The kids and I wer standing in line at a store and the girl said something about gone full circle. The boy reminded her that we are a triangle, we three – a strong triangle.
So she said yes, it’s gone full triangle.
We are a weird trio and although we may do things differently than a “regular” family – I wouldn’t trade us for anything.
The boy and I had to go deal with the passport office today (one of my least favorite things to do). The lady who initially helped us was rather a crabby sort and that resulted in me getting flustered, being unable to find the right papers, and feeling a little crabby myself.
When we had ourselves sorted out we went back and were greeted by a different lady. This one was full of smiles and really went out of her way to help us out and let us know how long the wait would be.
I felt a shift as we left her and went to sit down. Smiles are powerful, her sharing a little but of kindness and happiness brightened up the place and chased the storm clouds away.
Remember to smile 😊
I had a mini meltdown today as it was the Mondayest Monday ever. As I was feeling sorry for myself and throwing a good old pity party the boy interrupted me.
He said mom I’m going to talk to you like you talk to me when I’m like this
For God’s sake get your shit together. Look around, don’t you see what a great life you have? You look after us, you’re a great mom, you’re dealing with all the support issues, you’re learning new things so you can get a job. You pull us up when we are down. Sorry I’m not all rainbows about this- but that’s not how we are. Get yourself together
Dammit he’s right. Having moments of feeling overwhelmed I think is normal, but remembering to be grateful for all be wonderful things in our lives. Those are the happiness moments.
My niece showed up at the door today clutching 3 little furballs.
One of the barn cats had some babies and now we have these adorable balls of fluff.
We took them to the hammock and played and cuddled them a little.
If you’re ever feeling stressed or like you need a smile, I highly recommend playing with a kitten or two. They are happiness
We had a family supper with my mom, aunt, and uncle at a great Italian place in town tonight. Fantastic meal that was two and a half hours long.
The nice thing about a long slow meal is you get a chance to really visit and catch up, and I believe enjoy and digest the food a lot better. It makes me realize how often we rush our meals even when we don’t have to.
I really enjoyed myself. I was surrounded by some of my favourite people in the world. We talked about how important it is to have the love and support of the tribe. I don’t ever want to be without it. Happiness.
It feels like it’s been a long week. Tonight I realized I had an empty house – so instead of going out or doing anything, I celebrated by getting into my pjs and watching chick flicks. It’s bliss.
I love the house with the kids in it, but I can’t remember the last time I’ve had a quiet evening to myself. It’s happiness.
I had a coaching call today and I talked about how my broken arm had lead to some big personal changes. There has been a chance the last couple of months for me to heal some areas of my life that I had been too busy to stop and pay attention to. I was forced into this quietness, and it allowed me to reflect on the things I had been ignoring.
We talk about being broken like it’s a bad thing. But sometimes you need to be broken to stop resisting and submit and allow space for good things to grow. It would be great if I could learn lessons the easy way, but usually I have to be taken down the difficult path and really learn the grit of the lesson so it sticks.
I am loving this course. It’s helping me, and in turn I will be able to help others shine their lights more brightly. Happiness.
I stopped at Planet Organic tonight to get a few items – giant jug of maple syrup among them.
At the till the man asked for my name, but when I gave it to him it didn’t bring up my customer number. I fished out the card, he turned the screen as he swiped so we could see what name came up.
When I saw the name I said oh that’s who I used to be. He laughed and asked if I wanted him to change it (I did). Then he said that’s who I used to be – I like that. I wish I could change myself sometimes too.
And I told him it’s possible to change yourself without needing a name change. You just have to do it.
Then he told me how to make candied nuts with the ton of maple syrup I had bought. He said I could add nut lady onto my list of changed names.
I like it. Weird conversations that make me laugh. It’s happiness.
I had the opportunity that allowed me to reflect on what my life would be like now if I hadn’t started making small changes all those years ago. I would be someone I wouldn’t recognize – in fact even when I look back on that old life I can’t believe that was me.
I think about the day I fell on the floor and prayed for change, it was almost 6 years ago, after the incident at Canadian Thanksgiving. It seemed like change took forever to happen, yet here we are now living a life completely different life. Small changes, big results.
What if I was that person I used to be still? I’d be broken. Totally and completely broken. Living a life I wasn’t made for, pretending to be someone else, lost and sad.
Sometimes I feel like it takes too long for the changes to occur – I get impatient. I’ve been working for this better life for so long. The boy reminded me the other day mom – you yourself said that sometimes God has to wait until you’re totally broken apart so He can put you back together. And that’s true. I’m so damn stubborn, it takes a lot before I’ll accept the help I need. This shoulder thing has been a good lesson for me in learning to accept help and appreciate the kindness of those around me. Today, on week 8 after my fall, a neighbour is still bringing us a weekly meal. Every single Monday she’s shown up with something for us. Talk about an act of kindness.
All those small changes brought Drishti into my life. He was my drishti years before I knew he existed.
If you don’t know how he came to have his name – here’s a recap:
A dristhi is a specific point of focus that is used during meditation or while holding a yoga pose. The reason for the focal point is due to the belief that where our gaze is directed, our attention naturally flows. It is a way of looking for the Divine everywhere, and it allows us to see God in everything. It blocks out the clutter and noise, and keeps our intention set on what is important. Focus all of your attention on your drishti and all the chaos of the world disappears and you are able to connect with God.
For me, horses always have been my spiritual vehicle. When things were bad and I was so out of balance, I prayed for and focused my attention (set my drishti) on having a horse to ride again. So, when through a series of miracles this horse came to my life I knew his name was Drishti. He makes the chaos of my world disappear so I can focus on what is important.
If it weren’t for all the small changes, this wouldn’t be my life now. And I love my life now. And that is happiness.
