Tag Archives: Ayurveda

happiness

So sensitive 

Last night I attended an online lecture talking about people who are energetically sensitive. For as long as I’ve been alive I’ve been so sensitive to the emotions and energy of the people I come in contact with. Sometimes it’s a wonderful thing, and sometimes it makes my life a bit more challenging as I have to deal with the impact of other people’s vibrations. 

A few years ago I was reading the resume of Mr X where he listed as a skill the ability to take the emotion out of any situation and move ahead without that clouding his decisions. I said then that was one of the biggest problems in our marriage because I put  emotion in every situation I went into. This is not a slag on him, it’s just pointing out that we approached every situation from opposite ends. The fact that I was so emotional in a relationship that was devoid of any made it very difficult for me. 

It’s not just that relationship though, I’m sensitive to the energies of almost everyone I come in contact with. The more of a bond I have the more intense it is, but it’s still there. 

This talk last night addressed why it is some of us react the way we do. And even better, gave some tips on how to ease some of the raw sensitivity- while embracing that it is this same sensitivity that makes us special. 

One of my favorite parts was where he described us like: the energy from our higher power is supposed to flow into and through us and then out to the world. When we get our energy overwhelmed we aren’t able to do that. It’s my goal to realign myself so I’m flowing that love through me and into the world. 

This afternoon while waiting for Jenna’s guitar lesson we sat and had an Uno tournament. Then when she went in and played, Jacob and I had an intense one on one battle. We had great belly laughs and really enjoyed some quality time as a family. My happiness moment. 

 His hand. He won this game.  

Standard
happiness

The lion king 

When Jacob was a toddler, his favourite movie was the Lion King. I can’t tell you how many times we sat together and watched Simba and his buddies. Then there were the hours spent reenacting the movie with little action figures. Help me brother was yelled countless times as Scar would fall off the couch or the table. Good times. I love the age the kids are at now, but sometimes I miss the little versions of themselves.

Jacob was home today (PD day made a nice surprise long weekend) and he spent the day relaxing and catching up on his things. I was working in my room and he walked in carrying Ella the FancyTail Cat. He holds her up and starts singing the Lion King song (who knows the words, the tune was right). Anyone who knows Ella the FancyTailed Cat would know that this was not appreciated at all by her, which made it all the more funny for her people. Poor Ella.

What was the true happiness moment though, was seeing my boy being more like his old self. He was happy and more carefree, finding the funny in every day situations. I’m so grateful that as our family stress is decreasing their joy and carefree happiness is returning (I’m sure the same is true for me).

We did a very powerful exercise yesterday on talking with and releasing our fears. It’s similar to the work I do with Asrael, but over the course of the weekend a lot of stuff had come to the surface. I was able to acknowledge things that are blocking me and causing me fear, and to either let them go or to work with them. It’s a tool that I definitely will use not only for myself but with clients as I move ahead. There’s so much junk we are all carrying, and it really takes such little love and kindness to help others begin to release it and embrace the bliss.

Standard
happiness

Keeping the faith

Yesterday in the conference I’m attending, we talked about the fact that often we come up against a wall that prevents us from being able to move ahead. Even when we know we are walking on the right path and have a clear sense of what we are doing and where we are going, sometimes this huge wall comes up and we are unable to go through or around it. Brian talks about how we can learn to create a door and walk through that. Not that there is a guarantee that everything on the other side of the door is easy necessarily, but it means that we have made it through the wall.

I woke up last night at 2am with a very strong understanding that I am sitting at my door in the wall, but that it is locked. I lay there for a while wondering what to do about that. I had no idea where the key was, what it looked like, or what I needed to do in order to unlock it. I stewed for a while, finally asking God to show me what the hell this meant (God has got used to the fact that I don’t use church language in my daily life), and then fell back asleep without having any clear answer (or even a foggy answer).

