Tag Archives: parenting

happiness

The quiet times

Today was a beautiful day to welcome in spring. I couldn’t help but think of where I was a year ago today – both physically and emotionally – lots of big changes have happened this year. We were packed and ready to leave our lives in Roanoke, our flight home was a year ago tomorrow. Dad was in the hospital so sick, I was extremely grateful that we were getting home to spend some time with him. I had no idea how intensely emotional the upcoming year was going to be and all that it would bring for me.

It’s had a death,  devastating discoveries about betrayals in a marriage, a divorce, poverty, wealth that has come from within my soul, freedom from an emotionally abusive relationship, security of home, and the discovery that I am so much stronger and so much more together than I ever imagined.  Although it’s been difficult at times, I am grateful for the opportunity to have discovered these gifts that I can now carry with me through the rest of my life. It has made me a better friend, parent, and future partner.

While the kids had one of those golden moment afternoons where they played happily together for hours, I grabbed the dog and took her for a long walk along the ridge. I find such peace there, by the mountains, near Dad, along the trails where I used to ride my horses. It helps me to ground myself and remember what is really important to me. When I look at the things I really want in life, I have them all. Wonderful children – and close, open relationships with them, an awesome family surrounding me, weird and fantastic friends, and this crazy, happy dog (oh and the cats, don’t forget about the cats – I am one cat away from officially being the crazy cat lady). I know that as long as I keep doing the things that I love that everything is going to turn out just fine.

  

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Happiness all around 

Coming home with joy in my soul after spending the evening last night with some of my favorite people, we all started the day off with a lot more peace.

This morning Jenna headed off to a much anticipated sleepover at a friend’s house. She’s got a good bunch of girlfriends at this school and it thrills me to see them starting to do things outside of school together.

I headed to town and made an attempt at having a personal life and went out on a date. A lovely afternoon spent with someone kind, smart, funny, and cute (with a. charming accent to boot).

Now Jacob and I are sitting at the movies waiting to see a show together. Thank goodness for those Scene points – we have enjoyed a lot of free shows because of my card.

How lovely to have a day filled with more happy moments than sad. Naturally there are always things that come up, and Jacob was upset this morning, but he’s developed a strong sense of himself. I love the young man he’s turned into and am so grateful to have him in my life.

What you put out comes back to you and I’m glad to see the good stuff coming our way.

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Who’s who? My dad

I spent a lot of time today with the memory of my dad. I feel like the past few weeks have been so filled fending off the poisoned barbs of hatred that I kind of lost focus on letting in the things that are really important to me.

My dad was one of the things that was really important to me. He wasn’t perfect, but he was such an influential person in my life. He was exceptionally unreasonable during my teenage years (I have no idea why…) and we could really get into it sometimes, but through it all I knew that he loved me unconditionally and always had my back.

Actually, my parents were/are such great examples of what unconditional love is. Even when I’ve been at my most lost and scattered, they have always provided me with a safe place to land. That security of having people who are there for me no matter what is so important, it gives me the freedom to take chances and explore who I am and what my purpose is.

After Dad died I had a lot of friends and family come up to me and express their gratitude for things that Dad had done for them. He had often stepped in and given support, and frequently free legal advice as well, to the people in our lives. He not only provided me with that sense of security and trust, but he gave it freely to so many others as well. He lived with a sense of abundance, not holding onto his knowledge or love, but spreading it around because there was enough for everyone.

He showed me what to expect from a man. Someone who not only worked hard and was successful at his career (and he was very successful), but who lived with integrity, spent time with his family, laughed, loved, and jumped full on into life. I think I took it for granted that because this was my experience all dads are like this. I will never take that for granted again. They’re not.

He not only took great interest in the things that we were doing – I can think of him sitting for hours listening as I babbled on about whatever was my current obsession, probably wanting to stab his eyeballs out, but smiling and encouraging – but he shone that same love and support on his grandchildren. My kids still talk daily about things they did with grandpa and how much they miss his presence. The way he lived his life has made a huge impression on Jacob, and he talks often about becoming the kind of man grandpa was. Jacob is already a good, honest young man. I have no doubt he will make his grandpa proud.

