Tag Archives: happiness

happiness

The best sandwich ever

It is seeming to become an almost weekly event, the boy and I going to the Italian Centre on Friday evening for a grocery shop and a snack. The food is so good, and it’s fun to spend some quiet quality time with my boy.

He’s fallen in love with some sandwiches they make there, and whenever we go he tries to load up the cart with as many as he possibly can. Tonight when we were there however, they said (at 4:10) that they stopped making them at 4:00 and they wouldn’t make him one. Weird, because they have made him sandwiches much later in the evening – but whatever.

He stood there sad and stunned for a few minutes and then I said why didn’t he take a photo of the listed ingredients and we could just buy them and he could make his own sandwiches at home. What happened next was quite interesting.

He sent me off to get baguettes and he went to the deli and did all the ordering himself. I checked in once and he brushed me off – I’ve got this mom– so I went and found the vegetable spread that he needed.

When we got home, he spread out his purchases and got to work. He carefully cut the different cheeses he’d purchased, he layered the meats, sprinkled the oil and oregano, and then stuck it in the oven to heat up a little bit. When it was done he cut it into small pieces and let Jenna and I each try a little bit.

It was SO good. He said that while the sandwiches he’d been buying used to be his favourite, they had nothing on this one that he’d just made. He declared it the best sandwich ever.

It was a moment of great happiness watching him create a food masterpiece. Especially since the idea was born out of the disappointment of not getting what he initially wanted – as so many great things are.

It was a great freaking sandwich…

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happiness

Because he’s a good person

I had the nicest compliment paid to me about my boy today. I took Jenna to see my friend T who styles our hair and she had buzzed Jacob yesterday while I was off doing other things with the girl. 

T told me that she’d tried to grab Jacob to give him a hug yesterday as he was leaving because she had so enjoyed their conversation and wanted to wish him a merry Christmas she said that she had been amazed – the first thing he did when he sat in her chair was ask her how she and her boyfriend were doing. T  was amazed at how he had remembered things about her life and seemed so genuinely interested  in how she was doing. 

We agreed that while that quality was rare in anyone these days, it was even more rare in a 15 year old boy. He has always been a sensitive soul, but I’m sure that all the crap he’s been through in the past few years had made him even more aware of the feelings of others. I was so proud and so happy that he shows his tenderness and compassion so freely to those in his circle. It’s a good soul that kid has and I love that he shines it out to the world. It was beyond a moment of happines and. I will cherish that in my heart for a long time to come. 

I also had an energy session with Asrael today and a she helped me shift around so much. The sessions are always so powerful, but I really feel right now like I’m in a significant transformational period in my life. I’m grateful because suddenly I’ve had a succession of healers line up to help me as I’m learning how to get through this phase. It’s one that I believe will bring so much healing and personal power, but it’s sure unknown territory. The gift of Asrael in my life and the healing she assists me with brings me deep gratitude and happiness. 

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happiness

Walk through it

The best way out is always through (Robert Frost).

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about when to fight and when to walk. Is the passive approach the way to peace? I used to believe the best way to actually resolve things was to choose the passive, not confrontational approach. I’m changing my stance on that. This has been one of the great lessons of 2016 for me. 

A month or so ago I was reading the Bhagavad Gita and totally understood why Arjuna was struggling to understand why he had to fight. I spent some time really thinking about that and what situations warranted a battle. Were there situations that warranted a battle? For the last few days The Coward of the County has found its way onto my Spotify playlist. I hadn’t listened to that song in years. And suddenly there it was – explaining that sometimes you had to stand and fight. Life lessons from the Bhagavad Gita and Kenny Rogers. 

Jacob has been struggling with some kids at school – mostly regular teen stuff – so I made him listen to the song. Now it’s on his playlist and he’s really diving into  the question of when it is time to fight and when it is time to walk away. 

I don’t think fighting always has to be a bloodbath. But sometimes you need to stand up for what you believe is right. You have to stand up to protect the ones that you love. You have to stand up to find your self-respect. 

Or at least I need to.

Robert Frost is absolutely correct. The best way out is always through. I’m going to make sure I walk through this, that I heal through this, that I stand up for myself through this. But also that I get through this. I refuse to get stuck in it. It’s not who I am, it’s something I’m going through. It’s changing me, but not defining me. 

I am going to come out of it so much stronger, kinder, braver, and with such a greater understanding of who I am and what I want. 

Today was a beautiful morning. It was cold as you know what out, but Jenna got up before 7 and headed to the barn with her cousin to feed Derek. I love the compassion and responsibility this is teaching her. I had to stop twice on the way home to look at the amazing sunrise. I feel so blessed that this is where we are. I feel Gods love so strongly for us, and the love and support of our tribe is unbelievable. We are fortunate souls. The sunrise, the strength, the faith, the hope for better things coming our way – my happiness moment.  

The view on the way home

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happiness

Cousin chats

Today was a day filled with unexpected cousin chats. It’s a happiness moment because I love the fact that I have so many cousins, and even the ones I don’t get to see very often I feel I have a tight bond with.

I had a barnyard chat with one at home, a skype chat with one in Scotland, a Canadian Tire chat with one in town, a phone chat with one in Winners, and then a text string with some others.

It’s a big deal because I’ve been feeling kind of overwhelmed lately. It’s good to remember that there’s this tribe of people around. We all have our crap that we are dealing with, but we are also all there for each other, there’s a lot of joy to be shared. When I’m feeling low it helps to remember how isolated we were even just a couple of years ago, and how much better it is now.

