Tag Archives: gratitude

happiness

Reconnecting 

I have had the strangest 24+ hours that I can recall. Emotions have run high and priorities have been reassessed. I have decided a couple of really positive things have come out of this time. 

One is that I have reconnected with a dear, old friend after a 20 year absence in a deep and honest way that couldn’t have happened if circumstances had been different. There’s nothing like a situation that causes you to drop all your guards down and look at the bare bones of what is needed to see what a person is truly made of. This lady is one strong and brave woman. 

The other is that it had made me dump out a few remaining bags of emotional garbage I was carrying around from the end of my marriage. Stuff I didn’t even know was still sitting there. I emptied it out and have sorted through so much and in such a healing way. It’s a rare person who has experienced so many of the same situations, even if done in different ways. I think it’s been very healing for both of us. I am grateful for that.

My happiness moment was a brief time spent at the creek. In my opinion it’s about one of the most healing places I could ever go to. 

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Pretty toes, lighter heart 

This afternoon Jenna and I finally got around to getting our summer toes done. It’s been a full year since our last pedicure so we were well overdue for some girl time getting our toes pretty. It was a blissful joy happiness moment sitting with my girl and having some bonding time. 

As an unexpected happiness moment I unburdened myself of some things that had been hovering around my heart causing trouble. As soon as I let these worries out I felt the elephant that has been sitting on my back for the last couple of weeks vanish. You’d think at some point I would remember how much holding that in hurts me (and those around me). I need to listen to my intuition more and have more faith – always more faith. 

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Sometimes all you need is a little cry 

Jacob and I took Dad’s clothes in to the Mustard Seed this morning and donated them. We all knew that it was the right decision and that Dad would have wholeheartedly approved (although he would have wished we had got on it faster), but that didn’t make the task any more enjoyable. 

Jacob was my GPS guide which meant we argued half the time when we were  lost in a less than enjoyable part of town. At one point we found ourselves in the parking lot of the Alberta Cheese Factory and seriously considered abandoning our mission because…. cheese. But we kept going. 

A really kind lady helped us unload the clothes and take them inside. I was completely ok until it was time to leave, and leave Dad’s things behind. Then I started ugly crying all over the place. The poor woman asked me if I was ok and I had to say no, that those were all my dad’s clothes and I didn’t want to leave them. Then she started crying and said she’d just lost her dad a few months ago and was starting to go through the same things. I responded with my dad has been gone for a year and we are just now able to do this. I wish I could tell you it gets easier but obviously it doesn’t. And then we stood and cried together for a while until I could leave the building. 

After I bawled for a while in the car and was able to finally drive away (poor Jacob) I realized something I didn’t really like. I could and should have walked over and given that poor woman a hug. It probably would have been good for both of us. I have felt lately that I need to be less sensitive to the actions and comments of others, but I obviously need to also be more sensitive to the needs of others. So, less sensitive to how others affect me and more sensitive to how I affect others. Easy peasy. 


Jacob cracked jokes the whole way home and I laughed so hard I had to pull the car over twice. Happiness moment number one. 

I went to an empowering women gathering in Cochrane tonight which was happiness moment number two. The topic of the evening was balance – which is exactly what I’ve been working at bringing back into my space again. I went with two good girlfriends who make up an important part of my tribe. It’s so essential to my wellbeing to have these women to share my struggles and triumphs with – and to share in theirs. These people who have dumped their emotional garbage bags upside down and aren’t afraid or ashamed of the mess it makes and the work it takes to clean it up, they’re my kind of people. 

I didn’t realize how much I needed being in a circle of women like that until I was there. And I learned a quick and fun rebalancing exercise as a bonus. 

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Letting things go

We finally got started on the task of cleaning out Dad’s closet today. It was difficult and emotional, but a chance to sort through some memories and feelings about loss and letting things go. In the past I have not let go either gracefully or peacefully, it’s kind of a work in progress for me that lesson.

I think Dad would have rolled his eyes at the fact that it took us so long to be strong enough to face the task of donating some of his things. He would have told us to pack it up and get it out to someone who could use it right away. But, I think he also would be so touched that he is so deeply loved that there is this group of people who miss him so much. It makes me think about who I want to surround myself with and walk with me on the rest of my journey. It has become so important to me to make sure those are the right people – the ones who know how to laugh, love, find peace, follow God, know how to give and take, and lift each other up.

I came to a realization as I was sorting through my Dad’s things and mentally sorting through emotions left over by last week’s stellar visit from Mr. X. I have wanted so badly to make things better for the kids, to heal them, to make up for all that they are lacking but I can’t do that. No matter how badly I want to, I can’t make up for the things they don’t have – and we are never going to heal that way. I need to let that shit go. We are an awesome little family, and the fact that some painful stuff has happened does not change that. I need to focus way more on the fact that we are this loving, strong, intact family and much less on any force that has tried to weaken us.

This morning I was lying in bed with Jenna who was trying to tickle me and generally get a rise out of me. Jacob came flying into the room and said oh good, it’s my favourite game. I said what’s that? He answered the bug mom game and leapt on the bed with a pillow to smack me with. Those kids, my family, my life – what a happiness moment.

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Duck duck 

We enjoyed some family time at the creek this afternoon. It’s one of my favorite spots to go – beautiful and filled with generations of memories of good times. 

