happiness

Clearing the clutter 

One of the exercises in the course I’m taking is to clear clutter out of certain areas in our lives. They had very specific exercises we were to choose from and follow. The idea being that if we clear the clutter from our external environment it will make our inner one calmer. 

And I had good intentions of doing just that today – really I did. 

But I ended up going rogue and clearing clutter from a totally different area of my life. I cleared relationship clutter. 

I’ve known it was time to walk away from this person for a while now, but I was really resisting it. I didn’t want to. Today though I cut the cord and cleared the clutter. I was amazed at how much more peace and space I felt in my spiritual core almost immediately. 

One thing I learned through my divorce is that I can walk away from anyone no matter how badly I want it to work if it’s become toxic. I’m also learning not to get into relationships with people who don’t make me happy or who aren’t healthy for me. 

On the flip side, tonight I went out to see my boy in the field and realized I am also totally capable of doing the opposite. Things got really bad with Drishti a little while ago and I had to decide – do I walk away or do I buckle down and do the hard work to make it work. That relationship was worth fighting for – and now we are more than good. I love that boy 


There’s a lot of happiness in knowing I can trust my intuition, that I can have faith I’m making good choices, and I have this amazing gift from heaven – Drishti. 

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happiness

It stays the same 

We went to a silent auction for handicapped riding tonight at the Ranchmans. 

I was given tickets from a lady I used to ride with ages ago. It was fun to see that even though a lifetime has passed, all the horse stuff is the same. I am loving getting reconnected with these people. I lost such a huge part of my soul when I quit riding. I’m getting back the pieces slowly but surely. And that is happiness 

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Opening the heart 

I had what could very well end up being my last session of transformational acupuncture today – he’s moving from the west to the east and who knows when another Calgary stop will happen. 

But each of the 3 or 4 sessions I’ve had with him have really been transformational. It’s amazing how working the energy lines like he does clears up blocks I’ve been dealing with for years. 

Today was letting go of the fear of being hurt and opening the heart. Drishti had brought a lot of these issues that have been simmering to the surface, but of course as I look around in my life I see them present everywhere. 

We had a few (three!) unsettling, scary episodes this last weekend and it helped put things into perspective for me. I waste a lot of time being scared of nothing. When the really big scary stuff happens I stand up and deal with it just fine. So why so scared of potential unknowns? Seriously. 

It was amazing to feel the energy shift as we worked through the session. I felt the chatter that I’ve struggled to quiet in my mind vanish and my body relax in ways it hasn’t in years. 

That is happiness. Deep, hard core happiness. 

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Stampede breakfast 

We had our annual stampede breakfast at the hall this morning and because I’m on he board I helped put it on. Mostly this included scrambling 30 dozen eggs – which was hot work, but we had fun while doing it. 

This is one of my favourite parties of the year – almost all of the community comes out to visit and eat. This year as an extra bonus one of my childhood friends showed up – I found out she’s dating one of the guys from out here – and we got to catch up a little on life. She’s so happy and at peace with where her life is. It’s good to be in the energy of people like that. 

The morning was filled with visits and laughter with cousins, aunts, uncles, and friends. I’ve said it before – but I really feel like I won the tribe lottery. 

This is happiness 

The group photo was taken by Holly Nicoll, the rest came off my iPhone. 

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happiness

Freezies and summer reruns

It is ridiculously hot in our house tonight. There’s only a handful of days where it’s so hot you want to lie in an ice bath and today is one of them. 

Tonight we are beating the heat by sitting in our living room with fans blasting, eating freezies, and watching old reruns on tv. 

I have had a renewed appreciation for how lucky we are to be here in our safe house filled with love. I’m grateful we are all together, happy, and safe. I’m happy because we can grab these little moments and enjoy each other’s company. Happiness 

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The heart knows 

My lesson for today has been to reconnect with my heart. I’ve been feeling very out of balance for the last week or so and today it was brought to my attention that I’ve been living in my head – where fear lives – instead of my heart – where love is. 

Funny how I had to have a couple of very scary – truly fear filled – experiences to get me out of my fear making head and into my loving heart. 

I can’t make good decisions when I’m making them based on fear. And more importantly, I can’t look after myself when I’m basing my emotions on how others behave. If I’m looking for someone else to fill my needs I’ll always be lacking. This goes from everything from the fact that we still haven’t had a June or July payment (or full April or May) from mr. X, to wanting Drishti to behave as I would like (he’s getting much better anyway). 

I have to be in balance with myself. And balance doesn’t mean control. I’d love to think I can control the outcomes of everything, but I can’t.  And when I’m in my heart I have the faith to trust that the outcome will be the right one no matter what 

I managed to have an awesome ride this morning before it got too hot. This guy makes me work through all these issues because the only way we see going to connect and work together is if I lead from my heart. And I love him, so I want it to work. Heart living. Its happiness. 

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Pretty feet 

My boy got his hooves trimmed today. Despite the fact that he’s been a turd for a while he’s been awesome the last couple of days. He stood nicely for the farrier while he gave him a pedicure. 

The flies were terrible so the guy who is apprenticing with him ended up being Drishti’s personal fly swatter. He was constantly brushing flies away squishing the Mosquitos that were biting him 

I laughed at my high maintenance horse. He means so much to me, he helps me heal, brings me joy, and constantly entertains me. What happiness. 

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Long lost family 

We are having a visit from my cousins ex wife and their daughter right now. I haven’t seen either of them in 20 years, the little baby girl I met is a grown woman, and my cousin in law is just about exactly as I remember. I am really enjoying visiting with both of them. 

We did a little tour of the ranch including a stop in jail. 


This is one of my favourite places, it’s so beautiful and peaceful there. And to share it with them was so much fun. Happiness!!!

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Fondue with friends 

One of my lifelong friends rolled into Alberta today and the kids and I got to join her and her family for some fondue and laughs at the Grizzly House in Banff. 

I love and am so grateful for this friendship. We live a long ways apart, but when we get together it’s like no time has passed. I’ve been lucky enough to get to see her twice this year – once where she lives and today. 

Good friendships carry me through the good and the hard times. They’re some of my most important relationships. And that is happiness 

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happiness

Ignore the problem 

Some of you may recall that Drishti has been in bad boy boot camp. Today I went up to Carstairs and watched a pretty amazing cowboy from Guatemala work with young horses. It inspired me to try different tactics with my old horse with a young brain. 

So tonight when I went out to work with him, instead of doing boot camp style and trying to work him out of the problem and overthinking every little step, I just took him out into the big field and rode him. 

Guess what? No freak outs, no spooking, no separation anxiety, just a nice horse to ride. Go figure. 

It’s this trust thing with him. He wasn’t trusting me, I wasn’t trusting him, and worst of all I wasn’t trusting me. I think this will be one of the greatest lessons I learn from him. That I must trust again. 

This was a huge step in my own healing tonight. Walking with my fear but doing it anyway, trusting drishti, trusting myself. It was happiness. 

This is not Drishti, but the man I watched riding this morning. This horse was only started 10 days ago. It’s a gift he has. 

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