Tag Archives: family

happiness

From the East

Our thanksgiving family time has started with a visit from my cousin on my dad’s side. Because they grew up in Ontario and we are in Alberta I didn’t get to see any of my dad’s relatives as often as we all would have liked – yet that bond is still there and so strong. Losing my dad last year seemed to have brought us even closer together as we realize how small the miles can become and how short the time is.

We caught up on what everyone is doing and spent a lot of time talking about a cousin who has been having some health challenges lately. I am thankful for him that he has this awesome support system built in around him and that the treatments seem to be helping out. It’s just another reminder of how lucky I am to be in this tribe, and how important it is that we really stop and love each other. I don’t think at the end of the day much else is going to matter to me besides the people who I loved.

Happiness – sitting in the kitchen (where all good visiting happens) and catching up with my cousin. Here’s to the beginning of a great thanksgiving weekend.

 

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Never Broken

Thanksgiving brings up so many emotions for me. It used to be one of my favourite family gathering holidays. Then our family imploded on a Thanksgiving a few years ago and it was never the same for the kids and me again. Last year I explored the fact that what had seemed like a tragedy was in fact a gift – the beginning of a new, happier, stronger life. Still, there are these weird emotions that are attached to this weekend.

This year though, we are once again surrounded by friends and family. We are having a big meal at our place, in the kitchen where family has gathered for generations. There will be love and laughter filling our home and I am looking forward to that.

I have been exploring my feelings about being broken. I felt like I was completely shattered for so long I wondered if I would ever heal. Lately though, I have realized that I have healed so much more than I ever thought I would. I have healed enough that the idea of continuing to be broken feels impossible. I keep thinking of the line from the Casting Crowns your world’s not falling apart, it’s falling into place. This year has been about that. Every change has lead to something better, to more healing happening, to me realizing that I was never broken.

I listened to some Jann Arden today while I was driving in the first snow of the year. Because we lived in the States for so many years, I missed a lot of her newer songs. I fell in love with her song You Love Me Back. How have I never heard that one before? It’s so happy it made me feel good just listening to it. But, then I heard You Were Never Broken.

I’ve struggled so much in my life with letting go. It’s only been in the past couple of years that I’ve understood how important it is to let some people go from my life. And I’ve also understood that sometimes with that comes burning bridges (sometimes with people still on them), and that that is ok. I have finally understood that it’s only by letting go that I can make room for the new and better things that are waiting to come into my life.

I think this year I am finally ready to embrace that gift that was given to me on that Thanksgiving years ago. It made me change every single thing about my life. It’s been a long and very difficult climb, but I feel like I am out of the darkness. The profound happiness moment that this brings is almost impossible to describe, but it fills me with intense gratitude- perfect for Thanksgiving.

 

Never Broken – Jann Arden

Leave them all behind
Everyone that hurt you
Leave them on the road
Let them get run over
Nobody can stop you
You were never broken
You were only hoping it would end

Keep your body well
Drink in lots of water
Always look ahead
Don’t you wait for nothin’
Nobody can stop you
You were never broken
You were only hopin’ for a friend

All they want is for you to fail
You wont be defeated
Just stand on that mountain
You look down at the valley
Every step you’ve taken
Nobody can stop you
You were never broken
You were always holding out for this

 

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Cake with my mom

Today is my mom’s birthday – being home is still fresh enough that I am so grateful for the fact that we get to be here and celebrate these events with our loved ones. There’s still that weird hole in our celebrations where Dad is supposed to be, but we come together all the same.

We had a family supper that was enhanced with the presence of my niece and nephew. They have been life long friends with my kids and when the four of them get together it’s hilarious chaos. It made the party that much better listening to their strange brand of humour.

I have spent the day thinking about what my mom has given me over the years. She has always shown me constant love and support –  I grew up knowing unconditional love because of how my parents loved us. I knew that no matter what I did or how I behaved they loved me because of who I was. The older I get the more I understand what a rare gift that is. When times get tough, my mom is always one of the first people to come forward and offer to help – no matter what it takes. I have watched her dig deeper than I would have ever thought possible to help out her loved ones. It makes me want to give that same gift to my tribe. There is something magical about knowing that someone has your back all the time – forever – no matter what. She’s also funny as hell.

