Tag Archives: peace

happiness

Change the way I tell the story 

I did a lab today with my health coaching course that went completely differently than planned. 

We were supposed to be talking about eating slowly, breathing, and relaxing during meals. Part of that involves doing an emotional check in before eating. 

I said the one time I did the exercise before my meal I had some really unpleasant emotions come up that left me really upset. 

She asked me what they were and I described a little of our family history,  and said that now that we are out of having to live in the abuse that I still have guilt, sadness, and anger. I feel guilty for the kids having the kind of childhood they did, sad that it took so long to get out of that life, and angry that he treated us that way and that I allowed it. 

But I also feel like I carry the feelings he should carry. He doesn’t feel guilty so I feel it for him. I carry his burden when it’s not mine to carry. 

I was reminded today that I can change how I tell my story. I am not his victim anymore – even though he does everything he can to put me back in that position. I don’t have to carry his guilt, that shit is  on him. I find the more months that go by whee he’s not making his payments or only making partial payments the more frustrated and angry I get. It’s the only thing he has to do for his children and he refuses. But I am not feeling guilty for that anymore. It’s a reflection of him not of me. 

Being able to see that from a different perspective and let some of that go – that’s happiness. 

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Pages and ponies 

I did some of my coursework today. I’m learning so much and really enjoying it even though it’s going slower than I had wanted thanks to my shoulder. But slow steps forward are better than none at all. 

I saw my boy this evening and did some quiet   groundwork with him. I’m trying to look at this time as an opportunity to bond and do some schooling on the ground. I wish I was riding – but we don’t always get what we wish for. 

I feel like the last few years have constantly taught me to look for sunshine on cloudy days. 


He’s my sunshine. And a constant source of happiness. 

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Baptism ranch style 

The church held their annual baptisms in the creek at the ranch today. It was at my favourite place on earth and it was fun to see people come to God in what for me has always been a holy place. 


It amazed me how much the water had dropped since the last time I was there. The dam the kids were building a month ago had been totally under water then. Not so much now. It sure has been dry. 

No matter what it’s like,  it’s always my happy place there. 

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A rainbow on a cloudy day

I broke down yesterday and got some pain medication for my shoulder. For the last couple of weeks I’ve used my oils and that’s about it. Unfortunately the pain level was staying pretty high and it was time to do something about it. 

They gave me something less intense than Percocet but with more punch than Tylenol. It seemed perfect. Except my body hated it. I was up all night having a reaction to then meds so this morning there was yet another trip to urgent care. It seems things are sorted out now and I have some different meds to try (ugh). 

We came home, I had a nap, and was trying to figure out how I was  going to feed us when my guardian food angel appeared. A neighbor and friend from church has supplied us with two huge meals already (and some awesome cookies and banana bread). She announced that she had made a meal, was heating it up, and would bring it over shortly. 

Talk about a rainbow on a cloudy day. 

She brought over the best Shephard’s Pie I’ve ever had, garden carrots, and garden beets. With every bite I heard things like “ohhhh potatoes, mmmmm taste the carrots” come from the kids. 

It is so incredibly kind and I am so completely humbled by how we have been looked after. That is happiness. 

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Girl day 

My girl and I spent a much needed afternoon together. That one on one time is precious and I don’t feel like it happens enough. I know she’s a young lady because I see her all the time,  but when we are alone together like this I am reminded of the depth and beauty of her spirit. She is a wonderful soul. Happiness. 

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She’s growing up 

We had a family sush supper tonight for my niece who turned 15. I am aware it makes me old, but I can’t believe how fast these kids are growing up. 

But they are all amazing humans and I am honoured to share my life with them. 

It was a fun supper. And I sat beside my uncle and got to have a little catch up which doesn’t happen often enough. 

This tribe – its happiness 

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My boys 

My day started and ended with special time spent with my boys. 

My human boy took me to the farmer’s market so I could fill up on fruit and so he could fill up on waffles. 


I miss having a teenage digestive system. 

The evening I spent with my equine boy. We are working on bonding which sometimes feels like just me spoiling him. But in reality I’ve only had him for four months and we’re still getting to know each other. The more I get to know him the more I love him. 


I’ve been kind of wore out the last few days for keeping focussed on the things that are important really helps me keep going. 

And these two boys – they are happiness. 

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Share a meal

Over the last two weeks almost every single day a meal has been provided for us my friends, family, or neighbours. It is so humbling and I feel so incredibly blessed. 

This morning I went over to my moms place and the lady who helps look after her was cooking some food for my mom’s return. I told her what an incredible gift it was to have all of this food ready and organized. I said until the last couple of weeks I hadn’t realized what a big difference it made when you were overwhelmed or injured or unwell, having your meals ready.  It’s just one less stress and one less thing to do – it’s a huge gift. 

It’s a good reminder to always pay it forward when you can. And it was a moment of happiness. 

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The man stuff 

The handle came off our screen door a while ago. Like a long while ago. Sigh. 

We went to the hardware store today and got a replacement handle and the boy decided he was going to fix it. 

Sometimes I feel bad that I can’t show him how to do that kind of stuff   It fate lumped in with sometimes I feel sad that he doesn’t have a live in male role model. 

But you know what? You have to deal the hand you were dealt and our hand is still a winning one. 

He laid out the instructions (this is how you know he was switched at birth) and figured it all out himself. 

Because of the somewhat sideways nature of our house, there are a couple of glitches, but he did a great job. 

I am so incredibly proud of the man he is becoming. 

When we walk to the car he runs ahead and opens the door for me so I won’t hurt my arm. He is just a good soul.

And that is happiness. 

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