I got up and read my devotional this morning and it gave me some guidance (big surprise). Faith is being certain of what we do not see (Hebrews 11:1). Genuine faith puts its letter in the mailbox and lets go. Distrust, however, holds on to a corner of the envelope and then wonders why the letter never arrives…. it is the same with genuine faith. It hands its circumstance over to God, allowing Him to to work…. “Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this”. He will never work until we commit. Faith is receiving – or even more, actually appropriating – the gifts God offers us. We may believe in Him, come to Him, commit to Him and rest in Him but we will never fully realize all our blessings until we begin to receive from Him… (Streams in the Desert)

Yesterday there was a lot of focus on making a commitment. We need to make very clear and concise intentions and then commit to them so that we can then receive them. I have known for a while that I get blocked at the receiving or allowing phase of things. As I was driving into town today to hook onto the internet and I was listening to Just be Held it came to me. Really it was spoken to me. I need to surrender all the crap I’m carrying so that I can receive. There’s so much fear tied into that surrender.

Of course, the thing that I am also aware is my greatest challenge is the thing I need to do to get through the damn door. Who is surprised? It enforces the fact that my focus is in the right place though. I need to continue to work on surrender. Being able to surrender will allow me to finally move beyond my fear and my pain. I will not spend the rest of my life being defined by fear and pain. It’s exactly why I started this blog – to move into a state of happiness.

I have so much to say about what I’m learning this weekend. It’s already profoundly changed the way I’m going to move into my professional practice – and given me the confidence boost I needed to do that. It has overridden the negative hateful voice of Mr. X telling me I will fail. Love wins – always.

A happiness moment I gained today that I didn’t expect was that I made friends over the past couple of days. Some of them I will get to meet in real life in June and some of them I will continue to connect with online. I’ve added more people to my tribe – healers like me who are banding together to bring light to the world.

I’ve come out of the weekend with my vision:

My vision is to bring happiness and peace to people’s lives

 

 

Standard
happiness

Selling by giving

I am taking a most amazing workshop this weekend called Selling by Giving. I am blessed to be able to take it remotely from home and at a sweetheart of a deal provided by New World Ayurveda.

The more I’ve been sitting with the realization that I now suddenly have to become responsible for the financial care of myself and my kids (as well as all the emotional and physical care) the more I’ve realized that now is the time to really make some big changes in my life. I’ve supported someones else’s dreams for over a decade and a half. Now it’s time that I get to follow my own.

So what are my dreams? I got so used to having to squish my dreams down I forgot for a long time what it felt like to have them.

The bliss that I find from not only studying Ayurveda, but from writing this blog has made such a huge difference in my life. I think of where I was 3 years ago when I first started studying. I was so anxious and unhappy I could barely function. The changes that have happened in the year since I started writing this blog have made my life unrecognizable from where it was when I began. I not only seek happiness but now I embrace and know I deserve it. That has been a lifesaver and a game changer. It meant that I could no longer allow myself to be mistreated.

No matter where this road takes me, I know I’m in a better and more aligned space than I likely have ever been. All of these heartaches and attacks on my soul have lead me to really search deeply in my being and find out what makes me tick, what makes me happy, what makes my spirit sing. I have started to ask the question what is really important in my life? The short answer is love and happiness. I want to live a life that is filled with giving and receiving love and happiness. The more I have myself the more I have to give. And I’m understanding how very important it is to fill up my own cup so that my abundance can flow over to those around me.

Love does not depend on how you behave, what you look like, or what you wear. I think of the love I have for my kids and there is nothing they could ever do that would make me stop loving them. For so long I was trained that if I didn’t behave in a certain way I was unworthy – which basically led to me self-destructing. Feeling unloved and unworthy (and being told on a regular basis that I was such) was the most painful thing that ever has happened to me.

And now I’m in a space where I can embrace love and happiness. It may take me a while to fully walk into the understanding that my life now has value, but I’m on my way.

This course today had us doing some beautiful exercises that challenged me to think of what I want in my future, what changes I want to bring into my life. Being able to look ahead at my future with joy and anticipation, that is my happiness moment today.

Standard
happiness

Life is just a party 

Life is just a party, and parties weren’t meant to last. 

My life has had so many serious twists and turns in it lately. I keep thinking with gratitude of the fact that a year and three months ago I started actively looking for a happiness moment in every single day. 

Back then there wasn’t a lot for me to be happy about and often I had to work really hard to find that moment. What a blessing that was that I started looking, because the more I looked the easier they became to find. 

Looking for happiness has walked me through my dad’s death and all the gut punches that have come with this divorce. Not only that but it has led me to study the science of Ayurveda, and that  has ended up being a driving force in strengthening my connection to God and deepening my spiritual faith in ways I never would have imagined.

