Tag Archives: gratitude

happiness

Weird things 

I asked the kids what their happiness moment today was and they said this: 

Which goes down as one of those weird things we’ve done (along with things like baton twirling) that I actually ended up quite enjoying. It was fun to watch the pack of kids (and the big kid) having so much fun. 

It was a really nice family weekend spent doing fun, normal, happy things. It makes me appreciate how blessed we are to be here living the life we do. Because what is normal for us here was not normal for us in our other life, and I’ll never take that for granted. 

My morning started like this 


A happiness moment reminding me how much I love being back home. 

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Endless summer

We have reached that point in summer where we know the end is in sight but we are in full out denial about it. It’s been such a weird summer – I feel like it should be just starting – for certain we are just starting to relax. 

But the relaxing part feels so good. This past week felt like we all finally let go of so much stress and stepped into vacation summer mode. The best mode of all. 

We spent another awesome afternoon at the creek. It was cold, but even I went in and did the full dunking and a float on the raft. I love listening to the sounds of happy people laughing in the water. Being in that place (physically and emotionally) brings so much happiness and peace. We are blessed people.

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A Dad day

For some reason today has been a day surrounded by memories of my Dad. I was driving this afternoon and was all of a sudden hit with this huge wave of regret. That specific regret is a feeling I try really hard to stuff as far down as I can and pretend it’s not there. I feel so badly that the kids and I weren’t able to come back home much sooner. He was so sick and both of my parents could have used my help. And yet I was stuck in my own horrible situation waiting for my own miracle to arrive (and it did). 

The kids and I spent some time this evening at the creek – which was a place my Dad loved to be at. That spot is filled with so many good memories of swimming in the summer and skating in the winter. I miss him so much but being at the creek was a good reminder that there is so much simple joy that can be easily found. I feel so blessed that it is right here at my back door.

Sitting at the creek, sitting in my emotions, opening my heart – my happiness moment 

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The photo album

I have this stack of old photos that have moved thousands of miles and sat in piles for years waiting for me to organize them and put them in albums. Today I realized I’ll probably never properly organize them, but some of them at least should get put into albums.  

They’re photos of fun years. The kids were little, tiny things and we were living in Quebec. I loved our years spent in our cul de sac in St. Lazare. We had great neighbours, most of whom became close friends. The moms and kids spent hours visiting in the woods in the middle of our houses. I somehow managed to attract this awesome bunch of amazingly strong, smart girlfriends and we used to do things together all the time. It was mostly kid focused fun, but sometimes the ladies would get together for book club (the best invention ever) or a meal out no men or kids allowed. 

It was a more innocent time before most of the shit hit the fan in our family, actually in hindsight it was hitting the fan then – I just didn’t acknowledge it. Had I paid more attention to the incident and really listened to my gut I could have saved myself years of heartache. But some lessons needed to be learned the long, hard way I suppose. My girlfriends kept telling me to pay better attention and do something – but I hadn’t yet found my strength. 

It was fun to sit with some of those old memories. Fun things I used to do with the kids when they were in a completely different stage of life than they are now. They were so innocent and fun and cute. I consider it such a blessing I was able to be at home with them and watch them grow and begin to discover who they are. Happiness. 

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The Breakfast Club

We enjoyed a rainy evening curled up together in front of the tv watching The Breakfast Club. It was about the 489th time I’ve watched it and the first time for both kids. They were a little disappointed it turned out to not be about food, but they enjoyed it anyway. 

I was reminded of why it is that I was always attracted to the bad boys. John Bender always makes it look so desirable – there is that heart of gold underneath all the protective armour. In reality they’re usually just assholes. Horses did the same thing for me. The bigger the buck and the more attitude they had the worse I wanted them. That also does not translate well into human men. Thank goodness I finally understand that concept and now am attracted to kindness. Finally. 

These last few days of slowing things down and really enjoying the wonderful moments I’m being blessed with right now make me so grateful and so happy. 

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Mama Mia

If yesterday’s trip to Waterton was a family wellness day, then today was a personal wellness day. I have realized how important both of those are. The kids and I need special time together away from our regular routine to just be be and have fun together. I also need time just for myself to recharge and get back in balance with myself. Today was a me day. 

I had a massage. I didn’t realize how much I needed help letting go of the unnecessary stress I have been carrying. It’s amazing how powerful healing hands can be. 

