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happiness

Fire food

I found myself in kind of a funky mood this afternoon. I’m not totally sure why, but I was. We had planned on going to the creek for part of the afternoon and to have supper (it was maybe the best meal of the summer – I love food cooked over the fire). I am so grateful that’s what we did because it totally changed my outlook. I went from being out of sorts to laughing and really enjoying myself. Of course the fact that he brought me chocolate significantly helped with the mood shift. It was less the food and more the thoughtfulness behind it that was the reason for the attitude adjustment. 

There is a certain peace I find at the creek that I don’t find many other places. It seems to only take me a few minutes and I am completely relaxed. I’m so grateful to have a place like that and to have my tribe. Happiness. Pure happiness. 

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In the city

I tend to get so focused on the beauty of where I live that I forget how much the city has to offer. Tonight we went out for a lovely walk in Fish Creek Park. South Calgary is like foreign territory to me and it’s kind of fun to discover how much is there. Plus I had great company which makes any experience enjoyable. It’s amazing how heartwarming a little thoughtfulness and TLC can be. Happiness. 

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Quiet road 

Today’s happiness moment is pretty short and sweet. We did a family walk this morning – my sister and her kids, mom, me and my kids. It was heart happy  to have our family together and enjoying each other’s company. 

I realized part way though the walk that it was starting to feel a bit more normal that Dad wasn’t with us while we did these things and that made me a little sad. That letting go business is so difficult. But I know he would be so happy to see his family out enjoying the day together. 

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Girls and chocolate 

We had a full out girls day today. We have an overflow of girl power in the house right now and I love it. There’s something that happens when a tribe of girls spend a lot of time together and we have shifted into that zone. It’s almost turned into a red tent – spiritual bonding experience. 

Two happiness moments today. 

The first was sitting on the couch this morning with my dear friend. We got into a deep discussion about how God has guided and changed our lives. We have both been down some hard roads and seen our fair share of struggles, but agreed that our paths had always been lit and we have always been carried when we needed to be. Then we kind of stopped and looked at each other. I said 25 years ago do you think our bad selves would have ever seen us sitting here curled up together on a couch talking about God? Because we used to be two bad ass girls with lots of attitude and a way of finding trouble. She said I know. And to top it off we are sitting here drinking tea. But that tea drinking conversation was happiness. 

The second happiness moment happened over dessert. About 10 days ago in a moment of insanity I decided to give up processed sugar for a while. The kids kindly have been pointing out to me that my mood seems to require that  I sweeten myself a bit more (I blame Mother Nature and her night storms that have kept me up for 5 nights now, but whatever). We went out for supper and decided as a 6 girl tribe that we needed two dessert pizzas from the Rocky Mountain Flatbread Company  in Canmore. If you haven’t been there – go! That was a wonderful little piece of heaven. In fact, we were enjoying it so ….umm…. ecstatically that we attracted the attention of another table of women who had to know what we were eating so they could feel like that too. It was chocolate heaven. And the more we ate the happier we got. And now I have a belly full of happiness. Life is good. 

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Letting things go

We finally got started on the task of cleaning out Dad’s closet today. It was difficult and emotional, but a chance to sort through some memories and feelings about loss and letting things go. In the past I have not let go either gracefully or peacefully, it’s kind of a work in progress for me that lesson.

I think Dad would have rolled his eyes at the fact that it took us so long to be strong enough to face the task of donating some of his things. He would have told us to pack it up and get it out to someone who could use it right away. But, I think he also would be so touched that he is so deeply loved that there is this group of people who miss him so much. It makes me think about who I want to surround myself with and walk with me on the rest of my journey. It has become so important to me to make sure those are the right people – the ones who know how to laugh, love, find peace, follow God, know how to give and take, and lift each other up.

I came to a realization as I was sorting through my Dad’s things and mentally sorting through emotions left over by last week’s stellar visit from Mr. X. I have wanted so badly to make things better for the kids, to heal them, to make up for all that they are lacking but I can’t do that. No matter how badly I want to, I can’t make up for the things they don’t have – and we are never going to heal that way. I need to let that shit go. We are an awesome little family, and the fact that some painful stuff has happened does not change that. I need to focus way more on the fact that we are this loving, strong, intact family and much less on any force that has tried to weaken us.

This morning I was lying in bed with Jenna who was trying to tickle me and generally get a rise out of me. Jacob came flying into the room and said oh good, it’s my favourite game. I said what’s that? He answered the bug mom game and leapt on the bed with a pillow to smack me with. Those kids, my family, my life – what a happiness moment.

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Duck duck 

We enjoyed some family time at the creek this afternoon. It’s one of my favorite spots to go – beautiful and filled with generations of memories of good times. 