When I started my journey I made myself a happiness playlist that I listened to over and over on my phone. I picked out songs that over the years had made me feel happy when I listened to them.  Many of those songs were by Prince. I was very sad today to learn of his passing, but grateful for all the music and joy he brought to my life. 

I’ve been feeling more and more that I am taking life too seriously. I want to be able to look back and think of all the fun times I had. Even though the last few years had very few fun times, the ones before that had lots – and I feel strongly the the ones coming up are filled with joy and love. 

My happiness moment was cruising in the car with my portable speaker (car stereo has been broken since last summer – soon I will be able to fix it!!! Bonus happiness moment) singing along with Jenna very  loudly and badly to Prince. Thanks for the music. 

  

Standard
happiness

Dirt under my nails 

Spring has arrived – which for the 9th of April in Alberta is kind of a miracle in itself. We are as likely to have a snowstorm as a sunny day at this time of the year. I’ve been looking at my gardens every day as I was running in and out of the house thinking happily that it was time to play in the dirt. I finally got outside this afternoon and did some digging.

I’m amazed at the things that are coming up. Things are actually flowering already. I’m so excited and happy. More than anything, I am thankful for this sign of the beauty of new beginnings. I am going to embrace this season and the new beginning of this part of my life with an open and joyful heart.

I’m amazed at myself with all the things I’ve learned to do over the past year. Instead of being fearful of everything like I was to begin with, now I welcome and celebrate all the new and exciting experiences. I am meeting fascinating and kind new people, reconnecting with my beloved old friends and family, and learning so much about Ayurveda and life in general.  There are endless possibilities ahead of me now, nothing is too big or too small to dream about. And I have some pretty awesome dreams I’m going to turn into reality.

Standard
happiness

A person of worth

I woke up this morning feeling a little stressed and uneasy about where I am and where I’m going. We were supposed to have an emergency support hearing tomorrow which we have now had to put off until next week. The financial stress that he continues to put on the kids and I is unforgivable and unbelievable.  I have faith that it will all work out, and I know he’s just doing this to hurt me but still…. Even at the worst of our time together I never imagined he was capable of such deliberate betrayal and  cruelty. 

I was having mixed feelings about what it is that I will be doing next. The unknown is always scary and I feel like there has been so much unknown lately. My greatest joy in life so far has been staying home with the kids and helping to guide them into the awesome people that they are. It’s been a difficult and important job as well. I’ve been either the primary or sole parent for their entire lives,  and our relationship is as important to them as it is to me. They look to me for stability and security and after all the trauma we have been through that’s a job I don’t take lightly. 

This morning as I was getting breakfast ready for the kids they started talking about how much they loved all the homemade food I make to send to school with them. They laughed at how their friends in Roanoke would get very excited when I made banana bread and ask the kids for samples of the baked treats. It made me happy to hear that the hours spent in the kitchen are appreciated and enjoyed by them. 

Jenna has had a lot of leg pain after a skating fall and then a trampoline collision so instead of dropping her at school I took her to urgent care in Cochrane – thank goodness for this place the staff is awesome. 

After three and a half hours and some X-rays they determined that her leg was not broken, but that there was some soft tissue damage and muscle bruising. They told her to stay on crutches for the next few days and rest a bit and then she will be as good as new. Her doctor was amazing. He took a lot of time with Jenna and made sure she was comfortable and understood what the diagnosis was before going on to his next patient. 

What really impressed me with this doctor though was his consult with the patient before us. I don’t know all that was going on – I was trying not to listen, but there was only a curtain between her and us – but she was quite obviously upset and in a lot of pain. The medication that had been prescribed was not working and she was at the end of her rope trying to cope. The doctor was explaining to her that simply upping her medication or giving her a different, stronger kind was not going to solve the problem. 

As you can imagine, this was very upsetting to her. I could relate having had some bad chronic pain issues in my past. I heard him slow down his speaking and using a very  gentle tone said: it’s important to remember that you are so much more than this pain you are feeling. There’s so much more than just the body. You have a wonderful soul, and spirit and it is who you really are. This pain is just something you are going through. I wish I had had a doctor talk to me like that when  I was dealing with my pain. Actually my chiropractor talked a lot like that and it’s a reason why I am forever grateful to him for all that he’s done for me. 

