happiness

Someone to take you home 


We said goodbye to my godmother today at her funeral in Cochrane. It was a small gathering of loved ones but there were so many memories and so much love brought into that church. 

When I was a kid and Cochrane was still a small town,  there were three families who joined together  because of their businesses being side by side. There was Mackay’s Ice Cream, my parent’s  law firm, and the Doctor’s office. As a result, the Mackays the Ramsays and the Mcquittys  have been family friends for as long as I can remember. 

In the last two years all of us “kids” (in our 40s and 50s now) have lost a parent and have all held each other up in love and support. It’s been a rough couple of years for a lot of people. 

I didn’t really get a lot out of the funeral service in the church. I’m not sure why, it could have just been the emotional place I was in. I just found it didn’t give me what I was looking for in terms of supporting my faith and having some closure. 

I decided to go to the graveyard for the internment ceremony and I’m really glad I did. She was buried in the old graveyard in town where all the other old Cochrane family members are. My grandparents and the Mackay parents among them – as well as uncle George (auntie Mary’s husband, who ironically also died on Christmas Day years ago). 

There was a lot of comfort in knowing she was being laid to rest among family and friends. Normally I’m not a fan of graveyards, but I’ve always found a lot of comfort at that one. When I was a kid my grandma used to walk me through it and tell me about family members and neighbours who were buried there. 

The priest in the church service kept talking about how death was painful. I prefer to think of it another way, in these words from Robyn Mackay after losing her mom just a few months before I lost my dad:

 Love, is one of the forces in life that leads all of us directly into suffering, because we will ultimately lose every person and everything that we love.  

After dad died, MOM is the one who taught me to be fearless enough to love anyway, without conditions, and take the great risk that loving HER, would break my heart. 
I have blogged this passage before and I return to it often to find comfort during times of loss. They’re wise words. Loving someone will hurt, but we need to be fearless enough to do it anyway. Otherwise you end up living a life without love, and that’s a pretty empty existence. 

My happiness moment was standing in the graveyard feeling the love and comfort of those beloved members of my tribe who have gone on before me. And as a secondary, more badass moment, Jenna and I found some kind of joy in being able to run red lights through town as part of the funeral procession. 

Standard
happiness

Memory Flow


I had another CST (Cranial Sacral Treatment) today in Cochrane with my amazing, healing therapist. I’m so blessed that I have this community of healers around me. The last time I had the treatment done I had a head explosion of word vomit flow out of my brain. All that mental anxiety that was running around in my head just burst out (quietly thank goodness) and left me. Knowing that this time would most likely bring different results I was excited to discover what shifts would occur today.

This time was all about memory flowing. One thing I learned a few weeks ago when I had my transformational acupuncture treatment was that I tried to leave my body during times of pain and stress. It was a coping mechanism I developed in the years I lived with Mr. X when he was raging, and it was done very consciously. I was aware that I couldn’t leave physically – I had no money, no family around, was in a different country,  and I absolutely could not leave the kids. He would rage and then leave, but I could not go anywhere. There was no way I was leaving the house without my children. So, I learned to leave my body. I did it to avoid pain and hurt and anxiety. But if you think that leaving your body does not cause anxiety then you don’t know what you are talking about! However, it was the best coping mechanism I had at the time.

Since that acupuncture treatment I have been working very hard to stay inside my body, to stay grounded, to stay present, even when things are not comfortable. Today when the memories started flowing my first impulse was to book on out of there. But, I breathed, relaxed, and let it flow.

The memories that came were of our years spent in Rhode Island. Things started to fall apart in Quebec, but in Rhode Island everything really went to hell. It was hard to have those times that I have worked so hard to block come flooding back into my consciousness. The interesting thing about CST though is they come, they’re there, and they flow by without me getting really freaked out about them. There was a certain amount of comfort and calming in acknowledging some of those events and ugly times. It’s like my body has been yelling at me pay attention this shit really happened, it’s stuck inside you and my brain has been all no, just stuff it down, it’s not really there, we don’t want to feel that.

