Tag Archives: happiness

Uncategorized

Peace in the midst of the storm. 

Today was one of those days where I am so grateful that I am actively searching for moments of happiness. It has been an emotional day. A bed opened at the hospice and Dad left the ranch to be cared for by the loving staff there. It’s a beautiful place, it’s where he wanted to go, it’s better for his care, and yet… my heart still wants him at home. 

When he left it was the perfect send off from his favourite season from his yard where he has spent so many moments of his life. His tree was in full blossom, there was no wind, the birds were chirping – it was a beautiful moment. Except for… 

Thank goodness for the moments of happiness. A farmers market was on just down the street. We went and got food, we strolled around, it was sunny and everything was blooming. We went to the park. Things got silly. 

 
Man I love that kid. Normal happiness in the midst of a super emotional day. Peace in the midst of the storm.  

Standard
Uncategorized

Catch my fall 

The happy moment today was at Mackay’s in Cochrane. Ice cream with family we haven’t seen in ages. The really cool thing about family is no matter how long time passes or how little time is actually spent together, there is this bond of love and shared history.   

The sun went down tonight with a beautiful farewell. 

  
So needed on a day filled with emotion. I was thinking today as I helped Dad move to a chair how many times he’s held me up. The little bit of support I gave him to help him move was needed, but it was so small compared to the support he’s given me over the years. The tough times he’s helped me through. The good times he’s celebrated with me. I have been so blessed to have a father who always has my back no matter what, who has always stood firmly in my corner. The knowledge that he’s always there as a parachute when I’m falling has given me such comfort over the years. It’s an honour to be able to give him some support now. He’s got an amazing tribe of people around him. Family who love him, friends who consider him family, a tribe he has built by being a loving, strong man of integrity. 

Standard
Uncategorized

The sisterhood. 

Today dad’s sisters and their husbands flew in from Ontario and a cousin flew in from BC. My happiness moment was watching him sit with a sister on each side of him while he held their hands. He listened while they told stories and we all visited and caught up on each other’s lives. It’s been 8 years since my sister and I have seen them. 

There is something so special about that family bond. It ties through miles and years. That sibling bond is unlike any other relationship. All those shared experiences. All that shared history. I feel blessed to have been a part of that moment. 

Standard
Uncategorized

Sitting in the morning sun 🎶🎶

Today was a perfect Sunday day. It was warm and clear, the mountains were putting on a show, the birds were happily singing away in the yard – loud enough we could even hear them over the busy weekend highway traffic. 

I had a quiet moment to sit out there with my dad. 

 
We didn’t have to do anything. Just sat and looked west. My favourite view in the world. Sat and listened to the kids running and playing in the yard. It actually wasn’t all that windy. I think it was warm. I’m still adapting back to the Alberta climate. 

And then this happened 

  

Gotta watch out for that  lawn mowing teenager having too much fun driving up and down the yard. 

A quiet and simple moment of happiness. And yet sun a powerful one. 

Proof that life happens in the little moments. 

Standard
Uncategorized

My bleeding heart (plant)

The most beautiful moment of the day happened when I walked around the corner of my parent’s house this morning. My sister was kneeling beside my dad’s bed singing the most beautiful spiritual song to him. Her voice was filled with love and it very much was a moment where emotions and time were both suspended and very intense. It was all blurred together in a way that is difficult to describe. My heart needed me to just stop and be in that space. 

The happiness moment came later this afternoon at my house. Jenna and I finally got around to planting our pansies and our bleeding heart plant.  

There’s a bleeding heart plant at my parents’ place and as kids we would stand on the driveway and tell the story of the bleeding heart over and over. Although the same plant is still there it’s kind of cool now that we can tell the same stories at our house. 

Standard
Uncategorized

Communion with family 

Today we were blessed with the gift of having the Eucharist brought out for us to share as a family. The minister, the temporary minister , and a very dear old friend of the family came out to share this spiritual ceremony with us. 

We were joined by my uncle, aunt, cousin (the recently-bucked-off-cousin), and his wife

It was incredibly spiritual and loving to be able to share this with a few of our tribe. There were special blessings and prayers for dad, there were also prayers said for the rest of the family. At the end I felt very strongly that we were held in the nest of love. 

I wasn’t sure how I was going to react, but since I hadn’t had my morning cry in the car, I  bawled my eyes out the entire time. Which is part of the new me who surrenders. 

Dad has always been a very strong guiding force on my spiritual journey. But he has been a much stronger guidance these last few years as we both have been actively seeking peace, spiritual fulfillment, and a stronger understanding of who we are and what our role in the world is. We have gone for countless walks together around the ranch – across the neighbor’s ridge – and shared our journeys with each other. His strong faith and his sharing his faith as he seeks his path have helped to shape me as I’m finding my path.

I consider it an incredible honour to have been able to participate in this ceremony that gives him guidance and love as he continues on his journey. 

My happiness moment was a walk with my sister this afternoon. We laughed, we cried, we shared memories of childhood. We appreciated our dad and how much he has given and continues to give to us. The strength and the kindness he has shown. The silent but constant and unconditional support he has shown as he stands firmly in our corner. 

We stopped and just appreciated the beauty of home   

 

Standard
Uncategorized

Surrender

  
I come from a long line of extremely stubborn and willful people so to say that I don’t surrender easily (or at all) into things is putting it mildly. 

Since having yoga and mediation and Ayurveda introduced into my life I have been actively seeking the way to surrender. It hasn’t been successful. 

This is likely because I’ve been trying to force myself to surrender. Stubbornly and willfully. With no success. 

