Tag Archives: law of attraction

happiness

The Family United

We had our family thanksgiving meal tonight. I think my Thanksgiving curse has finally been lifted as this was the best Thanksgiving I have had in years.

During our prayer my uncle gave thanks for us being a family united – both together and in God. There were several moments tonight where I looked around the table and was filled with gratitude for the people sitting there. This tribe is so unique, so powerful, so loving. I don’t know how it is I ended up being part of it, but I thank God for that every second of every day. It was such a blessing to sit with people who all know each other so well. We are aware that we aren’t perfect, that we are full of flaws, but that we are also full of love and that love always wins. True, unconditional love. A perfect happiness moment.

I sat beside the other lefty – my giggle partner. One of my other cousins said one of our trigger words from The Frantics and we melted down in uncontrollable laughter. Of course, no one else understood what we were laughing about and we couldn’t even stop to breathe forget explain. I was crying, her stomach was hurting – and we kept laughing. All it took was one look at each other at the mention of that word and we lost it. We pretty much have our own secret giggle language which guarantees that we have fun at any get together. That is laughter and happiness.

We had a visitor come to the window right before we ate. It gave a perfect evening an even better Thanksgiving feel.

 

I have so much to be grateful for – we are surrounded by this amazing tribe of strong, loving people and I would not want it any other way. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

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From the East

Our thanksgiving family time has started with a visit from my cousin on my dad’s side. Because they grew up in Ontario and we are in Alberta I didn’t get to see any of my dad’s relatives as often as we all would have liked – yet that bond is still there and so strong. Losing my dad last year seemed to have brought us even closer together as we realize how small the miles can become and how short the time is.

We caught up on what everyone is doing and spent a lot of time talking about a cousin who has been having some health challenges lately. I am thankful for him that he has this awesome support system built in around him and that the treatments seem to be helping out. It’s just another reminder of how lucky I am to be in this tribe, and how important it is that we really stop and love each other. I don’t think at the end of the day much else is going to matter to me besides the people who I loved.

Happiness – sitting in the kitchen (where all good visiting happens) and catching up with my cousin. Here’s to the beginning of a great thanksgiving weekend.

 

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Never Broken

Thanksgiving brings up so many emotions for me. It used to be one of my favourite family gathering holidays. Then our family imploded on a Thanksgiving a few years ago and it was never the same for the kids and me again. Last year I explored the fact that what had seemed like a tragedy was in fact a gift – the beginning of a new, happier, stronger life. Still, there are these weird emotions that are attached to this weekend.

This year though, we are once again surrounded by friends and family. We are having a big meal at our place, in the kitchen where family has gathered for generations. There will be love and laughter filling our home and I am looking forward to that.

I have been exploring my feelings about being broken. I felt like I was completely shattered for so long I wondered if I would ever heal. Lately though, I have realized that I have healed so much more than I ever thought I would. I have healed enough that the idea of continuing to be broken feels impossible. I keep thinking of the line from the Casting Crowns your world’s not falling apart, it’s falling into place. This year has been about that. Every change has lead to something better, to more healing happening, to me realizing that I was never broken.

I listened to some Jann Arden today while I was driving in the first snow of the year. Because we lived in the States for so many years, I missed a lot of her newer songs. I fell in love with her song You Love Me Back. How have I never heard that one before? It’s so happy it made me feel good just listening to it. But, then I heard You Were Never Broken.

I’ve struggled so much in my life with letting go. It’s only been in the past couple of years that I’ve understood how important it is to let some people go from my life. And I’ve also understood that sometimes with that comes burning bridges (sometimes with people still on them), and that that is ok. I have finally understood that it’s only by letting go that I can make room for the new and better things that are waiting to come into my life.

I think this year I am finally ready to embrace that gift that was given to me on that Thanksgiving years ago. It made me change every single thing about my life. It’s been a long and very difficult climb, but I feel like I am out of the darkness. The profound happiness moment that this brings is almost impossible to describe, but it fills me with intense gratitude- perfect for Thanksgiving.

 

Never Broken – Jann Arden

Leave them all behind
Everyone that hurt you
Leave them on the road
Let them get run over
Nobody can stop you
You were never broken
You were only hoping it would end

Keep your body well
Drink in lots of water
Always look ahead
Don’t you wait for nothin’
Nobody can stop you
You were never broken
You were only hopin’ for a friend

All they want is for you to fail
You wont be defeated
Just stand on that mountain
You look down at the valley
Every step you’ve taken
Nobody can stop you
You were never broken
You were always holding out for this

 

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Cake with my mom

Today is my mom’s birthday – being home is still fresh enough that I am so grateful for the fact that we get to be here and celebrate these events with our loved ones. There’s still that weird hole in our celebrations where Dad is supposed to be, but we come together all the same.

