grew up always just known as the Canadians, and without any real ties or roots where they were living – this is huge. The longer that we are here the more they understand this is home. This is a place where they are loved, and where they belong. 

I’m excited about this new venture. I think it will open many doors for these kids. Happiness 

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Something about this house 

We were walking up to the house after school today and the boy stopped part way up the yard, looked up at our house, and said 

There’s something about this house. I don’t know, it’s the leaves and the snow, it’s just….

And the girl said 

It’s just home. This is the first house I’ve ever lived in that feels like home. It is filled with love and I love being home. 

I sometimes wonder if they miss their lives of privilege. They may have had a lot and lived in nice places, but they didn’t feel safe and secure and happy in any of those houses. 

The fact that this home is here for us and is holding us in love is a kind of happiness I have a hard time describing. This is my kids’ childhood- this is where their foundations begin for the adults they will become. 

Thanksgiving is a hard time for the three of us. It is a reminder of a very ugly incident in our family. And we have worked hard ever since to make happier memories to lay over that painful one. 

And moments like this I know we are on the right path, we will be ok, we are healing, we are finding happiness. 

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Back in the saddle 

September 20 I saw my doctor at the cast clinic and he told me that my bone had healed well, but was concerned because I had very little mobility still in my arm. 

As I left his office I realized two things. One was that I better get my arm moving and two that maybe I didn’t have to wait until spring to ride again. 

I set a goal to be on my horse by September 30. It was a laughable goal because I couldn’t move my arm barely at all and the pain was still keeping me up at night. 

So here we are 10 days later. I’m still up at night more than I’d like, but I’ve increased mobility a lot. And so, this happened this afternoon:


I managed to tack him up myself which was no small feat. Then I lunged the hell out of him 


And when he was finally tired I grabbed my mounting block and went to get on. 

As I stood there on the block  I got super nervous as I realized how totally vulnerable I was with only one dependable arm. 

I called the girl and forced her to come hold him – which she did. 

And I sat on his back. Didn’t even walk around, just sat there for a few minutes feeling the fear, feeling the calm. Both were there. It’s what I love most,  but I have to say I’m a little scared after my last unplanned dismount. 

But mostly I was just happy. Happy I was back on, happy am facing things that scare me, happy I have Drishti 

It was a good moment. 

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Moving ahead, looking back 

My Facebook memory today was of a day I took the kids to the beach in Rhode Island 7 years ago. I actually remember this day well, the three of us drive to Narragansett for lunch and then walked the beach making rock art 


The kids were so little then, they are young adults now. 

That was a very, very good day. A lot of happiness came from the ocean 

Today I also had a happy moment as I’m looking forward. I got 97% on an exam for the course I’m taking.  

Every stage is a good one.  

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The triangle

The kids and I wer standing in line at a store and the girl said something about gone full circle. The boy reminded her that we are a triangle, we three – a strong triangle. 

So she said yes, it’s gone full triangle. 

We are a weird trio and although we may do things differently than a “regular” family – I wouldn’t trade us for anything. 

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The power of a smile 

The boy and I had to go deal with the passport office today (one of my least favorite things to do). The lady who initially helped us was rather a crabby sort and that resulted in me getting flustered, being unable to find the right papers, and feeling a little crabby myself.  

When we had ourselves sorted out we went back and were greeted by a different lady. This one was full of smiles and really went out of her way to help us out and let us know how long the wait would be. 

I felt a shift as we left her and went to sit down. Smiles are powerful, her sharing a little but of kindness and happiness brightened up the place and chased the storm clouds away. 

Remember to smile 😊 

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