The kids decided to take full advantage of the dumping of snow we got. As soon as they were home from school they grabbed their cousin and bundled up to go out tobogganing.
In my opinion this is the best part of winter.
These screams and howls of laughter were sheer happiness.
I ended up having some unexpected one on one time with my girl today and we went out for a hot chocolate and the biggest cinnamon bun in the world. Life gets busy and it’s important to take these small moments and enjoy them.
Both of us ended up needing our energy rebalanced today. I spent some time with the amazing Asrael who always helps me get myself grounded and find my strength. The girl found hers in a different way, but we both were a little tired and needing some TLC time. I’m so grateful we were able to take that time together and just be.
She hooked into the free internet and watched Netflix and I read my book. And our time together was a happiness moment.
The key to a good life is not giving a fuck about more; it’s giving a fuck about less, giving a fuck about only what is true and immediate and important.
I was waiting at the cast clinic beside a lady when she suddenly noticed her son was being wheeled to a different area. She jumped up and chased the nurse down to ask where he was going.
She came back to get her things and shook her head and muttered I didn’t give birth to him just to lose him now.
And I replied I know and it’s a lot of work to make another one.
And we looked at each other and shook our heads and at the same times said and God, I never want to do that again.
I love random funny moments and this was a good one.
As a bonus I got to see my shoulder and I’m all healed and although it’s not anywhere close to where it needs to be, I have more mobility in my arm. Slowly but surely I’m mending and I’ll be as good as new soon. And that’s happiness
My energy and emotions are sacred to me – I read this today and realized that more often than not I don’t consider them sacred at all. Often I let people or situations drain me of my energy and I waste emotions on things and behaviours I can’t change. But my energy and my emotions should be sacred, should be valued, should be respected. Instead of worrying about how other people will feel about that, I need to worry more about why I’m so tired because I let myself get drained. I love it.
Tonight I took the kids out to Chicken on the Way which, although a brutally unhealthy meal, brought back memories of my teen years and stopping for Chicken on the Way on the way home after a night out. We sat and ate in the car which we never do, and laughed and picked at our chicken and really enjoyed ourselves. Rule breaking -sometimes it needs to be done. It was a good use of my sacred energy and emotions. It was happiness.
I had a case of the blahs today – just too much going on. I decided to go to town and get some errands done – things I’d been putting off for too long.
I was delighted by a surprise run in with a soul sister at Winners. We were both struggling today and our impromptu visit and shopping time together did a lot to boost my spirits. A little ray of sunshine – happiness.
I know for sure I can’t do this without my tribe. Thank God for them.
It’s no secret that I’ve been feeling both overwhelmed and frustrated with God lately. I keep coming back to a passage in a book by Marianne Williamson that says when you ask God into your life, you think God is going to come into your psychic house, look around, and see that you just need a new floor or better furniture, and that everything just needs a little cleaning – and so you go along thinking how nice life is that God is there. Then you look out the window one day and you see that there’s a wrecking ball outside. It turns out your foundation is shot, and that you’re going to have to start building it from scratch.
I feel like the wrecking ball comes through and just as rebuilding is starting to happen another wrecking ball hits. And I’m tired.
Today in church I realized that maybe the wrecking ball keeps coming through because I’m building the foundation over and over again by myself instead of remembering to turn it over. I’m building on the same shitty foundation time after time and that needs to change.
The message of today’s sermon was to remember that God’s got this, and that He’s got you. At this point my life is so scary and overwhelming I don’t think I have any choice but to trust that those words are true.
This is a sunrise photo taken in my front yard last fall. The fact that we are here, we are safe, and we are loved is a miracle and that will always be a happiness moment. I’ll just trust that He’s got this, He’s got me, He’s got us.
The weather was absolutely beautiful today and I managed to get out for a walk and soak in some sunbeams. On my way home I noticed my horse had made a steer friend and they each stand on their side of the fence grazing side by side. It’s cute. The evening was spent watching Hell’s Kitchen with the girl.
What does this mean? That even though I have days like yesterday where I feel like the entire universe is dumping on me, really life is pretty darn good. And it’s good because of all the simple things – pony faces, sunbeams, girl cuddles – that is what happiness is about.
I was having some serious issues with god today – to be honest I’ve been having them for a little while now.
I’ve been feeling a lot of that’s not fair, and why are you shitting all over my life, and seriously???????
Mostly I’m just tired and overwhelmed. To say there’s a lot of crap going on is an understatement. And to put the icing on he cake I got my lawyer bill today. Another month where I have spent money fighting because he refuses to follow the court order. I often feel like as soon as I decided I would ask God for help and admit I couldn’t do it myself he took a wrecking ball to my life and just keeps hammering away.
I got a call from school that the girl was sick and I had to go get her and take her to urgent care.
I was driving on the back road and swearing at God when I flew by one of the sloughs. I happened to look over and saw 4 swans peacefully floating on it. Something inside me snapped and I pulled off to the side and took a small moment of peaceful gratitude.
It helped ground me a little and reminded me that God is everywhere. I had a couple of conversations with dear ones whose lives are also in the shitter. It reminded me that I’m not the center of the universe and that faith is all I have.
So I went out and hugged my horse. He is proof that miracles happen.
And I stood and watched the sunset – first the glow to the east and then over the mountains to the west – and that was happiness.
To the east
I had an awesome memory pop up on Facebook today – it was from 10 years ago when the kids were 2 and 6 and we had just moved to Rhode Island
I remember the girl was so excited because we had found a brilliant ladybug costume and she was looking forward to going out to get candy for the first time.
I got her dressed in her costume in our bathroom and then stood her on the counter so she could get a good look at how cute she was.
Suddenly she pitched her body off the counter and yelled weeeeeeeeeee. Fortunately I was able to move quickly and grabbed her midair. When I asked her what on earth she was doing she replied well, I’m a ladybug so I can fly.
This was such an innocent time. It was also a pretty happy time that brought back some good memories. Happiness memories.
Today for the first time in two weeks my girl didn’t spend the day being violently ill. She still wasn’t herself, but she’s a heck of a lot better than she was.
Hopefully this was a big step towards her returning to her usual self.
A smiling face on my girl – happiness.
