Tag Archives: law of attraction

happiness

Camp giggles

I had an awesome energy session this morning. I don’t know how I got through things before discovering this work. I’m so grateful to Asrael for all that she does for me, it’s amazing all the things that can shift so quickly once I put attention to them. We did some big stuff today and I can feel it moving around a lot of old things.

Jenna came home from camp today. She was so excited but also so nervous about going away, and I have spent the past couple of days hoping and praying that she was having fun. I’m not sure when the smile is going to come off her face, but I don’t think it will be any time soon. She loved camp and said she wishes it had been longer. So good!

It’s been a blessed afternoon of happiness moments hearing her tell stories about camp and spending some quiet time snuggling her back into the family space. Man I love that kid.

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happiness

Be the change

Be the change you want to see in the world (Gandhi) is one of my favourite sayings of all time. I think it’s a great reminder that we get back what we put out there, that if we want to see and receive love we need to give and live with it. On the flip side, if you expect darkness and pain that’s usually what you get as well. It is one of the quotes that I kept close to my heart as I started climbing to a better place.

Today I ran into someone who embodies these words. Every time I see her she’s happy and positive – authentically looking for the bright side of things, and I know she’s seen some dark days. Every time I see her I want to run over and visit with her because without fail she makes me feel happier and lighter than I was before. She has that kind of energy that draws people to her. I know I’m not the only one who feels this way, I hear other people get just as excited when they see her. Melba’s here, let’s go say hi.

That is the kind of change I want to be in the world. What a gift to bring joy and happiness just by shining your light into the world. She inspires me to be a better, happier person. When I think of how I want to be as I grow and find myself, it is to become someone like that. I am so lucky that she is in my life, it was a beautiful happiness moment running into her today.

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Google translate 

I had some unexpected alone time with the boy this afternoon. Between school and our (un)family situation he’s been under a lot of stress lately. Today though, he was back to his regular happy self. I love that version of him. 

While we were driving into town he grabbed my phone and started typing everything he wanted to say into google translate. So, every time I’d ask him something Siri would answer. It was kind of like talking to a ventriloquist holding a dummy. The answers he gave were off the wall funny and completely unexpected. He had me laughing so hard my sides hurt. 

It’s been a tough few months, or a tough year, actually it’s been a really hard last few years. It is so nice that we are getting to a place where we feel the freedom to start to laugh and enjoy life more often. 

It was a great happiness moment today, belly laughing with the boy as he cracked jokes. 

We have so much to be thankful for. Even though I’m still asking God, I find myself thanking God more and more often. 

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Cadillac ranch 

Today started off as one of those days where nothing seemed to want to go the right way. There were no big disasters, but I just felt really off my game. 

Finally I realized that The Girl had passed some of her cold virus my way and I was just a little under the weather – so much better to realize that than thinking the universe was conspiring against me. A little lie down and I was much happier. 

Jenna had her guitar lesson today. She has taken so naturally to that instrument. It’s a real pleasure to watch her as she learns new songs. This week she decided she wanted her instructor to teach her Cadillac Ranch. 

I went in near the end of the lesson and her teacher was grinning from ear to ear. He said he’d been feeling off all day and was having a terrible time of it, and that playing that song had picked him up and put him in a really good mood. He turned and thanked Jenna for wanting to being such a happy song into class. 

It’s amazing how a relatively small thing like a song can put a shift on a bad day and turn it into a good one. It reminded me that it’s important to pay attention to those small moments because they can be game changers. Listening to them jam to Cadillac Ranch was my happiness moment today. 

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God’s art

If you read my blog on a regular basis you’ll know that I am grateful every day that we are back home around our tribe in the place that we love most. 

There’s something about being here that is calming to my soul. Most mornings while we are driving into school we are able to look west and enjoy the mountain view. The kids get as excited as I do about how clearly we can see them and how lucky we are that this is our life. 

As a child I spent hours out here, usually on the back of my horse, appreciating God’s artwork. I didn’t know it at the time but I was doing an active meditation and communicating directly with my Source. 

Now not only do I have the opportunity to do that again, but I have the joy of experiencing it with my kids. 

Being able to appreciate the beauty that is around us really helps me to put things in perspective. The material things we have lost can always be replaced. But the joy I experience from living a life I love is priceless. 

My happiness moment today was admiring God’s artwork with Jacob as we drove into town. We are blessed. This life of happiness and love we are attracting gets brighter every day. 