I went for a walk. That’s always something that connects me with Source and myself. It helps to heal my heart. 

I had a nap. I have been so incredibly tired the last couple of days. I think all of the emotions of the past few weeks fell onto me now that things are quiet and I needed some recovery time. The kidsare healing   and getting stronger after all the angst they went through last month and we can all let go a little now. 

I watched Mama Mia with Jenna. Somehow ABBA has become our road trip music (don’t judge) so we spent a good 6 hours yesterday listening to their music. It made that cheesy chick flick that much more enjoyable this evening. Belly laughs are awesome. 

I am so grateful that I have learned to find the space to honour the fact that I need to keep myself strong and at peace in order to lead this family. That makes me happy. 

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Kayaking 

We did a forced family fun trip to Waterton today. It’s one of our favourite places to be, all of our souls seem to settle as soon as we get surrounded by the mountains. 

We have our usual routine – have lunch near the lake, skip rocks, eat ice cream, go bear hunting (no bears this time. I think they’re all at our place). This time we added in kayaking for fun. The kids are naturals, me not as much. But it was so fun and I didn’t capsize so I consider that a win – and a happiness moment. 


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Quiet road 

Today’s happiness moment is pretty short and sweet. We did a family walk this morning – my sister and her kids, mom, me and my kids. It was heart happy  to have our family together and enjoying each other’s company. 

I realized part way though the walk that it was starting to feel a bit more normal that Dad wasn’t with us while we did these things and that made me a little sad. That letting go business is so difficult. But I know he would be so happy to see his family out enjoying the day together. 

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Back together again 

Today was a happiness day all around. Some days just feel like they start off with more happiness energy in them and this was one of them.  

Most importantly, the boy is back after a week away at his aunt’s house. He had a fabulous time and I’m happy for him, but I am glad our family is back together again. I consider the close relationship we have one of my greatest blessings. 

We celebrated with an afternoon at the creek which is always one of my happiness moments. Watching all the kids play and laugh while I visited with my friend was so relaxing. We have sorted through some heavy shit this week and it was nice to just chill for a while. Her strength and courage continues to amaze me. 


We finished the evening with a long walk – to work off the dessert we accidentally dove into. It took us well over two hours because my friend and I had to take off on the kid bikes for a race, we had to make the truckers honk their horns, and the kids had to go find the barn kittens  at my uncle’s house. Simple, silly happiness. 

What I’ve realized over this past week is I have in fact managed to create the safe, happy place that I was so desperately seeking when we moved back here. Not only that, but it’s now a strong enough space to share with others and hold them in as well. That makes me more grateful than I can describe. 

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Into the fury of the fire 

Today we gathered together as a family and as a community and said farewell to my Uncle Harvey. He was my mom’s cousin, but in this large, close knit, extended family he was still uncle to me.

 I spent hours, days, seasons, riding in the fields on his ranch as a smaller child. It was one of the places where I learned the life lessons of courage and strength that have sustained me so well these past few years as I have been rebuilding a more peaceful and happier soul. My courage and strength were both tested every single time I got on a horse at their place and was pushed to the limit of my fears. I will be forever grateful for the lessons I learned from them. 

His sons were talking today at his funeral about uncle Harvey’s own courage and strength and how he taught those around him to be the same by example rather than words. Anyone can say the words to describe the person they want to be, it takes a brave soul to actually live by those words. 

Almost 50 years ago there was a prairie fire in the community and everyone had rushed out to help put it out. Uncle Harvey had been away so when he returned home he knew people were working hard to stop the fire. Instead of joining them, he ran to the barn and saddled up his horse. He grabbed his wire cutters and headed flat out into the fury of the fire. He opened gates and cut wires in fences to let the livestock escape the oncoming fire. 

They spoke of the kind of man who was both brave and kind enough to run full on into a fire to save the animals. That takes a special kind of individual and one that I am so grateful played such a big role in teaching me about courage and bravery. 

My happiness moment ironically came in the middle of the funeral. I was thinking of the gifts that he gave me as a child and how they are gifts I have opened over and over again in my life. There have been so many different people who God has put in my path who have handed me the gifts I needed to carry myself into the next place I wanted to get to. All the emotional craziness of this week has also been a gift. Somehow in the middle of all of it I have settled into a place of spiritual peace that has been missing for quite sometime – and even though I have no idea how it happened, I’m so grateful for that. 

Uncle Harvey’s work clothes. 

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