Tag Archives: gratitude

happiness

A walk on the track

This afternoon after school, Jenna and I headed to the gym to walk along the track. It was maybe nice enough to have walked outside (except for that wind), but the last chinook left everything so icy it’s not very enjoyable walking these days.

The entire ride there Jenna babbled happily about her gym class at school. They had been playing a game and Jenna had decided to find out how fast a runner she was. She was feeling quite accomplished and was busy telling me how she felt like the Road Runner (complete with beep beeps and moments when he would get so far ahead he would stop and check his nails).

It thrills me when I pick up the kids and they are happy after a day at school. Both of them are settling into their environments and no longer feeling like the new kid. They both tell me often how this feels like home in a way that no other place ever has (well, because it is home. Real home). 

My happiness moment was walking along the track with my girl and listening to her talk about how happy she is. She talks about her friends and things they play at school, about activities they do in class, and just how much she likes being here. I love having one on one time with each kid, it was extra nice to get to move around a bit while we shared some stories.

As a bonus happiness moment, right before hitting post on my blog I had a call from my aunt (dad’s sister). We had a long and lovely conversation. I mentioned to her that one bonus that came out 2015 was that it brought us back closer with Dad’s family. I love those people and I’m so glad to be building closer and stronger relationships with them. I imagine Dad is really happy about that too.

 

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A mind – full meditation

My meditation practice is still a work in progress. Meditation is something that I have been drawn to and curious about since discovering that I love yoga. But it’s also something I’ve been hesitant to do and slow to love.

I flirted a bit with it over the years, but it wasn’t until I became a student of New World Ayurveda that it actually became a part of my daily routine. And, let’s be honest here, a lot of the time it only is part of that routine because it’s a graduation requirement. Sometimes I like it, a lot of the time I hate it, often I am bored by it, always I feel better because of it.

When I first started I was so filled with anxiety that I couldn’t do more than a few minutes before having a panic attack. My body and soul was in such distress that I couldn’t take that quiet time. It took a lot of time and a lot of determination to keep going and get through that.

Interestingly, now as a byproduct of all that hard work (and some other things learned through Ayurveda), I barely think about anxiety at all anymore. I’ve made such enormous changes in my life and I’m hardly ever anxious.

However, usually I still struggle through my meditation practice. I’ll be focusing on my mantra and then instead of slipping into the blissful state I feel I should be heading towards, my mind goes to….. hmmmm what should I have for lunch? Did I get the kids all the things they needed for school? Is the dog going through the garbage? She’s such a naughty dog. I should take her for a walk, I hear the cats moving around, is there a mouse in the house? I’m hungry. Is this almost over? Why am I not all blissful? And then some real life problems are always mixed in.

I meditate for 20 minutes at a time. When I’m getting ready to meditate, I wish that I could maybe only do 5 or 10 minutes… but the course says I have to do 20. Grumble grumble. But, it’s not until the last 5 or so minutes when my brain usually lets go of all its crap and I relax into a proper state.

Today’s meditation was a wild ride. Unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. I’m focusing on letting go, allowing, trusting, loving, listening to my heart. It’s all very challenging for me as I have a hard time trusting and because of that a hard time allowing. Although I am also painfully aware that I never am able to actually accomplish anything positive by forcing and controlling. I know the only way to get where I want to be is by surrendering and allowing.

Today though everything just went into this beautiful space and I was able to let things go and find a lot of freedom and peace. It was a beautiful moment in time that created an incredible amount of healing and strength for me. That was my happiness moment today.

 

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Sisters who lunch

Today for the first time in ages my sister and I shared a couple of child free hours together. I think for the last 14 + years every time we have been together one of the other of us has had a child pulling at our legs looking for attention. While they are our favourite human beings, it was awfully nice to get a chance to just sit and talk with my sister.

Without really planning it, we ended up back in our old ‘hood. Actually, I was treated to lunch at the building that was the McDonalds in our childhood neighbourhood. It’s amazing how that place has changed so much and still carried the same feeling of home. It was weird to feel so comfortable and at home in a place that actually was totally unfamiliar. It was even more so after a fire that went through part of the shopping centre at the end of last year. But, behind that was our old elementary school, and not to much farther down the street was our old home.

We didn’t really talk about anything important, but it wasn’t unimportant by any means either. All those small conversations about childhood memories, our own children, family life, friends, work, dreams, and hopes – they’re all the things that make up the big picture.