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It’s May

It’s May already. On the 28th it will be a year since Dad died. I can’t believe it’s been so long already. So much has happened in this year, yet in other ways it feels like a lifetime. Sometimes now I can even talk about dad without immediately bursting into tears. Other times I’m still crying for no reason at all. I don’t think I’ll ever be used to him not being here 

My sister and family were down for the weekend and we had some fun full family time. Spring time at the ranch means calves, outside fun, and reuniting with neighbours after a long winter. 

Today was filled with seeing the newborn calf, blowing bubbles, running in the fields and doing puzzles. 


Last night we went up to the community hall for a family dance. I two stepped with my uncle (I really need to learn how to do that properly) and line danced like it was 1992. 

Being here with the tribe. That’s what it’s all about. 

My happiness moment: Jacob came in and asked me to make Mac and cheese for lunch. I told him to fill up a pot with water and go prepare to be an adult and look after things. He went into the kitchen and called me from the house phone. When I answered he said come make my Mac and cheese please. When I asked are you really calling me from the kitchen to come make your food? He responded with yes. You said go prepare for being an adult. When I’m am adult and I don’t know how to do things I plan on calling you to come do them for me. 

A happiness moment because it was funny, but also because he’s healing enough that he’s found his funny again. 

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The flaws

I was asked today if you could change one thing about your appearance what would it be?

I sat with that question for a while trying to think honestly about the answer 

I would like to lose some weight. But the extra pounds that I gained last year were a reaction from grieving the loss of my dad. They’re coming off and I honour the process I have been going through. So I wouldn’t change that. 

The bump in my nose? I broke it on my horse when I was 8. It’s become a part of who I am. 

My eye that doesn’t dialate? It’s leftover from a big and scary surgery when I was 21 to remove a massive tumor in my neck. It was benign. I am alive and healthy. I am grateful for that, wouldn’t change that either. 

My scar across my lower abdomen? That’s a reminder of the birth of my daughter who is one of my greatest joys. 

Every wrinkle and flaw I have earned and they have become part of who I am. This healing journey has brought me to a place where I am learning to accept who I am and where I am at. And that is my happiness moment today. 

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A beautiful love 

I questioned as I began the motions of this divorce how I would view love by the time I was through. I kind of laugh now looking back at how completely innocent I was in my knowledge about what had been going on in my marriage. I knew there had been betrayal, but I never imagined the depths that it went to – or the cost of it. I was completely unprepared for what I found out in discovery and processing all of that has been a real challenge for me.

As I look forward to the love that lies ahead for me I am so excited, like butterflies in my tummy excited. I had worried that I would feel bitter and angry towards men but that’s not the case. Don’t get me wrong, I’m bitter and angry towards Mr X, and even though I’m supposed to I don’t think I will forgive him for as long as I am breathing life on this planet. But, I’m not jaded at all about love. In fact, this process has made me believe in love all that much more, because now I know that real true love is an option for me. Because of this divorce I will be able to find a partner who really and truly loves me and wants to share a life with me. That’s something I thought would never happen. I embrace that with my whole heart. That brings me happiness.

On Sunday when our conference was coming to a close I witnessed the most beautiful declaration of love. Brian turned to his wife Nichole and said with a voice full of deep emotion:  you are the reason why I know God loves me.

I sat there with my heart fluttering and thought what a beautiful love. How special to have such a love and how lucky were we to watch them move in their love. Someone else said the balance of the two together creates a new whole. That’s what I want for myself. Someone who loves me that deeply and truly. Someone with whom I create a new whole. It will happen. Things are shifting in my life at an incredible pace.

This morning on our way into town Jenna made me pull over so we could see the lucky horseshoe in the sky. The past two days have been filled with unexpected happy blessings in the form of people (friends and strangers) who have held out a hand to make our lives more comfortable. Seriously, the weirdest things have been happening where people have gone out of their way to give us things or share blessings with us. Law of Attraction in motion.

Sitting with my monkeys and looking at the sign of fortune in the sky this morning was my happiness moment.

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Keeping the faith

Yesterday in the conference I’m attending, we talked about the fact that often we come up against a wall that prevents us from being able to move ahead. Even when we know we are walking on the right path and have a clear sense of what we are doing and where we are going, sometimes this huge wall comes up and we are unable to go through or around it. Brian talks about how we can learn to create a door and walk through that. Not that there is a guarantee that everything on the other side of the door is easy necessarily, but it means that we have made it through the wall.

