Tag Archives: gratitude

happiness

Happiness break 

The boy had a bonus day off of school today so we took a much needed happiness break and drove to the mountains for some one on one time. There has been so much stress and emotional turmoil for all three of us over the past year, I want to make sure they come out of this time as healthy and loved as is humanly possible. Sometimes the best way to make that happen is to just leave all your cares behind and head west to the mountains.

I have always found so much healing and strength being wrapped in a big mountain hug. I could see him relaxing and enjoying life a little bit more as well. We giggled our way up and down the streets and spent some time really talking to each other. Keeping that bond is so important. I feel so fortunate that at almost 15 he will spend a day with me by choice. The three of us have worked very hard over the years to develop a strong bond and it really pays off. They are my security blankies and I am theirs (blankies are a big thing in our house so it’s a good point of reference for us).

I’ll have to work double time for the rest of the week to make up for the unexpected day off, but it was so worth it. Making sure the kids feel grounded, loved, and safe is always my number one priority. It was good for my soul too, I need the reminder that we are grounded, loved and safe as well.

What a great happiness moment celebration. We are blessed.

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The Beatles


Because it was over 30C today we made a pit stop at DQ after school for some much needed blizzards. While we were sitting and enjoying our frozen treats, Jenna looked over at this poster and told me I should bid on it. 

I reminded her we have very little extra living space in our house – where would we put it? Then she said she didn’t really want it anyway even though she was raised on the Beatles. This confused me as I couldn’t really remember playing them for her at all. I asked her and yes, she was sure. They’d always been her favourite. 

I was pondering how that could be when  Jacob said you mean the Black Eyed Peas? And Jenna said yes, them. Whatever. Same thing. 

Ummmmm no. It’s not. 

There has been so much stress and anxiety over the last few months I love the moments when they’re just their regular selves, it makes for a grateful  happiness  moment.  I hope they’re allowed to continue to heal. It takes every ounce of energy I have some days to hold their hearts and help them through this. 

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Breathe in 

I felt kind of off my game today.  I had some heart decisions to make – which I did by honouring my intuition. Oh that heart does want what it wants. 

I also hadn’t slept well last night because I was feeling badly for one of the kitties who was feeling uncomfortable. No sleep is all it takes to make me realize how depleted I still am. 

But now I am armed with my knowledge of Ayurveda and I know how to guide myself back into balance. 

My happiness moment came today as I breathed deeply on my evening walk. I could feel some of the yuck wash away and be replaced by gratitude. 

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It’s May

It’s May already. On the 28th it will be a year since Dad died. I can’t believe it’s been so long already. So much has happened in this year, yet in other ways it feels like a lifetime. Sometimes now I can even talk about dad without immediately bursting into tears. Other times I’m still crying for no reason at all. I don’t think I’ll ever be used to him not being here 

My sister and family were down for the weekend and we had some fun full family time. Spring time at the ranch means calves, outside fun, and reuniting with neighbours after a long winter. 

Today was filled with seeing the newborn calf, blowing bubbles, running in the fields and doing puzzles. 


Last night we went up to the community hall for a family dance. I two stepped with my uncle (I really need to learn how to do that properly) and line danced like it was 1992. 

Being here with the tribe. That’s what it’s all about. 

My happiness moment: Jacob came in and asked me to make Mac and cheese for lunch. I told him to fill up a pot with water and go prepare to be an adult and look after things. He went into the kitchen and called me from the house phone. When I answered he said come make my Mac and cheese please. When I asked are you really calling me from the kitchen to come make your food? He responded with yes. You said go prepare for being an adult. When I’m am adult and I don’t know how to do things I plan on calling you to come do them for me. 

A happiness moment because it was funny, but also because he’s healing enough that he’s found his funny again. 

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The flaws

I was asked today if you could change one thing about your appearance what would it be?

I sat with that question for a while trying to think honestly about the answer 

I would like to lose some weight. But the extra pounds that I gained last year were a reaction from grieving the loss of my dad. They’re coming off and I honour the process I have been going through. So I wouldn’t change that. 

The bump in my nose? I broke it on my horse when I was 8. It’s become a part of who I am. 

