happiness

Flashlights in the yard 

This evening I grabbed my flashlight to head over to my mom’s. As I got into the yard (field I guess it is), I saw another flashlight bobbing through the darkness. We yelled and flashed our lights obnoxiously  at each other while we laughed. It was my nephew heading home after feeding Derek the calf. 

Oh Derek. He’s so cute


We stood in the driveway and somehow got on the topic of the hardships involved in being the oldest sibling (the oldest vs youngest has been a longstanding joke between me, my kids, and my nephew and niece). We both agreed that as the oldest ones we had issues that could never be properly appreciated by the youngests. Then we laughed knowing that all of us really have pretty charmed and blessed lives. It was a great happiness moment. I’m so thankful there is family so close by so those kind of impromptu visits can happen. 

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happiness

On a day like this 

On a day like this one I have extra gratitude for the fact that I write a happiness blog. I’m thankful that looking for a moment of happiness in each and every day has become a habit – something I have done faithfully every damn day for over a year and a half. Because on a day like this one it’s extra easy to get bogged down by what sometimes feels like never ending pain and heartache. I feel like surely there has been enough hurt and suffering for the three of us, why do we still find old wounds being ripped open? Will we ever heal or are we just broken?

Then something happens and we laugh. The pain is still there, but so is the happiness, the love, the faith, the gratitude. I am reminded that every day we are farther away from the source of those painful memories and closer to healing. 

Every morning as we drive over the hill by our house we are greeted with a stunning view of the foothills and the mountains. Every morning I say look at the mountains, look at how beautiful it is. Can you believe we live here? And the kids roll their eyes and pretend they’re tired of hearing it. But once in a while I forget to say it and then I hear one of them start up. That moment brings me happiness every day.

Today my happiness moment came in the form of snort inducing laughter from funnies made by the boy. Even with the clouds, he is a constant ray of sunshine in my life. 

Seriously though, the mountains…. Can you believe we live here? Thank God we are back home. 

 

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happiness

Candy candy

We took a girl trip to Banff this evening for fondue and the candy store. Jenna’s BFF is just about the best girl one could hope to have as a friend and it delivers me to hear them having fun together.  I got a nice visit with my mom which I really enjoyed. We are fortunate that we have such a great place to run away to so easily – even more fortunate that we have loved ones to run away with. It was cheesy happiness. 


I had another happiness moment earlier today as I broke bread with one of my favourite people. Heart balancing happiness – it is good. 

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The cousin thing 

I know I talk about it all the time, but it is such a huge blessing to be back here at home surrounded by our tribe. After so many years spent feeling ungrounded and uncertain I will never, ever take for granted the love that comes from our people. 

Moving around so much it was a constant effort to make new friends and establish ourselves. Now when we go into town we always see people we know, we live in a yard filled with family, and see loved ones on the road every day. 

This morning I received a text from a cousin asking if we could meet for coffee after school drop off. We did, it was a really fun and very quick catch up. We are the same age and have 45 years of shared memories (well, she has a few months more…) which makes for a very real and special kind of friendship. 

This evening Jenna headed off on her bike with her cousin. They’re forming the same kind of bond that my sister and I have with our cousins and it warms my soul to see this happen. I’m so happy for both kids that they are living in an area surrounded by people who love them. A big happiness moment this evening watching those two take off laughing. 

I followed slowly on foot. It was a gorgeous evening. 

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Pressure points

I spent some time today with my massage therapist. He’s working on releasing old and painful pressure points in my neck and hips. 

It’s so interesting to be able to share with him some of the energetic healing that is starting to happen in my body. It’s the result of a lot of work and a great support system coming together to help me out. The more at peace I become, the easier and more important it is that I let all that old crap go. 

The more I find I truly want to move ahead into love and peace the easier it becomes to understand how vital it is that all those old pains and hurts are pit to rest. 

My happiness moment today was laughing at supper as he and Jacob fought over the shredded cheese. It was a simple moment, which often are the best for pure happiness. It is good to embrace the joy in every day moments. 