I woke up last night at 2am with a very strong understanding that I am sitting at my door in the wall, but that it is locked. I lay there for a while wondering what to do about that. I had no idea where the key was, what it looked like, or what I needed to do in order to unlock it. I stewed for a while, finally asking God to show me what the hell this meant (God has got used to the fact that I don’t use church language in my daily life), and then fell back asleep without having any clear answer (or even a foggy answer).

I got up and read my devotional this morning and it gave me some guidance (big surprise). Faith is being certain of what we do not see (Hebrews 11:1). Genuine faith puts its letter in the mailbox and lets go. Distrust, however, holds on to a corner of the envelope and then wonders why the letter never arrives…. it is the same with genuine faith. It hands its circumstance over to God, allowing Him to to work…. “Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this”. He will never work until we commit. Faith is receiving – or even more, actually appropriating – the gifts God offers us. We may believe in Him, come to Him, commit to Him and rest in Him but we will never fully realize all our blessings until we begin to receive from Him… (Streams in the Desert)

Yesterday there was a lot of focus on making a commitment. We need to make very clear and concise intentions and then commit to them so that we can then receive them. I have known for a while that I get blocked at the receiving or allowing phase of things. As I was driving into town today to hook onto the internet and I was listening to Just be Held it came to me. Really it was spoken to me. I need to surrender all the crap I’m carrying so that I can receive. There’s so much fear tied into that surrender.

Of course, the thing that I am also aware is my greatest challenge is the thing I need to do to get through the damn door. Who is surprised? It enforces the fact that my focus is in the right place though. I need to continue to work on surrender. Being able to surrender will allow me to finally move beyond my fear and my pain. I will not spend the rest of my life being defined by fear and pain. It’s exactly why I started this blog – to move into a state of happiness.

I have so much to say about what I’m learning this weekend. It’s already profoundly changed the way I’m going to move into my professional practice – and given me the confidence boost I needed to do that. It has overridden the negative hateful voice of Mr. X telling me I will fail. Love wins – always.

A happiness moment I gained today that I didn’t expect was that I made friends over the past couple of days. Some of them I will get to meet in real life in June and some of them I will continue to connect with online. I’ve added more people to my tribe – healers like me who are banding together to bring light to the world.

I’ve come out of the weekend with my vision:

My vision is to bring happiness and peace to people’s lives

 

 

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Selling by giving

I am taking a most amazing workshop this weekend called Selling by Giving. I am blessed to be able to take it remotely from home and at a sweetheart of a deal provided by New World Ayurveda.

The more I’ve been sitting with the realization that I now suddenly have to become responsible for the financial care of myself and my kids (as well as all the emotional and physical care) the more I’ve realized that now is the time to really make some big changes in my life. I’ve supported someones else’s dreams for over a decade and a half. Now it’s time that I get to follow my own.

So what are my dreams? I got so used to having to squish my dreams down I forgot for a long time what it felt like to have them.

The bliss that I find from not only studying Ayurveda, but from writing this blog has made such a huge difference in my life. I think of where I was 3 years ago when I first started studying. I was so anxious and unhappy I could barely function. The changes that have happened in the year since I started writing this blog have made my life unrecognizable from where it was when I began. I not only seek happiness but now I embrace and know I deserve it. That has been a lifesaver and a game changer. It meant that I could no longer allow myself to be mistreated.

No matter where this road takes me, I know I’m in a better and more aligned space than I likely have ever been. All of these heartaches and attacks on my soul have lead me to really search deeply in my being and find out what makes me tick, what makes me happy, what makes my spirit sing. I have started to ask the question what is really important in my life? The short answer is love and happiness. I want to live a life that is filled with giving and receiving love and happiness. The more I have myself the more I have to give. And I’m understanding how very important it is to fill up my own cup so that my abundance can flow over to those around me.

Love does not depend on how you behave, what you look like, or what you wear. I think of the love I have for my kids and there is nothing they could ever do that would make me stop loving them. For so long I was trained that if I didn’t behave in a certain way I was unworthy – which basically led to me self-destructing. Feeling unloved and unworthy (and being told on a regular basis that I was such) was the most painful thing that ever has happened to me.

And now I’m in a space where I can embrace love and happiness. It may take me a while to fully walk into the understanding that my life now has value, but I’m on my way.

This course today had us doing some beautiful exercises that challenged me to think of what I want in my future, what changes I want to bring into my life. Being able to look ahead at my future with joy and anticipation, that is my happiness moment today.

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