Tag Archives: calgary

happiness

Little kindness

I’m sitting in the gym of a high school watching boys play basketball. As an aside, can I just say that the smell is so bad it makes me want to cut my nose off. Although my school is losing (badly), I have to say that they’re all playing  really well – both teams. They are much less boys out there and much more young men – so big and strong. 

My boy had been under the impression he was playing today and was pretty excited about it. However, when we got here he was told that in fact he was not playing. 

I never did team sports, the only sports parther I ever had was 4 legged and  used to sneeze all over me. I miss my horses… So I can’t totally relate to this desire to want to be part of the team. I have spent most of my life trying to not be part of the team. Like our cat Ella close but no touching. But I kind of get it. I always had a tribe of girls I rode with and although it wasn’t a team dynamic we had a closeness that still holds all these years later. 

At the beginning of the game the boys gathered together in a huddle. Mine was standing a little behind them, not in uniform and feeling a little out of place. Two boys stepped back and opened the circle to include him. One of them did the little rub and pat back rub on him.  

I almost cried. Those little acts of kindness mean so much. They are so easy to do, so easy to forget to do, and SO powerful. It changed his whole demeanour. It was a moment when my heart leapt in happiness. 

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Transformational healing

I am blessed in that I am surrounded by a community of amazing healers. New ones keep entering my life at every step of my growth and what is happening is pretty awesome.

Today I had an appointment with someone who does transformational acupuncture. I don’t even know how to begin to describe the session, but it opened up a whole new path on my healing journey. It made me aware of issues that I’ve been dealing (and not dealing) with for years, it gave me some awareness of how to embrace them and how to work with them.

He kind of “Yoda’d me” with some wisdom. Some very obvious wisdom, but sometime I really need things dumbed down and said very plainly so that I can see how obvious it is.

We were talking about my life over the last few years and the journey of healing and growth that I have been on as a result of it. He pointed out (which I was aware of) that maybe the pain and dark times was to let me know for certain that I needed to strengthen my relationship with God, to walk His path, and to trust in my faith. That faith part has been a big deal the last couple of years. I really have learned that when I trust and have faith in God that he always comes through for me – maybe not in the way I had intended, but always in the way that is best.

But then he said that I needed to be really clear about how I was looking at things. Like when Yoda said do or do not, there is no try – he pointed out that I either have faith or I don’t, that I either am happy or I’m not. There’s no in between. If I say I’m seeking happiness, then I’m not happy. If I’m happy, I’m enjoying my life of happiness, sitting in that moment with it, not seeking it because it is already with me. Same thing with faith – I either have faith that God has a plan for me and that I’m walking a spiritual path with Him, or I have doubt that I’m doing the wrong thing and that He does not have my back. I’ve been filled with doubt – even when I’ve been focusing on my faith. My brain loves to grab all of the what ifs and go crazy with them.

And why do I not always have faith? I know to the core of my soul that God has been holding my hand and walking me through this tornado of pain and emotions that has been raging around me. I feel His love, I know He is there for me. Why do I sit in doubt and fear when happiness and faith is an option? He is offering me peace in the storm and I so often choose to stand fearfully alone in the turmoil.

Seriously. It’s so simple and yet SO  hard.

But, now I am aware of that and my intention is to walk in faith, in happiness, and in peace. I know what it feels like and I believe that we were meant to have both in this life.

And THAT is my happiness moment.  


 

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happiness

The best sandwich ever

It is seeming to become an almost weekly event, the boy and I going to the Italian Centre on Friday evening for a grocery shop and a snack. The food is so good, and it’s fun to spend some quiet quality time with my boy.

He’s fallen in love with some sandwiches they make there, and whenever we go he tries to load up the cart with as many as he possibly can. Tonight when we were there however, they said (at 4:10) that they stopped making them at 4:00 and they wouldn’t make him one. Weird, because they have made him sandwiches much later in the evening – but whatever.

He stood there sad and stunned for a few minutes and then I said why didn’t he take a photo of the listed ingredients and we could just buy them and he could make his own sandwiches at home. What happened next was quite interesting.

