Tag Archives: God

happiness

Into the fury of the fire 

Today we gathered together as a family and as a community and said farewell to my Uncle Harvey. He was my mom’s cousin, but in this large, close knit, extended family he was still uncle to me.

 I spent hours, days, seasons, riding in the fields on his ranch as a smaller child. It was one of the places where I learned the life lessons of courage and strength that have sustained me so well these past few years as I have been rebuilding a more peaceful and happier soul. My courage and strength were both tested every single time I got on a horse at their place and was pushed to the limit of my fears. I will be forever grateful for the lessons I learned from them. 

His sons were talking today at his funeral about uncle Harvey’s own courage and strength and how he taught those around him to be the same by example rather than words. Anyone can say the words to describe the person they want to be, it takes a brave soul to actually live by those words. 

Almost 50 years ago there was a prairie fire in the community and everyone had rushed out to help put it out. Uncle Harvey had been away so when he returned home he knew people were working hard to stop the fire. Instead of joining them, he ran to the barn and saddled up his horse. He grabbed his wire cutters and headed flat out into the fury of the fire. He opened gates and cut wires in fences to let the livestock escape the oncoming fire. 

They spoke of the kind of man who was both brave and kind enough to run full on into a fire to save the animals. That takes a special kind of individual and one that I am so grateful played such a big role in teaching me about courage and bravery. 

My happiness moment ironically came in the middle of the funeral. I was thinking of the gifts that he gave me as a child and how they are gifts I have opened over and over again in my life. There have been so many different people who God has put in my path who have handed me the gifts I needed to carry myself into the next place I wanted to get to. All the emotional craziness of this week has also been a gift. Somehow in the middle of all of it I have settled into a place of spiritual peace that has been missing for quite sometime – and even though I have no idea how it happened, I’m so grateful for that. 

Uncle Harvey’s work clothes. 

Standard
happiness

And the thunder rolls. 

Last night was crazy with storms brewing both inside and outside the house. It was the second night in a row that  the storms have kept me up and it’s left me rather a disaster. Some of you know of the inside storm and to that let me say – if you know me and you have my number please be wise enough to know not to text me in the middle of the night unless you are dying. Seriously. 

Anyway. Onto today. 

We were at my cousin’s house for supper when gigantic balls of ice started falling from the sky. Hail the size of ping pong balls. 


We decided my mom’s car needed to be saved from the hail and I ran outside to move it. So, while I’m on one side of the house being attacked by giant ice balls, the family is looking out the window the other way at this: (the white things are hail)


When I came back inside bruised and battered and learned of this I said it’s like God is over there showing the whole world His promise and how much He loves them. Meanwhile He is beating the hell out of me behind the house. Kind of like how my last year has gone. We all found that hysterical and laughed and laughed. Then my cousin said there’s a bible quote for me to go with that and said:

And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. Romans 5:4

So we talked about that for a while. How hope and faith are so defining. I love our family discussions. They always include religion, politics, beef, what’s for dessert, and at least one weird random thing. I am grateful for this awesome tribe that brings me happiness moments on a regular basis. 

Standard
happiness

Holding on and letting go

The theme of this week has been regaining my balance. In the ideal world regaining balance means that I get what I think will make me happy (and the sooner the better). This isn’t always the case though. What always does happen is I get realigned with what is best for my soul – which always leads to happiness in the long run. 

Getting into my balanced state means finding that line of what to hold onto and what to let go of. This the constant struggle of my life. Knowing when it is time to let go. Fortunately last year I had a lot of practice in the art of letting go and I’m much more aware of how the signs present themselves in my body. My body is pretty persistent in how it keeps sending signals until I pay attention to them.  And oh it feels good to honor that intuition. 

I used to struggle more with knowing when to hold on or let go because of my fears. In the last few years I have had to walk into every single one of my fears (except for clowns and mascots – I’m still scared shitless of them) and I have come out a better person for all of it. 

Thanks to the words of my smart friend Robyn, I’m no longer afraid to love with my whole heart. As she was processing the death of her mother last year, she  pointed out that to love someone means that you know for sure you will get hurt. Either your relationship ends or one of you dies. No matter what there is pain, but we need to do it anyway. I’m not afraid to be alone – thanks to Mr. X, I know it’s better to be alone than with someone and feel alone. I’m not afraid to start over anymore, and I’m no longer afraid of losing all I have. 

