Tag Archives: single mom

happiness

Calm the chaos

We kind of managed to stop the world for a little bit this afternoon and my family took some time to come together and calm the chaos. One thing the three of us have learned is how to love and support each other no matter what. It is really a pretty amazing thing, love and support in a way I never thought would be possible. 

Things seem calmer and more grounded. We still need to hold tight to each other, but I think today did a lot to provide security. 

The courage and love my kids have is amazing. It gives me the strength to keep moving ahead. That is happiness, on a very deep and spiritual level. 

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Family Day 2017

My understanding of what a family is has certainly changed over the years. I so badly wanted what I considered a traditional family – mom, dad, kids, dog, cat, horses, happiness. That didn’t work out so well for me. We are our own little family, and a pretty happy and functional one at that, but it wasn’t how I had imagined life would turn out.

Being a single – or solo – parent is hard work. There has been so much emotional turmoil that we all have gone through and the recovery and healing from that is substantial. At least one time a day something comes up that triggers some kind of pain in my children (or in myself), and sometimes it takes all the strength I have to deal with it. And I have to deal with it always as the only adult in the household – which means no one to bounce ideas off of, to discuss strategies with, to lean on.

I have discovered the three of us have incredible strength.

I feel like we celebrate the fact that we are a family all the time, but today is Family Day and it makes me appreciate what we have even more. Even with the hard times (or maybe because of the hard times) we are so incredibly close. I have a relationship with my children that is better than anything I could have ever imagined.

That is what real happiness is.

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Future Jenna’s problem

The girl and I went to Bragg Creek and had lunch at Creeker’s Bistro for the first time – definitely a place we will go back to. We sat in the corner (as is our usual MO) and talked about little things and stole food off of each other’s plates. Normally I have a full on ban on people taking food from my plate – or my taking food off of their plate – but Jenna somehow has managed to make that rule not apply to her. She’s been happily stealing my food since she was born.

When we were done we each had a little sweet treat which was delicious, but we both decided was more than we had really needed (although we really enjoyed eating it). As we were driving home I lamented that with the dessert I had eaten too much and that I was going to regret it later. Jenna quipped back “I ate too much as well, but I’m not going to worry about it – that’s Future Jenna’s problem”. It was so unexpected and funny I laughed until tears were rolling. Then she found it so funny that I was laughing so hard she laughed until she was crying as well.

It’s these little moments that make up the big memories. This is the stuff we will remember. This is happiness.

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Sharing meditation

Both the boy and I have had some pretty intense bouts with anxiety. I decided a few years ago that I was willing to do anything I needed to in order to stop the constant panic attacks I was having (ironically that has lead to my living a completely different and happier life now than the one I was trapped in back then, funny how that works). I have had to learn many different coping skills, as has my boy.

One of the greatest things we both do is meditate. I hate it – I love it. Sometimes it is so very difficult to force myself to sit quietly with myself, with my Source for 20 minutes and just be. But after I do it I always feel so much better. And the more consistently I do it, the more it pays off in my every day life.

The boy texted me today that he was having some anxiety triggers come up. Before I could suggest anything he told me he was heading off to meditate. When he was done he not only told me how much better, calmer, more grounded he felt – but he sent me the link of the meditation he did on YouTube and told me that I needed to do it as well. I can’t believe that my 15 year old boy sends me meditation links. I love that. All of the work we have done to learn how to make ourselves feel secure and grounded is paying off. He knows how to identify the feelings of anxiety and is learning how to calm them.

I have been feeling a little anxious the last few days as well, and I have been doing much the same thing  – meditating, calming, grounding, laughing with friends.  It is a world away from the helpless feelings of panic and fear that I felt years ago. I still get fearful, I still want to panic, but I have this deep sense that I am doing exactly the right thing, I am doing what I need to do, following my dharma.

That is happiness.

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Honey cat

The girl and I have had a really nasty stomach bug for the last couple of days so things have been pretty quiet around here. 

Tonight though, our super chill cat Abu got on the counter (where she does not belong) and spilled over my pot of special honey which ended up all over the counter and all over Abu. 

So poor Abu had to tub, and poor Jenna had to do it. She sat in the bath giving sad little cries, but because she’s Abu she was not scratching or fighting. Her brother Aladdin got really upset and kept peering into the tub to see if she was ok. Even her arch rival Ella came to see what was going on (this may not have been an act of kindness, we aren’t sure). 


I am constantly amazed by the love that Abu and Aladdin have for each other, and the love they show us. They came into our lives at a time when we really needed them and they continue to be an incredible blessing. They are happiness. 

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Teamwork

I always avoided team sports like the plague. I loved the partnership I had with my horse, but I never really got into being part of a team. 

I have learned a lot watching my son who is so drawn to team sports. It hasn’t left me with a huge desire to go out and join one myself, but I am understanding more and more how important and fulfilling they can be. 

They had a game tonight and I walked into the gym when they were all standing in a little huddle. 


It’s cool to see how they all support each other. Sure, there are some conflicts but they have to work them out so that the team can succeed. 

My boy really needs this and he thrives in this kind of environment. And that is happiness. 

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Laughs and love 

I and an early morning email that pushed me much further towards seeing Celebrate Every Child come to life. It’s funny, I decided I wanted to see this impossible dream come to life, and by completely disregarding the how and just moving ahead on faith it seems to all be falling into place. That is love in motion, that is happiness. 

I had lunch with an old friend who has been dealing with very similar issues in the last year. We get each other because we’ve known each other forever, but also now because we have seemed to found ourselves on paths that not a lot of other people seem to be on. And the fact that we are both horse crazy allows us to talk horse without anyone rolling eyeballs. That is laughter happiness. It’s also love happiness. We talked about how important our tribe is and how we would never be able to hold it all together without the support of our people. 

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Cheeses loves me

I was driving the girl home this afternoon and Jesus Loves Me sung by Paul Brandt came on. 

She starred giggling about how it really does sound like Cheeses Loves Me. Her little cousin made this announcement while out for Sunday brunch with his parents and Jenna has loved the story ever since. 

For some reason it kept getting funnier and funnier for her. She stopped laughing, took a deep breath, wiped her eyes and said I’m crying. I’m laughing so hard I’m crying. And went off in uncontrollable laughter again. 

I love it when she laughs, to hear it come from deep in her belly was awesome. It made me laugh too. Happiness. 

We laughed all the way through the hay valley towards home. 

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Memory lane is a strange place 

Tonight I watched my boy play basketball in the high school my best friend went to a bazillion years ago. Lots of other things may have changed over the last 30 years, but not in the halls of that school. 

It was weird to take that walk down memory lane. We were best friends from birth until we hit the age where we got married and started having kids and then our friendship seemed to have run its course. A lifetime of things have happened since then and I hadn’t thought about her in a long time. 

It was weird, fun, sad to sit in that gym where we had watched games, gone to dances, crushed on boys, and laughed with our friends. It was having a little memory movie run in my head. 

That part of my life seems so long ago. At the time everything was so urgent and important and I’ve since forgotten so much of it. There were lots of good times though. 

And to add more weirdness to the weird memory lane path, we passed the hospice dad went to right before he died on our way to the school. Another thing I’ve worked hard to banish from my mind. So there was an unexpected hit of emotion before I even walked into the school. 

But there was happiness in there too. Bringing myself back to the present and being in the moment allowed me to watch my boy and his team run up and down the court. They have such great heart, and although they didn’t win they never quit. I drove my boy and his friend to and from the game and I loved listening to them discuss strategy and be so excited to play. It’s awesome. 

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