I felt like bursting through their curtain and saying “Ayurveda can help you” I thought of how broken I was when I started learning about it and how far I have come now. It has seen me out of debilitating anxiety and pain, walked me through the death of my dad, and now is helping me stand strong when the person who was supposed to be my soulmate has ended up being my worst attacker. I’ve talked before about how Ayurveda  has saved my life and I don’t mean that lightly. It literally saved me and has made me so much stronger and better. 

While I was sitting with Jenna I got to thinking how grateful I am that I have this job of being home with the kids. Not only has it been a huge blessing for me, but it has provided immense security and comfort for the kids. My mind wandered to how unfair it was that Mr X has no respect or gratitude for how hard I have worked and what I have given up.  As my mind started going down that ugly spiral that would lead nowhere good, I picked up my book and did some reading. The first phrase I came to was this:

  

It’s true. Just because he thinks I have no value does not make it true. The reality is that I’m still a good person, parent, friend, sister,  daughter- I have worth. He has spent years trying to erase and devalue my worth, but that does not make it true. 

My happiness moment was appreciating that I am able to be there for the kids whenever they need me, and remembering that I am a person who has worth. It was also a good reminder of all the good that I can bring to the world by sharing my knowledge of Ayurveda. 

Standard
happiness

Attracting it in 

I’ve realized lately that I’ve spent much time and focus over the last few years attracting safety, home, freedom and love into my life. Now that I have all of that (yay for the law of attraction), I realized I forgot to also attract money. 

Perhaps because I always had enough to be comfortable I wasn’t  actively working at attracting cold hard cash. And even now, thanks to my family  helping me through this rough patch we still have enough to be safe while we wait for Mr. X to be convinced to make support payments. 

I’ve been much more focused on attracting not just money but abundance into my life again. As a little nugget of proof that the law of attraction works, I found 20$ lying on the ground in town today. There’s a lot that I can do with that money. Like make sure that this isn’t the year Jenna has to find out that  the Easter bunny couldn’t make a stop for her. There’s huge gratitude for that. 

  
I don’t just want monetary wealth – that alone leaves one with only a very shallow and surface happiness. I want abundance and wealth on the inside as well. 

I was asked over the weekend what is it I like to do for fun? I felt myself stutter over the answer. As I was figuring out what to say, I realized that the reason I was having difficulty  was because I’m pretty close to living a life I don’t need a vacation from. 

What that means is that almost every aspect of my life involves me doing something that I like to do for fun. I thrive on parenting the kids, I love driving them to and from school, I am so grateful that I get to see my mom every day, I am grounded in this home in a way I haven’t been in years, I have awesome friends,  walking the dog brings me peace, I adore learning Ayurveda. What I like to do for fun is live my life. I get to do that every day. 

My happiness moment was driving home this afternoon laughing until it hurt as the kids cracked jokes. A darkness has lifted from our family and I’m enjoying the light shining back in. 

Standard
happiness

At the long table

The kids and I spent may years where it was just the three of us sitting at our little round table. Those lonely years spent away have made us all the more appreciative of our family and the shared times that we have now that we are back among our tribe.

Today we spent time with my relatives from the “east side” of town. My cousin’s granddaughter was in a skating competition and it was my aunt’s birthday, and the kids and I joined them in the celebration. I had forgotten how much I enjoy watching figure skating, it’s so beautiful and graceful. We went for lunch to celebrate my aunt’s birthday and there were enough of us (15) that we were seated at a huge, long table at the back of the room. I have so missed family meals that involve sitting at a long table full of laughter and conversation. I feel like in the last year we have been well absorbed back into that lifestyle. We got to do it again tonight at my mom’s place with my sister and family (only 8 of us this time though).

My happiness moment today was catching up with my cousins and aunt and uncle. One of the great things about family is that they always know who you are even during the times when you are apart. It has been such a blessing to reconnect with this tribe.

A bonus happiness moment came yesterday when Gretchen Rubin made a comment on my blog post about happiness done Ayurveda style which I had put on her Facebook page. That post really brought back into focus for me how important it is to keep on doing what I am doing. I can feel all the good vibes coming back to me.