I realize the older I get how exceptional my dad was. I’m realizing in fact how exceptional my entire family is. I don’t know how it happened, but I won the awesome family lottery in that I have this ready made tribe of people who are so strong, loving and kind.

My mom sent me an email this afternoon letting me know that my dad was listed in this year’s Canadian Who’s Who. It’s so wonderful to read about his accomplishments, but to me his real achievement was the kind of person he was. The way he lived his life is something I can hold onto and aspire to. I will always have his tendency to have temper meltdowns (blow it out and move on), but that’s part of being human. To live with an open heart so that people can trust and depend on you as my dad did – that’s a real life achievement.

 

 I miss you Dad xox

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happiness

When you start to let it go 

Happiness comes in many different forms, for me it’s so much more than belly laughs and ice cream. It’s that feeling deep in my soul that I’m following my bliss, living my dharma, balanced from within. 

My happiness moment today came from seeing a lightness in my son. He’s been carrying around so much inside and has been slowly able to start letting it out. I’m so proud of him for being able to open up and share his feelings with adults whom he trusts. Watching how he’s learning to advocate for himself makes me incredibly proud of him, and even more secure in the knowledge that he’s one awesome child of God. 

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Monopoly and laughter 

I walked in to the kitchen at my mom’s house today to find her sitting at the table planing an intense game of monopoly with Jenna. Jenna is very good (and very competitive) at games, so playing with her is always lots of fun and very challenging. 

I cooked us all supper and we spent the evening sharing stories and laughing. It felt so good to do in that kitchen that is the centre of the home of my heart. 

It was so nice to have us all shed some of the stresses we have been carrying and just give into the laughter and the enjoyment of each other’s company. A delightful happiness moment. 

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If you’re going through hell keep on going…

There’s a lot to that old saying laughter is the best medicine. We have been in desperate need of some good belly laughs these past few days.  To say that life is a little intense right now is a huge understatement.

Because things always come to me as I need them, I listened to a song last night that reminded me of the angels (literal and figurative) that I have in my life. If You’re Going Through Hell will be my pick up song for the time being. 

But the good news is there’s angels everywhere out on the street

Holding out a hand to pull you back upon your feet

The ones that you been dragging for so long you’re on your knees

You might as well be free

Its so easy to get focused on the person or thing that is pushing me down, but so much more importantly are those angels who are loving us and helping us up out of the darkness. They have held out their hands and their hearts and are keeping the kids and I in this safe basket of love while we get through this part. Freedom is something I have prayed for for a long time. From now on I know that when the opportunity comes to free my soul I will always take it. And some great advice to all of us as we go through dark times…

If you’re going through hell keep on going

Don’t slow down, if you’re scared, don’t show it

You might get out before the devil even knows you’re there. 


Today we decided we needed a family fun day. Each child brought a friend and we are up in Canmore at the swimming pool (a very cool pool with slides and a lazy river and basketball nets). Laughing with this group of kids all afternoon has been not a only a great happiness moment, but a happiness refocus, as we remember what is important.  Elizabeth Gilbert hit it nail on the head – what is important is to eat, pray, love. I am so thankful that I am on this journey with these amazing humans – my kids, my family, my friends. 

  

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What is love?

This past year has been filled with so many emotions. The pain and sorrow of losing Dad is still so fresh and there are a lot of mixed up emotions as I work my way through this divorce. 

One thing I do know is that love is the most important thing. I remember feeling in the last few weeks of Dad’s life that all that mattered at the time was love. It’s a lesson I’ve carried with me through this year. As long as I’m reaching for love and for happiness everything will be ok. 

It’s easy to get caught up in all the negativity. Today I realized I need to be focused on all the love in my life. And there is so much. We are so blessed to be here in the folds of our family, surrounded by people who love us just because we are us. 

I have a deep love for the animals who are in my life, both past and present. They have always provided me with grounding, security, and the understanding of what pure unconditional love is. All of our pets are rescued and have had less than comfortable starts to their lives. Yet, they love us (and each other) with unfiltered purity. 

