Tag Archives: home

Uncategorized

Breathing in the quiet. 

Quiet is something I need, something I crave, and something I love. I know this about myself – and yet sometimes I find it difficult to sit in silence. To breathe in the quiet. My mind sometimes seems to think it needs to be entertained – even when my soul is saying shhhhhhhh just sit in silence. 

During times of anxiety I fight this inner battle even more. It’s a time when I really need quiet. A time when meditating and walking or riding out in nature really are the medicine I need. But, my mind instead says no, you should watch tv or play on the Internet or waste hours on Facebook. 

Its like my mind resists the thing that will help it most. I don’t understand this, but I know it to be true. So I try and remember to work with that. 

I’ve been meditating for a couple of years and it has brought great benefits to my life. When we moved home in all the chaos and the emotional upset I stopped. Even though it was a time when I needed it most. I couldn’t handle sitting in silence and hearing what was going on in my head. Even though meditation was what I needed to calm those voices of sadness and worry, I couldn’t break through the barrier. 

I’ve been meditating again and I feel so much better. I appreciate the silence I can sit in it again and breathe. I can feel it healing me. 

Last night as I was walking home I had to stop and listen. I was listening to nothing. We live near the highway and as the city grows the road gets busier and louder. Moments of true silence are harder and harder to come by here. Ironically, my moment of quiet here came because the highway was so busy it had come to a complete standstill – therefore no noise. 

This afternoon out on my cousin’s deck I noticed it again. A few of us were standing out there visiting – and we could hear each other. The road was quiet. We stood and watched child cousins play while us adult cousins visited. Saw the kids run through the field playing hide and go seek while we caught up on each other’s lives. My happiness moment. My sister was not with us, but I got to see her girl play with my girl and that was great. 

Yesterday I talked about how what I think about I attract – or what I believe I achieve. Specifically how I learned the Law of Attraction while riding I just wasn’t aware of what it was. No sooner had I published my blog than my niece and daughter called me to see I wanted to go riding with them. Of course I dropped everything and ran (skipped) out to the barn. I got to give an impromptu riding lesson to Jacob where I ended up explaining the law of attraction horse style just as I learned it. What you think about you attract.  It’s a fact. 

Standard
Uncategorized

What you believe you achieve. 

I have season 3 of Desperate Housewives on my iPad right now and I watch one episode a morning as I work out on my elliptical. It’s my guilty pleasure and it helps motivate me to move a little in the morning. 

Today though when I went to play my next episode, I discovered (to my dismay) that the next few episodes hadn’t downloaded for some reason. I needed an alternative because just walking on the elliptical is enough to make me want to stab my eyes out. 

Scrolling through my list of saved movies, it showed the only one downloaded was The Secret, a movie and book I have enjoyed many times but hadn’t watched in quite a while. 

As it always does when I watch it or read these books – the Secret series and the Law of Attraction ones – I am amazed at how I was taught the basics of this belief when I was learning to ride. 

I was told over and over that where I looked I would go, that if I visualized a successful round in my mind and believed that I would do well that I would, that 90% of riding was having a clear image of what I wanted and believing that it would be so. 

Important lessons that I learned early in life and never realized their power. As I’m finding myself again, I’m remembering so many of these types of things that I’ve held stored in my being. 

I’ve had some pretty powerful proof in my life lately confirming that this law is true for me. That I attract what I think about, what I believe I achieve and (most difficult for me), that what I need to do is allow these things to happen in my life. 

Happiness moment was some quiet time today with just Jacob. I’m always grateful that my teenager likes spending time with me and I love how this tender hearted soul makes me laugh and feel good about life. 

Standard
Uncategorized

Happiness in the new normal. 

One thing I’m discovering during this year of actively seeking happiness moments is that, for me anyway, happiness is a choice. But not a choice in the manner I would have thought before beginning this journey, a different way of making choices. More like a way of allowing happiness. 

For me, happiness as a choice means that I’m always reaching for better and happier thoughts and feelings. This also means that if I’m feeling sad or mad or just like general  crap then I’m not going to be able to force myself to be happy just because I want to. It means honouring the feeling that I have and reaching for a better one. Looking for rays of sunshine even on cloudy days. 