He sent me off to get baguettes and he went to the deli and did all the ordering himself. I checked in once and he brushed me off – I’ve got this mom– so I went and found the vegetable spread that he needed.

When we got home, he spread out his purchases and got to work. He carefully cut the different cheeses he’d purchased, he layered the meats, sprinkled the oil and oregano, and then stuck it in the oven to heat up a little bit. When it was done he cut it into small pieces and let Jenna and I each try a little bit.

It was SO good. He said that while the sandwiches he’d been buying used to be his favourite, they had nothing on this one that he’d just made. He declared it the best sandwich ever.

It was a moment of great happiness watching him create a food masterpiece. Especially since the idea was born out of the disappointment of not getting what he initially wanted – as so many great things are.

It was a great freaking sandwich…

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happiness

Walk through it

The best way out is always through (Robert Frost).

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about when to fight and when to walk. Is the passive approach the way to peace? I used to believe the best way to actually resolve things was to choose the passive, not confrontational approach. I’m changing my stance on that. This has been one of the great lessons of 2016 for me. 

A month or so ago I was reading the Bhagavad Gita and totally understood why Arjuna was struggling to understand why he had to fight. I spent some time really thinking about that and what situations warranted a battle. Were there situations that warranted a battle? For the last few days The Coward of the County has found its way onto my Spotify playlist. I hadn’t listened to that song in years. And suddenly there it was – explaining that sometimes you had to stand and fight. Life lessons from the Bhagavad Gita and Kenny Rogers. 

Jacob has been struggling with some kids at school – mostly regular teen stuff – so I made him listen to the song. Now it’s on his playlist and he’s really diving into  the question of when it is time to fight and when it is time to walk away. 

I don’t think fighting always has to be a bloodbath. But sometimes you need to stand up for what you believe is right. You have to stand up to protect the ones that you love. You have to stand up to find your self-respect. 

Or at least I need to.

Robert Frost is absolutely correct. The best way out is always through. I’m going to make sure I walk through this, that I heal through this, that I stand up for myself through this. But also that I get through this. I refuse to get stuck in it. It’s not who I am, it’s something I’m going through. It’s changing me, but not defining me. 

I am going to come out of it so much stronger, kinder, braver, and with such a greater understanding of who I am and what I want. 

Today was a beautiful morning. It was cold as you know what out, but Jenna got up before 7 and headed to the barn with her cousin to feed Derek. I love the compassion and responsibility this is teaching her. I had to stop twice on the way home to look at the amazing sunrise. I feel so blessed that this is where we are. I feel Gods love so strongly for us, and the love and support of our tribe is unbelievable. We are fortunate souls. The sunrise, the strength, the faith, the hope for better things coming our way – my happiness moment.  

The view on the way home

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Grey Cup 2016

My cousin and family had us over this evening to watch the Grey Cup. While it was disappointing to see the Stampeders lose, it was so much fun to watch the game together. 

Those are the bigger moments that I really missed during our years of being gypsies. The family get togethers, the sharing, the eating (omg does my family ever eat – so many girls complaining about overeating  while stuffing our faces), the camaraderie. I know having settled myself in many other places that what I have here can never be replicated. I am eternally grateful for my tribe. 

Happiness moment – sitting with a plate piled high, laughing with the fam. 

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the ups and downs

I’m not going to lie… today I was in a pretty crappy mood. I did a session of healing light yoga – and while it generally makes me feel good, and always makes me feel better in the long run – today it made me pissy and upset. Love how that energy moves around all those stored emotions and lets them come bursting out. Ugh.

This evening as I was driving the boy home from school we saw a huge fire in the direction of our homes.  I knew it wasn’t our house based on the location, but it looked like either the community hall or my cousin’s place and that freaked me out. We drove as fast as we could to get to where the fire was – it was a trailer that caught fire on the highway. Many phone calls were placed between cousins to find out what was going on, and we were all relived that everyone was ok, the fire didn’t spread, and that it didn’t affect any of our homes.

