Tag Archives: tribe

happiness

A little horse girl

My 6 year old niece joined me this afternoon to give Drishti his supplements. Of course, once we got organized to go the wind picked up and it seemed a little storm-like and all of the horses were a little spooky. I think Drishti just likes to hear himself snort sometimes.

This little girl has not spent much time around horses at all, but is fascinated by them. We went through how to properly feed him from her hand and she earnestly practiced on her way out to the field. I was so impressed not only at how well she listened and quietly approached my horse to give him a treat, but how well she listened as I gave her directions to move as the other horsed came tearing into the other field to see what we were up to. She stayed so calm and focused and carried a confidence that made me think here’s a little horse girl in the making.

It’s fun to share something you love with someone you love. That’s happiness.

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Light at the end of the tunnel

I took my boy out for a special one-on-one end of summer thank you for helping out lunch in Cochrane this afternoon. If you haven’t been to the Fence and Post – go – seriously – the food is amazing. When he took a bite of his dessert (the tart) he made faces I’ve never seen before. When I asked if he was enjoying it he said I feel like I should share this with you, but it’s so good I don’t want to. I have never tasted anything quite this good before and my body is confused by all the happy feelings it has. Much as I enjoyed my cake, obviously next time I’ll have to try the tart.

And a grilled cheese to die for – brie and apple with other yummy things inside. The boy had pastrami. And OMG the corn chowder. My stomach is still thanking me.

 

And while this could have very well been the happiness moment of the day (and it really, truly is a happiness moment), I had an unexpected one come later on. I was having a serious conversation with the boy about how I was feeling like I had let them down this summer by being hurt, how I had to ask them to do so much more, and how I was feeling overwhelmed by all the things that needed to get done. His response (and this was in the middle of him being mad at me, so it came as a huge heart happy surprise) was this: mom you think you’re a burden to us? You’re our light at the end of the tunnel. You’re what holds us up, you’re the only person we have we can count on. You brought us out of the darkness and have shown us a life full of light. 

Overwhelmed by his words. I always feel like I haven’t done enough, I wish I could remember to see things from his eyes more often. I would be a lot kinder to myself.

 

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Friends in low places 

26 years later my oldest bestest friend and I did a return to watch Garth Brooks and Tricia Yearwood in concert at the Saddledome. When we went in 1991 it was their first time touring, barely any of his songs were known, and until tonight it remained the best concert I had ever been to.

Man those two put on a show y’all.

Aside from how amazingly awesome the concert was, it was so fun to go with my dear old friend and her family. We laughed that years ago we had been each other’s maid’s of honuor and now we were each other’s plus ones. This friendship will last well into the nursing home. We went for dinner and swapped new horse stories and laughed about some old ones. We rolled eyes when Garth played much too young to feel this damn old and remembered how we used to say that in our youth. We were such innocent fools.

It was SO MUCH FUN! So much happiness.

As a bonus happiness moment, I went and saw my stylist today to see if I’d be able to get my head into the sink next week to deal with the chaotic mop my hair has turned into. She washed and styled my hair for free so I’d look good for the concert. What an act of kindness. She is such a good soul.

 

 

 

 

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The smoky mountains

We took an impulse drive to Banff this afternoon – how lucky are we that this wonderland is so close to our home. The drive was a little more tiring than I had thought it would be – shoulder is not happy with me – but the trade off was giggles and smiles from my monsters all afternoon. I feel like we’ve missed out on a lot of that this last month and we need to dedicate this last weekend of summer to fun.

The drive was insanely smoky, but interestingly enough Banff has less smoke than we have here so we were able to walk around and enjoy the mountains and the town. Best of all, after the fire last winter the candy shoppe has reopened so the kids got to get a treat. Happy happy happiness.

I definitely feed off the energy of the mountains and every so often I need to stand surrounded by them – in a mountain hug – and recharge myself.

I had coffee with a friend this afternoon and we both agreed we need to be doing some rebalancing. Funny how it’s so much harder to get back to centre than it is to lose it. But we work together and hold each other up and step by step we get there.

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Change the story she tells herself

Probably one of the only good things about getting older is that it means that the angst filled years of being a teenager are getting further and further in my rearview mirror. The more I watch my daughter step onto this phase of life the more this is confirmed for me.

We had a minor tragedy at the mall today. She had been gifted a small sum by her nana to purchase whatever she wanted as a back to school treat- she’d be able to buy some earrings or a sparkly headband – or whatever tickled her fancy. However, somehow on the way from the car to the store the money got lost.

Her reaction was heartbreaking. She started beating herself up – saying how stupid she was, how she didn’t deserve the money in the first place, and how it was all her fault.

None of this is true. This girl is amazing, she’s got this amazing pure heart and will go out of her way time and time again to help out others.

But no matter how many times I told her this she wasn’t hearing it. She was playing the soundtrack over and over in her head that was telling her she had no value and that all bad things that happen is her fault. She burst into tears and said what do you expect me to think? I was told this over and over for all of my life until we left and came home. The aftermath of the chaos of her childhood, it’s hard when one of the people who is supposed to protect you tries instead to destroy you.

I tried telling the story of how amazing I think she is in many different ways, but it was making no difference. We drove to the grocery store and I grabbed some things for supper, then we went to Safeway to get one more thing. She was tired and sad and stayed in the car so I was by myself. As I came out there was a young guy sitting by the door, head down, holding a sign that said homeless- please give – anything helps.  I had $3 in my pocket and I walked over and gave it to him.

But, as I got into my car with my crying daughter, a backseat full of groceries, and prepared to head back to the home we love; I thought of two things:

One was how grateful I was that we had a tribe to pick us up and help us out when we were left with nothing.

The other was how weird it felt to drive home with so much food and leave this poor kid sitting outside with nothing.

