Tag Archives: cousins

happiness, law of attraction, narcissist

Cousins of the round table 

I feel so fortunate that I was blessed at birth with ready made best friends in the form of my sister and cousins. They don’t all live as close to me as I’d like, but those relationships stand the test of time. No matter how much time goes past or what happens I know there’s this awesome tribe of people that I belong to. The same thing goes for my kids. They are a part of this awesome extended family we have that stretches across Alberta, BC, The Yukon, Ontario, New York, Italy, and Texas. Both sides of my family have such a strong bond, and I appreciate that more and more as time goes on.

Tonight we were treated to supper by one of my cousins in Cochrane between guitar lessons and youth group. This round table of cousins worked out so perfectly, each one of us had a friend to sit with – she has a girl and a boy close to the same age as my kids. Sitting around and laughing with this beautiful part of my tribe was a happiness moment for the day that will warm my heart for a long time.

I feel kind of like we are the Whos down in Whoville. The grinch may have stolen our Christmas, but he can’t steal our love and joy. We will stand firmly in our tribe singing our songs of happiness no matter what kind of hate and destruction he sends our way. Although I will never forgive the hurt that he has inflicted on us, I’m caring less and less about the fact that he’s trying to destroy me. He can’t do that. I am getting stronger and stronger with each and every day.

Every time I have needed something on this journey it has been provided for me, and I have faith and trust in the fact that this also will turn out for the best. Just because he says I’m worthless and stupid does not make it so. In fact, this journey has taught me what incredible strength and love I possess. I have learned so many things over the past few months that have really shown to me that all those hateful things I was taught by him about myself aren’t true. I came across this wonderful quote this morning and it taught me exactly how I will look at his behaviour as I move ahead through this divorce. I think it’s important to talk about it because there’s so much shame put on the person who is being used by a narcissist. It is possible to get out of that relationship and move on to a happy life which is what we all deserve. With every step I take he’s more and more just someone I used to know.

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The Easter table 

The house was full of family and laughter. We ate until it hurt and then ate some more. It was a great Easter. There is so much to rejoice in. 

It helps me put into perspective how small my issues are in comparison to the joy of being back here with the people who love us. Knowing that the kids and I are here, safe, loved, and where we can give love back – there’s something to be grateful for. 

Easter – remembering that Christ has risen. That we are loved and perfect children of God. My happiness moment. 

A beautiful, bright, ray of light shining on mom and Luke during church.    

Nana and her grandkids. Having cousins is awesome.


   Easter egg hunt 

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Buns and Yorkshire Pudding 

Today was my uncle’s birthday. He’s one of my favourite people in the world, and has always been a second dad to me. 

They had a big birthday supper for him followed by a showing of Forsaken which was filmed out at the movie site. Very cool. 

My happiness moment was standing in the kitchen with my cousins laughing and eating. We had plates piled high with fresh buns and Yorkshire pudding filled with gravy. We’d gobble it all down, complain about how fat we were getting, laugh, head back for seconds, then laugh some more. 

  
To be with these people who I am so close to, who have known me forever, and whose company I enjoy so much is a great joy in my life.  

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Love flowers 

After another restless night, I actually fell into a deep sleep near the wee hours. I was puttering around, drinking my tea this morning when my cousin called and asked how the kids were doing.

Apparently, I’m fine when people ask how I am doing because aside from some fear and mental grief I am fine. But, when they ask how the kids are, I completely fall apart. I burst into tears over the phone and couldn’t stop. That was probably a good thing as it’s the first time I’ve actually cried about all that’s going on. I feel like I spent so much time crying over Dad dying last year that I didn’t want to spend more tears on Mr. X, who does not deserve them, but there they were.

And, actually the tears are not about Mr. X at all, the tears are about the huge amount of loss I feel for my children. The difference between how I look back on my father and how they will look back on theirs couldn’t be further apart. I’m trying so hard to keep them out of all this trauma, and yet they know more than they should just by virtue of him refusing to provide enough support for his family to have a chance to start over. The kids are unfortunately now aware that there is a present struggle even to have the most basic of needs met, and they know the reason why. I wish they didn’t.

My cousin heard me crying over the phone as she was driving into town to go to work. She said “hang on, I’m not that far away, I’m turning around and I’ve got something for you”. She showed up at my house with this:

I can’t remember exactly what she said, but it involved the flowers being beautiful and alive and smelling good, and that I was all of that too (the way she said it was so touching and I can’t remember it).

Edited note. She texted me again what she said to me at home: And for the record: you are beautiful, colourful, vibrant and add a sweetness to the room you are in. Everyone should have someone like this in their lives 

These loving flowers are sitting beside me today as I get some work done. I am so humbled by the outpouring of love and support I have received from my people. I had a message last night from a dear friend since high school. This woman was a single parent to her daughter from day one and has done such an amazing job of raising a beautiful young woman. She’s the person I go to when I set the standard for how I want to lead my family into our future.

I have realized that all of this that is going on is not my hell. I didn’t create this. This is a reflection of his reality not mine.

My reality is living here in this house that I adore with the people I love, safely back with my family, in the place I love most in the world. I’m doing exactly what makes my soul sing in looking after my family. I am so incredibly thankful that this is my life.