We have a beautiful home in which all of us – humans and animals – live with the secure understanding that the love flowing through will always be there – no matter what. 

Today I passed Abu and Aladdin cuddled up together on the couch. I looked at them for quite a while thinking this is what true, pure love looks like. They are so comfortable with each other, it’s difficult to tell where one ends and the other begins. My happiness moment – witnessing a quiet moment of love between siblings.

    

      

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We are regulars now

Jacob and I have been enjoying a morning coffee break at Tim Horton’s almost every morning since last fall when school started up. Over these past months we have begun to recognize, and be recognized by, the other regulars who show up every morning.

After so many years of feeling almost invisible or only being known as those Canadians in our travels, I can’t even begin to describe how refreshing it is to now have this deep understanding that we are home.

Moving back here and making Cochrane our hometown again has been an interesting experience. I know Old Cochrane, I was raised as part of that community, my family has called the town home for generations. It’s always been a place I can come to and see neighbours, old friends, family, and other members of the community.

In the 10 years that we were gone, Cochrane boomed in size. The town has grown, there are so many new people, and an abundance of stores have opened their doors here. It has been an interesting experience this past year – showing the kids the Old Cochrane that I know and love so much, and exploring together the New Cochrane that exists now, one that I also hold a lot of fondness for.

Even now when we come into town we always see at least one person we know. The town has maintained a lot of it’s old, small town feel, and we have such a large web of community here. There is always that comfort of being home and in a familiar place. Yet, there is so many new things to explore – new restaurants to try, stores to visit, and people to meet.

The people here are still refreshingly friendly, there are smiles and casual greetings often exchanged on the street. People hold the doors open for each other.

It is home.

We have become regulars. The people at Tim’s know Jacob’s coffee order every morning. The other regulars all know where “our table” is, and we all comment if someone has switched up the seating arrangement. I love watching the groups of people who meet there every morning. There are groups of friends – most of them older – sitting, sharing coffee, laughing, and enjoying a beautiful start to the day. We are now a part of that community.

My happiness moment was sitting at Tim Horton’s realizing that we had this deep sense of belonging in this place we call home. Then I eavesdropped on this table of older men (perhaps late 70s or early 80s) and found they were laughing and sharing stories of running around their yards.  I have no idea what the context was – but watching them doubled over at the table in laughter while they told their tales made my whole day.

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Do what calms you 

Learning Ayurveda has truly changed everything about how I live my life. I look at all the emotional events that have happened in the past year and I know that a few years ago I would not have had the strength to deal with them. 

Now I’m dealing with all of these things head on. Not always in the most effective manner at first, but I’m absolutely walking through all the joys and sorrows of life. I’m a better, calmer, happier version of myself. 

I may not have any idea where this new path I’m on is taking me, but I feel deep in my soul that I have the strength to flourish and appreciate every step. 

A big part of what has helped guide me has been developing a meditation practice. I don’t follow the one I was instructed to (I did do it for a long time). Last May, a little before Dad died, I discovered the Moses Code Meditation and completely fell in love with it. When I meditate along with the music I feel myself being drawn into heaven, or drawn towards Source. It’s often very emotional for me as I feel Dad’s presence very strongly – so usually I spend a huge part of my meditation crying. But I love it, and it makes me want to meditate. 

What’s even better is that the kids also love it. They’re drawn to the music on the same instinctual level that I am, although their feelings and reasons are different. We do it nightly, and I never get any complaints that it’s something they don’t want to do. 

My happiness moment – sharing that time of connection to each other and to our Greater Power. Namaste.  

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Ray a drop of golden sun 

This evening the kids and I were bouncing along the road chattering and giggling when we had to stop to let a herd of deer pass in front of the car. 

  
Then, because it’s us and all, we started singing very loudly and very badly Do-Re-Mi from the Sound of Music. Jacob even kindly rolled his window down so the deer could hear us howling out the song. 

As we went around the corner we turned into the ray a drop of golden sun part of the song 

  
I always wanted to live in a musical. Tonight was about as close as it’s going to get. My happiness moment with the kids. 

Home. This is what my happiness looks like.   

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