Today my little birthday project took a huge step towards being a reality. I have backing and support, I have ideas and tools to use to move ahead. It’s happening! I’m pretty excited.
The thought of being able to share happiness with a child who needs it is really exciting – not only for me but for my kids too.
By next month Celebrate Every Child should be throwing our first party!! That is huge happiness!
The boy and I have this cold that just won’t let go. Today as I was mixing up different concoctions for us to try I realized once again how much I have learned these past couple of years about how to regain balance. It’s a work in progress but it’s so much better than it was. That is happiness.
Being able to slow down and rest so we can get better – that is also happiness.
Today I got the girl signed up for an archery class. She’s been wanting to do this for a long time, and I think (hope) our schedule finally works so that she can.
It may be a small happiness moment, but it’s also a bigger picture one as well. I hope she finds the thing that drives her passion. It may or may not be archery, but I’m glad she’s trying out new things.
I woke up feeling pretty under the weather. The cold virus hit our family over the weekend and the boy and I have been taking turns with fever chills – no fun to say the least.
He only had to go to school for an hour today (a tutorial during exam week) and I had no choice but to hang in town until he was done. There’s an new coffee shop near his school and I finally tried it. I love it – I think it’s my new place. It’s got comfy chairs, nice soft music, and great smelling food. I bought a tea and sat quietly and read while he did his thing at school. That’s happiness.
When I picked him up I also ended up driving his friend home. After we had dropped him off, my boy told me how grateful he was that I was around for him, that he hears friends talk about how they never see their parents, and although I may be a smother sometimes that he’s happy I’m there for him. That’s happiness to the core of my being.
Providing them with a safe, happy childhood is my number one priority and it makes me glad to know that they’re feeling that.
We have been enjoying some pretty amazing skies lately, and this morning I was fortunate enough to get outside and see the day break with my good buddy Derek. Look at that little face! How can you not love him. It warmed my heart to start the day getting cuddles from this little dude (Peaches and George are in the back ground, the less-talked-about orphan calves).
Happiness
We finally got our lazy butts back to church after almost a month of finding many reasons to sleep in and it felt really good. I love my women’s group, and I always get so much out of the sermon.
The topic today was how to step out of the shadow of being in survival mode. This is exactly what I have come to the realization lately that I need to do. The last few years have been all about survival – there has been a lot of growth as well – but survival has been the driving force. I feel sometimes like all I do is run around and put out fires and that I never actually get to move ahead to where I want to be. My body tells me I am survival mode as it is exhausted from holding my being in a constant stressed state of flight or flight. And you know what? The danger, the stress, the fear…. it’s not present in my life anymore. I don’t need to be in survival mode. It’s like my soul, my body, my being does not know how to let go of being in survival mode.
All of that I have known for a while, but my question was how do I get out of it? Because trust me, I have been working hard to get there.
Our pastor had some ideas.
Stay the course. Show up every day, be strong and courageous to do what God wants regardless of the outcome. Work from a faith based perspective rather than an outcome based one.
Fear keeps you from coming out of the shadows (Oh my.. this is so me). Identify your fears, look them in the eye, then list the ways that God has been faithful. I have taken huge leaps of faith the past couple of years, and I am learning how to do this one, but fear has held me back from taking chances and achieving great things my whole life.
Experience God’s word every day of your life. And remember, you can read God’s word, study His word, and not still not hear Him. We need to hear Him. I need to hear Him. Sometimes I get so busy telling Him what I want I don’t stop to listen to what He is telling me.
And then this:
Genesis 12:1-2
Now the Lord said to Abram, “Go from your country and your kindred and your father’s house to the land that I will show you. 2 I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you, and make your name great, so that you will be a blessing.
And he went.
Going where God wants us to go is never without leaving something behind. We need to ask what we need to leave behind in order to come out of the shadows.
