Tag Archives: love

happiness

Check it yourself 

When I was a kid learning about horses it was always drilled into me that no matter if someone had tacked up my horse it was always my responsibility to make sure that everything was safe and in working order before I got on. It’s a lesson that has carried me through the rest of my life as well – no matter what anyone else says, or how they try to help me, at the end of the day I’m responsible for making sure things are done properly and safely for my own life.

I was tacking up Dristhi today with my western saddle. I had it all done, him bridled up, and I was just reaching for my hard hat when he spooked at a barrel that has been in the corral for weeks (but suddenly was scary) and lost his mind. As he was freaking out the strap on the saddle broke, cinch came apart, and the saddle went flying across the corral. This of course didn’t spook him at all, that is only reserved for barrels that don’t move.

All I could think was holy crap -what if that had happened when I was ON him?. I have checked that saddle on a regular basis, but I wouldn’t have checked it today. Thank goodness my guardian angel was on duty and ditched the saddle before I got on.

I switched to my English saddle – which I think he actually likes better – and off we went for what was one of the best rides we’ve had. He’s such a good guy.

It’s an odd little happiness moment, but I’m so happy that my accident happened in the safety of the corral and before I was on. It served as a good reminder to pay attention to everything I’m doing. And I was super grateful later on when my cousin did a temporary fix on my saddle and told me what I need to do to get a new strap put on.

Hard to believe that a few weeks ago this guy was being such an ass I couldn’t even work with him. Look at that cute little face. 

 

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Clearing the clutter 

One of the exercises in the course I’m taking is to clear clutter out of certain areas in our lives. They had very specific exercises we were to choose from and follow. The idea being that if we clear the clutter from our external environment it will make our inner one calmer. 

And I had good intentions of doing just that today – really I did. 

But I ended up going rogue and clearing clutter from a totally different area of my life. I cleared relationship clutter. 

I’ve known it was time to walk away from this person for a while now, but I was really resisting it. I didn’t want to. Today though I cut the cord and cleared the clutter. I was amazed at how much more peace and space I felt in my spiritual core almost immediately. 

One thing I learned through my divorce is that I can walk away from anyone no matter how badly I want it to work if it’s become toxic. I’m also learning not to get into relationships with people who don’t make me happy or who aren’t healthy for me. 

On the flip side, tonight I went out to see my boy in the field and realized I am also totally capable of doing the opposite. Things got really bad with Drishti a little while ago and I had to decide – do I walk away or do I buckle down and do the hard work to make it work. That relationship was worth fighting for – and now we are more than good. I love that boy 


There’s a lot of happiness in knowing I can trust my intuition, that I can have faith I’m making good choices, and I have this amazing gift from heaven – Drishti. 

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Opening the heart 

I had what could very well end up being my last session of transformational acupuncture today – he’s moving from the west to the east and who knows when another Calgary stop will happen. 

But each of the 3 or 4 sessions I’ve had with him have really been transformational. It’s amazing how working the energy lines like he does clears up blocks I’ve been dealing with for years. 

Today was letting go of the fear of being hurt and opening the heart. Drishti had brought a lot of these issues that have been simmering to the surface, but of course as I look around in my life I see them present everywhere. 

We had a few (three!) unsettling, scary episodes this last weekend and it helped put things into perspective for me. I waste a lot of time being scared of nothing. When the really big scary stuff happens I stand up and deal with it just fine. So why so scared of potential unknowns? Seriously. 

It was amazing to feel the energy shift as we worked through the session. I felt the chatter that I’ve struggled to quiet in my mind vanish and my body relax in ways it hasn’t in years. 

That is happiness. Deep, hard core happiness. 

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Stampede breakfast 

We had our annual stampede breakfast at the hall this morning and because I’m on he board I helped put it on. Mostly this included scrambling 30 dozen eggs – which was hot work, but we had fun while doing it. 

This is one of my favourite parties of the year – almost all of the community comes out to visit and eat. This year as an extra bonus one of my childhood friends showed up – I found out she’s dating one of the guys from out here – and we got to catch up a little on life. She’s so happy and at peace with where her life is. It’s good to be in the energy of people like that. 

The morning was filled with visits and laughter with cousins, aunts, uncles, and friends. I’ve said it before – but I really feel like I won the tribe lottery. 