I loved watching my kids play with their little cousins. How lucky we are that they get to grow up knowing each other and making those special cousin bonds. 

My mom talked about how they used to drive down to the creek when she was little to have Sunday picnics. Then we talked about how my sister and I used to ride our horses there and do the same. I loved that long ride to the creek. Even as a child I knew it was a special and beautiful place. 

There is so much gratitude wrapped up in knowing that we are home and we are safe. We now live so much more in peace than we do in chaos. 

While having supper, a duck family swam past us. The kids got so excited to see them. I was impressed at how the duck parent immediately moved between babies and us to protect the little ones. Protecting little ones is not a small task, and not one to take lightly. Happiness moment – watching the ducks quack by, watching the cousins play 


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What happiness tastes like 

We had a slow Saturday at our house which was so badly needed after a long and stressful week. It was farmer’s market day which is always a treat. We loaded up on cherries, peaches, apricots, nectarines, blackberries, and strawberries. It’s summer heaven at our place right now. 

We had other plans but ended up going home and all having much needed naps. Thank goodness for the luxury of an afternoon nap. It made us able to reset and meet the rest of the day with more energy.

At supper time we found ourselves in Cochrane and decided to try out the new Italian restaurant called The Boot. It was divine. Jacob took a bite of his lasagne and said this is what happiness tastes like. And he was right. Food should make you not only healthy but happy too. 

Today’s happiness moment, sharing a meal with these two. They put so much light into my life. 

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Rebalancing 

Today was a day focused on rebalancing, repairing, and regaining strength. It has been an emotionally exhausting week as I have watched my kids go through so much pain and heartache.  I know they will come through this stronger and wiser, I just wish they didn’t have to go through it at all. 

I remember talking with Dad on one of our walks about his worries about his connection with God. He’d been spending so much time in prayer and meditation, working at making his relationship as strong as he possibly could. At the time we were walking his medication was making it increasingly difficult to keep up his practice and he was worried that his connection was not as strong. We talked about how he had built up a reserve of faith and strength that was getting him through that tough time. 

In a different way I feel like that now. I work to keep my faith strong, but times like this deplete some of my reserves. It’s so important now to fill that space back up so that I can walk stronger on my path. 

So today I rebalanced things. 

I did some yoga and strengthened and rebalanced my poor stressed out body a bit. 

I walked with my cousin in law and dear friend this morning. We laugh and talk about everything – and usually end up doubled over in hysterics at least at one point in every visit. But we also talk about more serious things. So today, along with some giggles, we discussed how we talk to God and what that means to us. Also we talked of how hard that is to do sometimes. I love being able to have such an honest conversation about our thoughts and beliefs. It helps to ground me and rebalance me. 

Then I had more of my reserves built up and had more to give to my kids who desperately needed rebalancing too. We spent the evening together eating supper and laughing with each other. We are a strong little unit but we need our tribe around us to keep us balanced and focused.  

A happiness rebalancing day. Gaining strength, remembering to love each other, working back into peace. 

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Little healing steps 

My boy took a few small healing steps today and I love him so much for it. He prepared himself and once again went in for a therapy appointment  with Mr. X (who failed to show for the last one). I don’t know all the details but it didn’t go well. Still, this brave soul put his heart out there and I love him for that. 

I learned a few years ago from that same person that sometimes what seems like the most painful, difficult heartbreak can actually be one of life’s greatest gifts in disguise. When I looked at the gifts I received I realized I found my renewed relationship with God, my self respect, happiness, joy, love, a return to my tribe, hope…. it goes on and on. Basically I got my life back – but a better version. I hope Jacob finds his gifts from this experience. 

After a little decompression we went to one of our favourite spots to relax and enjoy some family time. My happiness moment was sitting by the creek with my boy just being. I am so incedibly proud of that kid. 

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Safety lights are for dudes 

The monsters and I saw the new Ghostbusters movie tonight. We were in need of some good laughs and it delivered. It was a lot funnier than I thought it would be, and there was a group of ladies sitting in front of us who had the most contagious laughter. It was exactly what we needed to lighten the stress load. 

We enjoyed a fabulous sunset on our drive home. I know, I go on and on about how much I love where we live. But seriously, we live in a freaking postcard. Who wouldn’t love this?


Belly laughs and sunsets. Happiness. 

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Mud!

We had a very tiny window of summer this morning when the sun was shining and the rain clouds had been banished. I grabbed the opportunity and spent some time pulling weeds in my vegetable garden. I’m finding that time quite meditative as it allows me time to clear my head, align myself with my Source, and find some gratitude for what is growing. I love it. 

I also tend to get frustrated because I discover while pulling stubborn quack grass and dandelion roots that I am nowhere near as strong as I would like to be. I am so much stronger than I was, but I have a long ways to go. 

Today though was so much easier. The ground is so muddy that the weeds came up with way less effort than what I normally have to give. It was so much more satisfying with so much less work. I had a great happiness moment listening to the radio while clearing out my garden. I’m so happy to see things finally getting to the stage where they can be eaten and enjoyed. 

I had a bonus happiness moment later on when I somehow ended up in the middle of a game of tag with the boys. It was so fun to watch them run and laugh and play in the park. I love that they wanted to include me in it. 

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