What I learned for absolute certain is that while I walk through my fears I have not been alone. I learned that every single time  I asked God for help He was there on the path to pick me up and guide me. No matter what kind of a brat I was being. 

There were several happiness moments today including listening to fiddlers  at the farmer’s  market, a movie, and supper with various members of my tribe. I had an awesome friend (and tribe member) point out to be how many amazing women are in my family. That built in tribe has always been such a blessing. 

But, for some reason Derek hanging in our yard brings me a ridiculous amount of happiness. He’s kind of become my extra, outside dog. I love how we attract in those who need love. 

Standard
happiness

My happy place 

The other night we did an exercise that involved going to our happy place in our minds. That place where you are totally safe, secure, happy, and at home. For me it was a no brainer – I’ve had the same happy place since I was a kid.  I’m sitting in my happy place right now in fact – lucky me. 


Having that safe place to go and to be in is part of what grounds me and connects me back to God. I’ve been pretty unbalanced lately and it’s only been the last few days that I’ve realized how completely off centre I’ve actually been. 

I woke up at 2 last night unable to sleep. My tummy was in knots and I was feeling totally anxious and out of sorts. Not a good feeling. I decided to do some long overdue energy work and did some heart healing. It took a couple of hours, but I finally got back to a place where my heart felt open again and that’s what allows my  energy flow up to God and out to my people. 

I’m so grateful that I am learning better and more effective ways of bringing that balance back into my life. It’s the only way I can function properly. My happiness moment – my happy place. 

Standard
happiness

Strength and balance

I love that usually God provides me with food for thought at exactly the right moment. In reality He likely always does I’m just not paying enough attention. I’ve had a few chats  in the last 24 hours that ended up tying things together for me today. 

I had a conversation last night with him about relationships and the roles that people take in them (I love that we talk about this stuff. I am so thankful God put this man in my life). We talked about how ideally one person can bring strength and the other can bring balance into a relationship. 

I went to bed thinking about that and how my life has been the past few years. I have been both the strength and the balance for a long time. While it’s exhausting to do both, I have had the opportunity to discover that I have more strength than I ever thought possible and have found incredible peace through the balance I have managed. 

I’m not naive enough to think I actually did it all alone. I had three key people in Virginia bring me back to a powerful relationship with God who started performing miracles in my life right away. Now I gain added strength and balance from being back in my tribe. They hold me up and walk me through it all. 

Every single time someone tries to knock  me down I will get back up. Every. Single. Time. 

My happiness moment was time spent on the west part of the  ranch this morning. It’s so beautiful and I don’t spend much time out there. Then time spent with him which always makes me happy. Then time with a cousin watching the show bands play. It was a day that had a weird wrench of stress thrown into it, but one where happiness kept showing up all over. I am grateful for that. It reminds me that life is good, that happiness and peace are a way of life that should be sought out. 

Standard
happiness

Fuzzy Lions

Today was a perfect day. I realize as I wrote this, that there have been a lot of perfect days lately. 

I took my Dotted Dog out for a walk tonight along my road – the road I have travelled since forever. I drove on it with my grandparents, rode my horse on it with my sister, chased cows on it with my cousins – and now that we have gone full circle I walk on it with my kids and with my dog. 

There is something about being back here where our roots are that has allowed us to fly again.  

I was thinking as I was walking how much has changed since I started doing my dog walks in Roanoke a few years ago. Then I spent my whole time praying for a better, safer, happier, more loving life. Now I walk and even though I still ask for things, mostly I give thanks for the fact that I’m living a better, safer, happier, more loving life. 

Dottie and I stood for a long time by a field of Sophia’s Fuzzy Lions and I gave thanks for the amazing gifts that have been brought into my life. A fantastic happiness moment. 

Standard
happiness

Follow your heart 

The last few years have been spent really learning to listen to my heart. You can call it what you’d like – listening to my heart, listening to God, honouring my intuition, it has all put me on the path leading to where I am now. 

Here’s what I know for sure. When I ignored my heart, ignored those voices speaking from my soul, and tried to play the game of life safely things didn’t work out so well for me. In fact everything I played safely for made me miserable and I ended up losing it all in the end. I was empty and broken. When I was left with nothing and had the chance to start over I realized I had the power to make some changes. I could decide how I wanted to live the rest of my life. 