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Family day 

The phrase of the day today seems to be family day – and that is what we have had. A quiet but really fun day spent together. It’s become very obvious  lately how badly we needed some quiet time just enjoying each other’s company. Happy, happiness moment. 

As an added bonus, the figs are in at the Italian Centre and we had fig salad for supper. Done family style with everyone picking off the plate. Normally that grosses out germaphobe me, but today it seemed fitting. 

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happiness

Take a break 

We are on a much needed family staycation. It’s been an emotional week and we have all needed a break from the daily grind for a while. 

So far we have enjoyed a trip to the Itaian centre (yum), supper at his place, and a swim in the pool. It’s amazing how relatively little it takes to make it feel like a mini vacation – to let the stress of the daily grind go. We need to take the time to find more of these moments – ones that are spent just enjoying being with each other. I love that. 

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Table talk 

We celebrated the end of the long weekend with a big, crazy supper with loud kids gathered around the table. 

One of the things I really missed in our years away were the family suppers we used to have before we left. I’m realizing more and more that I need to be organizing those myself now. If we are fortunate enough to have these people around us, we need to be breaking bread with them more often. 

My happiness moment was preparing the meal with him and then being part of the big loud table as we ate our meal. It’s good to be home. 

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Faith, loss, the tribe 

This has been a year of learning to let go, leaning into our faith,  embracing our tribe. 

Today one of our family cats, one that my parents got when my kids were just little, was suddenly called back to heaven. It was heart wrenching. 

Jacob and Tawny have been buddies since he was a little kid. When we would come home to visit, his constant companion was his pal Tawny. When we moved back their friendship only deepened. He was just telling me yesterday how Tawny has always been there for him as a  best friend.  

After he cried in his room for a while he came out and said you know, something I’ve learned after all these losses is that you cry, you feel like the world is over, you remember they are with God, and you learn to move on. 

My cousin (the one we all always turn to in a crisis) and her family came over to help us bury her. Something my tribe knows how to do well is come together and support each other in times of grief. 

We stood at the computer and looked at family photos of our group trip to Italy, oohed and ahhhed at how the kids had grown, how youthful and thin we were all back then, how much fun we had. We measured the kids on the family wall to see how they had grown since  spring. 

And then we went out near where we had scattered my dad’s ashes and buried Tawny. My cousin said a prayer, we shared memories of her, we held each other up, then we came home. 

I talk about my tribe a lot, but I can’t express enough how fortunate I feel to be part of this group of amazing people. So strong in faith, so much love and compassion. I feel so blessed. It’s a weird happiness moment, but I am so happy that we have this strong, loving support system around us. I’m thankful that we had Tawny in our lives. She was a truly loving, wonderful spirit. She will be missed. But, we know she’s sitting happily on Dad’s lap in heaven 

Tawny hanging out with my Dad a few years ago. 

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End of summer 2016

Tomorrow the kids go back to school. I am sad about that, I love having them home and I don’t feel like we did even half of the things we had planned. On the other hand, this summer feels like it’s been kind of an emotional shitstorm and I’m ready to move on from that. It wasn’t summer 2013 bad (which will forever be the bad summer that all bad summers will be measured against), but it wasn’t one of the better ones. Mother Nature played a big role in that with her rain, rain, rain – but it seemed to also be a season where we sorted out and let go of a lot of emotional baggage. That was exhausting. 

We celebrated our last day of freedom with a trip to Banff and fondue for supper. It was nice enough to sit outside to eat, which was a real treat. We all love those mountain hugs. They’re soul healing. We ate, laughed, and shared stories. I love those kiddos and my time with them is precious and always filled with gratitude. We are extremely close the three of us, and I give thanks for that bond every day. 

Chocolate fondue 
On the way home we saw a crazy, big cloud that kind of looked like a dog. I love the big Alberta skies and all our cool clouds 

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