Tag Archives: alberta

happiness

A success 

My Christmas goal for my little family his year was simple (and yet not simple at all) – we were going to have a fun Christmas. The kids were finally going to be able to look back on a year and say that was a good Christmas. 

The last few years have been filled with so much trauma and stress, both inside our small family and in our larger family. All I wanted was for them to say this was a good Christmas. It’s important they have really good childhood memories to look back on. 

Jacob walked up to me today and said you know mom, this was a real fun Christmas. I had a good time. 

Success. Happiness. Gratitude. Love. 

And what they will remember isn’t the things they got but the things we did. Those are the memories. 

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Little visits 

Today was a pretty low key day which was a wonderful way to start off the new year. I had a little visit with my cousin who is home from Italy which was the highlight of my day (and my happiness moment). 

Although we have an age gap we have always had a good bond, but that was strengthened when we both became part of the family who lived away from home. We can relate to what it’s like to have a far away life and also try to keep the family in Alberta life alive and strong. 

She’s got two little boys and I love that I had a chance to get to know them a little bit. They’re beautiful dark haired brown eyes babes – much like my own, which strengthens that bond. 

I have a good feeling about 2017. We have had some pretty dark times over the past few years, but they have also been filled with personal growth. I feel like the wings have been formed and it’s time to fly. 

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Celebrate again

I feel like after a few pretty crappy years we are ready to celebrate again – the big and small things in life. 

This afternoon the kids and I had a danceathon to Lady Gaga and The Black Eyed Peas – who sang the songs of Jenna’s childhood. We laughed and shared memories and remembered that even in those dark and often scary times there were some good ones too. We need to remember the good memories of their younger days. 

We went for supper – our traditional sushi pig out which was fantastic 


And then went to my aunt and uncle’s house for a New Years party with some of the tribe. 

We are a very talented and musical bunch ​

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Laughing, eating, singing, playing, followed by fireworks (my family has a healthy fire obsession)

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I am so blessed to have this tribe – I never take it for granted. What a wonderful way to be able to celebrate life and celebrate all the hope that a new year brings. Happiness plain and simple. 

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The candy shoppe 

Today Jenna requested a trip to the mountains. It’s the first time since the concussion that she has really wanted to do anything so I was all over making that happen. 

We drove out the 1A which is longer but more scenic (and has the gas station that sells the fireworks we need for New Years) to Canmore and then carried on to Banff. Of course I forgot about the fire at the Mount Royal and the candy shoppe there was closed. We drove around soaking up the atmosphere, but the town was packed so we headed to Canmore. 

Canmore also has a great candy shoppe and the town is less crowded. Jenna was happy and seemed more like her old self again – it’s been a long time waiting for that to happen. 


My happiness moment was seeing her be happy and joyful. I feel so blessed that I have this time to share with these two gifts from God. 

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Injury recovery day

Today the girl went to the chiropractor and had an adjustment to help with her concussion. I was so impressed that he took so much time to listen to her and he had some great advice for us. I feel so fortunate that we have this amazing group of healers surrounding us who seem to appear whenever we need them.  

The boy went and had his cast taken off today and it seems as though healing is well on its way today. 

So our little family is hopefully returning to a better state of health. 

Knowing that they’re healthy and safe and that we are a strong, loving  family unit – happiness. 

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Dig deep… then dig deeper

I’ve had some pretty challenging days in 2016, some pretty crappy ones, and some ones that have just about kicked my butt. Today was the first day in the 5 years that I’ve been crawling my way towards a better life that I felt like just giving up and going to bed…. for days.

I lost the big present I bought for the boy, I’ve searched the whole house tying to find it – it’s gone. My girl had a catastrophic meltdown about some of the memories she stores about Mr. X yelling at and scaring her, I had to hold her while she cried out her pain. The dog got sick and vomited all over the house.

This was the point where I just wanted to give up. I have been so determined to make sure this is a good Christmas for the kids, a fun season for us. All that along with my frustration with recent divorce issues, the concussion, the broken arm, and other crap was just enough. I was totally overwhelmed and had nothing left to give. In fact, I said that. I’m done, I have nothing left, I just want to go to bed.

And because God is hilarious, about 5 minutes later I get a message that my beloved godmother is getting ready to transition to the next life.

So, a choice had to be made. Go to bed and cry (really wanted to), or go to the hospital and see her, see her daughter – who have been family to me my whole life.

I decided to go.

As soon as I got in the shower all the lights went out – power gone. We were having a massive snow storm and the highway was a mess, maybe it was a blessing I was slowed down.

I stopped and got in my pjs and cried again, really angry with God this time.

Power comes back on, back in the shower, and I soon head out on the road.

There’s something about a crisis that brings one to the most raw, authentic part of one’s being. We were like that. My godmother slept and her daughter and I sat and talked. We shared really deep things, and we talked about the most superficial of things. We really got to know each other in a way that we never have before. There is a blessing in that.

I left this evening and headed to a cousin’s place for the end of a family Christmas party. I still got a few good visits in, ate some good food, and had a few laughs. On the way home we chased some cows in a line down the road. Jacob said Santa may have reindeer in front of him, but I’d rather have these cows, On Hamburger, On Steak, On Roast!!!! Man I love that kid.