My eye that doesn’t dialate? It’s leftover from a big and scary surgery when I was 21 to remove a massive tumor in my neck. It was benign. I am alive and healthy. I am grateful for that, wouldn’t change that either. 

My scar across my lower abdomen? That’s a reminder of the birth of my daughter who is one of my greatest joys. 

Every wrinkle and flaw I have earned and they have become part of who I am. This healing journey has brought me to a place where I am learning to accept who I am and where I am at. And that is my happiness moment today. 

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Boy time 

I can tell more healing is happening because we are laughing more. The kids are so good at expressing their feelings and we are all getting stronger and more able to look ahead with joy. 

Today was a laugh with my boy day. We started in the car this morning on the way to school and laughed all day until bed time (now). He’s got such a great sense of humor and I love that he’s showing it again. I love that kid so much and I’m so proud of the kind soul that he is. My happiness moment today, sharing laughs with the boy. 

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So sensitive 

Last night I attended an online lecture talking about people who are energetically sensitive. For as long as I’ve been alive I’ve been so sensitive to the emotions and energy of the people I come in contact with. Sometimes it’s a wonderful thing, and sometimes it makes my life a bit more challenging as I have to deal with the impact of other people’s vibrations. 

A few years ago I was reading the resume of Mr X where he listed as a skill the ability to take the emotion out of any situation and move ahead without that clouding his decisions. I said then that was one of the biggest problems in our marriage because I put  emotion in every situation I went into. This is not a slag on him, it’s just pointing out that we approached every situation from opposite ends. The fact that I was so emotional in a relationship that was devoid of any made it very difficult for me. 

It’s not just that relationship though, I’m sensitive to the energies of almost everyone I come in contact with. The more of a bond I have the more intense it is, but it’s still there. 

This talk last night addressed why it is some of us react the way we do. And even better, gave some tips on how to ease some of the raw sensitivity- while embracing that it is this same sensitivity that makes us special. 

One of my favorite parts was where he described us like: the energy from our higher power is supposed to flow into and through us and then out to the world. When we get our energy overwhelmed we aren’t able to do that. It’s my goal to realign myself so I’m flowing that love through me and into the world. 

This afternoon while waiting for Jenna’s guitar lesson we sat and had an Uno tournament. Then when she went in and played, Jacob and I had an intense one on one battle. We had great belly laughs and really enjoyed some quality time as a family. My happiness moment. 

 His hand. He won this game.  

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A beautiful love 

I questioned as I began the motions of this divorce how I would view love by the time I was through. I kind of laugh now looking back at how completely innocent I was in my knowledge about what had been going on in my marriage. I knew there had been betrayal, but I never imagined the depths that it went to – or the cost of it. I was completely unprepared for what I found out in discovery and processing all of that has been a real challenge for me.

As I look forward to the love that lies ahead for me I am so excited, like butterflies in my tummy excited. I had worried that I would feel bitter and angry towards men but that’s not the case. Don’t get me wrong, I’m bitter and angry towards Mr X, and even though I’m supposed to I don’t think I will forgive him for as long as I am breathing life on this planet. But, I’m not jaded at all about love. In fact, this process has made me believe in love all that much more, because now I know that real true love is an option for me. Because of this divorce I will be able to find a partner who really and truly loves me and wants to share a life with me. That’s something I thought would never happen. I embrace that with my whole heart. That brings me happiness.

On Sunday when our conference was coming to a close I witnessed the most beautiful declaration of love. Brian turned to his wife Nichole and said with a voice full of deep emotion:  you are the reason why I know God loves me.

I sat there with my heart fluttering and thought what a beautiful love. How special to have such a love and how lucky were we to watch them move in their love. Someone else said the balance of the two together creates a new whole. That’s what I want for myself. Someone who loves me that deeply and truly. Someone with whom I create a new whole. It will happen. Things are shifting in my life at an incredible pace.

This morning on our way into town Jenna made me pull over so we could see the lucky horseshoe in the sky. The past two days have been filled with unexpected happy blessings in the form of people (friends and strangers) who have held out a hand to make our lives more comfortable. Seriously, the weirdest things have been happening where people have gone out of their way to give us things or share blessings with us. Law of Attraction in motion.

Sitting with my monkeys and looking at the sign of fortune in the sky this morning was my happiness moment.