This is happiness 

The group photo was taken by Holly Nicoll, the rest came off my iPhone. 

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Freezies and summer reruns

It is ridiculously hot in our house tonight. There’s only a handful of days where it’s so hot you want to lie in an ice bath and today is one of them. 

Tonight we are beating the heat by sitting in our living room with fans blasting, eating freezies, and watching old reruns on tv. 

I have had a renewed appreciation for how lucky we are to be here in our safe house filled with love. I’m grateful we are all together, happy, and safe. I’m happy because we can grab these little moments and enjoy each other’s company. Happiness 

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The heart knows 

My lesson for today has been to reconnect with my heart. I’ve been feeling very out of balance for the last week or so and today it was brought to my attention that I’ve been living in my head – where fear lives – instead of my heart – where love is. 

Funny how I had to have a couple of very scary – truly fear filled – experiences to get me out of my fear making head and into my loving heart. 

I can’t make good decisions when I’m making them based on fear. And more importantly, I can’t look after myself when I’m basing my emotions on how others behave. If I’m looking for someone else to fill my needs I’ll always be lacking. This goes from everything from the fact that we still haven’t had a June or July payment (or full April or May) from mr. X, to wanting Drishti to behave as I would like (he’s getting much better anyway). 

I have to be in balance with myself. And balance doesn’t mean control. I’d love to think I can control the outcomes of everything, but I can’t.  And when I’m in my heart I have the faith to trust that the outcome will be the right one no matter what 

I managed to have an awesome ride this morning before it got too hot. This guy makes me work through all these issues because the only way we see going to connect and work together is if I lead from my heart. And I love him, so I want it to work. Heart living. Its happiness. 

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Pretty feet 

My boy got his hooves trimmed today. Despite the fact that he’s been a turd for a while he’s been awesome the last couple of days. He stood nicely for the farrier while he gave him a pedicure. 

The flies were terrible so the guy who is apprenticing with him ended up being Drishti’s personal fly swatter. He was constantly brushing flies away squishing the Mosquitos that were biting him 

I laughed at my high maintenance horse. He means so much to me, he helps me heal, brings me joy, and constantly entertains me. What happiness. 

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Bad boy boot camp 

Drishti is being a total turd lately. So much so that he’s been put in bad boy boot camp – and he’s not a fan of this at all. 

It’s interesting this work we are doing – I need to command his respect, and also his trust. So I have to make him listen to me, and also build a relationship with him based on trust and respect. 

It’s a work in progress. Slowly but surely we are making progress. 


He forces me to keep working at it when I get scared or frustrated and want to give up because I want to have this relationship. It helps me find the determination to keep moving forward – a good skill for the rest of my life. 

Timely too as I’m feeling really overwhelmed. This whole financial black hole that Mr. X has thrown at us is exhausting. It’s made me remember that at the end of the day I have to learn to count on myself to look after the kids in every way – and that is overwhelming, scary, and t seems the next necessary step ahead. 

Things keep changing and I’m grateful that I’m getting stronger so I can keep on walking. Drishti helps me figure out the steps – and that is happiness. 

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Grade 10 graduate

The boy wrote his last exam today and is officially on summer vacation. I can’t believe my baby is finished grade 10 – where did all that time go?

He laughed at me this morning and said I’m going to be just like you were in grade 11 mom. I hope you’re ready for that.

Grade 11 was not my finest moment. But I did remind him that I had to work like hell to make up for essentially doing nothing for an entire semester in order to graduate on time.

I am so proud of this kid. He has worked so hard and is such an amazing young man. That is happiness complete.

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Practice time 

This evening I took some time and practiced what my friend had shown me yesterday. You could call it either a game of “which one of us is going to be dominant in this relationship” or “which one of us is more stubborn”. I won tonight’s episode. He’s a good guy, and a smart guy, but also a lazy one who doesn’t want to be worked. We will change that. My friend said it’s kind of like working with a teenager and she was spot on. He would rather be in the field eating and hanging with his friends, but when I force him to do something he discovers he kind of likes it.

I have waited what seems like a lifetime for this guy and I’m so grateful he’s in my life. He brings me peace and happiness, he also helps me heal, let go of fear, find strength, and connect with God.

That’s happiness.

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