Happiness, blessings, joy, peace. I love it.

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happiness

Know your worth


One really positive thing that has come out of the shit storm that has been 2016 is that I have finally discovered my worth. I found it in the parking lot at Winners when someone told me very clearly how very little value they felt I had. I remember standing there thinking – wow, I can’t believe you think you’re too good for me – and also – just because you see so little value in me does not make that true. In fact, as I processed it over the next few days I realized how much I have come to know my own worth. It actually became much less about that person, or any other person, and a real celebration as I understood how far I have come on my healing journey.
It may sound small, but after years and years of being devalued I had started to believe that in fact I had very little worth. It has taken what feels like forever to build that back up and remember that I have so much to give, so much to share, and if someone else does not see that then that is really their loss.

Today was one of those less than enjoyable days in this process of the divorce where I was once again shown that truth is immaterial and respect and kindness are non-existent. The difference between now and February when I first started discovering some hidden truths, is that I know my own value now. It still hurts, and I still get really pissed off. But how he feels and what he says is not a reflection of who I really am. I’ve remembered I’ve got some mad inner strength and I can handle whatever is put my way.

One time when I was about 19 I was out riding Rolex. He was still green and loved to buck, especially when we were out on a hack. He got a little excited and gave a big buck that sent me sailing over his head. I realized mid air that I still was holding onto the reins. I suddenly got incredibly angry that he was turfing me and I was going to have to walk back to the barn by myself. I gripped onto the reins with all my strength and had a death lock on them when I landed. He freaked out and started running, dragging me swearing and screaming along on the ground. Eventually he stopped, I got up, cursed at him a little more, got back on, and rode home.

It’s like that now. I’ve got the death lock on and I’m really determined.

Having rediscovered who I am – it’s not only my happiness moment today, but it’s a gift  that I will cherish for the rest of my life.

 

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Grey Cup 2016

My cousin and family had us over this evening to watch the Grey Cup. While it was disappointing to see the Stampeders lose, it was so much fun to watch the game together. 

Those are the bigger moments that I really missed during our years of being gypsies. The family get togethers, the sharing, the eating (omg does my family ever eat – so many girls complaining about overeating  while stuffing our faces), the camaraderie. I know having settled myself in many other places that what I have here can never be replicated. I am eternally grateful for my tribe. 

Happiness moment – sitting with a plate piled high, laughing with the fam. 

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the ups and downs

I’m not going to lie… today I was in a pretty crappy mood. I did a session of healing light yoga – and while it generally makes me feel good, and always makes me feel better in the long run – today it made me pissy and upset. Love how that energy moves around all those stored emotions and lets them come bursting out. Ugh.

This evening as I was driving the boy home from school we saw a huge fire in the direction of our homes.  I knew it wasn’t our house based on the location, but it looked like either the community hall or my cousin’s place and that freaked me out. We drove as fast as we could to get to where the fire was – it was a trailer that caught fire on the highway. Many phone calls were placed between cousins to find out what was going on, and we were all relived that everyone was ok, the fire didn’t spread, and that it didn’t affect any of our homes.

It kind of put things back in perspective for me though. Not only do I have this home that is filled with love to live in, but we are surrounded this tribe and we all care for and look out for each other. It’s not something that everyone has, and it’s not something that we had for our 10 years spent as gypsies. I’m so grateful for that and I’m so happy to be here surrounded by these people. Happiness moment….

It’s not our thanksgiving, but I sure have a lot to be thankful for. I loved seeing all my American friends celebrate their blessings online today.

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happiness

It’s happening

About a month ago I had a divinely inspired idea come to me. I mean that in the most literal sense possible. I was wasting time on Facebook when I saw a post by a friend that made me stop everything and just breathe into the idea that was being presented to my heart.

As with most of my great ideas, I had it but had no idea of how to make it a reality. It seemed kind of big and overwhelming.

That Sunday I went to church and the sermon answered my question. He asked us what would do if there was nothing holding you back? Well, the answer is many things, but this idea was one of them. He talked about how we can get so caught up in the how of things that we often miss out on great opportunities. That is my problem! I get totally freaked out by how I’m going to do things, and I so often overthink things to the point that the idea just vanishes.

I decided with this one that I was not going to worry about the how. I was going to take the idea and run with it. It has the potential to bring a lot of joy and happiness to children in our town and I was damned if my how questioning was going to ruin that.

I talked with a lady at our church, she thought it was a fabulous idea, she passed it on to the powers that be, and today I was told that it’s approved. I can do it! My how was answered! It’s going to come to life, it’s going to celebrate and bring joy to children who really need it.

I am beyond excited, and to say it’s a happiness moment is a complete understatement.

I’ll explain it all as things get moving a bit farther along, which will be soon. The plan is for my first event to happen in January.

Faith, it’s always about faith.

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Basketball 

After a year of hoping and practicing, the boy had tryouts for basketball today – and he made the team. He’s had a pretty rough year and he so needed something positive like this in his life. I’m incredibly happy and so proud of him. He really dedicated himself to getting more skilled for this year. Heart happy happiness moment. 

Things are getting happier and happier in my little family. It’s a long road of healing, but we are on it and it’s getting better all the time. 

Jenna and I had to stop and admire the sunset on the way home. And then she had to listen to me do the whole can you believe we live here? Look at the mountains thing that I do so well. 

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