It was a wonderful happiness moment, just spending some quiet time alone with her. My sister is such a rare and wonderful person to have in my life. She’s someone who has known me since the beginning of our memories (well, I do remember a bit of life as the only child and therefore centre of the universe), someone who I can be totally and completely myself around, and someone whom I know will have my back always and no matter what. Those of us who have sisters that are also our friends are very lucky individuals indeed.

As a bonus happiness moment, Jenna and I were watching Masterchef Jr and they were doing a dish that best represented the head chefs (they were spicy, stinky, and wrinkly). I asked Jenna what she was and she said “sweet”, and then said Jacob was “bold”. I couldn’t have picked better dishes to describe those two. Actually they’re both sweet and bold, but as their mom I generally think they’re absolutely perfect specimens anyway (it’s the mom goggles).

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Alberta Bound

I have a happiness playlist on my phone that I listen to almost constantly. The songs are many and varied, but for different reasons they all bring me happiness when I listen to them.

A year ago the song that was played over and over was Alberta Bound by Paul Brandt. By that time we have been away from home for over 10 years, Dad was so sick, and I was desperate to be back among my people. We had decided the fall of of 2014 that the kids and I would be able to return home June 2015, but I was filled with uncertainty about how that would happen and if it would happen before it was too late for Dad.

I was listening to the song again today and thinking of what I was doing a year ago right now, still living in Virginia, still so uncertain, and alone, and homesick. I played Alberta Bound continuously as I prayed that somehow we would safely return back to our tribe. I remember sitting on the floor of our kitchen repeating the words over and over

I’m Alberta Bound
This piece of heaven that I’ve found
Rocky Mountains and black fertile ground
Everything I need beneath that big blue sky
Doesn’t matter where I go
This place will always be my home
Yeah I’ve been Alberta Bound for all my life
And I’ll be Alberta Bound until I die

Somehow I figured if I repeated it often enough it would make it happen.

And then it did. Things got quickly worse with Dad and I knew that if we didn’t come back right away we would not make it in time. We packed our essentials, left the rest of the packing in the good care of my friend to supervise (and later my husband to ship) and we left. Alberta bound.

We made it in time to spend two and a half months with Dad before he died. I will be forever grateful for that time that strengthened our family for what was to come.

 Back home again. The barn built by my grandpa  
Now we live in the house that was built by my great-grandparents, beside the barn built by my grandpa ( I can see it when I look out the kitchen window. That is happiness). We have our tribe all around us, we are firmly grounded in our roots, and I can see horses in the field (you have no idea what that does for my soul). This place has always been my home and I am so thankful that we are back here. We need the love and the support of our family and friends, and we are so blessed to be blended back in with them again.

Today on my drive home from the morning school drop off I had to pull off a couple of times to admire the beauty of where I live. It was a gratitude filled happiness moment.

  Those amazing Rocky Mountains. I never get enough of them. 

  

Machinery in the hay valley by our house  
 

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And so we roar 

You know when you’re just sitting on the couch and all of a sudden you get into a roaring match with your cousin beside you? No? Maybe you have to be a two or fourteen year old boy.  

 
But, if you want to know what happiness sounds like, sit near these boys during one of their roar matches. Their happiness is so intense it is contagious. 

I love when happiness spontaneously bursts out of people. You can almost see it flow to everyone around. Heartfelt, innocent, love filled, happiness. We are blessed to have these two guys in our lives. 

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Tea party and family games

My sister and her kids are down visiting for the weekend. I love that our kids are getting to know each other on a regular basis instead of once or twice a year as part of a rushed visit. Those cousin bonds are special, I am forever thankful for the lifelong friendships I have with my cousins (and I have a lot of them, spread out all over Canada, the US and Italy) and the tight bond I have with my sister.

We sat down for an impromptu tea party this afternoon. Jacob and I had bought an angel food cake and some strawberries yesterday and everyone had been eying them with hungry stomachs ever since we put them on the counter. When we could take the anticipation no longer, we declared it tea time and sat down for a little pig out. Tea, cake, and sharing stories – a great afternoon break.

Speaking of pigs, after supper we played our favourite weird family game – The Stinky Pig Game. My sister gave it to me for Christmas and we have been playing it ever since. It’s a weirdly addictive game of hot potato where you pass around a singing pig who eventually farts. Whomever is holding him as he gasses gets a token, and this goes on until all the tokens are gone. The loser (or winner depending on how you look at it) is the one holding the most tokens at the end of the game. It entertains us all, the toddler, the preschooler, the tween, the teen, the 40 something parents, and the Nana – all of us howling with laughter as we throw the singing pig around the circle.