*I’ve got another happiness moment coming up tonight… a pre-planned one.*

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At the long table

The kids and I spent may years where it was just the three of us sitting at our little round table. Those lonely years spent away have made us all the more appreciative of our family and the shared times that we have now that we are back among our tribe.

Today we spent time with my relatives from the “east side” of town. My cousin’s granddaughter was in a skating competition and it was my aunt’s birthday, and the kids and I joined them in the celebration. I had forgotten how much I enjoy watching figure skating, it’s so beautiful and graceful. We went for lunch to celebrate my aunt’s birthday and there were enough of us (15) that we were seated at a huge, long table at the back of the room. I have so missed family meals that involve sitting at a long table full of laughter and conversation. I feel like in the last year we have been well absorbed back into that lifestyle. We got to do it again tonight at my mom’s place with my sister and family (only 8 of us this time though).

My happiness moment today was catching up with my cousins and aunt and uncle. One of the great things about family is that they always know who you are even during the times when you are apart. It has been such a blessing to reconnect with this tribe.

A bonus happiness moment came yesterday when Gretchen Rubin made a comment on my blog post about happiness done Ayurveda style which I had put on her Facebook page. That post really brought back into focus for me how important it is to keep on doing what I am doing. I can feel all the good vibes coming back to me.

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Raindrops and Lasagne

After having a rather rough start to the day (there’s nothing quite like having those intuitions confirmed), the kids and I were treated to an amazing and loving evening provided by my cousin.

She started by giving us all a raindrop massage. If you’ve never had one, I highly recommend this blissful essential oil experience. After spa time, she fed us her homemade lasagne (which is a family favourite) and we sat and shared stories and laughed.

Having these blessed family moments is what it is all about. We spent so long floating around, isolated little bubbles. It’s so good for the soul to be back around our tribe and people who truly care for and love us, and whom we love and trust. What a happiness moment.

As a bonus happiness moment, I spent some time today telling my story. I have decided not to post it right now, but I am no longer afraid to tell it. You see, I realized that I am no longer stuck in an abusive relationship, I no longer have to not tell my story. There is a lot of freedom and relief that comes with that realization.

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Kid-knees and whoopee cushions 

Tonight we celebrated the February birthdays in the family – my nephew (today) and my sister (tomorrow). After having missed years of these family celebrations I am continuously thankful that we are here now to participate. Having this extended family around us is so incredibly important in helping guide us and give us that sense of grounding and support 

  
While the entire evening of the family gathering together was my happiness moment, I had a couple of events stick out as especially funny ones. 

The first happened as I was reading a book with my niece about the different parts of your body. We were on the heart page which she was convinced was the kidney. Once she realized it was not (after her mommy confirmed that for her, because she’s still at the age where mommy knows best) we continued searching until we found it. Once we were on the correct kidney page, my niece put her bent  leg up towards me, pointed and said see auntie Melissa? Here’s my kid-knee. Priceless

Next, I walked in the room to find my nephew (who turned two today) jumping up and down on the whoopie cushion yelling fart fart fart over and over. 

There’s nothing like kids to being unexpected and delightful laughter. What a blessing that we have all these cousins around to enjoy. 

In a sentimental moment, I heard my uncle playing with my nephew, and the noises my uncle was making were exactly the sounds my dad made. For a minute I stopped and my heart thought dad was here. But my uncle is like another dad to me – in fact we call uncle dad – and it was so fitting that the laughter and joy were coming from those two. 

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When opposite views come from the same thing 

This morning I had to stop everything and run out to the barn to look at the sunrise. 

We often get pretty beautiful ones, but today it was absolutely stunning 

 This is no filter and the sun really was shining that huge beam straight up into the sky.  
As I was standing there doing a happiness-gratitude dance, I received a text from my cousin who lives about a mile and a half away. 

Look at the lavender sky and the full moon!! She said. We couldn’t see the moon from where we were (and we were now getting late for school) but we did take in the beautiful colours over the mountains. 

She sent me a photo of the view from her window 

Breathtaking morning view of the moon and the mountains   
As I was driving home I was thinking how great it was that we had been sharing the morning beauty at the same time, and that she had thought to reach out to me to make sure I was enjoying it. I also appreciated how our opposite views – mine to the east and hers to the west were so incredible. They were completely different, and yet a product of the exact same morning light. 

What a great happiness moment. I just knew today would be a day filled with joy and blessings. 

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Matching cousins 

A few years ago these cousins got together at our house and dressed themselves in very cool matching shirts (that their very cool mothers bought for them). They’ve grown up  thousands of miles apart but always managed to maintain a close relationship through visits and FaceTime (FaceTime is great for keeping people connected).

Now that we are back home, all each one has to do is stand on their front porch and yell across the yard to see what the other one is up to. It brings great joy to my heart to watch these two girls outside exploring, giggling, and enjoying each other’s company.

My happiness moment today was that they once again got themselves organized for a matching shirt photo (this time shirts provided by my very cool mom). They’re growing into such beautiful young ladies.  

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A happy belly and a happier heart. 

 This afternoon my aunt invited my kids along with their cousins over to her place for some Italian cooking lessons. They cooked and had fun all afternoon and then us adults got to go enjoy the spoils. 

I can’t even begin to describe how much I have missed these family get togethers and how grateful I am that they’re part of our regular life experience now. 

Seeing how much fun the kids had and then visiting with some of my favorite people in the world – that was my happiness moment today.  

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