It’s leading to a lot more sunshine. My life is getting happier and better every day. And considering all that has happened this year, I think that’s quite the accomplishment. Dad lived his life so fully that I feel driven to continue to find happiness and joy even in the dark moments. 

At the end of it all, what I will have are memories and impressions on my soul. It’s pretty important that I choose ones that will make my soul complete and at peace. 

This afternoon I headed to the creek with my kids, my sister and her kids. All of us there for the first time without Dad. And we got to choose how to feel about that. Sadness was there for sure, feelings of grief and a deep to the core of my being sense of missing Dad. But, there was something else. Joy, happiness, peace, love, all those emotions were also there. 

Creeking is something my family has done since before my time. It’s an activity that brings balance and peace to all of us. As my sister said lying out on my mattress on the creek brings me back to myself. To the myself that is way inside under all the other stuff. The real me. Your Atman, or true self. It’s a very important part of our lives. One that we always shared with dad, but one that we need to keep on doing even though he’s not here with us. 

As we all stood out there in the amazingly warm water (it’s fed from the mountains and often is so cold that our feet hurt and go numb), I could feel Dad there with us. Smiling as he saw his family continue to choose happiness. And then he got a little sassy and flipped my sister’s mattress over as she swam down the creek. 

  
The happiness moment of the day. Family fun time at the place that brings us back into balance. 

Standard
Uncategorized

Lazy long weekend

Today was a wonderful lazy, hot, sunny day that didn’t really even get started until noon. We all went into town and did fun lazy day things – the farmer’s market, games at Ranche days, eating gelato… It was a tough afternoon. 

My happiness moment was when we came home from this relaxing afternoon and I had to make supper from our seasonal and local purchases. 

Heirloom tomatoes, basil (from my garden), green onions and buffalo mozzarella. The tomatoes and onions were from the market and the mozzarella from a glorious local cheese shop. 

  
Happiness meal. Nourishing inside and out. 

I’m aware every day how the more I’m actively seeking happiness in my life the more I’m attracting it. I’m grateful to the core of my being for this. 

Standard
Uncategorized

Just another day in paradise. 

We have been away from home long enough that I don’t believe I will ever take for granted how wonderful it is to be back here. Every once in a while though something happens that serves as a good reminder as to the blessings we have. 

This afternoon I headed to the Petro Canada to get batteries for our raft pump so we could go to the creek. Because it’s Friday and a long weekend, the line up to the gas station was all the way back out to the highway. So many people heading to the mountains for the weekend. Fortunate and blessed people in their own way. But all I needed to do was grab some batteries, go home, and head down the hill and we were instantly on vacation. 

  
I love this spot. We have swam and skated this creek with Dad all our lives. I’ve spent hundreds of hours riding Pirate through the fields in younger days. It’s a very healing place. A difficult place sometimes this year, but even so a healihg place. A place I’ve needed to be. 

The kids started out on their rafts and were looking around for someone to pull them upstream and flip them. Dad’s thing to do with the kids. In the amazing way children  have of being in the present moment, they figured out a way to take turns flipping each other off. Not the same as it was – a new normal. Since that is what life is about right now it was a good lesson. Learning to love and live in the new normal. 

Dad loved this place so much I know he is looking down on us and happy that we are moving on, finding happiness, living life. Missing him terribly, but living in this new normal. 

It was Dottie’s first time seeing me on the raft. At first it caused her concern, then she decided she had better join me to keep me safe. 

   My loving dog actually climbed right up, stood on me and then shook her stinky, wet dot hair all over soaking me in the process. I love her. 
A happiness moment that lasted all afternoon. Lazy days at the creek. Deep gratitude for this day. We live in abundance. 

Standard
Uncategorized

The Bar U 20th Anniversary. 

The kids and I took a trip to Southern Alberta today to attend the 20th anniversary of the Bar U Ranch being a national historic site. Because the kids are Albertans who were not raised in Alberta, I feel an extra responsibility to teach them about their heritage. 

