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The Bar U 20th Anniversary. 

The kids and I took a trip to Southern Alberta today to attend the 20th anniversary of the Bar U Ranch being a national historic site. Because the kids are Albertans who were not raised in Alberta, I feel an extra responsibility to teach them about their heritage. 

I love the drive south down highway 22 and today was a beautiful, clear, sunny day which made it that much more enjoyable. 

I knew it was going to be a good drive when it started off with Don’t Stop Believin’ on the radio. The kids were chatting away and as soon as the song started they both stopped talking mid sentence and sang the entire song, then went right back into their chatter. 

I love our mountains. Enjoying the scenery made the drive go by so quickly. 

One of the first things we noticed when we were walking around the inside of the Bar U information centre was the brands that were lining the top of the walls. After a little hunting, we found our family ranch brand that had been placed in memory of my Grandpa. That was fun to find, and made the kids feel a bit more connected to what we were doing. 

   Because we were slow we missed the horse drawn wagon that was taking people down the the main ranch area. So we had to hoof it ourselves. An easy stroll downhill lookin at the mountains – what a hardship eh? 

We went into the blacksmith shop and he gave us a little history lesson on how the Bar U came to be and why it was such an important ranch in Alberta. 

  This was the highlight for the kids. Learning how to lasso. They were actually pretty good at it and would have stayed there all day if they could have. 

  I however, wanted to go watch the Blackfoot Dancers. They were amazing. I felt so honoured that they shared this with us. The best part was that at the end they invited the spectators to join them in a dance. It felt so good to move around with the drums beating and them dancing. 

  Of course as soon as they could the kids were back to lassoing. They actually went to the gift shop and bought their own so they could lasso each other. 

Jacob said I should go get one for when they weren’t listening to me and I could just yell and rope them. As the day went on this seemed like a better and better idea. 

  When we left the Bar U I took the kids a bit further west towards the place where my best childhood friend came from. 

First though we had to drive past the littlest church. It was just as small as I remembered it from days of yore. 

  And here we are, birthplace of Pirate Gold – aka my best friend aka my best pony buddy. 

  And honestly, no wonder I enjoyed the time I spent down here learning how to ride him. It’s so breathtaking. 

  By the time we reached Bragg Creek on our drive home we were hangry so we stopped for some Italian food and some intense giggles. I can’t remember when we have laughed harder at a meal. Thank goodness we were outside. 

  One of those wonderful big happiness days. We are having more and more days filled with happiness. I know that this is because we are focusing on bringing happiness into our lives. Even amidst the mourning and the sorrow and the intense feeling of loss we carry about my Dad, we are still finding joy in the days. I know he would want that for us and that knowledge helps motivate me to keep seeking it out even when I want to just curl up in a ball. 

My happiness moment was when we were invited into the Blackfoot dance circle to join them. What an honour and how exciting to get to do something so different. 

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That Dharma Thing

I firmly believe we all have those things that we shine at. Things that we must do, that bring us joy, that make our soul sing because we know that we are doing what it is that we were put here to do. 

Some people know what that thing is from an early age and have the faith, the support, and the courage to do it no matter what obstacles are thrown in their path. Others of us are plagued with self doubt and fear and it takes us a bit longer to get on that path. 

If I could have a life redo I would go back in time to those moments where I wanted to follow a dream and I listened to the negative voices either from others or from inside my head who told me that I shouldn’t. The voices that said I wasn’t good enough, not deserving, or that the dream I had wasn’t ever going to be a reality. 

The first thing I would do is not listen to the voices that made me give up riding. Should it have mattered that I was being told that I would never make a living at it (I could have), that it would never give me a secure future (nothing about my future so far has been secure anyway even though I gave up and tried to take the safe path), that I needed to find a real job and grow up? Had I had the kind of self esteem I now wish for myself  and for my kids I would have never heard the external doubts and I would not have had the internal ones. 

Somehow I took all those messages and decided that my value as a human was based on what career path I would take and the amount of money we could produce. So I took a career that I didn’t really want and when I gave it up to be a full time mom (which I love) I became devalued again because I wasn’t doing something that was producing money. Forget all of the things that I actually do as a mom, there is no value to that. So then I struggled with the strong feeling that I was doing what I was meant to do, but also held the false belief that it had no value. 

Today we went out for a long ride through the fields. It just brings peace to my soul. I have a confidence when riding that I am just now learning to bring to the rest of my life. On a horse you need to be confident enough to have faith in what you are doing, and stay humble enough to know that you are a part of a team – and that the other half of your team is much bigger and stronger than you – you must work together through whatever comes up. A good way to walk through life. With humble confidence. With the knowledge that I am following my dharma. That I am good enough just because I am me and that I know I’m doing the right thing because I feel it in the depths of my soul. 

That is happiness. 