These kinds of happiness moments are what makes the memories we carry and the bonds we create as we go through life. How blessed are we that we have these people to laugh and share life with.

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Apple Care

I spent a long time today on a chat with the customer service people at Apple Care. I have a few things that I needed assistance with regarding my account – one of them being that I’m finally switching from US to Canada. After 8 years of downloading all of our shows, apps and music I wanted to make sure I was doing the transfer properly.

I ended up having to get the assistance of two different people, and I was so impressed with their help and their patience. They went out of their way to make sure I understood what to do, and provided me with a lot of assurance that things were going the right way (there was more to it than just a country switch). Actually, every single time I’ve had to deal with Apple customer service (and I’ve done some really dumb things to my computer that I’ve had to humbly go in and get help with), they have always been so great about not only fixing the problem, but making me feel not embarrassed at all by whatever happened that led me to needing their assistance.

I am always so impressed with the random kindness of strangers. There is a lot of good and love out there and I’m discovering that as I focus on those things I’m attracting a lot more of it into my life. I left my chat session with a smile on my face, feeling deep gratitude for the way they had worked through my issue with me. My happiness moment.

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The whole night through 

Last night I was feeling exhausted and I went to bed early. In my perfect life I’m asleep by 9, although the last little while it’s been a bit later. Last night though I was sound asleep by 8:00. I woke up at 5:00am completely unsure as to whether it was morning or not. I couldn’t believe it when I checked my clock. I usually have difficulty sleeping through the night.

 I have a great bedtime routine learned through Ayurveda, but I find that pain usually wakes me up once or twice and makes me move around a bit. As I’ve been making changes, letting go of stress and things that no longer serve me, I’ve been relaxing more and that pain is lessening. 

I slept the whole night through. I felt amazing and that early happiness moment set me up for the rest of the day. I am never sure where this path I’m on is heading, but I’m sure enjoying walking along it. I feel like finally I’m attracting all the love and joy I have been seeking. 

God gave me a good morning high five in the form of this lovely sunrise. This was the view from my front door. 

  

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Quiet time 

My little Jenna has spent the last couple of days with a bad tummy ache. She hasn’t been able to keep anything down and is generally feeling rough. 

While that’s not a good thing, I have been reflecting on how fortunate we both are that I’m able to be here to care for her. It gives her such great comfort and security to have me around, and there’s nothing in the world I want more than to care for and be with my monsters. 

My happiness moment was watching Golden Girls cuddled up with my girl today. I love this kid. 

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I’m on my way

I live my life through theme songs. The one that has been showing up for me lately is The Proclaimers I’m on my way. It sums up how this past year of mindfully walking my path towards happiness has been. I’m on my way from misery to happiness today (uh -huh uh-huh u-huh uh-huh yeah). I may not be at my final destination of bliss, but I’m on my way. I’m a lot farther down the path than I was a year ago.

I had a moment of gratitude for my life as I was driving home from the school drop off this morning. I am so happy to be living back in the fold of my family and my tribe.

the view on my morning commute today

God blessed me with a spring like day today. It was 10C for most of the day, and even though it was a Chinook, it wasn’t that windy where we are. I got to celebrate my birthday in the sun and with loved ones surrounding me.

Jenna asked me what my happiness moment today was and I was trying to describe how I felt about the day to her. She said so, what I’m hearing from you mommy is that you’re happy because you have so many people around who love you and are kind to you and make you feel happy and safe. That pretty much sums it up. My happiness moment is just that. I have attracted an awesome tribe that surrounds and supports me from both near and afar (I love my birthday on Facebook. It’s always so heart warming to receive all the happy birthday wishes from friends and family whom I’m not able to see in person).

My people also have a great sense of humour. This card from my cousin created laughter that came right from the belly. I am so incredibly thankful for the people I have in my life that hold me up and make me laugh.

My thought as I move into this new year is that I’m on my way. I’m really such a better version of myself. I’m happier, I’m more capable of dealing with life’s ups and downs, I’m safe and secure surrounded by an awesome tribe of people.  All of that makes me more able to share love and kindness – to create safety and peace for those around me.

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