I loved watching my kids play with their little cousins. How lucky we are that they get to grow up knowing each other and making those special cousin bonds. 

My mom talked about how they used to drive down to the creek when she was little to have Sunday picnics. Then we talked about how my sister and I used to ride our horses there and do the same. I loved that long ride to the creek. Even as a child I knew it was a special and beautiful place. 

There is so much gratitude wrapped up in knowing that we are home and we are safe. We now live so much more in peace than we do in chaos. 

While having supper, a duck family swam past us. The kids got so excited to see them. I was impressed at how the duck parent immediately moved between babies and us to protect the little ones. Protecting little ones is not a small task, and not one to take lightly. Happiness moment – watching the ducks quack by, watching the cousins play 


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Little healing steps 

My boy took a few small healing steps today and I love him so much for it. He prepared himself and once again went in for a therapy appointment  with Mr. X (who failed to show for the last one). I don’t know all the details but it didn’t go well. Still, this brave soul put his heart out there and I love him for that. 

I learned a few years ago from that same person that sometimes what seems like the most painful, difficult heartbreak can actually be one of life’s greatest gifts in disguise. When I looked at the gifts I received I realized I found my renewed relationship with God, my self respect, happiness, joy, love, a return to my tribe, hope…. it goes on and on. Basically I got my life back – but a better version. I hope Jacob finds his gifts from this experience. 

After a little decompression we went to one of our favourite spots to relax and enjoy some family time. My happiness moment was sitting by the creek with my boy just being. I am so incedibly proud of that kid. 

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Just watch out for bears and stuff 

The girls and I finally got back out for our evening walk/bike ride. After it being so dry it has been raining non stop the last couple of weeks. We had a little break in storm clouds and took full advantage. 

Those girls make me laugh so hard. They have such a good time together out on their bikes. They make all the trucks honk their being horns and they play crazy, made up games on their bikes. 

As we were passing a field we saw two bucks quietly grazing. Our presence scared them and they quickly bounced away. 


The girls saw me trying to take their picture and informed me that there was no way my iPhone could take a good photo from that far away. Then they said if you want a good picture of some deer, look closely – here come some now. And they put their fingers up like antlers and proceeded to prance all over the road laughing so hard they could barely breathe. Which of course made me laugh just as hard. Time spent being silly with those two made for a great happiness moment today. 

They rode their bikes a bit ahead of me and as we parted we all did our typical have fun, just look out for bears and stuff. 

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Come together 

Today was the annual stampede breakfast at our community hall. We were really lucky and had beautiful weather for it. The yard was full of family and neighbours (and as we discovered a lot of them we didn’t know – the difficulty of having missed so many years, or of being super introverted) visiting and laughing. 

Some of the family/community I only seem to catch up with at this breakfast so it’s always an event I look forward to. Although, I have noticed that now that we are home we are able to do a lot more visiting at other times. 

I notice every time that we attend one of these functions that the kids are more and more comfortable and confident as part of the tribe which delights me to my core. Knowing there are strong, stable roots helps give you the strength to fly. 

The hall 

The girls getting ready to head up to the breakfast. 
On top of the happiness of visiting with my people, the kids and I headed west for an evening in Banff. Sometimes you just need that mountain hug (and fondue and candy) being in the mountains always brings me happiness. 


I’ve realized I need to spend more time in conscious gratitude for the awesome gifts I’ve been given. I feel like I’ve been running , putting out fires, and not accomplishing enough. Sometimes the best way for me to accomplish more is by slowing down and doing less. 

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Alone time 

I’ve taken the kids to the wind up party for their VBS and I’m hiding out in the parking lot in the shade of a tree. I came here with the intention of going and mingling with the other parents, but when I arrived I realized how tired I am. Instead I decided to steal an hour of quiet time to myself. 

I feel like the last few months have been busy putting out fires. I’ve tried to make time to stop and regroup and embrace the quiet time I need to do that, but it hasn’t always been possible. As a result I’m feeling tired and overwhelmed. The good thing is I know I just need to slow for a bit and hit my recharge button. I also really need to spend some time figuring out where I want to spend my energy. There is so much happiness that has come into my life over the past year – and also a lot of pain and hurt that has left it. I need to rebalance myself and acknowledge all the change. I spent so many years in a fearful survival mode and none of that is relevant anymore. It’s like I need the constant reminder that we are safe, we are loved, we can let go. I don’t have that huge burden to carry all alone anymore. I can lay it down. 

My happiness moment is sitting under the tree in my hometown – knowing we are safe and loved and that it is time to move ahead in joy. 

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