Author Archives: Melissa

happiness

Fernando

I was in the grocery store with the boy today after we discovered our cupboards were completely bare. We were walking down an aisle when I heard him singing quietly to himself. Suddenly he stopped, glared at me and announced damn you and your ABBA. I can’t believe I’m singing Fernando while I’m out in public. And I laughed and laughed. 

Then we got in the car and the playlist was still on ABBA so I put on Fernando. He looked at me and said ok, but we can’t listen to this after we pick up my friend. I told him if that was the case we better make the most of it. So we car danced and laughed so hard I had to pull over so that I could catch my breath. It was an awesome moment of happiness. 

I got another one later this evening walking with the girls. It was a beautiful sunset with an amazing full moon coming up while the sun was going down. It finished off with fireworks coming from Bragg Creek. Sometimes I have to pinch myself because I can’t believe that after all the crap we went through, we are in this happy life. 

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Yard work 

Today was a day to put life back in order. I spent a few hours outside dealing with the jungle that has grown up over the last couple of weeks thanks to all the rain.

It felt good to get out and dig in the dirt a little, but it felt even better to have that solitary time to sit in my heart space and balance out my feelings. I seem to really need a little of that time every day to just come back in tune with myself. It helps me to fill up my cup so I have enough to share. 

Derek came back into the yard to visit me. He’s been off pretending to be a horse the last few days and I’ve missed him. Not the little surprises he leaves me in the yard, but I miss his presence. The dogs seemed to have missed him too 


I can’t quite explain it, but there’s something about that guy that brings e a lot of happiness. I think in part it’s that he finds the same sort of peace and security in our home that we do. 

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Unplugged

The kids were still not feeling well but the sun was shining and it’s the middle of August which means every nice day needs to be enjoyed to the fullest. I took a staycation day with him and we went to the creek. 


There aren’t enough days where the world just stops and you get to lie in the grass and look at the clouds. It is an interesting thing about being in a beautiful place that has no phone reception – you have to unplug and just be there in the moment. So we did. And it was a moment filled with happiness and peace. 

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Weird things 

I asked the kids what their happiness moment today was and they said this: 

Which goes down as one of those weird things we’ve done (along with things like baton twirling) that I actually ended up quite enjoying. It was fun to watch the pack of kids (and the big kid) having so much fun. 

It was a really nice family weekend spent doing fun, normal, happy things. It makes me appreciate how blessed we are to be here living the life we do. Because what is normal for us here was not normal for us in our other life, and I’ll never take that for granted. 

My morning started like this 


A happiness moment reminding me how much I love being back home. 

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Endless summer

We have reached that point in summer where we know the end is in sight but we are in full out denial about it. It’s been such a weird summer – I feel like it should be just starting – for certain we are just starting to relax. 

But the relaxing part feels so good. This past week felt like we all finally let go of so much stress and stepped into vacation summer mode. The best mode of all. 

We spent another awesome afternoon at the creek. It was cold, but even I went in and did the full dunking and a float on the raft. I love listening to the sounds of happy people laughing in the water. Being in that place (physically and emotionally) brings so much happiness and peace. We are blessed people.

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A Dad day

For some reason today has been a day surrounded by memories of my Dad. I was driving this afternoon and was all of a sudden hit with this huge wave of regret. That specific regret is a feeling I try really hard to stuff as far down as I can and pretend it’s not there. I feel so badly that the kids and I weren’t able to come back home much sooner. He was so sick and both of my parents could have used my help. And yet I was stuck in my own horrible situation waiting for my own miracle to arrive (and it did). 

The kids and I spent some time this evening at the creek – which was a place my Dad loved to be at. That spot is filled with so many good memories of swimming in the summer and skating in the winter. I miss him so much but being at the creek was a good reminder that there is so much simple joy that can be easily found. I feel so blessed that it is right here at my back door.

Sitting at the creek, sitting in my emotions, opening my heart – my happiness moment 

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The photo album

I have this stack of old photos that have moved thousands of miles and sat in piles for years waiting for me to organize them and put them in albums. Today I realized I’ll probably never properly organize them, but some of them at least should get put into albums.  

They’re photos of fun years. The kids were little, tiny things and we were living in Quebec. I loved our years spent in our cul de sac in St. Lazare. We had great neighbours, most of whom became close friends. The moms and kids spent hours visiting in the woods in the middle of our houses. I somehow managed to attract this awesome bunch of amazingly strong, smart girlfriends and we used to do things together all the time. It was mostly kid focused fun, but sometimes the ladies would get together for book club (the best invention ever) or a meal out no men or kids allowed. 

It was a more innocent time before most of the shit hit the fan in our family, actually in hindsight it was hitting the fan then – I just didn’t acknowledge it. Had I paid more attention to the incident and really listened to my gut I could have saved myself years of heartache. But some lessons needed to be learned the long, hard way I suppose. My girlfriends kept telling me to pay better attention and do something – but I hadn’t yet found my strength. 

It was fun to sit with some of those old memories. Fun things I used to do with the kids when they were in a completely different stage of life than they are now. They were so innocent and fun and cute. I consider it such a blessing I was able to be at home with them and watch them grow and begin to discover who they are. Happiness. 

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The Breakfast Club

We enjoyed a rainy evening curled up together in front of the tv watching The Breakfast Club. It was about the 489th time I’ve watched it and the first time for both kids. They were a little disappointed it turned out to not be about food, but they enjoyed it anyway. 

I was reminded of why it is that I was always attracted to the bad boys. John Bender always makes it look so desirable – there is that heart of gold underneath all the protective armour. In reality they’re usually just assholes. Horses did the same thing for me. The bigger the buck and the more attitude they had the worse I wanted them. That also does not translate well into human men. Thank goodness I finally understand that concept and now am attracted to kindness. Finally. 

These last few days of slowing things down and really enjoying the wonderful moments I’m being blessed with right now make me so grateful and so happy. 

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Mama Mia

If yesterday’s trip to Waterton was a family wellness day, then today was a personal wellness day. I have realized how important both of those are. The kids and I need special time together away from our regular routine to just be be and have fun together. I also need time just for myself to recharge and get back in balance with myself. Today was a me day. 

I had a massage. I didn’t realize how much I needed help letting go of the unnecessary stress I have been carrying. It’s amazing how powerful healing hands can be. 

I went for a walk. That’s always something that connects me with Source and myself. It helps to heal my heart. 

I had a nap. I have been so incredibly tired the last couple of days. I think all of the emotions of the past few weeks fell onto me now that things are quiet and I needed some recovery time. The kidsare healing   and getting stronger after all the angst they went through last month and we can all let go a little now. 

I watched Mama Mia with Jenna. Somehow ABBA has become our road trip music (don’t judge) so we spent a good 6 hours yesterday listening to their music. It made that cheesy chick flick that much more enjoyable this evening. Belly laughs are awesome. 

I am so grateful that I have learned to find the space to honour the fact that I need to keep myself strong and at peace in order to lead this family. That makes me happy. 

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