I love the drive south down highway 22 and today was a beautiful, clear, sunny day which made it that much more enjoyable. 

I knew it was going to be a good drive when it started off with Don’t Stop Believin’ on the radio. The kids were chatting away and as soon as the song started they both stopped talking mid sentence and sang the entire song, then went right back into their chatter. 

I love our mountains. Enjoying the scenery made the drive go by so quickly. 

One of the first things we noticed when we were walking around the inside of the Bar U information centre was the brands that were lining the top of the walls. After a little hunting, we found our family ranch brand that had been placed in memory of my Grandpa. That was fun to find, and made the kids feel a bit more connected to what we were doing. 

   Because we were slow we missed the horse drawn wagon that was taking people down the the main ranch area. So we had to hoof it ourselves. An easy stroll downhill lookin at the mountains – what a hardship eh? 

We went into the blacksmith shop and he gave us a little history lesson on how the Bar U came to be and why it was such an important ranch in Alberta. 

  This was the highlight for the kids. Learning how to lasso. They were actually pretty good at it and would have stayed there all day if they could have. 

  I however, wanted to go watch the Blackfoot Dancers. They were amazing. I felt so honoured that they shared this with us. The best part was that at the end they invited the spectators to join them in a dance. It felt so good to move around with the drums beating and them dancing. 

  Of course as soon as they could the kids were back to lassoing. They actually went to the gift shop and bought their own so they could lasso each other. 

Jacob said I should go get one for when they weren’t listening to me and I could just yell and rope them. As the day went on this seemed like a better and better idea. 

  When we left the Bar U I took the kids a bit further west towards the place where my best childhood friend came from. 

First though we had to drive past the littlest church. It was just as small as I remembered it from days of yore. 

  And here we are, birthplace of Pirate Gold – aka my best friend aka my best pony buddy. 

  And honestly, no wonder I enjoyed the time I spent down here learning how to ride him. It’s so breathtaking. 

  By the time we reached Bragg Creek on our drive home we were hangry so we stopped for some Italian food and some intense giggles. I can’t remember when we have laughed harder at a meal. Thank goodness we were outside. 

  One of those wonderful big happiness days. We are having more and more days filled with happiness. I know that this is because we are focusing on bringing happiness into our lives. Even amidst the mourning and the sorrow and the intense feeling of loss we carry about my Dad, we are still finding joy in the days. I know he would want that for us and that knowledge helps motivate me to keep seeking it out even when I want to just curl up in a ball. 

My happiness moment was when we were invited into the Blackfoot dance circle to join them. What an honour and how exciting to get to do something so different. 

Standard
Uncategorized

That Dharma Thing

I firmly believe we all have those things that we shine at. Things that we must do, that bring us joy, that make our soul sing because we know that we are doing what it is that we were put here to do. 

Some people know what that thing is from an early age and have the faith, the support, and the courage to do it no matter what obstacles are thrown in their path. Others of us are plagued with self doubt and fear and it takes us a bit longer to get on that path. 

If I could have a life redo I would go back in time to those moments where I wanted to follow a dream and I listened to the negative voices either from others or from inside my head who told me that I shouldn’t. The voices that said I wasn’t good enough, not deserving, or that the dream I had wasn’t ever going to be a reality. 

The first thing I would do is not listen to the voices that made me give up riding. Should it have mattered that I was being told that I would never make a living at it (I could have), that it would never give me a secure future (nothing about my future so far has been secure anyway even though I gave up and tried to take the safe path), that I needed to find a real job and grow up? Had I had the kind of self esteem I now wish for myself  and for my kids I would have never heard the external doubts and I would not have had the internal ones. 

Somehow I took all those messages and decided that my value as a human was based on what career path I would take and the amount of money we could produce. So I took a career that I didn’t really want and when I gave it up to be a full time mom (which I love) I became devalued again because I wasn’t doing something that was producing money. Forget all of the things that I actually do as a mom, there is no value to that. So then I struggled with the strong feeling that I was doing what I was meant to do, but also held the false belief that it had no value. 