So, I said to the girl that we were both going to get out of our funk, she was going to see what the real value of money was, and we were going to get him some supper. We went to Good Earth and got him a panini, a fresh cookie, and some iced tea. We went back to Safeway and both got out of the car and walked the supper to him. Jenna commented after Mom, did you see the look on his face? His eyes were so sad at first, then he looked like he couldn’t believe that we were doing that for him. I feel so different, even my tummy feels different. I’m glad we were able to do something nice for him.

And I reminded her that years ago we used to buy gift cards for food for some of the homeless people in Roanoke. I said this is who you are. This is the kind of heart you have. When you’re telling yourself who you are – this is it. You give to people, you help people, and you love people. Even when you feel like you’ve got nothing to give, there’s always some way you can help someone else. 

And she said yes – that’s true.

That is happiness. A deep, make me cry, love her so much, happiness.

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The memory keeper 

My dad was the family photographer, in effect he was our memory keeper. Everything that we did that was recorded was thanks to his passion for photography. I appreciate it even more now that he’s gone and we no longer have someone snapping shots of the good moments in our lives.

Jenna needs a new computer for school this year and my mom said that she could use dad’s old laptop. For the first time in 2+ years it got turned on and we took a look at what dad left behind (as an aside – when I die I need someone I trust to go through my things and delete, delete, delete).

Here are some photos from their trip to Virginia in 2013 to visit us. Our lives took a HUGE turn sideways within a day of my parents going back home, and it was good to look back and see some really happy memories from a time I’ve tried to wipe out.

So, here’s a little trip down our memory lane. I’ve found it hard to look at Dad’s photos – they bring back such bittersweet memories. But today we looked at them and it was Jenna’s turn to laugh until she cried. There were a lot of good times. A lot of happiness.

This was Easter 2013

 

Neither Jenna nor I have any idea what this is. She says I look so proud of it, but it looks like poop. So there you have it.

Swimming was always a huge part of any grandparent visit. My kids inherited dad’s love of the water.

Day trip to Monticello – one of our favourite spots – I loved Charlottesville.

Jenna rode this scooter everywhere. Interesting that I made her wear a helmet here, but there’s no helmet on the toboggans at home.

Those of you who know me understand how emotionally scarring this was for me. Freaking mascots.


These girls love doing this still.

 

And these from 2010

 

These kids and these cats – good buddies. We lost Tawny last year in an accident 😦

I grew up being super close with my cousins – I love that this tribe of cousins has kept their close bonds even when we had thousands of miles between us.

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Slow it down 

One of the best things about life back at home is how we have been able to slow our pace and learn to appreciate the small things in life. That’s something we started to put in practice in Virginia, but it’s so much more enjoyable here at home. 

I was remembering today how before we left Rhode Island we went to walk around Walden Pond and see Thoreau’s cabin. Simplify simplify simplify. Our life back then seemed to be complicate complicate complicate. Slowly but surely we are learning to relax into stillness more and appreciate the small things in life. It’s part of why I love our house so much. It’s so simple, but there’s so much attached to it as well – our heritage, but it’s been our safe place. It’s full of love. 

The boy and I went to church today where they reminded us that when we are broken, instead of trying to fix ourselves (yep) that it’s essential to ask for help. I hate asking for help – but things happen every once in a while that put me in the position where I have to. It’s important to know how to both give and receive help. I needed that reminder. 

The boy made me laugh so hard this morning I was crying. I thought I’d rebroken my arm it hurt so much but I couldn’t stop laughing. We all need someone in our lives who is like that. He cracks me up and I feel so grateful that God put him in my life. He’s happiness 

I’m also grateful for this dude. He is teaching me a lot this year as well. Reminding me of who I used to be, and to keep working for the things I really want. 

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Let’s be Italian today 

The boy very kindly accompanied me to an unplanned doctor appointment this morning. Thankfully I have a great doctor and I think I’ll have some better luck with pain management. One can hope anyway. 

Since we were already in South Calgary it only made sense to go to our favorite place in the city- the Italian Centre. We made the bad choice of shopping while hangry but it’s not like any of it will go to waste. Yum. 

We grabbed lunch at the cafe when we were done and it was like we were transported on a mini vacation. 


The boy said it was like we were in Italy, to me it felt like we were at a bistro in Quebec. I miss our Quebec meals and the culture there. We had some good times, and sure learned how to appreciate a good meal. 

When we got home my mom asked if we wanted to go to Bragg Creek for supper and eat outside on a patio. Off to the Italian Farmhouse we went for another perfect Italian meal. 

And best of all, the chef cut up my meal for me – so it came out looking pretty and I could eat it! 



It was a pretty blessed day. I have to say I started it off feeling kind of sore and grumbly. But seriously – what a lot to be grateful for. Good medical care, awesome food, and my tribe. Life is good. That is happiness. 

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Rehydrate 

I met my good friend for tea today – both of us have been kind of disasters the last few weeks. She was sick and I was broken – we have made an interesting pair. 

She had gone to the pharmacy to get something to help her rehydrate because her meds had left her totally dehydrated. A lightbulb went off for me. I’ve been on these meds for a month and I know they’re dehydrating me. 

So we both started chugging electrolyte drinks and have continued until now at bedtime. I have to say I feel so much better. I’ve been working at upping my water intake anyway, but the electrolytes really have made a difference. It’s so important to listen to what the body is saying

Hydrated happiness 

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Baptism ranch style 

The church held their annual baptisms in the creek at the ranch today. It was at my favourite place on earth and it was fun to see people come to God in what for me has always been a holy place. 


It amazed me how much the water had dropped since the last time I was there. The dam the kids were building a month ago had been totally under water then. Not so much now. It sure has been dry. 

No matter what it’s like,  it’s always my happy place there. 

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