Here is a photobomb of happiness. Johnny the horse having a moment of FOMO (fear of missing out) and peeking through the fence as I took a picture of my niece. She rode today with Jenna and me, and it was so heart warming to see those girls giggling and enjoying their horses in the same fields I used to spend hours in as a child. Pretty sweet for me to enjoy this time on Princess the boy horse. 

  

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Raindrops 

Today I treated myself to a Raindrop Oil Massage combined with some Reiki work and chakra balancing. It was my first time doing this, and not only was it relaxing and cleansing, but it was a heck of a good deal as well. The lady who did it advertised a special on our community Facebook page and I thought what the heck. With all the stuff that has been going on these past few months, I felt it would  be a nice treat and compliment to the energy work I was already doing. 
It was. 

An hour and a half of complete relaxation while someone massaged different essential oils into my back. I love essential oils and respond well to them. Even my kids come to my study in search of an oil instead of our nonexistent medicine cabinet for an aspirin. 

She also used crystals. 

  

I was to pick two and hold onto them during the massage. She had a little basket of them and I picked the first two that called to me. 

 

It was a happiness moment. A little relaxation vacation that took 90 minutes. We all need that little break now and then the fact that it helped strengthen my body and soul was an added bonus. 

It helped remind me that the path that I’m on is the right one for me and I need to have the faith and the strength to keep walking it. 

An extra happiness moment was driving into town with the kids. We had some extremely silly giggle moments. I love the summer versions of my kids. They’re so much more fun and relaxed. 

This morning an article by John Douillard about the movie Inside Out and Ayurveda showed up in my inbox. This movie has been of such benefit to the kids and I this summer as we sort out our feelings about my Dad dying. I loved the relations to Ayurveda and appreciated that someone else spent time espressing the deep meanings in the movie. I love this movie in case you can’t tell. 

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An afternoon ride 

  
As a kid I used to ride all over the ranch in the summer months. Sometimes by myself, sometimes with my sister, usually joined by Buster the dog. 

When I first learned about yoga and meditation I realized that I had been connecting with the Source every time I jumped on my horse and headed off. Riding has always been a very spiritual activity for me, something that has always calmed my anxiety and grounded me in nature. It’s something I need to do in order to be the best version of myself. 

Today I got to ride with Jenna and my niece. It wasn’t long or far (those clouds in the background had us heading home before we got rained on) but it was soul cleansing. My happiness moment. 

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Take the step 

The more I walk on this path the more I believe that what I think about is what I attract. It’s a big part of why I have my daily happiness moments – to make sure that at least one time a day I’m actively seeking and attracting happiness into my life. 

Last night as I was falling asleep I was thinking of time I spent as a youth in Southern Alberta. My parents had bought me a pony from one of the ranches south west of Longview (Pirate, my best friend through my teen years and well into adulthood). A bonus of this purchase was some time spent over a couple of  summers at their ranch taking lessons and hanging out. It is one of the most beautiful places I’ve been to. Very similar to home and yet more rural and therefore a bit different. 

This morning I had a call from my cousin asking if I could pick up her daughter and a friend at their camp. Camp was about 45 minutes south of the same ranch I had fallen asleep thinking about. The law of attraction. 

Jenna and I enjoyed a beautiful backroads drive along the Rocky Mountains. It was a stunning day, and enjoying her company while enjoying the beauty of our mountains was indeed a happiness moment. 

  

Here we are up on the top of the mountain. You can see the road we had to travel off on the side. No safety net with this one – just a big drop off the side. 
  

We had to drive pretty much straight down this mountain. It’s a very narrow gravel road and there are no guard rails. I was more than a little anxious driving up the mountain – and we were on the side with the hill in that direction. I had no idea how I was going to get us back down. I am not a big fan of heights, and although my anxiety has calmed down incredibly- there is still the underlying fear that a panic arrack could rear it’s ugly head. 

I contemplated my choices – which were not many – and then bravely started driving down. Breathe deeply, breathe slowly, think with confidence, have faith that I can accomplish this task and that I am doing the right thing. 

Pretty much the same mantra I’ve been carrying for the past few months. It worked for me both in daily life and also to get down the mountain. Take the step, have faith that the next step will be there. 

Is this not seriously the most beautiful place that I am so fortunate as to call home?

The view from the top of the road. I kept my faith and the road rose up to meet me. 

 

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My Majestic Cow Dog

  
I got to do THE thing that is guaranteed to make my soul smile today. I don’t do it enough, but oh when I do…..

Dottie followed me out into the field. She’s never seen me on a horse before and at first was a little confused but soon fell in pace behind us. For a dog who had to live such a confined life up until 4 months ago, she certainly has adapted to her ranch freedom well (now if I could just get her to stop chasing cars!) My nephew said you look awesome out there auntie Melissa, with your majestic cow dog!