Standard
happiness

Happiness done Ayurveda style

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about this path I’m on and wondering where it is going. I know I should not get too comfortable on this journey, but I do feel like some big bumps in the road have shown up lately. These bumps have lead me to really sit back and take a deep look at who I am and where I want to go.

Some of you know about the anxiety I suffered with for years. Part of that was from the constant moving, part was because of deep rooted insecurities, part of it was brought on by the emotional battering I was enduring inside my marriage. Learning about Ayurveda gave me some tools to begin to deal with that anxiety (and all the other stuff as well).

It took me almost 2 years of diligent work to get to the point where I no longer felt like I was going to have a panic attack every time I left the house. I could have conversations with people and not worry that I was going to die of anxiety (literally). I was finally starting to feel like I was going to be myself again. The diligent work included things like – meditating daily, doing yoga, going for walks, reading inspiring books, studying Ayurveda, learning how to sleep, looking for happiness wherever I went. It sounds simple, but it was a big change from the fear based life I had been living.

Then life threw another curve ball my way. In a sudden move the kids and I ended up coming home a year ago because my dad had taken a turn for the worse. My now ex-husband (let’s call him Mr. X) had previously suggested the kids and I should be moving back to Alberta anyway.  So it was already a distant plan, this just accelerated things. We moved back home, were welcomed back into the arms of our family, and two and a half months later Dad died. It was an incredibly difficult and emotional time, but I am forever grateful that I was here to be with him and the rest of the family during his last months.

If you read this blog you know how challenging the next few months were as we learned how to make a life without Dad here. There was lots of joyful moments, but 2015 was a year that I shed a lot of tears. The amount of personal growth I went through was astounding.

Not even 8 months after Dad died, Mr. X closed out our bank accounts and cut me off from all our finances, without discussion or explanation.  I ended up filing for divorce. I felt like I hadn’t even caught my breath after Dad and here I was inside another life crisis.

Over the past few years I have had two major fears. One that I would lose a parent and the other that I would end up with no money. Within 8 months both of those happened to me. And what was the result? Although I still miss Dad desperately, I am still here, I am healthy, and I am so much stronger, kinder, and more loving than I was a year ago. It didn’t destroy me and everything I am learning in this process is making me a better version of myself.

A big part of my ability to find some kind of balance through this year of turmoil has been my Ayurvedic studies. Because of them I have learned how to train myself to sleep (this was a challenge the past few weeks and I had to put all my knowledge to the test to get through it). Sleep is one of the pillars of health, and I know for me that if I’m not properly rested I can’t accomplish anything well. I get more anxious, I am more emotional (but can’t process the emotions), and I am so much crabbier. Also, because of all the emotional turmoil of the past few years, I don’t have a lot of reserves to draw on, so it’s extra important that I stay well rested so that I can find balance.

Through my meditation practice I have learned how to deeply connect with God (or Source, or Spirit, or the Universe – whatever you want to call it). This has helped me calm my mind, it stops those panicked thoughts that run around in my brain saying how will you support yourself and the kids? What are you doing to do? How could he do this? What the frack am I going to do? It takes all those worries and fears and dissolves them. I am able to hand them over to God and then someone else looks after them for me.

I can feel inside my body now where things are balanced and where I need to keep on working at that balance. I have taught the kids how to meditate and how to do basic care to put themselves in balance.

It has changed absolutely everything about how I live my life. It has brought me happiness. Not just laughter, but the deep rooted kind of happiness that comes from living a truly authentic life.

Even with all the bumps of the last little while, I am still a happier, more balanced, more loving person than I have ever been. I have Ayurveda to thank for a lot of that. It has introduced me to a lifestyle that celebrates loving and caring for ourselves and those around us. It focuses on nature and our relationship with nature. It emphasizes the body’s amazing ability to heal itself and teaches us how to support ourselves as we reach to get back into balance.

That I am learning how to do this not only for myself, but that I will be able to guide other people on their healing journeys I consider a true blessing.

My happiness moment today was the realization that I have learned so much and that I am so much stronger and yet so much more gentle and kind. I understand what a huge gift I have been given in being able to heal my life, and I intend to pay it forward to those around me who are also seeking balance.

 

 

Standard