Tag Archives: love

happiness

Table talk 

We celebrated the end of the long weekend with a big, crazy supper with loud kids gathered around the table. 

One of the things I really missed in our years away were the family suppers we used to have before we left. I’m realizing more and more that I need to be organizing those myself now. If we are fortunate enough to have these people around us, we need to be breaking bread with them more often. 

My happiness moment was preparing the meal with him and then being part of the big loud table as we ate our meal. It’s good to be home. 

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Hot stew and talk 

This evening on iur way home from a freezing but fun camping trip with his family we stopped at a roadside bakery for hot stew. It warmed up my bones, but the conversation we had warmed up my soul. 

It helped me begin towards where I need to be walking next on my path. It’s amazing how important it is sometimes to stop, take a breath, and become aware of my surroundings. I needed to see where I was to understand where I need to go next. 

A belly of warm stew, a soul filling with peace. Happiness. 

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Faith, loss, the tribe 

This has been a year of learning to let go, leaning into our faith,  embracing our tribe. 

Today one of our family cats, one that my parents got when my kids were just little, was suddenly called back to heaven. It was heart wrenching. 

Jacob and Tawny have been buddies since he was a little kid. When we would come home to visit, his constant companion was his pal Tawny. When we moved back their friendship only deepened. He was just telling me yesterday how Tawny has always been there for him as a  best friend.  

After he cried in his room for a while he came out and said you know, something I’ve learned after all these losses is that you cry, you feel like the world is over, you remember they are with God, and you learn to move on. 

My cousin (the one we all always turn to in a crisis) and her family came over to help us bury her. Something my tribe knows how to do well is come together and support each other in times of grief. 

We stood at the computer and looked at family photos of our group trip to Italy, oohed and ahhhed at how the kids had grown, how youthful and thin we were all back then, how much fun we had. We measured the kids on the family wall to see how they had grown since  spring. 

And then we went out near where we had scattered my dad’s ashes and buried Tawny. My cousin said a prayer, we shared memories of her, we held each other up, then we came home. 

I talk about my tribe a lot, but I can’t express enough how fortunate I feel to be part of this group of amazing people. So strong in faith, so much love and compassion. I feel so blessed. It’s a weird happiness moment, but I am so happy that we have this strong, loving support system around us. I’m thankful that we had Tawny in our lives. She was a truly loving, wonderful spirit. She will be missed. But, we know she’s sitting happily on Dad’s lap in heaven 

Tawny hanging out with my Dad a few years ago. 

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The new year

We somehow managed to get up and get going this morning. The boy and I were up on and off all night stressing about the new school year. I love the schools they’re at, yet there is always a little bit of nervousness when heading back after a long break. It was so nice this year though that both kids were in familiar schools. They already have friends, know the teachers, and understand the school routine. I am so grateful for the fantastic schools they are both in.

 When I look back to last year when we moved here I am reminded of how the kids were picked up and held in love by their school communities. That’s not something that happens everywhere and I’m thankful it happened for them when they needed it so badly. 

My happiness moment was hearing all about their first day as we drove home. I love the excitement and hope for the new year. 

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End of summer 2016

Tomorrow the kids go back to school. I am sad about that, I love having them home and I don’t feel like we did even half of the things we had planned. On the other hand, this summer feels like it’s been kind of an emotional shitstorm and I’m ready to move on from that. It wasn’t summer 2013 bad (which will forever be the bad summer that all bad summers will be measured against), but it wasn’t one of the better ones. Mother Nature played a big role in that with her rain, rain, rain – but it seemed to also be a season where we sorted out and let go of a lot of emotional baggage. That was exhausting. 

We celebrated our last day of freedom with a trip to Banff and fondue for supper. It was nice enough to sit outside to eat, which was a real treat. We all love those mountain hugs. They’re soul healing. We ate, laughed, and shared stories. I love those kiddos and my time with them is precious and always filled with gratitude. We are extremely close the three of us, and I give thanks for that bond every day. 

Chocolate fondue 
On the way home we saw a crazy, big cloud that kind of looked like a dog. I love the big Alberta skies and all our cool clouds 

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Back to that space 

I spent some time this morning with someone who  brought me back to where I was a few years ago emotionally. It was a good thing, done in a safe environment with someone I trust- but it was still a gross place to go. I realized as I was telling him my story that when I talk about it now it’s pretty much always from the perspective of being here now and how we got to this place. Very, very rarely do I actually put myself back in the emotional space of what it was like then. No wonder, it’s horrible. I didn’t like it, but it was done to clear out a bunch of old pain memories my body has been holding onto and that was a really, really good thing. It’s left me pretty tired and drained but really happy that I’m finally feeling strong and safe enough to let that go. 

My happiness moment was spending the evening with him. He seems to understand that sometimes I need more TLC and is so good about being a safe place. 

Also, Jenna spent most of the day in the blanket fort she made with a friend. She used to make forts all the time but this is the first one since coming back home. I’m loving how the kids have settled and made this place their home. Because it truly is – we are as deeply planted back in our roots as we possibly could be here. 

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Deep Rest

After complaining of being tired all week, I slept for 11 hours last night. I can’t even begin to explain how much better that long sleep made me feel.  It’s pure happiness. 

I have known that I have not been getting optimal sleep for some time – and for many different reasons. Some of it was poor lifestyle choices (somehow this summer staying up too late has seemed like a good idea on too many occasions), a lot of it is the fallout of emotional stresses. I’m working on earlier bedtimes again, and the emotional stress is now mostly healing old wounds instead of new ones being made – so there’s hope on both those fronts. 
This week I got my order from MAPI, a company who sells awesome Ayurvedic herbs and products. One of the formulas I ordered this time was called Deep Rest, a product I used a couple of years back with great results. I think it’s a big part of why I’m starting to get better rests again now. It always amazes me how powerful those herbs are and makes me so grateful that I have learned so much about how to incorporate them into a more balanced lifestyle. 

We spent the day at Calaway Park today – our first and last visit of the year. It was so fun watching all the kids run around laughing and enjoying themselves. I really enjoy those kinds of moments. Having a car full of happy and exhausted kids at the end of the day is another great happiness moment. Being able to share in that enjoyment with him was the icing on the cake (or in our case, the sugar on the mini donut). 

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Wave bobbing 

For the first time since Jr. High I went to Southland Leisure Centre and we bobbed in the waves. It’s a pretty weird thing to do – gather a bunch of strangers in a small body of water and have us all bob up and down in man made waves. It’s also totally fun, which makes it even weirder. I’m not sure if I had more fun myself or watching our huge crew of kids laugh and enjoy themselves. It was a good, good, happiness day. One that has left me smiling and exhausted. Like a fantastic day should. 

I’m pretty sure we will all sleep soundly tonight. 

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Tadasana

After a break that was much too long I spent an hour and a half easing my body into Tadasana this morning. I love the gentle yoga I learned at Kripalu and have a cd by Rudy Peirce that I purchased on a visit there years ago. Basically it’s 90 minutes spent getting into mountain pose. It sounds ridiculously easy, but there’s something about those slow and gentle stretches that is so powerful for my soul. 

I find that this yoga that is based on compassion is so much more a spiritual practice than it is a physical one. It’s such an effective way for me to realign myself and connect to my Source. I didn’t realize how disconnected I truly was until I sat in that quiet space. It was awesome and spiritual and happy. I love it. 

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