Now my heart, my intuition, my spiritual voice is the one who gets to make the decisions and I can’t remember when I’ve been happier. It’s amazing how much anxiety can be avoided, how much energy saved, when I just stop and listen to that inner guidance system. Even in this place of uncertainty and insecurity I’m more convinced than ever that I’m doing the right thing. 

I can tell it’s right because my heart is happier. My happiness moment today was some time spent really connecting with that happy, peaceful part of my heart. It’s a pretty amazing feeling to know that my heart is safe and in a good place. 

Standard
happiness

I’ll wait for you under the bluebells 

I had a good friend remind me today that love never ends. Just because someone is gone does not mean we stop loving them. I remember thinking a year ago at this time as we watched Dad start to slip away that I was so grateful for unconditional love. I knew that not only did I have it here, but that once he was gone that love would stay. 

I feel so frustrated sometimes, so much has happened this year. I’ve had all these spiritual challenges and miracles happen and it’s all the kind of thing I would have talked with him about as we walked the ridge. I still go outside and talk away, andI know he’s listening because I can feel him with me, and God keeps opening doors that I’ve thought were locked. But still. I’d sure love a face to face chat. 

I don’t think I’ve ever cried so much in my life as I have this past year, or sworn, or given thanks. I know for sure it has left me so grateful for where I am and the direction I’m heading. 

This is another one of Dad’s photos. I can imagine him sitting out in a field of bluebells. 


We had snow this morning. Gotta love Alberta – Mother Nature does what she wants. I had to send the kids out to beat snow off of our precious lilac bush. My happiness moment was warching them stand under the trees and beat the snow. Of course it all landed on them which lead to much laughing and shouting. 

Standard
happiness

Comfort food for the soul

We got back at the search for our family church this morning and went to the Anglican Church in Cochrane. We had a wonderful and warm greeting from members of the congregation as we walked in. I really enjoyed the service and yet as we were going through it I kept feeling like something was missing. One of the hymns we sang made me think of Dad and of course my eyes started leaking (I would like to make it through one church service without crying – it’s been almost a year). As I was trying to quietly wipe my eyes before anyone noticed I realized what it was that was missing.

Being in an Anglican service was like comfort food for my soul. I knew the liturgy, the hymns were all so familiar, even the non stop aerobic workout as we stood and sat was second nature. It was grounding and peaceful and made me feel like I belonged. Except for one thing… it wasn’t my church (although there was no reason for it not to be -these people were lovely and so welcoming).

I’ve been pretty focused on finding a church in Cochrane. I want it to be our hometown and the centre of our lives. But, I realized that maybe what I need at this point of my life is the familiarity of my home church – the one I grew up in. I crave comfort food for my soul. So, instead of trying to recreate it elsewhere, why not go back to the building and the community that gave it to me in the first place? As I was pondering this, the priest started his sermon which was all about making sure that you find time to fill your spiritual needs.

When we left the service I asked the kids how they felt about it. Without sharing any of my feelings about returning to the family church, I said that I had really enjoyed the hymns and Jenna said because they remind you of your old church and that makes you feel at home and safe. Wise words from a child. Jacob then asked why aren’t we just going back to the church where we were baptized and where Grandpa’s funeral was? It’s our family church and where all our big events have happened? (my sister and I were both married in that church as well). I love how intuitive they are as to what will help fill our spiritual needs.

My happiness moment today was the realization that we really need comfort food for our souls and that will allow us to shine our lights a little more brightly into the world.

Standard
happiness

Google translate 

I had some unexpected alone time with the boy this afternoon. Between school and our (un)family situation he’s been under a lot of stress lately. Today though, he was back to his regular happy self. I love that version of him. 

While we were driving into town he grabbed my phone and started typing everything he wanted to say into google translate. So, every time I’d ask him something Siri would answer. It was kind of like talking to a ventriloquist holding a dummy. The answers he gave were off the wall funny and completely unexpected. He had me laughing so hard my sides hurt. 

It’s been a tough few months, or a tough year, actually it’s been a really hard last few years. It is so nice that we are getting to a place where we feel the freedom to start to laugh and enjoy life more often. 

It was a great happiness moment today, belly laughing with the boy as he cracked jokes. 

We have so much to be thankful for. Even though I’m still asking God, I find myself thanking God more and more often. 

Standard