We had a family supper that was enhanced with the presence of my niece and nephew. They have been life long friends with my kids and when the four of them get together it’s hilarious chaos. It made the party that much better listening to their strange brand of humour.

I have spent the day thinking about what my mom has given me over the years. She has always shown me constant love and support –  I grew up knowing unconditional love because of how my parents loved us. I knew that no matter what I did or how I behaved they loved me because of who I was. The older I get the more I understand what a rare gift that is. When times get tough, my mom is always one of the first people to come forward and offer to help – no matter what it takes. I have watched her dig deeper than I would have ever thought possible to help out her loved ones. It makes me want to give that same gift to my tribe. There is something magical about knowing that someone has your back all the time – forever – no matter what. She’s also funny as hell.

My happiness moment – gathered around the dinner table – laughing – loving – being together – celebrating my mom.

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The week before

I always find these days before thanksgiving to be weird ones. I can’t believe it’s been 5 thanksgivings since the one  that changed our family forever. When I feel like it’s taking forever for me to heal and get my shit together I look back at where I was 5 years ago and I realize how incredibly far I’ve come since then.

I’ve realized lately that I am walking into my own power and that no one has the ability to take that away from me anymore. There’s something so healing about finally realizing my own worth and understanding that it does not depend on anyone else’s opinion of me. Sacred trusts can be broken, brutal blows can be intentionally delivered and yet…. that safety and security that I’ve been seeking and creating for so long…. that continues to grow inside of me. Part of that comes from my own inner strength, part of it comes from the fact that I am blessed with this amazing tribe of people who hold me tight, most of it comes from God.

I continue to focus on creating a safe and secure home for my family. Tonight our home has a smell to it that has been missing for a couple of years. I’m baking bread again. Taking the time to slow down and purposely create the life that I want is leading to big changes once again for us. I love that. That is a happiness moment.

The elk have come back to the hay valley and we were greeted by them as we raced by on the way to school. That drive is the most amazing way to start the day.

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Too many cats

I celebrated a birthday lunch today with a girlfriend whom I’ve known since forever. We both grew up doing the Pony Club thing and many of the shared fondness and horror stories – Robert Coates’ manure pile anyone?

Her past year has been a difficult, growing journey as well as she is letting go of her marriage. We talked about many things at our lunch – but one of them was the weird rebellion that the two of us went through at the end of our marriages. We know other women who have rebelled in many different ways – dating different men, building careers, being angry, feeling freedom – but we both ended up doing much the same thing. We celebrated by allowing dirty dishes to be left in the sink without worrying about getting in trouble, and by adopting cats. Then we laughed about what badasses we are. Which is funny because back in the day we used to actually be badasses – how did we ever allow ourselves to become so lost?

How can you not love these guys? They remind me all the time of what real love is.


The divorce thing is not a lot of fun, it’s painful for everyone involved. But I’m so thankful that there’s this smaller tribe of women in my circle who have been through the same thing and that we are there to lift each other up. Mostly though, I’m glad that I am back in an area where I have lifelong friends like this that I can celebrate the joys of life with.

It was a fantastic happiness moment – enjoying a beautiful fall day with a dear friend. We know so much of each other’s history. We reconnected this summer in a way that brought all of our defenses down and put us in a place where we rebuilt our friendship in a very raw and authentic way. There is a lot to be said for a friendship where both people simply accept each other exactly as they are and show nothing but loving support. All relationships should be like that.

 

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Shaped

Finally, after weeks of trying to get organized, the girl and I made it to church this morning. These past few months I’ve felt a real spiritual void and I wasn’t doing the right things to fill it. I know that for me the best way to do that is to step back, allow the quiet to come in, meditate, and just be with my tribe. Doing, or trying to make something work that does not flow easily, never works for me to get my spiritual mojo going. Sometimes I forget that.

The past couple of days I’ve been carrying around the book The Great Work of Your Life by Stephen Cope. I bought it on a trip to Kripalu a few years ago, read it, and loved it. Dharma, understanding what mine is and how it is to be of service to the world has been what has been niggling at my heart the past few weeks. So, I had the intention of getting that book read this weekend. I have not even opened it yet. And still, the theme of Dharma has been following me around. I can feel it brewing in my stomach (ignited in part thanks to my session with Asrael – that energy stuff is awesome).

I signed Jenna into her Sunday School class with the full intention of running across the street to Timmy’s to do some quiet reading. A very friendly lady came up to me, introduced herself, and invited me to join their women’s group. I was standing there trying to think of a reasonable sounding excuse to bail, when she said what the group was about. It’s called Shaped by God, and it’s purpose it to help this group of women come together to discover who we are, the purpose God has created for us, and how we can be equipped to serve according to our SHAPE (Spiritual gifts, Heart, Abilities, Personality, Experiences). 