My happiness moment – gathered around the dinner table – laughing – loving – being together – celebrating my mom.

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Alvin and the Chipmunks

The past few weekends seem like they have been busy, stressful, and hectic. Having a quiet day today was so welcome. It was rainy and kind of gross out which made it the perfect day to clean the house, watch movies, read, and nap.

I’ve become a lot more aware lately of where my energy is being directed, to whom I’m giving it, and how I want to use it. It’s amazing how letting go of things and people that drain me has opened doors to allow some pretty cool things to start to come in. That letting go that I struggle with so much – it has it’s benefits for sure!

Having the quiet time to meditate, study my Ayurveda, love on my kids has put my balance back where it belongs – grounded and centered.

Laughing tonight with my Jenna while we watched an Alvin and the Chipmunks movie and ate popcorn was a fantastic happiness moment.

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Italian Centre and the Village People

The boy and I ended up having a personal wellness day today. He had an appointment with a specialist that was on the other side of town which gifted him the day off of school (it’s a short day Friday), so we decided to take full advantage of it after his appointment.

Because we were fairly close – which means not really close, but we wanted to do it anyway – we headed over to the Italian Centre in the south part of town for lunch. It was crazy busy, but the food makes it so worth it. Because we were at lunch rush time,  there were no tables. As we were standing there trying to figure out what to do, they started putting out places to sit outside. It was 14C and you never know here how much longer the weather is going to hold, so we took full advantage of the opportunity to eat alfresco.

That kid makes me laugh so hard. Like hiccups, tears down my face laughter. Needless to say it was a good lunch. He’s such a strong, gentle soul – I learn so much about the perfect love of God in just spending time with that human.

Me and my sweet tooth…. where do I even begin!


On the way home the YMCA came on and we did some serious car dancing. Well, me more than him – and that was mostly because it started to embarrass him which of course made it more fun for me. But there were glimpses of moments inside his embarrassment where I could see him tapping out the beat and quietly doing the hand movements that go along with the song.

I have so much appreciation and gratitude for the relationship I have with that kid. Lunching and car dancing – happiness moments.

On a different note, I had a conversation with a newer member of my tribe today. She’s dealing with some serious stuff. It’s not really her stuff so much as  that of someone whom she loves dearly. I was so humbled and impressed at how she’s loving and holding him up during his deep grief and troubles. I am so blessed to have so many amazingly strong people in my tribe. If indeed it is true that your vibe attracts your tribe (and I believe it is) I must be on a pretty good vibe because I have awesome people in my tribe.

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Tiramisu in the afternoon

I met my cousin today for a spectacularly wonderful lunch at an Italian restaurant in town (for those of you close to Cochrane – it was The Boot). Life is busy, but we are both at a stage where we are very clearly understanding the power and importance of these close friendships, so we make time about once a month to get together for a visit. This was the first one in a while that didn’t seem like it was rushed (or had sick tag along kids involved) and we could really just sit and focus on catching up with each other.

This kind of relationship is special for many reasons. We have known each other our entire lives, we share and understand (as much as one can) our unique family, we have had a genuine friendship since we were babies, and we have both been through some (very different) shit over the past few years that has made us really sit back and reassess our lives. It’s so nice to be able to have a conversation with someone about anything in my life and not have to explain any back story because usually she already knows most of it.

We talked about everything  today – kids, cows, family, relationships, faith, food…

The food was amazing by the way. And the owner comes from the same small town in Italy that my aunt does which made it extra enjoyable.


We laughed, we rolled eyes, we shared stories, we enjoyed our food, we split an awesome tiramisu…. we really enjoyed the warmth and love that comes from a genuine friendship. My happiness moment.

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Sunshine on my shoulder 

I started the day off by accidentally sleeping in. That doesn’t happen very often so I knew I was tired. However, instead of then bolting out of bed and racing into the day, I noticed that there were beautiful red colours appearing in my east window. The next thing I knew I was standing barefoot in the yard admiring the fantastic sunrise 

This does not do it any justice 


The whole day was beautiful. It was like summer, so warm and bright. It helped cheer me up as both the girl and I spent the day with sniffly noses and feeling a bit sorry for ourselves. 