The last couple of years I have left so much behind. There has been a lot of pain – some of that I have left behind, some of that I still carry with me (some of it my children still carry and I carry their burden as well). I have a pretty good idea of what I need to leave behind to come out of the shadows. I am no longer a victim. I was put in that role, and I have played it for a long time. I am no longer his victim and I don’t have to carry the emotional burden that comes along with that. I can learn to leave that behind. It has been almost a year now since I filed for divorce, I have learned so much, have gained more strength than I thought possible, know that there was no truth to that life we were living, it’s time to learn how to come out of the shadows. I’m ready. That is also happiness.
Today the boy’s basketball team saw their first win which was a huge morale boost for them. It was a fun game because it was against another Cochrane school, and because the teams were pretty well matched. Both sides worked hard.
Because he’s one of the younger and more inexperienced players he didn’t get to play, but he sure enjoyed being part of the energy as they felt more confident in their game.
Somewhere along the way I have started caring about basketball. Who would have thought. It was my happiness moment being part of their happiness moment.
A different moment of happiness was tonight at sunset. We get some amazing ones here sometimes and tonight was a great example. I love where we live.
To celebrate her 12th birthday the girl is having a friend sleep over. It’s toned down a lot from what she had planned because of the concussion, but in many ways this is a nicer way to celebrate a new year. This is such a good friend, and they get along so well, sometimes it’s good to just celebrate with someone who really gets you. The importance of having a best friend.
I feel both happy and content tonight. She’s having fun, the boy is in town at a basketball tournament, there is a sense of peace and gratitude in knowing my kids feel safe and settled at home. In knowing they have a home, with people who love them all around.
This place where we live is pretty amazing.
I had an interesting body/mind/soul connection talk with my massage therapist today. He was doing a CST treatment – which is so trauma healing, I am so excited about all the good it’s doing for me – and he asked if my physical body often manifested my emotional issues. I laughed and said hell yes.
Honestly it’s been something that even though I’ve tried to honor and respect has led me to the end of my patience on many occasions. I know we shouldn’t compare ourselves to others, but sometimes I can’t help but look at people who I know are way more screwed up than I am and their bodies still seem to be strong.
He reminded me that my body is enough in tune with my spirit that when I am out of balance my body shows symptoms of it right away. In many senses that is a blessing. I know and have to focus right away on what my body is telling me, and that’s how I heal.
Sometimes though I just wish the healing would be faster. Then I look back at where I came from. It’s pretty amazing.
My moment of happiness was remembering that my mind, body, and soul are all working as hard as they can to return to balance and health. I’m so grateful for all the love and support that I have around me as I walk this path. I’m happy to be healing.
A couple of months ago I mentioned I’d had this divine inspiration and was working on a project. In order to see my dream come to life I needed some support and backing and now I have it – it’s becoming a reality.
At the end of September I was in a sad heart place and took myself to church. When I walked in the church I was grabbed onto by a lady who told me about a spiritual gifts session that was starting and she said I should join it. I was feeling kind of lost spiritually and wasn’t sure of my gifts or value I headed to the group, knowing that God had sent this lady my way.
I loved it. I’m still part of the group and it’s one of my highlights of the week
At the end of the session I had this idea come to me. Actually it came from God via my friend Maggie in Boston. She helps at a local homeless shelter where they provide birthday parties for the children who are staying there. I realized that there are likely kids in Cochrane who for various reasons aren’t having birthday parties. And I strongly feel that every child deserves to be celebrated.
So, the church has agreed to support me in my quest to make Celebrate Every Child come to life. We are going to have one party a month for a local child, and celebrate them!!
I’m so excited and so happy that this is all coming together so easily. It really was an answer to my prayer – I talked to the right person at the right church and they see the value in my vision.
Happiness is best when shared. This is a very deeply felt happiness moment for me.
Today my baby girl turned 12. I can’t believe she’s that old already and yet I can’t imagine life without her. She is such a blessing and I’m so glad she’s been gifted to me to love and care for.
Her concussion was really giving her a hard time today which was kind of sad. Her birthday has always been a really big deal, and I feel like we didn’t celebrate it like we usually do. But we had our meal, she wore her special birthday hat, and we were together. That’s all that matters.
She has taught me so much about love, kindness, and compassion in her 12 years. I can’t believe what a good, pure soul this little human is.
She is my happiness moment.
