Tag Archives: love

happiness

Let go, let go… and Derek 

My thing continues to be learning how to let go. The massage I had on Monday moved around some pretty powerful stuff. He even asked part way through if I was having a big emotional reaction to what was happening. I replied oh kind of, there’s a storm forming in my stomach filled with stuff I’d rather not deal with. So that’s great. And that stuff has slowly been letting go ever since. The process itself is kind of yucky, but the knowledge that some of that really painful stuff is leaving my body is awesome. 

It’s all stuff I’ve known about, but things I didn’t quite know how to let go of. It comes with learning how to forgive myself. Even though it wasn’t my action that needed being forgiven, I struggled with the fact that I had allowed it and that was painful enough. I think I’m now in a place where I can let it go, and I have this awesome energetic spiritual support team who can help me with it. 

All of that stuff brewing around in me today kind of felt more like a sadness moment as I had to acknowledge some things I wanted to forget, but really it’s a happiness moment as I put memories in the past. 

My laughing happiness moment came this morning as my niece showed up in my yard to wash Derek’s butt.


 I was weeding my garden and suddenly my job seemed pretty darn awesome in comparison. Derek is so cuddly and after being bathed came into my garden to help me with my weeding 


He’s so cute and loves being around us so much. I have mad respect for all the struggles this little orphan has been through and yet is so determined to survive. He’s a little stinky, cuddly bundle of happiness. 

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Energy stuff 

I had a massage today. That makes it an awesome day by any standards, but we ended up doing a lot of energy work which was such an amazing bonus. I didn’t realize how much I had missed talking in that energy healing kind of language until I was doing it. It’s so cool to have a conversation with someone who also gets how healing happens on that level. It inspires me and reminds me how important this path is for me to keep moving on. Happiness. Pure happiness. 

Not surprisingly a lot of emotional crap got moved around today. There has been some stuff kind of hovering at the edge of my consciousness for a while now and it fell full force into my lap where I had no choice but to deal with it. There’s a reason why that yucky emotional stuff gets stuffed so far down – because I don’t want to deal with it. But part of leaving all those bruises to my soul behind means bringing them out and letting them heal. 

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Church and ice cream 

We went to church this morning. I realized as I was sitting there that it was the first time in years I had gone to church with another adult (besides special holidays when we go as an extended family). It was so nice to have someone to sit with during service. Little things like that can bring great happiness. In general I find that it is the little things that add up to big happiness. Time spent sharing stories and laughter, kind words and big hugs – all the things that go into making one feel warm and safe and loved.  They being happiness. 

Tonight Jenna and I had dad’s dessert. Being the northern Ontario guy that he was, maple syrup was important. So it was vanilla ice cream, maple syrup, and peanuts. We added strawberries just because they were there. Yum. It was another happiness moment sitting with her and sharing fun memories of ice cream desserts from the past. 

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Fire food

I found myself in kind of a funky mood this afternoon. I’m not totally sure why, but I was. We had planned on going to the creek for part of the afternoon and to have supper (it was maybe the best meal of the summer – I love food cooked over the fire). I am so grateful that’s what we did because it totally changed my outlook. I went from being out of sorts to laughing and really enjoying myself. Of course the fact that he brought me chocolate significantly helped with the mood shift. It was less the food and more the thoughtfulness behind it that was the reason for the attitude adjustment. 

There is a certain peace I find at the creek that I don’t find many other places. It seems to only take me a few minutes and I am completely relaxed. I’m so grateful to have a place like that and to have my tribe. Happiness. Pure happiness. 

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In the city

I tend to get so focused on the beauty of where I live that I forget how much the city has to offer. Tonight we went out for a lovely walk in Fish Creek Park. South Calgary is like foreign territory to me and it’s kind of fun to discover how much is there. Plus I had great company which makes any experience enjoyable. It’s amazing how heartwarming a little thoughtfulness and TLC can be. Happiness. 

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Fernando

I was in the grocery store with the boy today after we discovered our cupboards were completely bare. We were walking down an aisle when I heard him singing quietly to himself. Suddenly he stopped, glared at me and announced damn you and your ABBA. I can’t believe I’m singing Fernando while I’m out in public. And I laughed and laughed. 

Then we got in the car and the playlist was still on ABBA so I put on Fernando. He looked at me and said ok, but we can’t listen to this after we pick up my friend. I told him if that was the case we better make the most of it. So we car danced and laughed so hard I had to pull over so that I could catch my breath. It was an awesome moment of happiness. 

I got another one later this evening walking with the girls. It was a beautiful sunset with an amazing full moon coming up while the sun was going down. It finished off with fireworks coming from Bragg Creek. Sometimes I have to pinch myself because I can’t believe that after all the crap we went through, we are in this happy life. 

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Unplugged

The kids were still not feeling well but the sun was shining and it’s the middle of August which means every nice day needs to be enjoyed to the fullest. I took a staycation day with him and we went to the creek. 


There aren’t enough days where the world just stops and you get to lie in the grass and look at the clouds. It is an interesting thing about being in a beautiful place that has no phone reception – you have to unplug and just be there in the moment. So we did. And it was a moment filled with happiness and peace. 

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Endless summer

We have reached that point in summer where we know the end is in sight but we are in full out denial about it. It’s been such a weird summer – I feel like it should be just starting – for certain we are just starting to relax. 

But the relaxing part feels so good. This past week felt like we all finally let go of so much stress and stepped into vacation summer mode. The best mode of all. 

We spent another awesome afternoon at the creek. It was cold, but even I went in and did the full dunking and a float on the raft. I love listening to the sounds of happy people laughing in the water. Being in that place (physically and emotionally) brings so much happiness and peace. We are blessed people.

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A Dad day

For some reason today has been a day surrounded by memories of my Dad. I was driving this afternoon and was all of a sudden hit with this huge wave of regret. That specific regret is a feeling I try really hard to stuff as far down as I can and pretend it’s not there. I feel so badly that the kids and I weren’t able to come back home much sooner. He was so sick and both of my parents could have used my help. And yet I was stuck in my own horrible situation waiting for my own miracle to arrive (and it did). 

The kids and I spent some time this evening at the creek – which was a place my Dad loved to be at. That spot is filled with so many good memories of swimming in the summer and skating in the winter. I miss him so much but being at the creek was a good reminder that there is so much simple joy that can be easily found. I feel so blessed that it is right here at my back door.

Sitting at the creek, sitting in my emotions, opening my heart – my happiness moment 

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The Breakfast Club

We enjoyed a rainy evening curled up together in front of the tv watching The Breakfast Club. It was about the 489th time I’ve watched it and the first time for both kids. They were a little disappointed it turned out to not be about food, but they enjoyed it anyway. 

I was reminded of why it is that I was always attracted to the bad boys. John Bender always makes it look so desirable – there is that heart of gold underneath all the protective armour. In reality they’re usually just assholes. Horses did the same thing for me. The bigger the buck and the more attitude they had the worse I wanted them. That also does not translate well into human men. Thank goodness I finally understand that concept and now am attracted to kindness. Finally. 

These last few days of slowing things down and really enjoying the wonderful moments I’m being blessed with right now make me so grateful and so happy. 

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