Tag Archives: gratitude

happiness

It’s all part of the same family

Tonight we had a wonderful happiness moment in the form of a family supper. Jacob and I came late to the party as we wee back in urgent care getting his ribs checked (again). Arriving tired, emotional, and hungry, it was so heart warming to come into the house and see it full of family. 

That house has always been a multi generational home in my heart. As far as my memory goes back there have been grandparents, parents, kids, siblings, and cousins running around the place. The people may have aged and the generations shifted, but there we are all the same. 

Tonight once again there was laughter filled in the dining room by grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings, and everything in between. Keeping these roots that help me grow strong is so important. 

As we were leaving, Jacob looked down the driveway and said there’s three different families all sitting here waiting for us to pull out (we had parked everyone in). And I replied and yet we are all the same family. 

Having those bonds with the ones I love is priceless. This is what being home is all about and I’m so thankful I can provide this kind of grounding and security for the kids. 

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He chose me

Today was a pretty special day as far as days go. I mean it’s Friday so right away it’s a little bit better just because of that. But, what made it even more fantastic was the fact that my 14 year old asked me to go to a movie with him. Like, he had the option to go with friends and still wanted to go with me. He said we hardly ever get any time together that’s just us and he wanted to do something special. 

It was a great happiness moment sitting in the theatre belly laughing with my kid. As an added bonus, I used my Scene points and we got to go for free. Life is pretty good. 

  

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Love pays it forward

I knew I should have waited until the end of the day to write my happiness moment. But I was trying to be all productive when I wrote it earlier this afternoon. 

I reflected on what I wrote as I drove into town to get Jenna from school. I thought about the lessons my Dad taught me as he was dying last spring. High among them was how he managed to not complain (huge for me, I discovered during that time that I complain about everything), and walk bravely into something that was both unavoidable and that scared him deeply. His courage, his dignity, and his grace during that time of uncertainty for him was a huge life lesson to me.

I understood that these are qualities that I need to live by now. I need to be gracious and kind during a time that fills me with fear and uncertainty.

Moving ahead with that, Jenna and I went to the grocery store to get buns for “hamburger night” (she has been craving a good burger for a while now). When we walked into the store she turned to me and said it bothers me that I can’t buy you a Valentine’s present mom. Can I borrow $5 from you? I’ll pay you back with my tooth fairy money. But, I really want to get you something. You do so much for us and I love you. Remembering that the kids expressed to me that they felt badly that they had not got me a birthday gift last month (usually I just buy something that I want and put their name on it and they give it to me. I didn’t have the energy this year and I felt badly when I realized that it had upset them), I handed Jenna over $5 and sent her on her way.

But not before I pulled her in for a big hug. Her one simple act of innocent kindness changed my entire perspective on the day. It reminded me of how very important it is to show love whenever it is possible. No act is too small.

With that warm feeling in my heart I walked by a bouquet of sunflowers mixed in with the other Valentine flowers. Dad’s flowers. I bought them and we brought them home for mom. Because the best part of love is that it needs to be shared with everyone around you. I wrapped up Jenna’s  feelings of love shared with me and passed them on. That is how you do a happiness moment!!!

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All the Whos down in Whoville

I was having a difficult time keeping my smile on this morning. I’m not exactly sure why it was more of a challenge today, I guess sometimes I’m just more a bit more emotional than others. Learning to live in those emotions has been a difficult lesson for me, but an enlightening one. I’m discovering how to honour that whatever feeling I’m experiencing is real and that it also won’t last forever (the kids say I cried all of 2015 so hopefully that part will begin to taper off).

I feel like I haven’t even been able to really process my last life crisis and yet here I find myself smack in the middle of another one.

I remember listening to Dad last spring when he was talking about his quest to find his spirituality. He was so concerned that he wasn’t able to focus on it the way he wanted to. I reminded him of a conversation we had had the winter before where he had told me that he was so glad he had the time then to really meditate and get closer to God. He felt he was building up reserves that would be able to carry him through times when he didn’t have the energy to do that.

I kind of feel like all the time and energy I have spent over the past few years building myself up from my broken self was so that I would be strong enough to face all the challenges this past year has brought me. I am so thankful that I decided to start this happiness journey. To now have the skills and the ability to look for happiness in every moment, no matter what life is throwing at me allows me to live in joy even when there is sadness around.

When I went to meditate this morning I had this image of the Whos in Whoville singing around their Christmas tree come to me very strongly. No matter how I tried to focus back on my mantra or drop it from my mind, all I could see were those Whos.


