happiness

Pages and ponies

I did some of my coursework today. I’m learning so much and really enjoying it even though it’s going slower than I had wanted thanks to my shoulder. But slow steps forward are better than none at all.

I saw my boy this evening and did some quiet groundwork with him. I’m trying to look at this time as an opportunity to bond and do some schooling on the ground. I wish I was riding – but we don’t always get what we wish for.

I feel like the last few years have constantly taught me to look for sunshine on cloudy days.

He’s my sunshine. And a constant source of happiness.

happiness

Out of the sling

I had my three week checkup today and I’m happy to say that I’m out of my sling. Still broken, but out of the sling. It’s definitely healing – it’s just a bad bunch of breaks and will be slow to heal.

Day one

Today

So it’s moving in the right direction. I’m so grateful my body has the power to heal itself. We really are amazing beings.

I went and bought a new hard hat today so when I can put my saddle on again I’ll be able to protect my head. It probably won’t be until spring as I hardly have any mobility in my arm, but it gives me hope.

And hope is happiness

happiness

My boys

My day started and ended with special time spent with my boys.

My human boy took me to the farmer’s market so I could fill up on fruit and so he could fill up on waffles.

I miss having a teenage digestive system.

The evening I spent with my equine boy. We are working on bonding which sometimes feels like just me spoiling him. But in reality I’ve only had him for four months and we’re still getting to know each other. The more I get to know him the more I love him.

I’ve been kind of wore out the last few days for keeping focussed on the things that are important really helps me keep going.

And these two boys – they are happiness.

happiness

It’s as close to God as I can get

Today I was listening to Saltwater Gospel on my drive home (I am doing short drives now, which is awesome) and I got stuck on the line I’m as close to God as I can get.

I love this song because to me it speaks about finding God outside of church. I remember years ago talking to my pastor about how I only found God outside of church, and with her wise words she reminded me that I know who God is because I learned about him in church. So, I think both are important.

For me, my Saltwater Gospel is found on a horse. Always has been. It wasn’t until I actively started seeking out spiritual guidance, grounding, and started practicing meditation that I realized all of this I intuitively knew from my time on the back of a horse.

And I thought of Drishti in the field. This boy I waited so long for, who I prayed for, who came to me through a miracle. I’m really sad I can’t ride him, like heartbroken. It seems so unfair that I just get him and I hurt myself so I can’t ride.

But you know what? He’s still here. We still can work on our bond. Being with him is still as close to God as I can get.

A couple of times in recent years I have had body issues that have forced me to stop and make a total reassessment of my life. The last time it happened with my feet, it made me change my life into the one I have now. If I hadn’t literally been stopped in my tracks a few years ago, I never would have connected with God the way I did and found the strength to get where I am – home, safe, happy, free.

There’s a lesson in this one too. I just have to stop and pay attention to it. The last few years have been so filled with sorrow, trauma, and stress – maybe exactly what I need is to be forced to just stop and listen and get as close to God as I can get.

Happiness ❤️

happiness

Lunch and love

My soul sister picked me up and took me out for lunch today. Pretty exciting as it was the first non broken thing I’ve done off property in 10 days.

We always have such great conversations and balance each other so well. I am so grateful for her friendship. Our paths have been so similar and I’m happy I’ve had her to help navigate this journey. It’s deep heart happiness

This evening I went and saw my boy. Even if I can’t ride he still holds my heart.

Sometimes the way we can be in a relationship changes. The true test of the strength of that relationship is how is lasts during these times.

happiness

Melissa again

I got the letter from my lawyer today. The divorce is final. I am Melissa again.

My friend pointed out how true it is that I’m Melissa again in the way that I’m dealing with my fall and injury.

Married Melissa would have felt this is all my fault, I deserved it, I don’t deserve to be happy, Im not worthy of having good things happen to me, I should never have been so selfish to follow my heart and do something I love.

Melissa again ( the new version of the old me) feels I had better spend the winter healing, getting stronger, and improving my balance so this doesn’t happen again, maybe I need to seek out someone who can help me be more confident, I can’t wait to ride again, thank goodness for Drishti – he is helping heal my soul.

Night and day difference in attitude. This is how I know I’m Melissa again. That is happiness.

I saw my surgeon – who is a second cousin (he doesn’t know this) and who informed me how dangerous horse riding is (his uncle and cousin formed my childhood love of being crazy on horseback) – and while my shoulder is badly shattered and will take a long time to heal, it doesn’t need surgery and is in good alignment to heal.

So that’s good. And that’s happiness too

And him. That little face. He is a bright light in my life.

I’m Melissa again. ❤️❤️

happiness

Because it’s funny

I made it outside today to see my pony it’s the first time I’ve been out to see him since I fell off. I think he’s been lonely too. The very least he appreciated the treats I brought for him. I love this guy and being with him brings me so much happiness. I waited a lifetime for him to come – and even if I can’t ride and I’m going to enjoy him

He’s looking for treats

Jacob has been watching TV with me and we watched an episode that made us laugh out loud. He had to get up and record his favourite part.

Silly laughter is exactly what happiness is.

happiness

That’s gratitude

Today I took a good look at the helmet I was wearing when I fell off my horse earlier this week.

I had been amazed at how thoroughly I had shattered my shoulder yet not damaged any other part of my body – especially my head which had landed inches away from that shoulder.

My helmet has a huge crack in it. I broke it when I fell. If I hadn’t been wearing my helmet, I would have shattered my head.

It’s the same feeling I had years ago when I was in a bad accident and knew I only survived because I had my seatbelt on.

I am alive because I had on my helmet. I’ve always complained about wearing one, but swore to myself I’d do it every time when I got my new horse. And I have – every single time.

What if I hadn’t?

It’s a different kind of happiness than what I usually write about – but it’s happiness in a very pure form. I love this life and I’m grateful for it.

This was a pre fall photo

happiness

Taken care of

So my shoulder is broken after my little spill off of my horse yesterday not really the ideal way to spend the rest of the summer but it is what it is.

I have been humbled and amazed at how well I have been taken care of in the last 24 hours. Kids, cousins, aunts, friends, my mom and my sister – everybody has called and asked what they can do to help out, and I feel truly blessed. I talk a lot about my tribe and this is exactly what I mean. I couldn’t do it without these people. This is happiness.

happiness