I also had some good times both with the kids and with my friends in those years. By blocking out the bad memories I also blocked out all the good ones as well. It was a significant part of the kids’ childhood and I want them to have memories that make them smile. I want to be able to talk about playdates, trips to the beach, day visits to Boston and remember that there were good times along with the scary ones. It’s good to have those come back.

On a personal healing level, my CST today was a huge happiness moment. It healed a lot, let out a lot, let flow some good and some bad. On a family happiness moment, I returned home this afternoon to see my daughter and my niece cross country skiing through the yard. They had been over to the neighbours along the ridge (where my dad used to love to walk), had tried downhill skiing on the buffalo jumps (I’m glad I wasn’t there to see that, but I sure remember doing it as a kid), and were laughing their way home. What a great childhood this ranch provides. What a great, safe, loving home we have here with our tribe.

Standard
happiness

Stinky Pig Game

I was kind of funky feeling this morning. I had some rather unpleasant interactions with Mr. X, somehow having forgotten that bullying and intimidation seem to be the name of the game. It’s a game I’ll never get used to no matter how many years I have endured it.

Determined to shake it off, I had a short nap which immediately had me in better spirits. I have been so run down over the past few years, all the emotional stress and turmoil of things that have been going on. I feel like I could go away and sleep for weeks just to get caught up. It helped though, rest and a clear head make things so much better.

I took the boy into town and we did some birthday shopping for the girl. That kid is so funny and he brightens my soul and my day in ways I can’t even express. By the end of our time I felt lighter, happier, and filled with love and gratitude.

We came home and played the Stinky Pig Game which is guaranteed for laughs. He said this better be your happiness moment, and it is. I also love that he looks for happiness moments in every day because of my blog.

I feel like we have been able to really stop and focus on our little family this holiday season. The three of us are really tight anyway and we spend a lot of time together, but there has been a lot of bonding, laughter, and really good memories made over the past few weeks. I’m really grateful for that and it brings me much joy and happiness.

Standard
happiness

Little visits 

Today was a pretty low key day which was a wonderful way to start off the new year. I had a little visit with my cousin who is home from Italy which was the highlight of my day (and my happiness moment). 

Although we have an age gap we have always had a good bond, but that was strengthened when we both became part of the family who lived away from home. We can relate to what it’s like to have a far away life and also try to keep the family in Alberta life alive and strong. 

She’s got two little boys and I love that I had a chance to get to know them a little bit. They’re beautiful dark haired brown eyes babes – much like my own, which strengthens that bond. 

I have a good feeling about 2017. We have had some pretty dark times over the past few years, but they have also been filled with personal growth. I feel like the wings have been formed and it’s time to fly. 

Standard
happiness

The candy shoppe 

Today Jenna requested a trip to the mountains. It’s the first time since the concussion that she has really wanted to do anything so I was all over making that happen. 

We drove out the 1A which is longer but more scenic (and has the gas station that sells the fireworks we need for New Years) to Canmore and then carried on to Banff. Of course I forgot about the fire at the Mount Royal and the candy shoppe there was closed. We drove around soaking up the atmosphere, but the town was packed so we headed to Canmore. 

Canmore also has a great candy shoppe and the town is less crowded. Jenna was happy and seemed more like her old self again – it’s been a long time waiting for that to happen. 


My happiness moment was seeing her be happy and joyful. I feel so blessed that I have this time to share with these two gifts from God. 

Standard
happiness

Injury recovery day

Today the girl went to the chiropractor and had an adjustment to help with her concussion. I was so impressed that he took so much time to listen to her and he had some great advice for us. I feel so fortunate that we have this amazing group of healers surrounding us who seem to appear whenever we need them.  

The boy went and had his cast taken off today and it seems as though healing is well on its way today. 