I feel kind of like the Grinch has tried to steal Christmas from me lately. That image was a good reminder to me that the things that are really important when all is said and done can’t be stolen or taken away. I stand in this time of huge uncertainty with a lot of fear and anticipation, but I know in the deepest part of my soul that all of the things that are really good about my life can’t be taken away from me. I will stand around that tree with a kid’s hand grasping mine on either side and we will sing and be joyful whether the presents are there or not.

Years ago I read a book called Take the Step, the Bridge Will Be There. And I just have to have faith now that with each step I take that the next one will show up in front of me. I find surrendering a very difficult thing to do and seem to be only able to do it when there are no other options left. This past year I feel like I’ve had a lot of opportunity to practice (sigh).

My happiness moment was the ray of light that was left after my meditation. The understanding that we will be ok, that everything will work out, and that I love and am loved by those two kiddos so deeply nothing will ever change that.

 

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Tea for Two

I love it when I wake up and know in advance that I will have at least one happiness moment to be excited about in the day. Even though we have been back home for almost a year, I still have a small list of friends with whom I have not been able to have a really good sit down visit. Pathetic I know, but when you combine a really busy life with my being a socially awkward introvert, it’s amazing I ever get together with anyone. I am remembering now that I’m back around my tribe how very important it is for me to actually get out with friends and talk and laugh and share.

This afternoon I met with a dear old friend that I have not had a really good visit with in years – like since our kids were all in diapers. Since coming back I have run into her at the grocery store a couple of times which was a great way to have a quick catch up, but nothing like what sitting down over a cup of tea and sharing will do for the soul.

I’m so grateful for this friendship. We are unlikely friends in that we are different in so many ways. And yet, since the first time I met her we have had this strong bond that has drawn us together. Generally I have a really difficult time opening up with people, and she’s one of those very rare people with whom I know I can safely share absolutely anything.

We had a wonderful two hour tea (which turned out to be much too short), and we shared where our lives have gone over the past 10 years since we last visited. Had we shared back then where we thought we would be right now I don’t think either of us would have predicted the paths our lives have taken. It is such a gift to have someone that you can reflect on your journey with – someone who just listens without judgement and shares their own in the same manner.

We left our visit having decided that the time has come for our families to tighten our bond. Her husband is the godfather of my Jenna and they don’t know each other at all. But, now that we are living in the same town and travelling on similar life paths, all of that can be rebuilt.

There are so many gifts that are coming out of what seemed to be such an uncertain and scary time. It helps me so much to know that I have so many people now with whom I can share my journey with – in happiness and in sorrow. That support of the tribe makes the trip so much more enjoyable. A beautiful happiness moment shared over a cup of tea.

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A silhouette of hope

  
This photo that I took this morning seems to express how I am feeling right now. Some dark, some shadows, rays of light, and a beautiful horse. Because everything hopeful in my life should include a horse. 

I am in a period of great uncertainty where I am having to rely heavily on my faith and trust that every blind step I am taking is one that will lead to a happier life. 

Moments like this one with the horse give me great joy and happiness. I feel my soul calm and am able to breathe deeply and find strength to face the things that cause me fear. 

My happiness moment was this great moment of peace in the morning. It was enhanced by great moments of love and support given to me throughout the day. These came in many different forms:  words of encouragement, super duper help with child care and taxi servicing to lessons (from my awesome cousin), kind smiles, feelings of love, and the grounding of home. 

The warmth that I get from looking at this photo is one I know I will return to many times to find peace. 

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Girls in the barn 

  
This old barn holds so many magical memories. Generations of my family have worked and played inside it. My grandfather handpicked all the logs and then built it about a hundred years ago. It is one of those special places that holds my heart. 

This afternoon Jenna had a friend over to play and the first thing they did was run up to the barn to play. They ran around looking for cats, and then just enjoyed playing outside in the corral. 

I love that I can look out my kitchen window and see this building that holds such fond memories of my youth. I spent countless hours either playing in the loft or grooming my pony inside while looking out towards the mountains. 

It was a great happiness moment to see my child enjoying an earthy, blissful moment in beautifully grounding and stable (haha get it) place. 

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Masterchef Jr Marathon

We had so many plans for the day. We were going to get up bright and early and head off to church, then come home and clean house, then maybe go for a nice afternoon drive. Best laid plans and all…. What ended up happening was that I slept for 10 hours (Jenna a little longer), we missed church, and ended up spending the day in our PJ’s on the couch binge watching Masterchef JR (and one Beethoven movie).