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The lion king 

When Jacob was a toddler, his favourite movie was the Lion King. I can’t tell you how many times we sat together and watched Simba and his buddies. Then there were the hours spent reenacting the movie with little action figures. Help me brother was yelled countless times as Scar would fall off the couch or the table. Good times. I love the age the kids are at now, but sometimes I miss the little versions of themselves.

Jacob was home today (PD day made a nice surprise long weekend) and he spent the day relaxing and catching up on his things. I was working in my room and he walked in carrying Ella the FancyTail Cat. He holds her up and starts singing the Lion King song (who knows the words, the tune was right). Anyone who knows Ella the FancyTailed Cat would know that this was not appreciated at all by her, which made it all the more funny for her people. Poor Ella.

What was the true happiness moment though, was seeing my boy being more like his old self. He was happy and more carefree, finding the funny in every day situations. I’m so grateful that as our family stress is decreasing their joy and carefree happiness is returning (I’m sure the same is true for me).

We did a very powerful exercise yesterday on talking with and releasing our fears. It’s similar to the work I do with Asrael, but over the course of the weekend a lot of stuff had come to the surface. I was able to acknowledge things that are blocking me and causing me fear, and to either let them go or to work with them. It’s a tool that I definitely will use not only for myself but with clients as I move ahead. There’s so much junk we are all carrying, and it really takes such little love and kindness to help others begin to release it and embrace the bliss.

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Keeping the faith

Yesterday in the conference I’m attending, we talked about the fact that often we come up against a wall that prevents us from being able to move ahead. Even when we know we are walking on the right path and have a clear sense of what we are doing and where we are going, sometimes this huge wall comes up and we are unable to go through or around it. Brian talks about how we can learn to create a door and walk through that. Not that there is a guarantee that everything on the other side of the door is easy necessarily, but it means that we have made it through the wall.

I woke up last night at 2am with a very strong understanding that I am sitting at my door in the wall, but that it is locked. I lay there for a while wondering what to do about that. I had no idea where the key was, what it looked like, or what I needed to do in order to unlock it. I stewed for a while, finally asking God to show me what the hell this meant (God has got used to the fact that I don’t use church language in my daily life), and then fell back asleep without having any clear answer (or even a foggy answer).

I got up and read my devotional this morning and it gave me some guidance (big surprise). Faith is being certain of what we do not see (Hebrews 11:1). Genuine faith puts its letter in the mailbox and lets go. Distrust, however, holds on to a corner of the envelope and then wonders why the letter never arrives…. it is the same with genuine faith. It hands its circumstance over to God, allowing Him to to work…. “Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this”. He will never work until we commit. Faith is receiving – or even more, actually appropriating – the gifts God offers us. We may believe in Him, come to Him, commit to Him and rest in Him but we will never fully realize all our blessings until we begin to receive from Him… (Streams in the Desert)

Yesterday there was a lot of focus on making a commitment. We need to make very clear and concise intentions and then commit to them so that we can then receive them. I have known for a while that I get blocked at the receiving or allowing phase of things. As I was driving into town today to hook onto the internet and I was listening to Just be Held it came to me. Really it was spoken to me. I need to surrender all the crap I’m carrying so that I can receive. There’s so much fear tied into that surrender.

Of course, the thing that I am also aware is my greatest challenge is the thing I need to do to get through the damn door. Who is surprised? It enforces the fact that my focus is in the right place though. I need to continue to work on surrender. Being able to surrender will allow me to finally move beyond my fear and my pain. I will not spend the rest of my life being defined by fear and pain. It’s exactly why I started this blog – to move into a state of happiness.

I have so much to say about what I’m learning this weekend. It’s already profoundly changed the way I’m going to move into my professional practice – and given me the confidence boost I needed to do that. It has overridden the negative hateful voice of Mr. X telling me I will fail. Love wins – always.

A happiness moment I gained today that I didn’t expect was that I made friends over the past couple of days. Some of them I will get to meet in real life in June and some of them I will continue to connect with online. I’ve added more people to my tribe – healers like me who are banding together to bring light to the world.

I’ve come out of the weekend with my vision:

My vision is to bring happiness and peace to people’s lives

 

 

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