So our little family is hopefully returning to a better state of health. 

Knowing that they’re healthy and safe and that we are a strong, loving  family unit – happiness. 

Standard
happiness

Rogue One

My Christmas present from a cousin and her family was an IMAX showing of Rogue One. These Star Wars movies have almost become an annual tradition and I love it!

Our boys have grown up on the movies and know every one by heart. The adults are all pretty big fans too so it makes it a really fun night. 

We have reached the point in our Christmas vacation where we no longer know what day it is or what we are supposed to be doing and it’s divine. In fact, it is happiness just getting well rested and relaxed. Add to that a family fun night at the movies and I have a pretty wonderful happiness moment for today. 

Standard
happiness

A few of my favourite things 

We had another quiet day at home – it’s good for the girl’s concussion and good for the rest of us who are exhausted. 

I celebrated the end of a quiet day with a bit of The Sound of Music with my sister – one of the best Christmas traditions. 

Slowing down and enjoying family time is one of my favourite things about this time of the year. 

The boy and I are just sitting down to watch Austin Powers. Another favorite thing. 

Happiness. 

Standard
happiness

The balance of life

Yesterday in the early hours of Christmas morning my godmother passed away. A blessing for her, but painful for those who remain here still holding love for her. Her husband passed away Christmas day almost 40 years ago, and while I’m sure God has some kind of reason for that, it’s difficult and painful for those left behind.

When I was a kid and watched Cinderella I was fascinated by the fairy godmother. To me, she was a totally believable character because aside from her lack of bippty boppity boo, my godmother was magical as well. To have this person in my life who thought I was amazing just because I was me was a pretty fantastic blessing. She was the kind of lady who would show up unexpectedly with pie at our house for tea, she had a grace and elegance that few can equal, and love and kindness in her heart that was a rare gift.

There’s something to losing a loved one on the day spent celebrating the birth of our Saviour that makes me really think about the balance of life and how things are constantly changing. Balance does not mean things stay the same in a comfortable state of consistency. Balance means that things are able to stay together even as life is shifting around us.

When I started seeking happiness almost 2 years ago I thought that I would reach a point where I would just be happy and that would naturally and easily be my default state. I for sure am a much happier person now, but it’s a matter of constantly shifting to balance the changes happening around and inside of me. In the 2 years since I started I have moved 2 thousand miles from Virginia to Alberta, I have lost my dad, I have discovered painful betrayals and begun a divorce, I have had heartbreaking struggles with my kids, I have lost three other (extended) family members. And yet, life is much happier. I know myself better, I am more at peace with who I am, I am more grateful and grounded. A lot of that is because I have fallen back in with my tribe, I have deepened my faith, and I am learning to believe in myself.

People talk about what a bad year 2016 was. For sure for me there was a massive shitstorm of emotion going on, but inside of that I have learned how to dig into the deepest parts of myself and really honour and appreciate who I am, regardless of how others see me. There have been massive losses both personally and globally, but I am so much stronger and more aware of how valuable my life is, how important my time is, and how amazing my tribe is.

My happiness moment… today that is easy. Boxing Day is my favourite day of the year. It was spent in PJs watching movies and then having a second Christmas feast. It was spent with my loved ones being quiet, reflecting, laughing, enjoying, loving.

Standard
happiness

Christmas 2016


We had our happy Christmas. Finally. There were ups and downs, and the girl did too much and her headache came back, but even so it was a happy Christmas. 

Our family was together. That’s huge. We had a massive gathering of the tribe at the hall for supper – it has been years since we have all sat together and the family has grown in that time. 

We had a Star Wars morning which was hilarious and fun 

​

​
But mostly we celebrated the birth of Christ. Together. As a tribe. With love and laughter and joy. 

We are so incredibly blessed to have the family we have, to live where we do, and to walk safely in the arms of our God. Happiness. 

Merry Christmas everyone. 

Standard