I had no idea how tired we were until we stopped and rested. I am so incredibly glad that we have a few days off pretty soon where everyone can just slow down a little bit and recharge their batteries.

Even though I spend a lot of time with the kids, we are often rushing here and there, going to school or various activities. I love quiet, lazy time spent with them as well. It was so nice to cuddle up with my girl on the couch and watch those little kids cook some pretty amazing meals.

Jenna used to cook all the time. When she turned 5 we were living in Rhode Island and she decided she wanted lobster bisque for her birthday. I chopped and turned on the stove, but she did all the rest of the cooking. We also used to make naan bread together all the time. Obviously it’s time to get motivated and get us both back in the kitchen. It was a great way of bonding for the two of us.

It was a great, slow, lazy happiness moment spent hanging with one of my favourite people in the world. I am so grateful that it is my job to nurture my amazing humans, watching them grow, learn, love and laugh.

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Dancing with myself

I used to love to dance. I don’t dance well and usually do it only in the privacy of my own home, but I used to love to do it. I remember dancing in my bedroom as a teen to Duran Duran, Boy George, and mostly Billy Idol. I loved Billy Idol (still do). Even my pony Pirate loved Billy Idol and we were often listening to his music while running around together in the arena. Pirate was a little blonde bad ass punker-rebel so he really fit the part.

When the kids were little I used to dance with them all the time. With Jacob it was usually more kid appropriate music, with Jenna it tended to be more Black Eyed Peas and Lady Gaga (her choices). We would dance and dance and laugh and spin and enjoy each other.

Then some life stuff happened and all of a sudden dancing made me sad. I think it made me sad because it used to bring me so much joy and then when I was doing it all I could see was how unhappy life was. So I stopped. I’ve tried off and on to dance again, but there’s always been this underlying feeling of sadness lingering there.

Tonight I put Billy Idol on the Iphone and danced and twirled and sang (as badly as I dance) and really enjoyed myself. The direct result of this quest for happiness is that happiness is finding me. More and more there are happy and joyful moments. Even when surrounded by uncertainty, there is so much happiness and hope and love. Billy Idol… my happiness moment.

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Urgent care 

I’m so grateful that we live where we do when one of us is in need of medical attention. It is such a refreshing change to go into the doctor, urgent care, or the hospital and have them ask what it is that brings you in today, or what is wrong, instead of what is your insurance.

Jacob hit the wall yesterday. Literally, hit the wall. He was running while playing indoor soccer in gym class and a kid pushed him as he was going by. Jacob flew into the wall bashing his left side and left leg against the concrete. When I picked him up he was sore, and it seemed to get worse as the night went on. When he woke up he was in considerable pain and I decided that he should be checked out (I was mostly concerned about internal damage or a cracked rib).

Off we went to Urgent Care in Cochrane. That place has been a godsend, we have been there a few times over the past year and every single time the staff has been incredibly kind and helpful. Because we were there early we were quickly brought in and given a room and had a nurse checking him out right away.

I was glad I took him in as they also were concerned about where his pain was. There was a resident doctor who came in and spent a lot of time moving him this way and that, asking him (him not me) questions, and generally checking him out. I was impressed that as she was poking him on his sides to see where it hurt, she was focusing on his face to watch for his pain reaction.

They did everything – urine test, drew blood, X-rays, and lots of manual examinations.

After a while the senior doctor came in and introduced herself (although she didn’t remember me I had met her on a previous visit and had been so impressed with her bedside manner. I was glad she was one of the people who were looking after us). She told us that it was the resident’s first day running the area and that she was mostly there to just keep an eye on things. Then she did a full examination of Jacob as well.

I was really impressed, because after her examination she brought the resident back in. She showed her a couple of tests she had done on Jacob – they were worried about his spleen and she had moved him a couple of different ways to see his reaction. Then she went over what the resident had done and told her what a great and thorough job she was doing. Good teachers are such a blessing and this lady is absolutely one of them. She seemed like the kind of person you could easily learn from, and leave an experience feeling smarter and better about yourself.

We ended up being sent in for an ultrasound just to rule out any issue with any internal organs. Fortunately it seems he’s just bruised and banged up and is in need of some extra TLC for the weekend (so he packed a bag and went to his Grandma’s house where he knew he would be spoiled rotten).

My happiness moment was realizing the blessing we have of having such a great medical team so close to where we live. It makes me feel so safe and secure knowing that there is this group of people who are really interested in making sure that we are well taken care of and brought back to our healthy state of being.

I’m so thankful for this place. I hope we don’t have to keep visiting it, but I’m glad it’s there!

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