This evening I decided to force myself to go out for a walk and it was the best decision I could have made. My entire walk was filled with my heart telling my brain can you believe we are back here? Isn’t this the best place in the world? It was perfectly beautiful tonight. And the clouds were amazing 

And of course the mountains 
My gratitude happiness moment. I am so happy this is where our roots are planted. 

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Water bottle toss

Today was the epitome of Sunday Funday. Surprising since I went into the day with very little expectations of having any fun. 

I remain impressed how a change in my energy focus has completely changed my interactions with my people. I have had so much fun with my tribe this weekend. It makes me realize how important it is to focus on what is healthy and good for me. 

After a day spent getting mountain hugs in Canmore (and a fun surprise encounter with a cousin there), we had family Sunday supper. Always a favourite for me. And my favourite chef was on BBQ so you know we all left with happy bellies. 

After picking up my boy from a weekend with his aunt and family and driving home listening to his chatter about all the fun he had (a happiness moment) we stopped back at my cousin’s house so he could grab second supper 

When his meal was done the 4 kids started playing a water bottle toss game. You had to spin throw the bottle and have it land standing up on the counter. After a bit the competitive side of me came out and I had to join in. It was crazy, stupid fun – and we laughed and laughed and got overly competitive (a family problem). 

I say it all the time – but I would be lost without my tribe. How blessed am I. A deep, peaceful, happiness moment. 

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Trust the journey 

It’s been a weird week. I’ve had these gut feelings come up and make me question myself and choices I’ve made. I’m so hard on myself sometimes. Some of the things going on had me feeling so overwhelmed and like I was making bad decisions all over the place. 

So I slowed everything down and got back to praying and meditating. And weird things started happening. I had people appear suddenly offering friendship, I had questions asked to me about Ayurveda, I had questions answered about whether I’m doing the right thing. 

I had a conversation with someone this morning that I kind of expected to go badly. I was really anxious about it, and wasn’t in a very good headspace to begin with. 

Instead of what I was expecting, I was given a talk about how I needed to honour my journey. This is someone who came into my life when I was completely broken and he’s been one of my teachers as I’ve been on the path of healing. 

He told me he was there to walk the journey with me, that I needed to remember how much I had worked through, and that it was a testament to my strength and character that I was where I was now. In a time of such self doubt, I really needed to hear that right now. I may now meet everyone’s approval, but I can feel in my gut I’m being true to myself. 

Those kind words were more than a happiness moment, they helped me pick myself up and keep walking on my path. 

As a bonus happiness moment I had the girls help me in the garden today. It’s time to get out what we can before everything freezes. They pulled carrots and onions, and dug potatoes. The potatoes hold a special place in our heart because they are ones that my great grandfather brought over from Ireland almost 150 years ago. 

The purple potatoes. I wonder what he wound think of his great – great granddaughter digging them up outside of the house he built all those years ago. Our roots run deep here. 

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That’s what it’s all about 

I spent a lot of time today thinking about my community – not just my tribe, but the community that we live in. When we moved back I was very mindful about the fact that I wanted to make Cochrane our hometown. It has always been a community I have felt part of, even though we have always lived on the outside of it. 

With that in mind, we started building relationships with the people in town – making new friends (reacquainting with old ones), getting to know the people who work in the shops we frequent – the grocery store, the cafes, the pet store – developing a church community (still a work in progress). Every time we go into town we see people we know. For the kids and I who were strangers and foreigners for years, that is a really big deal. It means we are home, we have a place where we belong – there’s a lot of security and joy that comes from that. 

Then we also have the blessing of our big and crazy tribe. People get added to it and it grows, but the sense of peace that comes from it stays the same. 

Jenna has developed a strong friendship with a delightful girl from her school. It has begun a friendship with her mother and I. I think those kinds of friendships are the best – where the whole family develops a bond. 

The two girls are in the yard playing Star Wars with bamboo sticks. My favourite view from my house is the one out the kitchen window towards the barn. Usually it’s because I love the barn, I love the animals that usually are out there, but mostly it’s because that view gives me the feeling of home. When I looked out and saw them playing there I realized how much this has become home for the kids too. Happiness moment extrordinaire. 

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