We need a tribe. I know I say it all the time, but we do. We can’t do any of this alone. We aren’t made to. My happiness moment is knowing that with the good times and the sad ones we have this amazing group of people in our lives.

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Catch a glimpse of joy. 

Catch a glimpse of joy. That was the theme of the sermon in church today and also was the theme of my day. 

Our ladies group sponsored a family for Christmas. The mom came and picked up the items today and seemed filled with many emotions.  The lady who has been helping me with my own project gave me a little hug and said it’s like seeing what your dream is going to gift people isn’t it?  And it is, my little dream is different but hopefully will bring happiness to  lives in small ways. 

After that we shared some of our needs for prayer requests. Sharing is important – for the support and to remember that everyone has  their crap they’re dealing with. It’s a really special group of ladies I found at that church. God guided me well. 

The youth group did their Christmas celebration and it was full of glimpses  of joy. It was fun to see the kids so fully engaged and enjoying themselves. I sat with my uncle and aunt which was a moment of happiness in itself. 

And then the joy of the afternoon when we did our family Christmas tree hunt. It’s one of my favorite events of the year. This  year we had a good sized group and the weather kind of behaved itself. A million layers helped. 

I talk about it all the time, but I am so grateful for my tribe. I don’t know what I would ever do without them. It’s so heart warming to know that we come from this family filled with so much love. 

This is what happiness looks like:

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Kick off to Christmas 

We had our first Christmas party today. It was a big family one at my great aunt’s house (also in honor of her birthday). It was a house filled with family, laughter, and so many Christmas goodies. 

We had a talk on the way there about extended family, and how even if they don’t know you well they love you and want to know about you. It’s a concept my kids are still grasping, having spent almost all of their lives living away from any family. 

I think that point was driven home today though. I saw the boy really settle into a comfort zone as he sat and visited with some of the men in his family. He remembered that there is this big group of men in his extended tribe who really take an interest in him and want to get to know him.  And there’s just a different way that men bond, and I’m glad he gets to be a part of that. We have really good men in our family. 

I say it all the time because it’s true. I have an awesome tribe of people and I’m so thankful we were born into this. It’s happiness and joy and love. 

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Integration 

I had some work done today that kind of brought together all the energy stuff I’ve been doing over the last week. I have an awesome massage therapist in town, and ages ago I had made an appointment for today. It just so happened to line up nicely after all the unplanned energy work that has been presented to me. 

Cranial sacral therapy has always worked wonders for my body, but it’s never quite done what it did for me today. Of course, the last time I did it was 13+ years ago and I was not at all aware of my mind body connection.  It was like magic. I was lying there thinking hmmmm it’s not really doing much and then my whole body would go all tingly and I could feel things shift all over the place both energetically and physically. It happened several times, and was pretty wild. 

The Prana Vata issue I’ve been having of my mind racing vanished during my session. A few times I was bombarded by thoughts and then with the crazy tingle there would be what felt like a giant eraser go through my mind and the thoughts would be all gone. Then I was left lying there wondering what was I just thinking about? I have no clue. Even now I can’t remember, but the racing in my mind remains gone. Better step up then meditation to keep this on track. It’s awesome. 

I’m not totally sure what’s going on, but I know the last month or so have been full of huge shifts and changes. And as the universe always does, things have been lining up like magic to make it happen. It’s awesome and it’s my happiness moment. 

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Peace is always a heart issue

Yesterday at the end of my transformational acupuncture session, I experienced a moment where I felt like I was coming home in my body. I don’t know how else to describe it, except as a moment of deep inner peace unlike anything I’ve ever felt before. A few minutes (seconds… who knows?) into my experience the man guiding me said this resonates as the vibration for the sound om – which can bring you home.

It made me realize how long it’s been since I’ve truly felt at peace, safe and secure in my own body, in my own life. Now that I’ve experienced that feeling I want it all the time! The good thing is at least I now have a memory to reference to, something that I can draw on as I’m feeling my way towards peace.

Because God always brings things to me as I need them, the sermon today at church was all about peace. Timely eh?

So, here’s what I learned:

Peace is always a heart issue

When I’m struggling to find peace, when I feel that I have been robbed of peace,  I need to stop and ask where is my heart? Who has my heart? The answer will tell me all I need to know, and what I  need to do because I cannot know God’s peace until I have surrendered my heart to God.

It’s all about that trust issue. I just need to trust God – He’s got my back. And I know this. In my darkest times, when I have needed him the most, I have felt His presence so strongly. He has saved me from some really nasty shit.

It’s also a heart issue. Fortunately the past couple of years I’ve been working hard on reconnecting with my heart, learning to trust it again, learning to flow from it again, learning to connect to others with it again.

It’s a fear issue. The pastor pointed out that in the moments when I have not trusted God, when I’m not feeling peace at any level, it’s because I’m afraid of something. Which is totally true. I spent so long being so afraid of everything that I stopped trusting. When my trust was betrayed over and over again by someone I loved and whom I had put my faith in, I stopped trusting not only in him, but also in myself and sometimes in God. I don’t need to trust Mr. X ever again, but I’ll never be at peace if I don’t trust myself and if I don’t trust and have faith in God. So, I will.

We came home from church and there was finally enough snow to play in. The kids pulled out their sleds and we enjoyed one of the best things about winter at the ranch. It was sheer happiness listening to them laugh as they flew along on their sleds.

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