This afternoon the girls and I went and visited Derek with his crew – it was the first time we had seen him in a while.
He has grown – still cute but less like a baby.
On our way home we stopped and had a really nice visit with my aunt and uncle. I don’t do that often enough, but that was one of the things I missed most about home – impromptu visits.
Happiness – Derek and his crew, us and our crew.
Tonight I had to take the girl into urgent care (again) because she was having some bad tummy pain. I swear we are their most frequent clients.
The staff at the Cochrane urgent care are fantastic and always go out of their way to make sure my kids are well cared for and feel safe.
The girl had to get some blood taken and she is terrified of needles. The nurse spent a lot of time talking with her and making sure she felt ok about what was happening. When she was done and we were talking, the nurse turned to my girl and said you are so beautiful, look at that face… just … wow…. look at you. You are so beautiful.
On the way home my girl turned to me and said I was feeling so crappy and that nice lady told me over and over how beautiful I am. It made me feel so good.
We got home and her brother wanted to know how she was feeling and what the doctor had said and all he got out of her was the lady looking after me said I was so beautiful. It made me feel so good.
Little bits of kindness go a long way. Happiness. Love.
(By the way she should be fine. It seems the stress of the last few weeks caught up with her and this is how her body displays it.)
My girl is still sick, her poor tummy just won’t give her a break.
We spent a good part of the day with her cuddled up next to me on the couch watching movies. I tried to multitask and get some studying done, but mostly just held onto her while she felt crappy. I consider it a huge blessing that I am able to be there for the kids in the many ways they need me. It’s been a rough couple of weeks emotionally and I’m sure part of this is the fallout from that.
Eddie the Eagle (again), Peanuts Movie, The Goldbergs – she had some good for the soul couch time with her mama. Happiness
We had a bit of a tummy bug in the house today. That added to the stress that has been pummeling my family meant we really have needed to stop and slow things a bit.
We all sat together tonight and watched Ice Age Collision Course – we love the Ice Age movies. I have really realized over the last couple of days we need to refocus on love and peace. We let some evil and hurtful forces enter into our energy fields and that is exactly we have worked so hard to heal from. It will be a continuous journey, but one I am dedicated to leading us on.
Happiness – sitting with my monsters and laughing at a movie. What a blessing they are.
For the first time in weeks we didn’t have to go anywhere today and we took full advantage of a recharge day. We are better rested and more relaxed than we have been in ages. I know I feel more grounded and centered than I have been in a long time. I’ve been feeling very energetically blocked for a while and I feel like I’ve managed to shift some of that around.
A quiet day at home with the monsters. Happiness.
Tonight the boy and I went to see the Globetrotters – first time for both of us.
They were awesome and the perfect way for him to celebrate the end of basketball season.
We smiled and laughed all evening long.
Basketball season came to an end tonight. They have their all every single game. It actually looked like maybe they were going to win for a while tonight. But even when it didn’t they continued to play with heart and with class.
I’ve learned a lot this year watching other coaches and other parents. Our coach is the one who has taught our boys to play with class and integrity. All the way through he conducted himself in such an admirable way. Such a good example for the boys.
Happiness moment today was watching my boy sprint out on the court and play his heart out. He’s gained so much from this season.
We had some unpleasantness to deal with this morning in the form of having to get things lined up to take to my lawyer because Mr. X is refusing to cooperate once again. Shocker, I know.
The decision was made to counter that yuck with some happiness. So we took a back road and enjoyed the beauty of where we live.
We headed to Nanton and then did a beautiful scenic drive around the area. I mean seriously, paradise.
And I think we found a house that is older than ours….
It calmed all of our souls. The kids make fun of me because I’m always going on about the mountains, but I heard them gasp more than once – and I was told to pull over so they could take in the scenery a few times. I love that they have such a deep appreciation for the beauty of where we live. This is what make my spirit happy.
Happiness may not mean that things are perfect all the time. But we can choose to keep looking for the happy moments. There are always some to be found.
I love this little family, I love my extended tribe, and I love where we live. There is a lot of peace and gratitude in all of that.
As you may know, we have been really struggling this week. I have felt like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders as I have tried to provide a safe place to fall for my boy while he’s in crisis, and the girl too who is pained as she watches her brother suffer. It’s been overwhelming and I have really struggled knowing what is the right thing to do. I have also been incredibly angry- angry at how things have turned out, angry at the person who caused this trauma, angry at this whole situation. Anger isn’t going to get me anywhere, I am well aware of that, but it’s been my companion this week nevertheless.
I woke up this morning feeling pretty lost. I just wanted to lie in bed and cry – tempting but not an option. I said a little prayer (ok, I yelled at God a little bit) and asked what I was supposed to be doing? What do I need to get us through this?
We got our lazy butts to church – a little late – but we got there. The sermon was about how God is our refuge.
God is our refuge and strength a very present help in trouble
Of course.
You know, there has been a lot of crap go down in our lives over the past few years. Every time I have tried to *do* something it’s either made it worse or nothing has happened at all. But, when I have stopped everything – and I mean everything – and prayed, miracles have happened. We have had small miracles and some really freaking big miracles happen to us over the past few years.
I kind of forgot I had this place of refuge and strength.
I have kept coming back to the words of the therapist last week – that healing can’t happen when we don’t feel safe. And as long as Mr. X has any say in things he will do whatever he can to make sure we don’t feel safe and can’t heal. And I have been running around trying to put out the fires he sets while draining myself of everything I have in an attempt to make us feel safe. But, the only time that burden has ever been lifted, and when we actually do feel safe, is when I have handed it all over to God.
He is our place of refuge and strength.
Sitting in church with the two people I love most in the world while we were reminded that we already had the keys to our place of refuge and strength – that is happiness on such a deep level. We will keep healing, we just need to remember that we have this place of refuge that is with us no matter where we go.
We spent the evening stabilizing our family. It’s not perfect, but we balance each other well. It brings us back into harmony with our true selves.
I feel so insecure with all I’ve learned from Ayurveda. But when things like this happen and I realize all our coping skills come from what I’ve learned I am reminded of how it has saved my life. The meditation, grounding foods, self care – all of it comes from my studies. It was a huge gift that was sent to me at exactly the right time. I am so grateful for that.
The evening was spent with young people in and out of the house. Laughter, popcorn, snow, spaghetti and meatballs,tv, and love. All so simple. That’s what I’ve really discovered over the last couple of years – the more simple we make our lives the richer they are. We are less stressed, we live in the moment more, we enjoy nature. Thoreau was right. Simplify, simplify, simplify.
My happiness moment was feeling the peace and the love in our home. We have worked hard to create a safe environment here and it truly is where we come to heal.