It kind of put things back in perspective for me though. Not only do I have this home that is filled with love to live in, but we are surrounded this tribe and we all care for and look out for each other. It’s not something that everyone has, and it’s not something that we had for our 10 years spent as gypsies. I’m so grateful for that and I’m so happy to be here surrounded by these people. Happiness moment….

It’s not our thanksgiving, but I sure have a lot to be thankful for. I loved seeing all my American friends celebrate their blessings online today.

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happiness

It’s happening

About a month ago I had a divinely inspired idea come to me. I mean that in the most literal sense possible. I was wasting time on Facebook when I saw a post by a friend that made me stop everything and just breathe into the idea that was being presented to my heart.

As with most of my great ideas, I had it but had no idea of how to make it a reality. It seemed kind of big and overwhelming.

That Sunday I went to church and the sermon answered my question. He asked us what would do if there was nothing holding you back? Well, the answer is many things, but this idea was one of them. He talked about how we can get so caught up in the how of things that we often miss out on great opportunities. That is my problem! I get totally freaked out by how I’m going to do things, and I so often overthink things to the point that the idea just vanishes.

I decided with this one that I was not going to worry about the how. I was going to take the idea and run with it. It has the potential to bring a lot of joy and happiness to children in our town and I was damned if my how questioning was going to ruin that.

I talked with a lady at our church, she thought it was a fabulous idea, she passed it on to the powers that be, and today I was told that it’s approved. I can do it! My how was answered! It’s going to come to life, it’s going to celebrate and bring joy to children who really need it.

I am beyond excited, and to say it’s a happiness moment is a complete understatement.

I’ll explain it all as things get moving a bit farther along, which will be soon. The plan is for my first event to happen in January.

Faith, it’s always about faith.

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Walking with the swans 

It was another beautiful afternoon here and I took full advantage of it by taking my Dotted Dog out for a walk. 

The swans were all over the place – lots of them on the slough, but also many of them flying around. They would circle around and around me while  I was walking, and of course that made me think of Dad. 

I’m sure he’s with me more right now as we get closer to his birthday. The change of seasons also has me thinking of him as well. But the swans were always his thing. He used to take us out there when we were little to look at them, and sent me so many photos of them in later years. 

I found some of his swan photos in my email. He was such a talanted photographer and  his photos are a wonderful legacy left for us to remember him by. 

Thankfully we don’t have all this snow now, but it’s a fantastic shot he took 

One of my favorites 

This is how they were circling over my head today. 
It was a happiness moment that brought me close to my Dad today as I walked with the swans. I miss him so much – i miss him even more because my kids needed him so badly. But there’s a reason for everything and above all I have faith. 

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Chewbacca

Often the best happiness moments happen spontaneously- this was definitely the case this evening. 

The boy and I were in the city doing some errands and found ourselves walking through Chinook Mall. We were laughing at all the ugly Christmas sweaters that have started to make their appearance in the store windows. 

Things were brought to a whole new level though when we saw the Chewbacca onesie hanging on the rack at Bluenotes. Things got even more real when we discovered everything in the store was 40% off. 

Because EVERYONE needs to have one of these. 

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And not just the awesome onesie – but a person in their life like this kid of mine. He makes me laugh so hard I can barely breathe. 

Happy Chewy happiness moment. 

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Absolutely nothing 

I’m lying here in the hammock in our yard staring up at the big old trees. I came out to put away all the outdoor furniture. But since it’s 20C and the 5th of November i. Alberta, I succumbed to the call of the hammock. 

I was looking at our old house. There’s so much history in those walls, in this yard. It’s where my family started building a life in Alberta a hundred and thirtyish years ago. 

I love that after all of our time  of uncertainty, of feeling ungrounded that this is where we were brought to heal and get strong  again 

Jacob looked out the window of his bedroom and waved at me. I realized that he and his great grandfather who were born 98 years apart both spent parts of their childhood surrounded by the walls of this home. 

The great thing about a beautiful day like this where I have accomplished absolutely nothing is that it has given me time to reflect on where we are, where I want to see us go, how grateful I am for all that God has provided for us, and how incredibly fortunate we are to be part of this tribe. 

It is what happiness moments are all about 

Sunrise from our front yard. 

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