So, essentially I was invited to join a group of women where we could get together and discover our Dharma and then learn how to give that gift that God has given us to the world.

I can be pretty dense sometimes, but I’m learning to pay attention to these super obvious signs that God sometimes sends my way. I went to the group. It was fantastic.

One thing I really appreciated in the group was how the leader lifted up the introverts of the world. I find often when I’m in groups like this , the louder, more outspoken extroverts get a lot of time to shine while the quieter, more introspective, introverts often get lost in the shuffle. She praised how the introverts so often quietly sit and offer their gifts in such a way that it is not completely obvious, but usually so helpful and effective. As one who creates best when I come from a place of quiet peace I appreciated that.

Spiritual happiness.

I met a quieter need this afternoon when I went walking along the ridge. I’ve been missing Dad the past couple of days more and walking there where I’ve been with him so many times helped me reconnect to who he was.


Plus, there were horses there. I stopped and petted them for a while – then (and I’m not ashamed to admit this) I stood and smelled that wonderful horsey smell that was left on my hands. They bring me such incredible peace. Horses are how I’ve always connected best to my spirituality. Fall time happiness moment.

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Alvin and the Chipmunks

The past few weekends seem like they have been busy, stressful, and hectic. Having a quiet day today was so welcome. It was rainy and kind of gross out which made it the perfect day to clean the house, watch movies, read, and nap.

I’ve become a lot more aware lately of where my energy is being directed, to whom I’m giving it, and how I want to use it. It’s amazing how letting go of things and people that drain me has opened doors to allow some pretty cool things to start to come in. That letting go that I struggle with so much – it has it’s benefits for sure!

Having the quiet time to meditate, study my Ayurveda, love on my kids has put my balance back where it belongs – grounded and centered.

Laughing tonight with my Jenna while we watched an Alvin and the Chipmunks movie and ate popcorn was a fantastic happiness moment.

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Italian Centre and the Village People

The boy and I ended up having a personal wellness day today. He had an appointment with a specialist that was on the other side of town which gifted him the day off of school (it’s a short day Friday), so we decided to take full advantage of it after his appointment.

Because we were fairly close – which means not really close, but we wanted to do it anyway – we headed over to the Italian Centre in the south part of town for lunch. It was crazy busy, but the food makes it so worth it. Because we were at lunch rush time,  there were no tables. As we were standing there trying to figure out what to do, they started putting out places to sit outside. It was 14C and you never know here how much longer the weather is going to hold, so we took full advantage of the opportunity to eat alfresco.

That kid makes me laugh so hard. Like hiccups, tears down my face laughter. Needless to say it was a good lunch. He’s such a strong, gentle soul – I learn so much about the perfect love of God in just spending time with that human.

Me and my sweet tooth…. where do I even begin!


On the way home the YMCA came on and we did some serious car dancing. Well, me more than him – and that was mostly because it started to embarrass him which of course made it more fun for me. But there were glimpses of moments inside his embarrassment where I could see him tapping out the beat and quietly doing the hand movements that go along with the song.

I have so much appreciation and gratitude for the relationship I have with that kid. Lunching and car dancing – happiness moments.

On a different note, I had a conversation with a newer member of my tribe today. She’s dealing with some serious stuff. It’s not really her stuff so much as  that of someone whom she loves dearly. I was so humbled and impressed at how she’s loving and holding him up during his deep grief and troubles. I am so blessed to have so many amazingly strong people in my tribe. If indeed it is true that your vibe attracts your tribe (and I believe it is) I must be on a pretty good vibe because I have awesome people in my tribe.

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Tiramisu in the afternoon

I met my cousin today for a spectacularly wonderful lunch at an Italian restaurant in town (for those of you close to Cochrane – it was The Boot). Life is busy, but we are both at a stage where we are very clearly understanding the power and importance of these close friendships, so we make time about once a month to get together for a visit. This was the first one in a while that didn’t seem like it was rushed (or had sick tag along kids involved) and we could really just sit and focus on catching up with each other.

This kind of relationship is special for many reasons. We have known each other our entire lives, we share and understand (as much as one can) our unique family, we have had a genuine friendship since we were babies, and we have both been through some (very different) shit over the past few years that has made us really sit back and reassess our lives. It’s so nice to be able to have a conversation with someone about anything in my life and not have to explain any back story because usually she already knows most of it.

We talked about everything  today – kids, cows, family, relationships, faith, food…

The food was amazing by the way. And the owner comes from the same small town in Italy that my aunt does which made it extra enjoyable.


We laughed, we rolled eyes, we shared stories, we enjoyed our food, we split an awesome tiramisu…. we really enjoyed the warmth and love that comes from a genuine friendship. My happiness moment.

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