Tag Archives: peace

happiness

Tidy up

We spent part of the day making sense out of the chaos that the house has become. It feels good to have some order again, better in every way. It amazes me how clutter causes me anxiety, yet clutter comes naturally it seems. 

I appreciate so much how well the three of us can work together. It may not be the family I had always dreamed of, but I also couldn’t ever wish for better kids – so it’s the family I need. 

And now we have a little more peace of mind. It’s one of those little things I can control. I feel it of control the more I see the support payments fall behind, the more I wonder about the future, but when I focus on the present it is all good. It is happiness. 

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Laugh until you cry

My soul sister brought out supper tonight for a girls’ night in. I continue to be humbled by the way people are stepping in to hold us up. 


When bellies were full (oh so full – there’s something about  Italian food that sits so well in the belly) and kids were gone, we moved to the couch for some girl talk. 

Omg the stories. At one point we were both laughing so hard our tummies hurt and I was crying. I love laughing until you can’t breathe properly. What a great feeling and how lucky I am to have a friend like this.

This is happiness. 

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It’s as close to God as I can get


Today I was listening to Saltwater Gospel on my drive home (I am doing short drives now, which is awesome) and I got stuck on the line I’m as close to God as I can get. 

I love this song because to me it speaks about finding God outside of church. I remember years ago talking to my pastor about how I only found God outside of church, and with her wise words she reminded me that I know who God is because I learned about him in church. So, I think both are important. 

For me, my Saltwater Gospel is found on a horse. Always has been. It wasn’t until I actively started seeking out spiritual guidance, grounding, and started practicing meditation that I realized all of this I intuitively knew from my time on the back of a horse. 

And I thought of Drishti in the field. This boy I waited so long for, who I prayed for, who came to me through a miracle. I’m really sad I can’t ride him, like heartbroken. It seems so unfair that I just get him and I hurt myself so I can’t ride. 

But you know what? He’s still here. We still can work on our bond. Being with him is still as close to God as I can get. 

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A couple of times in recent years I have had body issues that have forced me to stop and make a total reassessment of my life. The last time it happened with my feet, it made me change my life into the one I have now. If I hadn’t literally been stopped in my tracks a few years ago, I never would have connected with God the way I did and found the strength to get where I am – home, safe, happy, free. 

There’s a lesson in this one too. I just have to stop and pay attention to it. The last few years have been so filled with sorrow, trauma, and stress – maybe exactly what I need is to be forced to just stop and listen and get as close to God as I can get. 

Happiness ❤️

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Well loved

I had a lot of different love emotions today. This would have been my parents’ 50th wedding anniversary, that brings some joy and some sadness. I miss Dad, I’m sad for mom, I’m sad that I won’t ever have a 50th to celebrate either. Im happy they had and loved each other, I’m happy they provided a safe and loving family for us to grow up in. 

On that note, I was at the grocery store today and the checkout lady commented on how amazing my kids were at helping me out. She said I bet you’re a single mom. Those kids look like they know how to pitch in to make a family work. She went on to say how just when she starts to think there’s no hope for the future she sees kids like mine and she knows it will all be ok. They are fantastic humans and I’m always glad when other people see how brightly their lights shine. 

My mom’s cousin and her granddaughter made us home baked buns and cookies and we stopped by their place to pick them up. The more I get to know this lady the more I really like her. She’s a rare gem – a very kind heart. I got home and some neighbours dropped by with roasted chicken and vegetables. 

I am well loved. I am actually overwhelmed by the love. That is happiness. 

And to keep it real, Jacob saunters in the room gnawing on a chicken leg and says 

If this is how we eat when you’re injured, imagine how we’ll eat when you kick the bucket. 

Lovely. But it al goes back to my tribe. You look after each other in the good and the hard times. 

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Lunch and love 

My soul sister picked me up and took me out for lunch today. Pretty exciting as it was the first non broken thing I’ve done off property in 10 days. 

We always have such great conversations and balance each other so well. I am so grateful for her friendship. Our paths have been so similar and I’m happy I’ve had her to help navigate this journey. It’s deep heart happiness 

This evening I went and saw my boy. Even if I can’t ride he still holds my heart. 

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Sometimes the way we can be in a relationship changes. The true test of the strength of that relationship is how is lasts during these times. 

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Melissa again 

I got the letter from my lawyer today. The divorce is final. I am Melissa again. 

My friend pointed out how true it is that I’m Melissa again  in the way that I’m dealing with my fall and injury.

Married Melissa would have felt this is all my fault, I deserved it, I don’t deserve to be happy, Im not worthy of having good things happen to me, I should never have been so selfish to follow my heart and do something I love. 

Melissa again ( the new version of the old me) feels I had better spend the winter healing, getting stronger, and improving my balance so this doesn’t happen again, maybe I need to seek out someone who can help me be more confident, I can’t wait to ride again, thank goodness for Drishti – he is helping heal my soul.  

Night and day difference in attitude. This is how I know I’m Melissa again. That is happiness. 

I saw my surgeon – who is a second cousin (he doesn’t know this) and who informed me how dangerous horse riding is (his uncle and cousin formed my childhood love of being crazy on horseback) – and while my shoulder is badly shattered and will take a long time to heal, it doesn’t need surgery and is in good alignment to heal. 

So that’s good. And that’s happiness too 


And him. That little face. He is a bright light in my life. 

I’m Melissa again. ❤️❤️

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Oils Uno Frozen

I decided this morning that I was done with the pain meds. They make me feel terrible – to the point I’d rather deal with the pain. I pulled out my essential oils and made my own pain reliever. Marjoram and frankincense in a rollerball on my shoulder and also taken internally. It’s helped significantly with the pain and I haven’t had to take a pill all day. I’m hoping my head and my digestive system clear up in the next couple of days. That’s happiness. 

Tonight I played a Frozen game with my niece, nephew, and mom while my sister played Uno with my kids. Happiness is found in these little moments – it’s where the memories are made. 

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Bubbles and giggles

My kids sat outside today with their little cousins and blew the biggest bubbles ever. One of the best things about bubble blowing is that you’re never too old to do it. That and it’s just really a lot of fun. 

I’m so happy with cousins are growing up getting to know each other. The cousin bond is a special one, and I know I feel it with all of my cousins. 

It was so great to hear them giggling and having fun with each other. Happiness. 

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Because it’s funny

I made it outside today to see my pony it’s the first time I’ve been out to see him since I fell off. I think he’s been lonely too. The very least he appreciated the treats I brought for him. I love this guy and being with him brings me so much happiness. I waited a lifetime for him to come – and even if I can’t ride and I’m going to enjoy him 

He’s looking for treats 


Jacob has been watching TV with me and we watched an episode that made us laugh out loud. He had to get up and record his favourite part. 

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Silly laughter is exactly what happiness is. 

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That’s gratitude 

Today I took a good look at the helmet I was wearing when I fell off my horse earlier this week. 

I had been amazed at how thoroughly I had shattered my shoulder yet not damaged any other part of my body – especially my head which had landed inches away from that shoulder. 

My helmet has a huge crack in it. I broke it when I fell. If I hadn’t been wearing my helmet, I would have shattered my head. 

It’s the same feeling I had years ago when I was in a bad accident and knew I only survived because I had my seatbelt on. 

I am alive because I had on my helmet. I’ve always complained about wearing one, but swore to myself I’d do it every time when I got my new horse. And I have – every single time. 

What if I hadn’t? 

It’s a different kind of happiness than what I usually write about – but it’s happiness in a very pure form. I love this life and I’m grateful for it. 

This was a pre fall photo 

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