Today we went out for a long ride through the fields. It just brings peace to my soul. I have a confidence when riding that I am just now learning to bring to the rest of my life. On a horse you need to be confident enough to have faith in what you are doing, and stay humble enough to know that you are a part of a team – and that the other half of your team is much bigger and stronger than you – you must work together through whatever comes up. A good way to walk through life. With humble confidence. With the knowledge that I am following my dharma. That I am good enough just because I am me and that I know I’m doing the right thing because I feel it in the depths of my soul. 

That is happiness. 

Here is a photobomb of happiness. Johnny the horse having a moment of FOMO (fear of missing out) and peeking through the fence as I took a picture of my niece. She rode today with Jenna and me, and it was so heart warming to see those girls giggling and enjoying their horses in the same fields I used to spend hours in as a child. Pretty sweet for me to enjoy this time on Princess the boy horse. 

  

Standard
Uncategorized

An afternoon ride 

  
As a kid I used to ride all over the ranch in the summer months. Sometimes by myself, sometimes with my sister, usually joined by Buster the dog. 

When I first learned about yoga and meditation I realized that I had been connecting with the Source every time I jumped on my horse and headed off. Riding has always been a very spiritual activity for me, something that has always calmed my anxiety and grounded me in nature. It’s something I need to do in order to be the best version of myself. 

Today I got to ride with Jenna and my niece. It wasn’t long or far (those clouds in the background had us heading home before we got rained on) but it was soul cleansing. My happiness moment. 

Standard
Uncategorized

Take the step 

The more I walk on this path the more I believe that what I think about is what I attract. It’s a big part of why I have my daily happiness moments – to make sure that at least one time a day I’m actively seeking and attracting happiness into my life. 

Last night as I was falling asleep I was thinking of time I spent as a youth in Southern Alberta. My parents had bought me a pony from one of the ranches south west of Longview (Pirate, my best friend through my teen years and well into adulthood). A bonus of this purchase was some time spent over a couple of  summers at their ranch taking lessons and hanging out. It is one of the most beautiful places I’ve been to. Very similar to home and yet more rural and therefore a bit different. 

This morning I had a call from my cousin asking if I could pick up her daughter and a friend at their camp. Camp was about 45 minutes south of the same ranch I had fallen asleep thinking about. The law of attraction. 

Jenna and I enjoyed a beautiful backroads drive along the Rocky Mountains. It was a stunning day, and enjoying her company while enjoying the beauty of our mountains was indeed a happiness moment. 

  

Here we are up on the top of the mountain. You can see the road we had to travel off on the side. No safety net with this one – just a big drop off the side. 
  

We had to drive pretty much straight down this mountain. It’s a very narrow gravel road and there are no guard rails. I was more than a little anxious driving up the mountain – and we were on the side with the hill in that direction. I had no idea how I was going to get us back down. I am not a big fan of heights, and although my anxiety has calmed down incredibly- there is still the underlying fear that a panic arrack could rear it’s ugly head. 

I contemplated my choices – which were not many – and then bravely started driving down. Breathe deeply, breathe slowly, think with confidence, have faith that I can accomplish this task and that I am doing the right thing. 

Pretty much the same mantra I’ve been carrying for the past few months. It worked for me both in daily life and also to get down the mountain. Take the step, have faith that the next step will be there. 

Is this not seriously the most beautiful place that I am so fortunate as to call home?

The view from the top of the road. I kept my faith and the road rose up to meet me. 

 

Standard
Uncategorized

Ungratitude Gratitude

I was walking home tonight having an ungrateful inner moment. Actually, what happened was that I came out of my mom’s house and saw one of her flower pots knocked over. I was tired and thought oh I’ll just leave that until tomorrow. Then I heard my Dad’s voice clearly in my head saying you need to go pick that up. Just do it. So I did. Then I looked up at the sky and made a face akin to the ones I made as a teenager. The scrunched up scowl of I hope you’re happy because I’m not. I walked across the cattle guard and looked north to see this: 

   
 
So I’m assuming the answer was yes, I am happy. And now you are too. And he was right. The beauty of life makes me happy. 

Bonus happiness moment today. 

Standard