There was a moment that suspended in time while I was riding. I was at the top of the field on the dude named Princess, my mom and my nephew were visiting halfway down the field, Jenna was madly riding her bike up from our house, and Jacob was walking up the road. All of us outside enjoying a beautiful summer night. I looked up onto the sky and the sun was sending sparkly rays through a hole in the clouds. It was as if Dad was smiling down on us from heaven. It felt like a normal, happy night. Well…. a night in the new normal anyway. A happiness moment. 

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My Happiness Project

Yesterday I had the rare occasion of driving alone. I used to love driving alone – music up, hair blowing, no yapping voices… now I cry when I drive alone. I started my cry/driving after we moved back home and Dad was so sick. I would take the kids into school and then cry/drive all the way home. Then cry/drive back to school to get them. I thought I was over it, but it seems as though the reality is simply that I haven’t had a moment in the car by myself.

I cry/drove most of the way home last evening. Thinking about Dad, about how completely unfair it seems that we finally move back and now he’s gone. About how guilty I feel that we lost all those years. So, I drove and I cried.

Then I came over Edge’s hill. As soon as I come over their hill I see home. The ranch, the barn, the homes – the places where my little footprints have been pitter pattering since the beginning of my time. I felt a rush of happiness – of joy. I realized then that even with all my sorrow and grief I am happy.

That may not sound like the huge freaking deal that it is – but I’ve spent years being unhappy, being scared and being anxious. And now I’m HAPPY. I’m sad about Dad, I’m nervous for the future – but I’M HAPPY and that is a huge gift.

Jenna and I went to Banff today for Fondue at the Grizzly House. Cheese Fondue followed by Fruit with Toblerone Chocolate Fondue. If you want to know what happiness tastes like, it tastes a lot like this: 

In our family tradition (started by my Dad) of not drinking from the bowl, Jenna finished off the last of the chocolate fondue in style:

Happiness also looks like this:  This however, is what Anger looks like. We have had two gifts this summer. One was the movie Inside Out, and the other one is that there are hardly any mosquitos (again, sounds like not a big deal but huge deal).

Inside out has given us the platform to feel out our emotions.

Jenna and I were heading out of Banff, Abba blasting out of the car stereo (this seems to be our road trip music), when I heard Let go of my anger!!! Grrrrrrrrrr!!!

Not sure what she was talking about, I looked beside me to see her trying to rip Anger out of his packaging. Apparently Anger makes her Angry. Even better, Anger only was purchased because Joy was sold out and that made her Angry.

We talked about different emotion balls and how one emotion can affect another.

A day with my girl. My happiness moment. Remembering that I am happy and that it’s ok to let go of my fears and anxiety will have a huge impact on how I live the rest of my life.

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Bad to the bone

Years ago, in my early twenties, I had what came to be remembered as the summer of fun. It was the first year ever that I wasn’t showing my horse. Had I known it marked the end of my competitive riding it may not have been the summer of fun, but I didn’t know that at the time. I was young and single and had a good friend who was also young and single and fun. We spent the summer camping all over Alberta and British Columbia. On a whim we would pack up our tent and our dogs and take off for parts unknown in search of adventure. 

Near the end of the summer we added some other friends to our posse and went house boating on the Shuswap. Our boat had those wonderfully loud speakers to blast music and our theme song quickly became Bad To The Bone by George Thorogood. Whenever it was time for us to drive the boat, go swimming, or pretty much whenever we needed to be heard we would blast out the beginning of that song. 

To me those guitar riffs that start off that song hold memories of fun, sun, smiles, friends, and self confidence. It was a time in my life when I was happy with who I was and had confidence in who I was becoming. 

This morning as I sang loudly and badly to Bad to the Bone on my morning run I thought how easier life would have been had I not been broken. How differently would my energy have been used had I not had to spend it fixing myself? The good thing is that like many breaks I am healing into a stronger version of who I was. And maybe that’s what I needed to do. 

I’m thankful I have the strength to keep reaching for better things. 

My happiness moment today is supervising my kids as they supervise my sister’s kids in the play zone at the mall. It’s fun watching the four of them run and play with each other. Cousin relationships are special and I’m thankful they have this opportunity to bond together.  

  

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Snowbirds

This afternoon we went out for a family walk. Forced family fun time with my monsters, my sister and her kids, and my mom. As we were getting ready my cousin texted saying the Snowbirds were about to buzz our house. They were at the air show in Springbank and could see them heading for our place. We dashed outside and had an awesome private show 

This was taken on my iPhone – it was much more impressive. I’m amazed at how they hold their formation.  
I mentioned to my sister after that if you were into planes it was the equivalent of us wanting to ride in the RCMP musical ride. I have a friend who did this – what a dream job. 

It was a happiness moment to stop and watch the planes dance past us over and over. Time was suspended and there was just us and the sky show. 

Before we went out walking we were talking about how every day without Dad just gets harder and harder. Doing all the things we used to do with him now without him is so difficult. But he loved life and loved us and I know he wants us to keep on finding happiness, so I will keep looking for it every single day.   

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