I always imagined how my true surrender would go. It would be like Disney meets Kripalu. I would be sitting serenely in a field with butterflies flitting about, deer skipping by, and flowers dancing a merry rainbow of peace and serenity. I would be radiating bliss from my inner core as I sat in peaceful meditation. 

No matter how many times I tried to force this peaceful surrender it never happened. 

Today for the first time I felt myself – my whole self, body mind and spirit – surrender. 

Here’s what it looked like: me lying on the ground yelling no, no, no, no, no, no,no f*ck, f*ck (a few more hundred of those)…. FINE. Then I lay there and cried. And I’m not a pretty crier. It was heaping, drooling, snotty sobs of tears. 

Then I got up, dusted myself off, and continued to cry for the next 12 hours. Actually, since I’m still crying now it will be much longer I’m sure.

But, somewhere in that heaping, ugly mess came surrender. I felt it happen. I just gave it all up. 

Once I got to the point where I was beyond trying to force myself into a place that was not authentic for me it just happened. Right now in this moment in time, surrender for me is curled up in the fetal position crying my eyes out. And that’s ok. Because it’s real. 

Surrender meant acknowledging what is happening, having my authentic response to it and being ok with it. Knowing that what happens is beyond my control. That it’s not my job to reach for a specific outcome. Right now it’s my job to surrender, to cry, to feel, to relax and let be. 

Happiness moment today was sitting with dad in a sunbeam while giving him a big hug. Yes, I cried for most of it. But whatever. It was still a moment of true love and that means happiness. 

Standard
Uncategorized

The tribe

  
The thing I’m noticing about being in this current state of crisis is the overwhelming feeling like we are the only people in the entire world this is happening to (we are not). 

It’s a tempting way of thinking though. However, no matter how important I am in the story of my own life, there are so many other life stories unfolding that are just as important.  

But I’m the only one. 

Having a crisis gives me options. I can isolate into that bubble of feeling that this is a unique situation and live and breathe the crisis (tempting and inevitable sometimes). Or, I can look around and see what this situation is bringing me. 

Looking around has made me discover an inner strength that is deeper than I knew. I have discovered I have a much stronger and profound faith system than I was aware of. I have a lot more confidence in me than I thought. 

It has made me more aware of my tribe. 

I have always known my immediate tribe is made of intensely strong and brave people, but I have a new appreciation for just how strong, brave, spiritual, and lovingly kind they are. I have a new respect for how that tribe sticks together and cares for each other – leaving no one behind. No. Matter. What. 

I have discovered there is also this new crisis tribe. The people I meet in the elevators at the hospital who are there in their own crisis. The family members I meet in the waiting rooms in their own kinds of crisis. The kindness and compassion that radiates in these rooms is absolutely amazing. Finally, the people who have dedicated their lives to helping those in the crisis. The helping hand they stick out is invaluable. 

Watching these other people has made me really understand and appreciate the importance of the tribe. Most people have someone with them. Some of these people you can tell have someone who loves them immensely with them   Some of those people have a few someones who love them immensely with them. 

Some of them have no tribe at all. Nobody should have to face a crisis with no tribe at all. Thank goodness for the extended crisis tribe.  

A few have negative tribe.  Like the prisoner I watched walk shackled and escorted by two armed guards to his treatment. Whatever he did, it must be terrible to not have a caring tribe. 

Having someone try and push you down when you need a hand up. Negative tribe 

I am so thankful for my tribe   It’s big. There are members close by and there are members scattered. And I’m thankful for all of them. 

Happiness moment today was sending Jacob off for his first school camp. He was both nervous and excited. I hope he has laughter memories he remembers forever. 

Standard
Uncategorized

Recycling run

Today’s moment of happiness was a backroads drive with my dad to drop off the recycling. It wound us down the road that we used to drive when my sister and I were kids heading to Pony Club   Back when Pony Club was awesome and we were all crazy daredevils doing things that would never be allowed now.

Having the quiet time to enjoy the beautiful drive with my dad was a very special happiness moment. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky all day.

The view from the recycling drop off. Moose Mountain.   

On the way home the kids and I had to pull over at the last hill before the house. When God makes a perfect day like this it is important to stop and breathe in the beauty. What an amazing place we live in.  

Earlier today, after the morning drop off,  I was driving that same drive with that same view when KISS came on the radio. 🎶I want to rock and roll all night….  🎶. I turned it up and had this overwhelming urge to hit the gas pedal as hard as I could and fly the road (I didn’t).  
What this urge made me realize though was what I really wanted. When I was a kid my favourite way of letting go was to get on Pirate and fly across the field at a flat out gallop. This was a tricky thing to do as the gophers dug their holes everywhere waiting for us to fall in. I actually did fall with a different horse and broke my nose so I have some respect for them. 

But, one year the gas company came through and put a dirt road to one of their new wells. When they were done, there was a perfectly long stretch of field that had no holes in it. Pirate and I used to go out there and race up and down that dirt road until we were both satisfied. 

Racing in the wind like that is a truely freeing living in the moment activity. I couldn’t  focus on anything else. There were no troubles that could stay with me. There was nothing but me, my yellow ball of fiery pony, the wind, and God   

Just drop the reins, trust that all is well and run. 

The best cure for what ails me.

I think it’s time to go for a ride. 

Here’s the field Pirate and I used to run in. 

 

Standard
Uncategorized

Sushi smiles 

   

 

Today’s happiness moment was a sneak away date for sushi with my girl. She’s always guaranteed to bring a smile and a warm happiness feeling to my heart. Blessed am I to have two warm loving souls in my life in the form of my kids. 

Jacob preformed a loving act of kindness this evening in helping care for my dad while he slept. 

Their unconditional love – the real and true kind with no boundaries is an inspiration to me to be a better person and to love more fully. 

Standard